It was suppose to be a normal day. Why, why in Celestia’s name would something like this happen? Why did it have to be one of my friends, why couldn’t it be me? Rainbow Dash fell ill one day without warning, I dashed through the late night streets after the news reached me, telling the others about Rainbow’s condition. Fluttershy wanted to visit right then and there but after a little talking, I managed to convince her that visiting hours were way over. We made a plan to visit her the next day and I returned to my library.
I didn’t sleep, I couldn’t. The thought of Rainbow, in bed, sick, only made me feel worse. I prayed that she was alright, that she would be just fine. My prayers were left unheard…
----------
We went to visit her first thing in the morning, all 5 of us. Fluttershy was the first to reach the hospital, no surprise as she started running as soon as visiting hours started. She shouted at the nurse, demanding to know where she may be. We were shocked, Fluttershy was never this loud… or rude. When we found Rainbow’s ward, Fluttershy was already there.
My heart sank when I laid my eyes on Rainbow Dash. She could barely open her eyes, her light blue coat had seem to lose its shine, tubes and wires of all sorts shot to and from her body and I’m not sure if my eyes were playing tricks on me but there was something wrong with her mane and tail, they looked…greyer then I remembered. The bright yellow in the middle of her mane and tail had seem to fade completely away, leaving behind a sickening light grey. When Rainbow finally saw us and spoke, her voice sent a needle through my heart.
“Hey guys…” Her voice… it was weak, hoarse and even though she said it with a small smile, I couldn’t do the same. I wanted to cry, I needed to but I didn’t, I couldn’t, knowing that it would not make the scene any better.
“Hello, darling. Feeling any better?” Rarity asked with a small smile on her face but I knew she must have felt horrible too, we all must have.
“Not…” Rainbow let out a small cough. “Not really…”
“Don’t worry your little head, sugercube. We ain’t going nowhere.” Applejack assured Rainbow. Rainbow let out a smile when she heard these words.
“Thanks you guys…” Rainbow replied us, the small smile still on her face.
“Rainbow! Get better okay? Then we can party! Your birthday is in 11 days!” Pinkie blurted out loudly in the word, bouncing around as her usual self. “We can eat cake! We can play games! We can eat cake while playing games! We can play games while we eat cake and we can…”
“I get it Pinkie!” Rainbow said with a small laugh. “I’ll get better, I promise!”
“Do you Pinkie promise!?” Pinkie asked, a huge grin on her face. I could see Fluttershy’s face as she gripped Rainbow’s hoof. She sat beside the bed, not moving an inch, grasping Rainbow’s hoof like it was a treasure from Daring Do.
“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Rainbow chanted, using her left hoof to do all the actions.
“How’d you even get the illness?” I asked, hoping to change the subject into something less personal.
“I don’t know… I was just flying back to my house late at night when I felt pain in my belly, I tried to continue flying but it was impossible, I managed to fly to the hospital, just barely and well… here I am.” Rainbow explained.
“I’m so sorry Rainbow Dash. I wish we could do something to help…” I felt helpless, I wanted to make it all better, stop Rainbow Dash’s misery but I couldn’t, there are no healing spells, as much as non-unicorns think that we do. Something I would do anything for in this situation.
“Hey, you guys being here is help enough! I’ll make a speedy recovery! Why, it’d be so speedy it could challenge me in a race!” Rainbow laughed as she spoke, though she was soft, her laugh only tore my heart more, a laugh filled with pain more than happiness, the first I heard. How can she still be so brave when she’s going through something like this?
“You have to okay? You have to, you have to, you have to!” Fluttershy whispered, shutting her eyes tight as she repeated her words.
“I will…” Rainbow replied as she rolled her eyes.
…
She wouldn’t.
----------
It was nighttime, we left Rainbow Dash, promising to see her tomorrow. The hospital had a thick atmosphere of sadness, something I wanted to get away from as soon as I could. Each of us made our way back to our own homes. I tried to sleep, I really wanted to but no amount of rolling would get my worries for Rainbow out of my head. I grabbed a book off the shelf, hoping to occupy my time with reading but it took me a minute or so to get past even one page. I stumbled halfway through the page, my mind occupied with Rainbow’s health as I scanned each word. I fell asleep without even realizing it, though it had been a long night…
----------
Fluttershy rushed into the hospital, as usual being the first out of all of us. We followed suit, as soon as we entered the ward, I could see the look of horror on everypony’s face. Rainbow’s mane and tail only had 1 color that seemed to still have any life left in it. I thought I must have been dreaming, this can’t be happening... Rainbow looked even worse then yesterday. Her eyes could barely open, her limbs could barely moved. A Daring Do book rested on her bedside table, a small, square wooden table that accompanied every bed. ‘Daring Do and the Broken Glass Butterfly.’ She got really far into the series, this was the second last book, she must have spent all her time reading.
