'You' and an anrgy Ms. Harshwhinny get trapped in an office elevator.
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That picture trutly scares me...
Shit yeah! She is one of the sexiest mares if I do say so myself.
Hot stalled elevator sex? Damn! That was sweet!
This story is cool....but the sex made it so damn hawt!!!
We need more story's with ms. Harshwhinny / human
Holy crap, you actually did it.
I feel duty-bound to inform you that the status of your story's inclusion in "Miss Harshwhinny is Best Pony" is in jeopardy pending a final decision on the elevator fic issue.
There could be one last moment where Harshwhinny was stated to enjoy the moment.
Other than that, this was a great tale from start to finish, besides the ending.
4392428
Don't look at me. I didn't put the fic there! Clearly there is an Elevator lobbyist spy among your ranks who is trying to undermine all your hard work!
Though in my defense, I was honestly completely unaware of that thread.
Also in my defense, that Elevator maintenance did get some consequences! A punch in the face from Harshwhinny! Plus, you can't deny she's not physical fit in this story.
4392245
Agreed!
4392589
If there's enough of a call for it, I may change the 'Complete' status and add an additional chapter of 'the day after' event. At the moment though, I felt the need to play it safe at make it a self containing story first. Rather have a short completed story and see what people think of it than a story that no one wants to see finished.
Men have yet to understand women...Said men have(in the past),been known to be driven crazy just by being stuck in an elevator with said women. XD
sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel
I want one where she find out she got knocked up by a human
4392589
Ms harshwhinny doesn't enjoy things
4392933
That's not true.
She enjoys Professionalism!
derpicdn.net/img/2013/12/19/500878/thumb.jpeg
dl-web.dropbox.com/get/Rough%20and%20roudy.jpg?_subject_uid=292154133&w=AADljuQJtHpINkrdILArWQ7JQcE8bOHkiX6taKWf5gWV-w
Sequel?
Nice story here. First harshwhinny fic i have read though and its not have bad.
This was rather enjoyable - I'm impressed!
And yes, the obligatory 'awkward-following-day-avoiding-eye-contact-then-sex-in-supply-closet' sequel is required.
There's a few typos and grammatical errors that could do with fixing (I'll post them in a later comment, if I have the time) but for now, a little elevator music:
This was fucking epic. Please let there be more.
more
Angry Sex is best Sex
Truely enjoyed that, keep up the great work.
monitered
thought
I DEMAND MORE! IN THE EMPEROR'S NAME MOAR!
Freaking beautiful work of art !! More please !!
Hm. Enjoyable. Not bad, definitely not perfect.
The actions during sex seemed a little vanilla, considering you were going for rough and angry. Gives me the impression that neither party had much experience in the department.
Aside from that, the descriptions could have been slightly fleshier. Maybe put in exactly how hot the elevator was (used more descriptive terms). You also could have included what it smelled like. That's a sense that most writers seem to overlook. Personally, I think that angry sex in a sweltering metal box would have been significantly more messy. (Sweat and other 'juices'; hair popping out of place.)
Things seemed to cut off too quickly. No real progression. Just, one minute, they're trying to beat each other to death; the next, they're tonsil-tickling. Maybe give a few moments for the story to breathe.
Also, get rid of the second person part. Nobody likes that.
Sexy with a touch of funny and sweet. Moar!
roflcat.com/images/cats/Bueno.jpg
I would love to see a follow up with these two. She gets overlooked so often it was nice to see her get some action. I would like to see them slowly grow from a casual fuck to maybe something more as they get to know each other
Oh my god I loved this
please make more?ill love you too if you do!
4393433
I second this motion!
Grats on landing the Feature Box with your freshman fic!
I shall read it!
Woah, hot steamy angry sex......now that oughta ease the mare up for awhile.
Wow this was actually really good!
Would enjoy to see this story continue.
This was hot
There isn't enough Harshwhinny clop on this site.
When I said "A few typos and grammatical errors", I meant "Get thee unto an editor, post-haste!".
Note that this list barely even begins to touch on the constant switching between past-tense and present-tense. Please pick a tense and stay in it.
Why is "elevator" sometime capitalised, and sometimes not?
today's shift
momentum
humanoids
confidence
things
twitched
turns
You just called me a Hag, you lout!
You did say something after all, you lying little rat!
Celestia's sun
the closed doors and opens them up
When a mare is in her estrus
employee than even I thought!
other people's work
putting others down to make you feel better
flinch
weakness
confidence
Harshwhinny's
nothing more than a snivelling cowardly weasel
Ms. Harshwhinny's two legs
let out a yelp in surprise
Your
guesses
finally
as you applied more force
Sweat
Harshwhinny's strong hips
grabbing
4393754
Dang, I thought I had caught and changed 'monitered' before, but I guess I either missed it or it changed itself back. Thanks for pointing it out as well as some other mistakes.
4393958
I'll keep the idea of smell in mind, and try to be more descriptive with the environments.
A bit confused by this part. The idea was for tempers to flare, to awkward realization, to lust/passion. I had thought the pause of the main character and Ms. Harshwhinny had when the two came to the realization that they were standing in empty 'room' practically naked and apparently turned on was enough to 'shift gears' without taking too long to let the rush end. Are you saying there was another way to do this and still have that effect?
Hey now! I think there's about a 1,000 people who would disagree with you there.
4394492
I don't really get it either. It just seemed too... sudden. Not the only time something like that happened, either. I'd have to actually read the story again in my editor mode to actually figure out why it bugged me.
The people have spoken! We need a sequel to this story...please?
Love this story. I also agree with the rest. Sequel, please?
TI'S WAS GREAT
BRING FORTH THE FANFARE MUSIC!
I ask for more.
4394491 Speaking of grammar, I still can't grasp the difference between active/passive voice.
Is there a part 2?
I have to say this...
Harshwhinny is incredibly sexy in that picture for some reason.
And that is why Miss Harshwhinney is always so grumpy, noone ever lets her live up to her name in the cities elevators that she visits for the various games.
Good afternoon Miss Harshwinney. Ill be your ride for today. Welcome to the Crystal Empire, creators and distributors of Crystal Dildos. You will find a sample collection in your room.
Am I going to have to bring up the elephant in the room people? Does no one else see that harshwinny turned from a pony with hooves, to fingers, back to hooves, then finally fingers
I liked this story. I too agree with the masses, a sequel is needed.
4394491
"Get thee unto an editor, post-haste!" looks to be an understatement ! I'm sorry you found so many, and I thank you for pointing them out.
4394559
Ah, one of those 'something bothers me about this but I can't quite place it' things. I've had that feeling too reading a few stories myself.
4395402
Huh. I thought the entire taking off her shoes made it clear to people that she had hooves instead of feet. Plus, you know, the entire taking off pantyhose part should have also hinted at it.
not enough clopfics with her. I DEMAND MORE!
Because there ain't no sex, like angry sex.
Fun fact there are cameras in elevators... you figure out the rest