• Member Since 26th Sep, 2015
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Live Wire 03

Life is a highway, and I wanna fucking go off road

Comments ( 5993 )

Your formatting needs SERIOUS work. Combine your two chapters and make proper paragraphs. Edit your story description into three strong sentences to draw readers in, then wow them with your content. I feel like I'm reading a play that was slapped down, not a story that someone put effort into.

4295802 Done and done, thanks for the feedback.

Not trying to sound self-centered, but there should be a link to Ending.

And I'm putting a link to this on Ending. You can be sure of that.

Oh! Also, I hereby proclaim this story to be canon to the arc.

It's seriously that good.

4296035 By all means, please do.

On a side note, I will most definitely add a link.

As soon as I figure out how to add links. I am technologically illiterate.

You get a fav my good man. This good.

4296179 Thank you, I appreciate the praise. But be sure to let me know where I need to improve, this is my first story and I'm sure there's plenty I can work on! :pinkiesmile:

4296198 will do, and so far I don't see any mistakes. Though I am expecting to find out why the ponies hate Jason in future chapters.

4296224 To be honest? So am I. I'm just flying by the seat of my pants. :twilightoops: I'll think of something!

4296233 I can see great things in the future, I wish you luck.

4295802 You remind me of my english teacher at school

Keep it up! Writing style is just as good as the first, and I want to see where this goes!

4297575 Thank you, it means a lot to me. :twilightsmile:

Liked the first chapter, but you got one tiny thing wrong. Nurse Redheart has a pink mane, not blonde. Great work none the less!

head clean off as soon as see me

I think you meant as soon as she saw me. I said I would tell you If I saw a mistake.

Why would Applejack put him in a guest bedroom just to move him into the barn?

And I cant wait to hear the reasons why he was treated the way he was by the ponys even after the Princesses told him to move to Ponyville. Twilight said the had seen enough humans so I have a few ideas myself.

4298837 Comfort. But I see what you mean.

4297882 Fixed, thanks for the feedback. :twilightblush:

4297468 I went to college to be an high school english teacher. :rainbowlaugh:

I think that this guy is coming off as alittle too accepting, and not being rightfully angry with these ponies. Ever since he's gotten to Equestria, the ponies treated him like a monster, with nothing but scorn and hate. He was pushed to the brink because no one would care, nor help. Now because he tried to off himself, now one of them is actually giving a shit?? He honestly should get angry back at AJ's anger, and demand "What the hell do you care what I do with myself? You ponie's have made it perfectly clear that you don't give two shits about me? If anything, I'm doing all of you a favor since in your eyes, I'll never be anything else but a freak. Back home, I had a loving family, friends that I'll never see again. Here, I thought I'd be able to make some friends, but you ponies are far too xenophobic to look pass what I am. So I ask you again: What the hell do you care?!

Something like that would really add to the angst :D

4299549 nah, it's cool because of the desperation. he's too down in the dumps to refuse a meal out of spite.

Anyway, loving this story, and I can't wait for the next chapter!

Vlad #23 · Apr 27th, 2014 · · 13 · Paranoia ·

4299549 If you had been completely alone for years, starved, denied shelter and companionship, wouldn't you be eager to do anything to get it back?

And angst isn't the first thing on his mind. He's in his thirties (as of MisterBlonde's oneshot) so he's outgrown that. Applejack has what he needs, so he's putting his anger on the backburner for now.

But just wait for their heart-to-heart. It's gonna get ugly.

4299628 I'm. Writing. Now.

Just a matter of whether I'm gonna make you wait or not.

4299637 I suppose yeah, I'd be eager for food. Still though, I wouldnt just go "Oh, and I know how you guys ignored me for years, denied me food, shelter and everything; but now that your helping; we're good." I'd be mighty pissed.

Really looking forward to the heart to heart chat :D. I enjoy reading drama!

4299637 You would think that, but paradoxically, there are several cases of things like that happening, and believe it or not, after a while, people start being AFRAID of other people, because they can't predict what they're going to do. The mind does funny things to cope, and too much interaction after no interaction becomes a kind of... overstimulation. Of course, nobody is exactly the same, different people react differently, and we might just being seeing something akin to a delayed response here. This is particularly true when you add systematic abuse to the equation, and if he's conditioned enough to cringe whenever a pony lifts a hoof to him, then he was clearly abused.

I haven't actually read the first story this is based off of, probably because it isn't my thing, it sounds depressing as hell, not just because the main character felt suicide was the only way out, but because ponies drove an innocent man to suicide through scorn and neglect. I'm basically reading this to see if they had a damn good REASON for being assholes. Protip: probably not.

4299710 Well, considering the herd-mentality most bronies give the ponies, there is an explanation.

SPOILERS: If you want to keep it a surprise, stop reading here.

Jason went to the mane six first, more importantly, Twilight. Twilight is clearly a well-known and influential member of Ponyville, and when she rejected Jason, the other ponies took that as a sign that they should shun him as well. In the previous story, it was said that Jason had managed to get a hotel room before he'd met the mane six. I took that to mean that the ponies would accept him if they had no previous biases, but a bad encounter with Twilight had cast him in a bad light for the entire town.

4299710 I'll take that into account, thanks for the info. :twilightsheepish:

But he doesn't go to Twilight first in the original story. The first thing he tries to do is get a job, and he then goes to the mane six for help when no one will hire him.

4299781 Hmm...Looking back, you're right.

Well, I will do what all great writers do when they encounter a problem like this.

I will make something up. :derpytongue2:

You should word that differently, mate.

when i saw this fic i went and read ending and i think it has more of an impact if he had actually died then write the reaction of all the ponies who realize that they drove someone to kill them self through their actions but this isnt bad

"But he doesn't go to Twilight in the original story." That shouldn't be there, I think.

It says "but he doesn't go to twilight first in the original story."

4300061 I think you need to read that again...It says "But he doesn't go to Twilight first in the original story."

I wanna see some mad bloodlust, nah jk. Anyway, get hype for an ultimatum!

Eeyup, I like this, please keep going :pinkiehappy:

I hobbled along, trying to give the pony as wide a berth as possible

The word berth is used improperly here. Unless you meant grin, then say smile or grin. Berth has to do with ships.

love it
cause it's fabulous :raritywink::heart:


A berth is a bed in nautical terms, but when used as "giving a wide berth" it means to keep one's distance from something. He's trying to reach the bathroom while staying as far away from Redheart as possible.

He tried giving the pony as much space as possible. That's what he meant. It's an older phrase, used mostly when "giving someone a wide berth so they can get past."

so far i like

A link to the prequel on the description would be greatly appreciated.

"Now you listen here ya idjit, just because Ah don't like ya doesn't mean Ah wanna let ya go an' kill yerself."

Yeah, you try having to dumpster-dive under risk of being beaten to death by a population of aliens that hate you for three fucking years and see if that argument holds ground.

You better touch on that, author.

4300355 Sorry buddy, this isn't that kind of story. :pinkiecrazy:

I hope he gets the answer he's looking for of why the ponies hate him. hopefully the ponies wont be mean to him anymore when this story ends

Login or register to comment