Fluttershy rushed to Rainbow’s bedside, I could see droplets of tears running down her face. She was concerned…no, more than concerned, I don’t know how to explain it, she seem to share Rainbow’s pain. They have been childhood friends, I just can’t imagine the fear both of them must be going through.
We walked up to her but Rainbow didn’t even greet us, she looked physically unable to. I was in complete fear, every single second I stared at her I felt something draining out of me, my own happiness seem to seep away. The room was quiet, dead quiet. Pinkie Pie didn’t say a word, I could see her biting her bottom lip, I knew she wanted to cry, I knew we all did. We gathered around the bed, we didn’t dare say a word, not like we’d know what to say. The sound of the heart monitor was the only solace to the unbearable silence, each beep that past kept my head leveled and kept my hopes up. Suddenly, my heart sank to the bottom, Rainbow’s last color drained off and… and the beeping stopped.
----------
We’re now in the waiting room, chased out by the doctors and nurses as soon as the beep was heard. My heart has never beaten faster; I can’t bear to look at the other ponies, especially not Fluttershy.
“She’ll be all right….right?” Pinkie Pie asked in a solemn tone. Hearing Pinkie this sad only made it worse, tears started to fall, I was in no control of them now. “She has to be… she… she Pinkie promised…” I look up and saw that no pony had clear eyes, some were shut tight, some opened but all of them contained tears. I caught a glimpse of Fluttershy, she laid in one corner, her face turned to a wall, I could hear soft sobs from her, there was no solace now. The sounds of sobs and crying filled the air, I wished for silence, I wish everything could stop, I wish I could go back to the time we were all playing, the brash Rainbow Dash flying around the skies, commenting about her skill as we all laughed underneath, staring at her on the soft grassy hills. The memories only hurt more.
I was absorbed into these thoughts, I couldn’t see anything, only memories playing like a movie. I was snapped out of it when the doctor came out of the ward towards us, I wished, I hoped, I prayed, I would do anything to hear the doctor say….
All my wishes, hopes and prayers, dashed.
----------
I couldn’t bear it, I cried like I’ve never cried before. I couldn’t contain it, I didn’t feel sad. I felt empty, like a part of me was missing, a piece of myself went away when the doctor shook his head in a slow and painful way.
She was gone.
Fluttershy had it the worst, I thought it couldn’t be worse then what I was feeling. I was wrong. After the doctor shook his head, I threw my gaze to Fluttershy, looking at her eyes I saw them shut as she turned her head away, her tears, they flowed. I walked slowly to her, my vision obstructed by the huge amount of water in my eyes. Pinkie was silent, I couldn’t see tears or maybe it was because I couldn’t separate hers from my own. Applejack lifted her hat over her face, I could hear her sobs, her loud, heart-piercing sobs. I had never seen her cry before, after Rainbow, AJ was the strongest among all of us… I guess she’s the strongest now. Rarity immediately ran outside the hospital, I cared about her but I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up with her, my hooves buckled tightly with every step but I knew Fluttershy was having it the worst.
Her bright pink mane covered her face. I nuzzled up beside her, giving her a huge hug, as tight as I could have possibly managed, she offered no resistance Her head rested on my shoulders, I could feel that she wasn’t even lifting up her head, her soft sobs surprised me. I thought she would be crying the loudest but instead she seemed the most calm out of all of us. The words I heard her spoke only made me shut my eyes and hug her harder.
“She’s… She’s gone… She’s with the rainbows now…”
----------
She was covered with her bedsheet. The dark blue bedsheet was laid over her whole body, obstructing any sight we might have of her. Nopony spoke, nopony wanted to, nopony could. We shut our eyes around the bed, each wishing our own wishes to the once brash pony we all knew and loved. When I opened my eyes, I saw Fluttershy, simply staring at the lump in the bedsheet, nothing about her moved and no tears flowed out of her eyes. I don’t understand why she isn’t crying, shouldn’t she be having it worst?
