I read, I write, I edit. Want more? I love voice acting and singing as well. I was introduced to MLP almost 2 years ago, and I have loved it ever since.
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I Just Want a Comment15,683 stories ·3,666 members
After a freak blizzard blankets Ponyville with snow, Rainbow Dash and her team are called on to help restore things back to normal.
Twilight gets to enjoy the view.
A Twidash story.
Cover image by drawponies. Go check it out!
Big thanks to Lexical Writer and ellie_ for helping me out with pre-reading and editing. Go check out their work!!!
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Well written, nice setup, and Twidash incoming.
Have a like and a thumbs up from me!
Good start, I can't find any flaws, but the meat and potatoes is going to be the shipping, and I really can't say on that since it hasn't begun yet
Here's some encouragement and I look forward to the upcoming shipping to give better feedback :3
5525476
Oh, don't worry. It is coming
If anyone were to take advice from me, this is what I would wish it to be.
That it matters not what others may say. What matters most is your passion, day by day.
-Scuba12
5525476
I spent an hour or two looking it over. It paid off.
yay time to read
Great job with the story i personly loved it
and d'aww i loved the ending 
The second chapter is so cute and sweet. Especially the ending. My smile widened as I read it. Beautiful.
L
Bit to fast. But interesting
I'm really liking the story so far. The pacing seems decent and so far everyone seems to be in character. However, I WOULD recommend that you change the status of your story to 'ongoing' instead of 'completed'. It gives new readers the wrong message. Unless, of course, this story IS completed. Which would be a shame. I want to see more. :(
5581555 I was going to leave the story there, but if enough people want more, I might consider it. I'm working on another story right now, so it would be a while.
Thanks for the comment by the way!
No breaks on the TwiDash train!
5583261
This train stops for no one!!! Except Twilight and Rainbow, of course.
5584650
Thanks
I'm glad you liked it!!!
Awwwwww, this is soooo sweeeeeet! I love the idea that Twilight falls in love with Dash. Sequel pleaseeeeeeeee
I absolutely hate this line, Twilight was foalsat be Cadance, the alicorn of love, her sister in law is the alicorn of love, Twilight has seen Cadance use the magic of love, you can not have her saying love isn't real because it makes her seem like an idiot, you don't have to change I just think this is something twilight wouldn't say in ever, it just make's her sound stupid.
Now you could say that Twilight doesn't understand love because it doesn't make any sense, that there's no logic to it, and the have Rarity, tell her that when it comes to love, logic doesn't make sense
Another thing that seems off is how short it is, as it currently is it feels incomplete, with barely anything for an ending, it just seems to end so abruptly, it's not bad but it could be a lot better, keep practicing and you will continue to get better at writing.
5604284 I will keep that in mind with my next story, thank you for the suggestion
I also noticed you managed to slip your "catch phrase" or whatever you choose to call it in there
The Cadance part of that is completely true. It was something that I hadn't considered, and it is an interesting point for sure. I might have to give that some thought. Thanks for that!
5604923 actually the quote from my bio I put there after making that comment, I liked how it sounded.
5604933 Hahaha well I like it
Uh, why is this rated teen? There's nothing in here that would require anything more than the lowest rating.
5623647 In all honesty, I wasn't quite sure what to rate it, so I rated it based off of some similar TwiDash fics that I found, and the majority of them were rated teen
Cute!!!
One small issue
This seemed wrong somehow. "Love is not a matter of science or math ...the longer you will be unable to understand it"?
Did you mean "Love is not a matter of science or math ...the longer you treat it as such, the longer you will be unable to understand it"?
5654060 Thanks :) It just hit 100 likes so I'm rather happy :)
As far as that goes, what you are thinking is exactly correct. When Rarity first told Twilight that, what you mentioned was basically what she said. However, at the point in the story that you are referring to, Twilight is just remembering the line, hence why it isn't a complete thought there. I could have completed the entire line there, but what I was going for was focusing on that particular part of the line. It was more of a creative decision there more than anything.
