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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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O.o Trouble in Paradise.
Also, found some small errors.
... Not quite sure if this is meant to be or not.
Missing a "
Welp, this is going to end horribly.
Congrats, Spike. Due to your abandonment issues (Which you have dealt with and understood before *Coughcough*owls*coughcough*), you lost your surrogate sister her lover, caused a girl to go hungry for some time, and lied to an ENTIRE KINGDOM about your accomplishments in such a way that, when it is revealed that you lied, it will most likely get you ARRESTED. That kinda junk happens.
Ahh... how horrible.
I wish I'd finished reading these last ten chapters I'd built up like... two hours ago. That way I wouldn't be left on THIS ridiculous cliffhanger for however many days or weeks it will take to get the next one.
Okay, first off, you mislabeled this chapter as 15 instead of 20.
Second, is there a reason Fae couldn't have sent a changeling or two to help with Fluttershy's animals while he and Sunset are gone? Was there something about her being afraid of the changelings that I just don't remember or something?
Third, if Fae can use changelings to just absorb all that information like that, why hasn't he done that with whatever magic books he's studying? Or is he more experimenting than actually studying?
Finally, I'm not entirely sure what to think about this chapter. My first impression was that I really hated it. But after thinking about it for a second, I realized that the chapter had really just gotten me to feel pretty much the same way that Fae was feeling about the entire situation, which I have to assume was your intention. I still really don't like what you're doing with Spike's character, but other than that, I think that this chapter was frustrating, but not bad.
I am very eager to see what happens next.
the fighting, the drama, i fucking love it!! I would say I can't wait for the next chapter, but I'll be patient can't rush a great story
Oh! This chapter is so juicy! It gave off so much emotional response from me. More! I want to know how this Santa Barbara ends.
Also, Spike was right about Sunset. She may turn into a demon (according to this fic).
4976911 indeed, I just wish Fae wasn't so damn mean to #619 and #666 no need to kick him
Yeah, Cadance announced changelings as defeated party, ofc they will be treated like one. I suppose whole reason of romance is to control lings through protagonist.
If I was Fairy, in rage I could shout in front of all the crystal ponies and Spike
"Then, Spike the Hero, I defy you to a DUEL"
Let's see if SPIKE THE HERO can do something to the great evil QUEEN Changeling
While I'm enjoying this story and the rapid updates, it would not be unwise to have a friend look over it and point out any glaring errors either before posting, or shortly after it's posted. (I hate waiting months for someone to iron out every last kink before the reveal when editing can be done in retrospect.)
Also, if Cadence and Shining Armor didn't know where they were, how the haybales did Twilight find them at the exact moment Fae started venting?
4977280
I usually post stuff late at night then do correction the next morning when I can get around to it, or throughout the day while I'm at work and can spare a minute or two
4977299
Yay! I wholeheartedly approve of prioritizing getting the story out and available to read rather than sitting on it for who knows how long trying to proofread.
4976786
There's a difference between unicorn and changeling magic (it was explained in earlier chapters) and requires the equivalent of a 'translation' and experimentation to tweak and fine-tune to make it work right. Basic information that anyone can understand is just a bunch of guys reading a book to learn the info then putting it in the mental filing system to be pulled out and downloaded like with computers.
And i hope Omni will send those assasins for guards heads.
Why do I want to cute spike's hands off and dump him in acid strong enough for a dragon now?
4977280
Bet you a decent amount of bits that Twilight is just the sort to apply a tracking spell to keep tabs on her marefriend.
4977841
No it's just one of those 'Equestrian Laws' like magical physics. Ponies will just wander by for odd reasons be it sight-seeing, needing to walk around to cool off, or because of Pinkie directional sense, at the most inopportune times to hear the worst possible thing, pick up misconception, misinterpret a message, and of course there's that 'speak of the devil' rule.
It makes no sense in the real world, but...well This IS EQUESTRIA!
And when living in Equestria, you must play by the rules.
4977872
True enough... And that seems to happen often enough here in the real world anyways.
Its bad but i understand his point of view its like everyone is not even caring about him or sunset. Its very very annoying and i would have blown a fuse as well.
4977745
Because very little in the show has done anything to make Spike anything but a buttmonkey or at best, able to at least fix the retarded stuff he's RESPONSIBLE for in the first place. So we have no baseline buffer beyond our own opinions.
This is important, because the author of this story has a set opinion of Spike in mind for the protagonist, and as we're reading from the perspective of his/her thoughts, we're able to understand and relate to the opinion put forth thanks to context.
This flavoring of the character is combined with the fact that he's presently written like an annoying little brat. Y'know the sort; the kind that will get petulant and lie their sorry little soulless asses off to get what they want. Usually at someone else's expense.