Before I could settle the issue rising in my mind, I felt a nudge on my side. Turning around, I saw Applejack was the pony nudging me, a small white letter in her mouth. I took a closer look and saw that on the letter wrote “To Twilight”. I took the letter and walked silently outside the room, afraid I might break down and disrupt the respectful silence each pony was paying Rainbow. The doctors kindly moved all patients in the same ward as Rainbow out and gave us as much time as we needed.
Opening the letter, several other letters fell out, each assigned to one of us. The paper which wrote “To Twilight” unfolded by itself, I laid it on the floor and read through it. As I read the letter, emotions rushed through my body, smiles and tears washed over my face.
Dear Twilight,
If you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.
Yesterday, after you guys left, the doctor told me that I wasn’t going to make it for more than a day. I took it hard, he asked me if I wanted to tell you guys and I said yes but as it started to sink in, I couldn’t do it.
I only have one favor to ask, for my funeral, if people from Ponyville or Cloudsdale want to come for the funeral, please don’t allow them to. I just want my funeral to be you 5, my best friends. My friends who have stuck with me through everything I’ve been through.
I’ve encased 4 other letters in your envelope, one for each of them, please pass it all out, all except for Fluttershy. I’m most worried is not when Fluttershy cries when I pass, it’s when she doesn’t. Her letter is special, please pass it to her some other time, you’ll know when, I believe so.
Finally, thank you Twilight. You are one of the most amazing friends I could ever ask for. You stuck with me through the very end, you brought me so much joy and happiness. You turned me into an egghead. You are pure magic to hang out with.
Now clean those tears off your face, you look ridiculous!
With Love,
Rainbow Dash
Accompanied with my letter was a picture of us together, Rainbow and me, taken during Winter Wrap Up. The smile on her face in the photo forced a smile out of me, a smile I wouldn’t be able to see again forever. As I gripped the remaining letters and went into the room, I could hear Pinkie weeping hard, I froze at what she said.
“But… but you Pinkie promised…”
----------
It’s been 3 days since her passing.
The funeral was quiet, held away from Ponyville, in a nearby flat land. Rain fell upon us, protected by a large black sheet placed over the area. We obeyed her will, holding it for just the five of us and the person who will bury the body. As we looked at her face in the black casket, I still couldn’t grasp what had happened. The face I saw in the casket, the grey, colorless, lifeless pony in there, I couldn’t imagine her as the same pony who was flying around, shouting and bragging just under a week ago. Her mane and tail were all grayscale, her cyan coat had also lost most of its color, barely any traces of color remained on her. The colorful pony we all knew… was gone.
My mind was still wondering how Fluttershy must have felt when I passed everyone a letter except her. Yet, she didn’t ask why, she didn’t inquire, she kept to her silent self the whole way through the funeral, staring intently at the casket which held her childhood friend. I wanted to ask her how she felt but I knew it was a bad idea. I could hear sobbing, weeping all around me as the other ponies read their letters. I didn’t care what the letters might have contained, they were personal to each of them, I was only concerned about Fluttershy.
I was afraid.
----------
Before they lowered Rainbow down into the ground, we were asked if we had any final things we would like to say or do. Applejack lifted her signature straw hat from her head, placing it inside the casket, next to Rainbow, who was now covered in a bright, 7 colored sheet, before stepping back away from the casket. Rarity walked up, placing her gala gown inside before walking away, I could see tears falling from her eyes. Her mane was frazzled and her tail messy, breathing in and heavy breath.
Pinkie walked up to the casket, her words made it all that much harder to bear, I just wanted the ceremony to be over, I didn’t want to be here anymore.
“Its okay Rainbow Dash…” Pinkie’s mane was flat, I could hear that she was forcing back her feelings as she spoke. “…I forgive you. It was a promise you couldn’t have kept” Pinkie placed a small pack of balloons inside the casket. “These balloons are for you! In case they don’t have parties wherever you are, you can always blow one up and think of us!” Pinkie smiled but it wasn’t a happy smile. Her smile showed her pain, her sadness and as quickly as the smile came, it vanished. Bringing her head down, she walked backwards, turning her head away and shutting her eyes.
Fluttershy stood, shaking her head. It shocked everypony, including me. She didn’t want to say anything? Leave anything? I didn’t understand, why is Fluttershy acting like she doesn’t care for Rainbow?
