• Member Since 27th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Saturday

Deathscar


You'd be surprised at the emotions twenty-six letters can unearth

E

What happens when all the colors fade? When Rainbows turn grey? What happens when the Rainbow you gave your whole life to disappears? Sometimes, even though it seems that the colors in your world may have vanished, all you need is a friend to bring them back.

Twilight Sparkle finds the answers to these questions when one of her closest friends passes on, even though it seemed like a living nightmare, she finds that it has opened her friends and her very own eyes that true friends transcend even death itself.

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TheSlashawar did a reading of this story! Check it out if you want to :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7n_XfFbTko&feature=g-u-u
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I am not doing anymore changes to this story (except for grammer and spelling). I feel that this story was written with most of my sorrow thrown into it so I don't want to spoil that.

Cover Image by LaurenMagpie: http://laurenmagpie.deviantart.com/

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 94 )

Author Note:
I... I don't know how to say, what to say. I feel like a horrible person, I didn't want to write this but I didn't have a choice. This story dragged me from morning till night (its 1AM where I'm at). It forced me to pen it down and with every word I wrote I felt sadness take me one step at a time. I poured my soul into this fanfiction, I'm not sure if you will all enjoy it but I haven't written anything this real ever.

There are grammatical, vocab and a whole bunch of errors in there, I know there are. I typed this out in one sitting, pouring my heart into this story. I just couldn't bear to go back and spellcheck this, I couldn't. If you find any please leave a comment, message me or just notify me, I would appreciate it.

There are no parings/couples in this story, even though it may seem like it. Please remember that, it was just written as them being friends, nothing more.

Thank you for reading this, you have no idea how much you and this story means to me.

Deathscar

A beautiful story. Thank you.

381506 Thank you for reading. :)

I liked it because it was actually a good sad story, and I like a good sad story. Are you going to be writing more of that casualties of war story, i'm sorry I keep bringing that up but the prolouge got me exited!:rainbowkiss:

381584 I definately will, I just needed to get this out of my head, I actually wanted to continue writing it a day ago but this story just kept bugging me... Thanks :)

381584 it's completed lol

This was very heartfelt. I haven't read a story with this kind of emotion in a long time

381615 She was talking about my other fanfiction :) Thank you for reading, this story meant a lot to me.

My goodness....
*slow clap*
Brilliant sir, brilliant
:fluttercry: :pinkiesad2:

This story. This damn story. You almost made me cry in the middle of my class.

382023 I'm not sure to be happy or guilty :) Just hope you enjoyed it!

I read this 7 hours ago and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.... I haven't been able to get what I want to say out of my mind. So, here goes, I'm going to try to explain it all in words you can understand.

As Celestia is my witness, this is one of the most heart-wrenching things I have read in a long time. I mean, I cry at a lot of things, but this one made me sob for a good 10 minutes. My heart shattered into a million pieces when Rainbow Dash died and Fluttershy couldn't really cry. I can only imagine what she was going through. Haha even now my eyes tear up. The image I got as Rainbow Dash faded made me feel like.... The color was draining out of their world. I couldn't comprehend it when Rainbow Dash passed, nor could I comprehend everyone's reactions until I took a break from the story to think on it.

By the end of the story I was so invested in it, like I do with most stories/shows/other things cause I have no life, kinda like this. :P :pinkiecrazy:
My heart was still in a million pieces until I read the words "Fluttershy, you were always my seventh color".
And then I was happy, but I still cried.