Now here's the kicker: Put yourself in Fae's position for a moment, and imagine what would have happened if Spike /got away/ with lieing, and ponies started believing him. I'm pretty sure this story would warrant a grimdark and a tragedy tag from where it'd likely go from *there*. I mean hell, considering the Hive Mind and how the Changelings are positioned right now, if Queen Buggy wanted to s/he could open a pandora's box and wipe out Equestria as it's presently known. Dark magic objects and things locked in vaults, a cunning planner's mind, and a way to invalidate Celestia if not outright kill her simply by *staying awake at night.*
See, Fae was barely restraining anger as it was, and I really doubt s/he wouldn't snap if ponies just ate up everything he said and ignored any evidence put forth by - say - Twilight for example. I think that'd be the line where individuals would start showing up 'missing' and things would go south from there.
Maybe an idea for a spin-off.
4978086
Lol and ok, was rhetorical though.
And really, celly will die if she goes to sleep first? Yes I've paid attention but I'm just sayin'
Too easy tbh.
4978115
Fall over dead? Probably not. Lose her sodding mind? Quite possibly! The invalidation option seems far more likely. Especially if Fae were to intentionally tell the hive mind to do so.
4977745 i wanted that since he first appear
Ya know the Crystal Ponies are kind of screwed....
Not only are they mistreating the Queen of a "defeated" enemy army....who mind you is also one of the closest friends that Celestia (Alicorn of the sun etc..) has and shares a soullink with.
But also they mistreated Sunset Shimmer who is effectively the daughter of the solar Diarch....
The same Celestia who arrives with her recently returned sister the following afternoon.
I really really hope Celestia finds out.
If She does it will not be pretty.
4980301
Moreover, alicorns announced Omni as defeated side. Its his oficial status in Equestria. This public event showed, that Twi and others basically treat Omni like defeated enemy, while being friendly in private... I hope Omni will find out it soon.
4980301 i hear if you hang a crystal pony just right it refracts a rainbow.
4981974 pretty colors...
I died, twice.
I think Fae is right in some ways. He has every right to be angry but i think he's overreacting. But at the same time, he isn't. It is confusing when i think about it. I spent half the chapter expecting him to blast a hole on the wall and just fly away with Shimmer.
This was gold as the pegasus' armor so was.
What they don't realize is that the Captain completely failed in his duty to protect the Princess and the Empire. Putting Fae and Sunset in that room only made Fae want to kill everyone even more. If it hadn't been for the fact that Fae actually cares that it would make Twilight...unhappy for him to go on a murderous rampage, then the Captain's actions very-well could have led to another "disappearance" of sorts for the Crystal Empire.
img1.derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/11/14/764335__safe_clothes_equestria+girls_artist+needed_sad_sunset+shimmer_sweater_jeans_beanie_homeless.png
I’m fine
5332479 no he's completely justified. He has given Spike all the slack he could and Spike still treats him like that. the Empire was Straw meeting Camel's back
I get the feeling you don't like Spike very much.
Also
Does your protagonist have some kind of weird disease that blinds him to his own actions?
I guess she has not been taking her relaxation hour in front of the Tree of Harmony for a while.
The fact that the crystal ponies would actually be stupid enough to believe that makes it quite clear to me how sombra was able to overpower them all so easily.
Seriously? For Celestia's sake, Spike.
You for forgot a letter.
God. I can't help but feel sorry for the poor treatment and the lies. I don't even understand the political nonsense of why they didn't mention that she/he saved the Empire. After being beaten almost to death and defeating Chrysalis he would have deserved a bit of recognition! And not the lies that made him out to be the villain of this farce! There would have been better possibilities for the Princesses to change the story! Maybe tell at least she/he sided with the Princesses! Anything! To be degraded from saving the Empire to be the villain that submits is just tragic! Not to mention sad beyond comprehension!
even in the show I really have no idea way Spike the worthless is around he is nothing but dead wood.
and here in the country we cut dead wood down and burn it, it is called calling to keep the forest healthy.
5603169 I totally agree. Fucking baby dragons and there obvious selfishness.
DAAAAMMMMMMM!!! This guys got some masterful self control. I would have been cracking heads together. Hope he findes a way to deal with "Spite" properly.
actually have been
breezies
dunno what this is s'posed to be
were where
an entire
And
Finally, a proper conflict.
Well technically she isn't in Equestria, she's in the Crystal Empire and just because it's a vassal state of Equestria dosen't mean it is Equestria
Meltdown. Spike fucked everyone over... A Baby Dragon after all...
But can it run doom?
Okay, this has been the best chapter so far. I feel much more connected to Omnifarous now, and I can't say I've never had that sort of reaction when the world just beats me down sometimes. But my troubles pale in comparison to Fae's. I'm not saying I condone the method, but what was said needed to be said.
Well this aged poorly. Thanks Florida and Texas!
Wait, no, they just say the quiet part out loud. After all slavery is still alive and well, we just call them prisoners now.
That's a reasonable rage attack