It was my turn, I walked forward, placing the whole complete collection of Daring Do books in the casket, all 12 of them. They don’t publish Daring Do books anymore but I didn’t care, my friend was never going to be smiling again. I know if I kept them, I would just break down every single time I see them on my shelf. “I remembered you stopped at ‘Daring do and the Broken Glass Butterfly’ so wherever you are, I hope you can finish the seri-” I couldn’t do it. I started to cry, I fell to the floor as my knees buckled. All of them came and hug me but it didn’t do any good, I couldn’t take it anymore.
I want her back.
I miss her smile.
I miss her face.
I miss her.
I miss…you…
----------
The burial was quick, which was good, I didn’t want to stand around her grave any longer. On her gravestone, it etched,
Rainbow dash
Fastest flier in equestria and the most loyal pony a pony could ask for
She will be remembered
A legend always
We left the graveyard quickly, I offered to send Fluttershy home but she merely shook her head before leaving. I wanted to press my offer but I chose not to, she needed some time alone. Looking into her eyes again, I saw something missing. This wasn’t Fluttershy. Something was missing in her eyes, I can’t explain it up till now. I just know that this wasn’t the Fluttershy I know, this was a whole other pony.
----------
Another sleepless night passed painfully past me, every waking moment felt like a day. The thought of not being able to see her when I woke up tormented me. I felt as if something was eating away at me, at my heart. My heart felt as if it was being infected, killed off slowly which each thought of her that crossed my mind.
When it was morning, I went to Fluttershy’s cottage, I wanted to make sure she was all right, even though deep down I knew she wasn’t.
I knocked her door a few times but there was no response. Her yard was still filled with many animals so I was sure she was home. I knocked again, this time shouting after the knocks.
“Fluttershy! Please open the door!” I waited but again there was no reply. “Please Fluttershy! I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Again there was no response, I couldn’t hear a whisper inside her cottage. I sighed before moving off back to my library.
----------
For the past 3 days, I woke up every morning and went to Fluttershy’s cottage, knocking on the door, hoping for a response but none came. I never saw her in the yard, I never saw her in the streets. Asking the others, they too never saw Fluttershy. I was getting worried, I knew something was wrong.
I woke up today and as usual, went to Fluttershy’s cottage. As I approached the cottage, fear filled my body, my heart pounded fast. All her cottage doors and windows were open. The yard was empty, no chirping of birds, no clucking of chicken, an eerie silence fell over the house. I ran inside, scanning the area inside the cottage, there were no signs of life. All the bird cages were empty, all the mouse holes were void of life. The plants were withered and dead and the floor was a huge mess. In the yard it was no different, the usually well-kept yard was now in shambles. Tree branches scattered the ground and the whole place was devoid of life.
I ran up to her room and it was the same, her room was in no condition like I’ve seen. Books strewn about the floor, her bed was in a mess. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to cry, I just lost a friend, was I about to lose another? Something caught my eye as I scanned the messy room, a letter on the floor and it wrote in pink ink on the front, “To Twilight.” The letter gave me some relief as I read through it
Come meet me on the hill at the back of my cottage at sunset
Fluttershy
----------
The sky had a dark orange hue to it as I approached the hill. I could see a silhouette of a pony at the top of the hill, with each step I took, I felt more nervous. What should I expect of her? What does she want me to do? When I reached the top of the hill, Fluttershy didn’t even turn to look at me, she was sitting down, her face emotionless as she stared at the sunset across the horizon. In front of us was a large ocean, dark blue, the only sound that filled the air was the sound of the calming waves. I sat down next to her, dumbfounded on what to say to her, then she spoke…
“Its nice, isn’t it? The sunset?” She whispered. She spoke! After a week of not speaking, I finally heard her kind, soft voice again, it touched my heart to hear her speak.
“Its…beautiful.” I responded, I didn’t want this conversation to end.
“We used to sit here, she and I. We watched the sunset here everyday ever since we moved into Ponyville.” Her mouth continued to speak, still devoid of any form of emotion. “We were never disturbed by any other pony, we didn’t want to. We would sit here, talk and laugh about everything that happened.”
“Fluttershy… I’m so sorry… I can’t imagine…” I stumbled on my words, I wanted to punch myself, I was a horrible friend.
“No… you can’t…” She continued staring at the large orange circle setting over the sea.
I didn’t want this conversation to end, I needed to keep it going.
“Fluttershy, what happened to your cottage? Its empty.” I was afraid of the answer that might come but I knew silence was the worst way this could go.