I appreciate the comment! Keep being awesome!!!!
5654729
I knew it seemed familiar lol.
I don't know why I didn't place that line from earlier.
Gratz on the 100 likes though! That's quite the achievement. (I'm lucky to get 1 like for every 10 views myself lol)
Hmm... I would say the pacing was a bit off, as the beginning had no hints whatsoever at the romance (at least, none that were eye-catching enough for me to see), and then it all came in as a rush. Due to being a short story, you probably can't really expound the backstory much, but perhaps Twilight's experience with this "love" could be described in more details (surely, as a very studious scientist, she could have started obsessed with this abnormality in her feelings).
Along with the whole pacing issue, I think the romance scene was way too short. It came and went, and was kind of just, "Woah! That just happened!" It doesn't leave enough time for the reader to feel the scene all the way through. Perhaps some may find it enough to have just a half-minute scene like that, but... I think more would have been better, in this case.
If you were to write a longer story, you would also need to include a lot of tension — the parts were Twilight was struggling with this part of herself, struggling with this one fact that could completely change her life around. She would have thought through a lot of this, and as time went on, her thoughts would evolve. Would she perhaps come to accept this? Would she start to hatch plans to catch Rainbow's attention? Would she become hopeless? Would she just be confused? There are a lot of ways to develop her character (and have that character come into contact with others, further changing her), and some of them can have people gripping the edges of their seats in anticipation. But that's all for a bit longer stories, as it all has to build up. On the other hand, the build-up can be very much worth it.
Otherwise, it was a pretty nice story.
TwiDash is awesome, rock on!
Not sure what to make of this.
On on hand, the grammar and sentence structure and such was done well, there were no major glaring errors in that department to speak of.
However, when it comes to the story itself, it felt kinda rushed. For one thing, there seems to be a lack of continuity here with Twilight's feelings for Rainbow. One would assume such a thing would be foreshadowed or hinted at earlier on, but there was zero sign of this during Twilight's first encounter with Dash. I understand that her mind might have been on a different thought, given the snowfall, but to show no hints of Twilight's feelings for Dash here makes me think that she basically got this idea of a crush for Dash only hours before kissing her. This in general applied to the romance aspect itself, which seemed to come out of left field. The whole first chapter gives nothing to make the reader think they are reading a romance story, let alone a Twidash story.
That being said, there's nothing wrong with a fluffy romance story, even a short one like this. But even with those type of stories, the main direction is usually the romance, with some kind of plot device as an afterthought, or aiding in the romance itself.
My other qualm comes with the snowstorm idea. For something the entire story was written around, we never did get an ending or resolve to this, which doesn't sit well with me as a reader. In this case, I almost think that there was no reason for the snowstorm if there wasn't going to be a logical conclusion for it. What I would have done is maybe add a little more about how the snow started to melt, or something else of the sort. Abandoning the main story just made it seem insignificant, which I assume you weren't trying to do, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt there.
For a first story though this was very solid work overall. Don't take anything I said too hard though, they were just some astute observations I took. The things I mentioned with become easier to see with practice.
Good luck!
DJRD
Ugh, Twilight. That is the most terrible excuse bad science has ever produced.
"Love", like happiness, anger, pity, and sadness, is an emotion. Emotions are, quite simply, the interactions of chemicals and electrical signals in the body (not solely the brain). Ergo, they exist--the reactions happen, which causes the changes in our thoughts that become the mental aspect of emotion.
"Love", like friendship, family, and government, is a social construct. It is a way of assigning rules and values to other beings and our interactions with them that allow us to function as a society. They do not physically exist--they are "only" words. If you say that the government isn't real, though, I believe you will have a long, uncomfortable conversation with Princess Celestia in the future. If you say that friendship isn't real, I... well, there's something seriously wrong.
The fact that something is not a physical object does not mean that it is not real.
Yes! Thank you!
Celestia damn it, Rarity! Stop ruining the moment!
Take this derp!
Oh! And a like as well as a fav!
Sweet but I think the two chapters could've been made into one.