So after that loooong tidbit, I think I am trying to say, I love this with all of my heart. It was amazing, albeit, depressing to read for a bit. I could never be able to do something like this, ever. I wouldn't have the heart to. No, I'd probably be too afraid. So, good job, for writing something so amazing, so full of feeling, and thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :heart::pinkiesmile:

392718 Thank you for this comment, that feeling was the exact same feeling I had after reading My Little Dashie and after I wrote this, almost exactly how you described it. I didn't post a comment on My Little Dashie for I knew it would be lost somewhere in the middle. Never sell yourself short, if you truly want to write, no matter how bad you may think you are, do it :pinkiesmile:. Writing, personally, is one of the best ways to express my emotions. I am so happy yet sad at the same time when I read your comment. I understand completely and thank you from the bottom of my heart for being able to feel what I feel. Its comments like this which keep me going as a writer. Thank you. :twilightsmile:

392727 You are most welcome! And what I meant about being too afraid was... Not to write, for fear of criticism, but to write something with that much emotion... I would never be able to put something like that on paper, or in this case, in a document. I think it would hurt too much.

392732 I couldn't put the hurt I felt when writing this piece into words (from my first comment on this story). The only thing that kept me going was the hopes that people, bronies or not, would be able to feel what I was feeling when they read the story. Knowing that you could feel what I was trying to convey eases the pain I felt and still feel about this piece and hopefully many others will do too. Always know that no matter you might think or know it hurts, it is an amazing feeling when you find that people can connect to the piece like you have. You have my support! Thank you again! :pinkiesad2:

Bravo... just.. Bravo

Just yesterday, I read To Bring Her Back this is like a reversal, except without bring RD back from the dead xD But it's still a good, meaningful story :pinkiesad2:

399280 Thank you. I just read the story you mentioned. It was sad too :( Hope you enjoyed it!

399286 You're welcome! ^^ And yes I did enjoy it :scootangel:

Stories like this one are almost always a pain in the ass. There is simply no other way to describe it. There may be emotional intensity, but it feels so damn contrived that I was unable to feel sad enough to muster even a sarcastic, "Oh, Rainbow's dead? I'm sorry." :ajbemused:

*sighs* Look, this story has the same problem as My Little Dashie does. It spends far too much of its energy trying to draw emotional responses out of readers, and not enough on the more subtle machinations available to the writer. Essentially, readers are bashed over the head again and again about how sad it is, and given little opportunity to bond with the characters on a more complex level. The writer gave us little incentive to bond more closely with the characters, except in the shared sorrow at RD's death.

Additionally. please try to make at least a half-hearted attempt at feasibility. The sickness, and RD's subsequent death, was just too contrived; it would have been much more believable had she contracted the disease, then spent a while lingering and wasting away, which at least would have provided you with some better way to connect the characters to your readers. Ugh.

As far as the more technical aspects of this story go, it could do with a lengthy editing session with someone that knows how to use commas correctly. Of all the things that detracted from this story, it was the incorrect use of commas, and the overuse of ellipses, that took away the most from the overall experience. Also, you need to learn how to write numbers correctly in fiction; that is, you write the word, not the symbol. -_-

Still, not a bad attempt. Keep on writing, and work on your emotional depth~

427282 Thanks for criticism! I wrote this while I was really sad and I literally dumped my emotions into this story, that is probably the reason for the sappiness. I wasn't thinking straight while writing this piece but in the end, I'd thought I'd share it with everyone on this website to find out what they think. It wasn't a piece I was actually trying to write well, more of an outlet for my sadness and this was the result. Thank you for your criticism though, I will definitely look into my writing style to make sure the sadness never feels forced!

427990

No problem, kiddo. :) I'd suggest that you look into beta-readers/proofreaders, so you don't have to worry so much about the technical aspects of your writing. I have a proofreading group linked on my profile page, if you want to check that out~

428052 That would be really helpful! Thanks! :)

“Its okay Rainbow Dash…” Pinkie’s mane was flat, I could hear that she was forcing back her feelings as she spoke. “…I forgive you. It was a promise you couldn’t have kept”
Oh god that killed me inside....:fluttershbad:

448212 Truth be told I died a little when I wrote that part too (and at various other points in the story). I hope you enjoyed it! :)

448301
i did enjoy it, though i wish i hadn't since it was on very depressing terms but it was written very well. i found my self tearing few times actual. :pinkiesad2:

448340 aww thank you for feeling what I felt when I wrote this, that means a lot :pinkiesad2:

Wow simply wow.
When Fluttershy didn't cry I was confused.
But as I read on I started to understand.
Everything was made clear when the letter to Fluttershy was read.