“I abandoned it.” Fluttershy said with no remorse.
“But… why? What about your animals?”
“I just couldn’t live there anymore. I had no money to keep up the rent, I couldn’t concentrate on any part-time jobs I took up and if I couldn’t support myself, I couldn’t support my animals. So… I let them go.” I was in shock, those animals were her life, they meant everything to her.
“You love your animals! How could you just let them go!? Where are they going to stay?” I asked, I realized my tone was loud and judgmental. I bit my lip, hoping she wouldn’t notice.
“Anywhere would be better than with me. They didn’t want to go… so I forced them out. It was the only way.” The sun had set a little more than halfway at the last word of her sentence.
“We could have helped you! We would have helped you! We…” Before I could finish, she interrupted me.
“Rainbow’s birthday is in 2 days, do you remember?” Fluttershy was quick to change the subject.
“Of course! How could I forget?” The sun had almost set fully, the orange light which bathed us had now receded and darkness started to fill the sky.
“I miss her…” Fluttershy muttered out. The next moment would forever be engraved in my mind. Exactly as the sun disappeared over the sea, I heard her say with a crying tone and a small smile on her face. The first smile she made since that day. “She’s gone and I miss her. I miss my sister. I want her back. I need her back.” Tears ran down her cheeks, she made loud sobs and weeps… like the Fluttershy I knew. I hugged her tight, so tight I was afraid I was hurting her, but she didn’t seem to care. I could feel her warm tears fall onto my mane, her soft pink fur brushing against my face. I could feel her sadness, I felt every bit of it. I felt the pain, the emptiness she felt when she found out she was never going to see her best friend… no, her sister again. I hated this feeling, it felt like the world had collapsed on me, I felt as if I couldn’t breathe, I felt defenseless, hopeless… lifeless but I wouldn’t let go, not as long as she was willing to hold on to me.
----------
I lost track of time, I didn’t know how long it had been since the sunset, since she started crying. The sky was now filled with bright stars. As her sobbing started to calm down, I pushed her away from me, staring into her eyes.
“Hey, Fluttershy, you can stay at the libaray tonight… please, stay at the library tonight.” I smiled, her bright blue eyes staring right back at me.
“O-okay…” I was shocked. She had just accepted my offer, with no resistance. I stared carefully at Fluttershy’s eyes once more. It was her. This was the Fluttershy I knew. This was the Fluttershy I missed. As she let out another smile, I could see that whatever was missing from her before...was back.
----------
2 days had passed.
We are at the graveyard, in front of Rainbow’s gravestone. We are all here, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie, all of us. We’re smiling, the first smiles I’ve seen on our faces for more than a week. Pinkie walked forward, a cake in her mouth. She placed it in front of the gravestone. The cake was beautiful, the colors vibrant and bright, displaying the 7 colors of the rainbow on its side. At the top, it wrote in frosting. “Happy Birthday Rainbow Dash.” And a picture of her cutie mark, also done in frosting. A smile appeared on Pinkie’s face, a genuine smile which turned into a grin. Her mane was back in its usual puffy shape.
“Happy Birthday Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie shouted at the top of her lungs. “I hope you didn’t think we’d forget about you!” I knew she was just being Pinkie Pie and that it wasn’t a time to be sad or angry. Pinkie laid down in front of the gravestone.
“Pinkie’s right.” Applejack walked forward, placing down a piece of paper with the number ‘11’ on it. “This here’s the runner tag you used in the Running of the Leaves a while back. I kept it all this while cuz it brings back memories of us running as friends, not foes.” Applejack laid next to Pinkie Pie, a smile on her face and not a single tear in sight. I couldn’t help but smile too.
“I have something you’ll love Rainbow Dash.” Rarity reached into the pouch on her back, pulling out a navy blue uniform with lighting symbols on the flank of the uniform. “I managed to get the Wonderbolt’s permission and stitched you your very own Wonderbolts uniform.” Rarity laid the uniform neatly in front of the gravestone. She reached into her pouch once again, pulling out a pair of goggles and placing them at the foot of the gravestone. “There. Now whenever someone walks past, they will know that you were a member of the one and only Wonderbolts!” Rarity laid down next to Applejack, a warm smile across her face.
