What happens when Applejack introduces Rainbow Dash to hard cider and then she reveals a special secret to her Pegasus friend? Read on to discover if their friendship can survive.
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- Member Since 17th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen Dec 3rd, 2022
nutcase4real
The rarest and mightiest possession of the human spirit can only be discovered by means of story and by no other process of thinking; to know all this and to have it as your own is to have much.
nutcase4real
Joined 17th Aug, 2013 ·
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i love it
I like it. It was a fun read, my only problem with it was that the ending seemed a little rushed.
i liked the story as some poeple do want applejack and rainbow to get together but i have to agree with Dramatic Moment the ending did seem rushed
Nice story! But for the sake of constructive criticism, here is some things that could be corrected. Part one.
A comma between awesome and and would improve on this:
Another comma in between Okay and so would help.
Simple spelling error of back.
An exclamation point at the end of this will signify more, well, exclamation.
More spelling errors. Just and Applejack are misspelled.
Space needed between some and more. Also, a comma after more is needed.
Misspelled asking.
Part Uno. I'll finish sometime!
3100768
Thx for the input. I will get to work on fixing the errors.
Part two!
Comma needed after Granny.
I searched the web looking for extacy, and nothing came up. Is that a spelling error of another word? Sorry if I am wrong though, this is my first time trying to edit
Short part two. Shoulda just powered thought the rest. Oh well! I loved the story!
3101063
Well thx for all the input and if you notice anything else don't hesitate to let me know.
Well,l um. The kiss caught me off guard. I didn't expect it to be so "graphic" but it's a love story. I really enjoyed it though.
That was a nice story. I'm not dissing the ending or anything, but i think it could of take a better path.
rainbow dash is good with her tongue
hehhe loved the story
i love it
BUT (and thats a BIG "BUT"):
I think everything in the story was a little bit rushed. This isn't an episode of MLP: FiM, where there are only 20 Minutes to solve all the problems and to end the story. Give yourself more time with everything and your storys will become 20 % cooler.
Good effort. I'd be interested to read more of what you write as you develop as an author.
:) Keep it up. You have potential.
3155044 Agreed. It would have been nice if the story had started on the Spa session, for example.
I like it. It was a fun read, my only problem with it was that the ending seemed a little rushed.
Otter then that it was an enjoyable read.
~Tobben