Would have liked to know what the other letters said.

I enjoyed this story.
Thank you for writing it.:heart::heart::heart:

448524 You're welcome! Thank you for reading it!

Great story; keep on writing!

Great... Now I feel like I need to cry. Good story.

Hi there! I just finished reading this, and while it's great there are a few errors here and there, but well :twilightsheepish: I'd like to know what the other letters say as well :pinkiesmile: It's great that you're writing your feelings into this, that's often the best instead of writing just for the sake of writing :pinkiecrazy:

546543 haha yeah I know there are plenty of errors. This was written while I was in a short state of depression so I didn't go back to edit it for fear it would ruin how and why I wrote it. Yeah, writing and throwing your feelings inside really helps you get over certain phrases of your life. (Wish I found that out years ago)

GOD I HATE YOU! :pinkiesad2: But i love you too! GREAT! story i loved it even though i cryed through it all it was still amazing. :heart:

546893 Thank you! Glad you liked it! :pinkiesad2:

Deathscar...I know I said it after reading your other Fluttershy fic, but you are officially my favorite fanfic author. You write with a level of emotion that most people can't express, let alone put into words. While reading your amazing writing I find that you never over-describe, yet your descriptions are stunning and flow with an ease that is rare in the fanfiction arena.

Like you said, there were some mistakes here and there, but if anything I would leave it that way. It gives the piece even more character and emotion. It shows the trouble that you had in writing this, and that speaks volumes of your own personality. You have an unbelievable talent for writing, and I hope you always stick to it.

God damned onion cutting ninjas...

569934 W-Wow... thank you so much! Yes, I did have a painful time writing this and I never once went to correct any of my mistakes nor change the story I wrote fore fear it would ruin the emotion I put into this story :) Thank you so much for your comment, it means the world to me :pinkiesad2:

575080 I know, they were around me when I wrote this fic too :fluttercry:

448212
Dude, I was forcing them back, but that line made me lose it.

looking past the few grammatical and spel.................... :fluttercry::applecry::pinkiesad2::raritycry:

So of the two MLP fics I'm writing right now (I don't like to publish till its done...habit) one of them is about what happens after Rainbow Dash dies in a training accident. I was curious if the concept has been touched on and trolled around fimfiction till I found your piece.

You made me cry at work.

Seven times.

I had to keep minimizing the window and working more and coming back to it so I didn't break down completely. As an aspiring novelist who only recently joined fimfiction, I can tell even without you saying so that you poured everything you are as a writer into this piece. It is tragic and heartwarming at the same time. Really helped inspire the one fic I'm working one. Thank you for that.

821267 You are very welcome! I'm glad I could help another author write his piece ^^

Very touching; you were able to capture the emotions of the Mane 6 (5, now) and emphasize the suddenness of Rainbow's passing without stepping out-of-character. RD's notes were especially well-done--short and to the point, with the right mixture of heart and sass.

Solid four stars.

827775 You have wrote an absolute masterpiece here, you poured so much emotion and pain into this, that as I am writing this comment, my tears are making it difficult to type. You have made me experience so much sadness, but also happiness. My eyes ache, my pillow is slightly wet, and my head hurts, but it was all worth it to read this beautiful story you have wrote, I cried almost all the way through it and it is one of the single most heart-wrenching things I have ever read. Right now, I would love a hug, it doesn't matter who it is from, as long as it is a hug. Also, I love you for writing this gem of a story, but I have to ask what happened to make you pour your soul into this, if you would prefer not to say, I understand. :heart: :pinkiesad2: :fluttercry: :applecry: :raritycry:

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