“I… I don’t really have a present for you.” I spoke. “But I know you wanted me to do something, something you trusted me with and now I think that it’s the right time.” I reached into my pouch on my back, pulling out a small letter, much smaller than the others, in my mouth. On the top it wrote in light pink ink “To Fluttershy”. I handed it to the mare to the right of me. Her face displayed her shock. As she laid down and unfolded the letter, two small rectangular pieces of paper fell to the ground. Fluttershy read the letter and after merely 5 seconds, she stood up, took one of the pieces of paper and placed it at the foot of the gravestone before returning and lying down, as if nothing had happened.
“What was that, darling?” Rarity asked, curious.
“Yeah, sugercube, what’s with that piece of paper.” Applejack added on the questions.
“They’re tickets.” Fluttershy said in her shy voice. “Rainbow promised a few weeks ago to take me to see the Wonderbolts perform live in Canterlot.” Fluttershy stared at the piece of paper she had just placed at the grave, several tear marks and red ink line adorned it. “And now we can watch it together." Fluttershy paused, gazing back at the other ponies and their confused expressions. "How could she go with me without her ticket?” Fluttershy giggled quietly, a smile on her face, putting a smile on mine too.
“Enough talk! Let’s eat!” Pinkie Pie started cutting the cake, placing the first slice at the foot of the grave before passing one slice to all of us.
“Say, Fluttershy…” I asked, curious.
“Yes Twilight?” She responded, looking at me with her sea-blue eyes and heartwarming smile.
“Why didn’t you ask about Rainbow's letter to you? Weren't you curious? And why were you so shocked when you received one?” I was perplexed, an emotion I was not used to feeling. Fluttershy giggled to herself before looking at me.
“I always thought nothing needed to be said that I wouldn’t already know.” Fluttershy bit the letter in her mouth before passing it to me. “And I was right.”
I took the paper and read it, smiling at the words which were on the page. Turning to Fluttershy I smiled back. “I finally understand.” Looking back up, I spot a rainbow in the distance, gesturing it to her. Fluttershy smiled, a smile I can’t explain, a smile I never saw anypony make before. Fluttershy rested her head on my shoulder, shutting her eyes. Looking down at her calm, tender smile, I spotted a tear dropping from her left eye. I reached my hoof to wipe it but she lightly grabbed my hoof and slowly lowered it back down to the ground, letting the tear flow all the way down her cheek…
On the letter it said.
Fluttershy, you were always my seventh color
Happy Birthday, Rainbow Dash.
----------
The End
Author Note:
I... I don't know how to say, what to say. I feel like a horrible person, I didn't want to write this but I didn't have a choice. This story dragged me from morning till night (its 1AM where I'm at). It forced me to pen it down and with every word I wrote I felt sadness take me one step at a time. I poured my soul into this fanfiction, I'm not sure if you will all enjoy it but I haven't written anything this real ever.
There are grammatical, vocab and a whole bunch of errors in there, I know there are. I typed this out in one sitting, pouring my heart into this story. I just couldn't bear to go back and spellcheck this, I couldn't. If you find any please leave a comment, message me or just notify me, I would appreciate it.
There are no parings/couples in this story, even though it may seem like it. Please remember that, it was just written as them being friends, nothing more.
Thank you for reading this, you have no idea how much you and this story means to me.
Deathscar
A beautiful story. Thank you.
381506 Thank you for reading. :)
I liked it because it was actually a good sad story, and I like a good sad story. Are you going to be writing more of that casualties of war story, i'm sorry I keep bringing that up but the prolouge got me exited!
381584 I definately will, I just needed to get this out of my head, I actually wanted to continue writing it a day ago but this story just kept bugging me... Thanks :)
381584 it's completed lol
This was very heartfelt. I haven't read a story with this kind of emotion in a long time
381615 She was talking about my other fanfiction :) Thank you for reading, this story meant a lot to me.
My goodness....
*slow clap*
Brilliant sir, brilliant
381772 Thank you :)
This story. This damn story. You almost made me cry in the middle of my class.
382023 I'm not sure to be happy or guilty :) Just hope you enjoyed it!
I read this 7 hours ago and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.... I haven't been able to get what I want to say out of my mind. So, here goes, I'm going to try to explain it all in words you can understand.
As Celestia is my witness, this is one of the most heart-wrenching things I have read in a long time. I mean, I cry at a lot of things, but this one made me sob for a good 10 minutes. My heart shattered into a million pieces when Rainbow Dash died and Fluttershy couldn't really cry. I can only imagine what she was going through. Haha even now my eyes tear up. The image I got as Rainbow Dash faded made me feel like.... The color was draining out of their world. I couldn't comprehend it when Rainbow Dash passed, nor could I comprehend everyone's reactions until I took a break from the story to think on it.
By the end of the story I was so invested in it, like I do with most stories/shows/other things cause I have no life, kinda like this. :P
My heart was still in a million pieces until I read the words "Fluttershy, you were always my seventh color".
And then I was happy, but I still cried.
So after that loooong tidbit, I think I am trying to say, I love this with all of my heart. It was amazing, albeit, depressing to read for a bit. I could never be able to do something like this, ever. I wouldn't have the heart to. No, I'd probably be too afraid. So, good job, for writing something so amazing, so full of feeling, and thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
392718 Thank you for this comment, that feeling was the exact same feeling I had after reading My Little Dashie and after I wrote this, almost exactly how you described it. I didn't post a comment on My Little Dashie for I knew it would be lost somewhere in the middle. Never sell yourself short, if you truly want to write, no matter how bad you may think you are, do it . Writing, personally, is one of the best ways to express my emotions. I am so happy yet sad at the same time when I read your comment. I understand completely and thank you from the bottom of my heart for being able to feel what I feel. Its comments like this which keep me going as a writer. Thank you.
392727 You are most welcome! And what I meant about being too afraid was... Not to write, for fear of criticism, but to write something with that much emotion... I would never be able to put something like that on paper, or in this case, in a document. I think it would hurt too much.
392732 I couldn't put the hurt I felt when writing this piece into words (from my first comment on this story). The only thing that kept me going was the hopes that people, bronies or not, would be able to feel what I was feeling when they read the story. Knowing that you could feel what I was trying to convey eases the pain I felt and still feel about this piece and hopefully many others will do too. Always know that no matter you might think or know it hurts, it is an amazing feeling when you find that people can connect to the piece like you have. You have my support! Thank you again!
Bravo... just.. Bravo
396748 Thank you :)
Just yesterday, I read To Bring Her Back this is like a reversal, except without bring RD back from the dead xD But it's still a good, meaningful story
399280 Thank you. I just read the story you mentioned. It was sad too :( Hope you enjoyed it!
399286 You're welcome! ^^ And yes I did enjoy it
Stories like this one are almost always a pain in the ass. There is simply no other way to describe it. There may be emotional intensity, but it feels so damn contrived that I was unable to feel sad enough to muster even a sarcastic, "Oh, Rainbow's dead? I'm sorry."
*sighs* Look, this story has the same problem as My Little Dashie does. It spends far too much of its energy trying to draw emotional responses out of readers, and not enough on the more subtle machinations available to the writer. Essentially, readers are bashed over the head again and again about how sad it is, and given little opportunity to bond with the characters on a more complex level. The writer gave us little incentive to bond more closely with the characters, except in the shared sorrow at RD's death.
Additionally. please try to make at least a half-hearted attempt at feasibility. The sickness, and RD's subsequent death, was just too contrived; it would have been much more believable had she contracted the disease, then spent a while lingering and wasting away, which at least would have provided you with some better way to connect the characters to your readers. Ugh.
As far as the more technical aspects of this story go, it could do with a lengthy editing session with someone that knows how to use commas correctly. Of all the things that detracted from this story, it was the incorrect use of commas, and the overuse of ellipses, that took away the most from the overall experience. Also, you need to learn how to write numbers correctly in fiction; that is, you write the word, not the symbol. -_-
Still, not a bad attempt. Keep on writing, and work on your emotional depth~
427282 Thanks for criticism! I wrote this while I was really sad and I literally dumped my emotions into this story, that is probably the reason for the sappiness. I wasn't thinking straight while writing this piece but in the end, I'd thought I'd share it with everyone on this website to find out what they think. It wasn't a piece I was actually trying to write well, more of an outlet for my sadness and this was the result. Thank you for your criticism though, I will definitely look into my writing style to make sure the sadness never feels forced!
427990
No problem, kiddo. :) I'd suggest that you look into beta-readers/proofreaders, so you don't have to worry so much about the technical aspects of your writing. I have a proofreading group linked on my profile page, if you want to check that out~
428052 That would be really helpful! Thanks! :)
“Its okay Rainbow Dash…” Pinkie’s mane was flat, I could hear that she was forcing back her feelings as she spoke. “…I forgive you. It was a promise you couldn’t have kept”
Oh god that killed me inside....
448212 Truth be told I died a little when I wrote that part too (and at various other points in the story). I hope you enjoyed it! :)
448301
i did enjoy it, though i wish i hadn't since it was on very depressing terms but it was written very well. i found my self tearing few times actual.
448340 aww thank you for feeling what I felt when I wrote this, that means a lot
Wow simply wow.
When Fluttershy didn't cry I was confused.
But as I read on I started to understand.
Everything was made clear when the letter to Fluttershy was read.
Would have liked to know what the other letters said.
I enjoyed this story.
Thank you for writing it.
448524 You're welcome! Thank you for reading it!
Great story; keep on writing!
478891 Thank you!
so sad
Great... Now I feel like I need to cry. Good story.
Hi there! I just finished reading this, and while it's great there are a few errors here and there, but well I'd like to know what the other letters say as well It's great that you're writing your feelings into this, that's often the best instead of writing just for the sake of writing
546543 haha yeah I know there are plenty of errors. This was written while I was in a short state of depression so I didn't go back to edit it for fear it would ruin how and why I wrote it. Yeah, writing and throwing your feelings inside really helps you get over certain phrases of your life. (Wish I found that out years ago)
GOD I HATE YOU! But i love you too! GREAT! story i loved it even though i cryed through it all it was still amazing.
546893 Thank you! Glad you liked it!
Deathscar...I know I said it after reading your other Fluttershy fic, but you are officially my favorite fanfic author. You write with a level of emotion that most people can't express, let alone put into words. While reading your amazing writing I find that you never over-describe, yet your descriptions are stunning and flow with an ease that is rare in the fanfiction arena.
Like you said, there were some mistakes here and there, but if anything I would leave it that way. It gives the piece even more character and emotion. It shows the trouble that you had in writing this, and that speaks volumes of your own personality. You have an unbelievable talent for writing, and I hope you always stick to it.
569934 W-Wow... thank you so much! Yes, I did have a painful time writing this and I never once went to correct any of my mistakes nor change the story I wrote fore fear it would ruin the emotion I put into this story :) Thank you so much for your comment, it means the world to me
575080 I know, they were around me when I wrote this fic too
looking past the few grammatical and spel....................
771268
:')
So of the two MLP fics I'm writing right now (I don't like to publish till its done...habit) one of them is about what happens after Rainbow Dash dies in a training accident. I was curious if the concept has been touched on and trolled around fimfiction till I found your piece.
You made me cry at work.
Seven times.
I had to keep minimizing the window and working more and coming back to it so I didn't break down completely. As an aspiring novelist who only recently joined fimfiction, I can tell even without you saying so that you poured everything you are as a writer into this piece. It is tragic and heartwarming at the same time. Really helped inspire the one fic I'm working one. Thank you for that.
821267 You are very welcome! I'm glad I could help another author write his piece ^^
Very touching; you were able to capture the emotions of the Mane 6 (5, now) and emphasize the suddenness of Rainbow's passing without stepping out-of-character. RD's notes were especially well-done--short and to the point, with the right mixture of heart and sass.
Solid four stars.
826804 Thank you :)
827775 You're welcome!
827775 You have wrote an absolute masterpiece here, you poured so much emotion and pain into this, that as I am writing this comment, my tears are making it difficult to type. You have made me experience so much sadness, but also happiness. My eyes ache, my pillow is slightly wet, and my head hurts, but it was all worth it to read this beautiful story you have wrote, I cried almost all the way through it and it is one of the single most heart-wrenching things I have ever read. Right now, I would love a hug, it doesn't matter who it is from, as long as it is a hug. Also, I love you for writing this gem of a story, but I have to ask what happened to make you pour your soul into this, if you would prefer not to say, I understand.
849150 Thank you so much for this comment. It really makes me happy to know that you understood the emotions I was trying to convey and instead of pushing them away, allowed them to fill you. That was not an easy thing to do and I applaud you. Thank you so so much. It's comments like these that keep me going as a writer. As for what made me write this, well, its simple really: My Little Dashie.
Oh, and *hugs* I hope an internet hug will do, because I had nopony to hug me while I was writing this (still wasn't as deep in the fandom as I am now).
849270 -Hugs back- Thank you, and you are welcome,you deserve every bit of praise you get, and you have my respect. I'm happy I read this story, and if there is anything I could do to help you in the future, it shall be done. (Or at least tried to be done. )