I thought I faved this, apparently I didn't. Now i have 6 chapters to read

i hope that will have a sequel soon

Well that was awesome.

Still caught a few points of minor editing lingering, but I'll have to go back to hunt them down again because this was amazingly distracting and very well written. The development was glorious. I am a huge fan of saucy premises having a point and this one nailed it right on the head. :) Many props! Many!

Well that was quite an emotionally powerful story, with a crazy sexy ending.

Awesome job

I have to admit, as much build up as we had, the sex scene was kind of a let down. It shouldn't have been but it was. Still, it was an awesome story.

So, okay. You have porn, right, which usually is little story and much sex. As a reaction to this, some people try to make porn with plot, which is usually a long complex story that also happens to feature significant amounts of detailed sex. That's better if you want to read something with more meat, but the actual plot part is about as hit-or-miss as any non-porn fiction and you're maybe fifty-fifty on whether all that sex ties in much to the greater story at hand. Not great odds.

But this, this is something else. It's like... porn with character, which is a way better asset than a huge tight plot (heyo!) could ever be. The character interaction sells the story but doesn't weigh it down, and the catharsis (or am I thinking of some other word that starts with C...?) was worth waiting for. You write the best dirty stories about ponies, because of the care taken to keep the characters in character first and any situations they end up in never waver in taking that into account.

This was very good. I like happy emotional. Really, I just like seeing the ponies happy. And I really liked how this ended.

Is good. :balloonicorn:

Meant to write this a few days ago but this story was worth the wait

5638351
So, do you mean it went from a deep, feel-y story to an emotionless, plotless, soulless, poorly written porno for middle-aged women, then?

It was worth the wait with that satisfying end, but I am sad that it's over. Oh well, until next story.

5622448
Me too.

5622604 5622614 5622678 5630328 5630571 5639573
Thank you!

5624166
Sorry the resolution didn't quite live up to your expectations, but I really appreciate that you stuck it out all the way to the end, anyway.

5624595
Thanks for all the kind words, man! And I agree, what sells almost any great story, and especially in relation to FiM, is the strength of the characters.

5646393 Oh, the resolution was awesome. The sex itself just... was flat. All the mental and emotional build up in everyponies mind, and then the scene was just kind of slow and boring. I blame Rarity. She spent as much time building up to the kiss as they did actually getting Rainbow off.

Still it was a good story. Can't wait to see your next piece of work.

Well, that was really really really really really good. Well worth the long wait in the middle, I've got to say.

I wish my comment writing would be interrupted by the mane six coming and sexing the sh*t outta me.

...

Really? I get intrusive roommates and phone calls from mom and dad and calls from my co-workers needing me to do sh*t, but no pony group sex for me? Sigh.

5670413 Wow, really? That is way past weird, as I got mine the day they happened.

Then again...FIMFic's upload thing has been kinda weird for awhile.

Case in point: I have everything that's ongoing (Incomplete) in both my "Tracking" thing, and in my "Favorites", "My Especial Favorites" (Marked by a red lightning bolt) and my "My ESPECIALLY Especial Favorites" (marked by a pic of Applejack in orange) Bookshelves.

The thing is whenever I get updates to the stories in my "Favorites" "Tracking" and my "My Especial Favorites" Bookshelves, I get ones for all of these.

But! whenever I get one to my "Tracking" and to my "My ESPECIALLY Especial Favorites" ones, for whatever strange reason, I only get it (them) to my "Tracking" Bookshelf and not to my "My ESPECIALLY Especial Favorites" one. And I'm nort really sure as to why.

All In know is that it's mega-irritating when that happens, because then I have to check the "Tracking" Bookshelf to see what's updated, and when.

Drives me nuts sometimes.

Anyway, it's nice to hear that you're finally getting to finish it. And.........

Happy Reading!

A single susurrus, resounding beat of her wings so strong it sent leaves and flowers and loose grass every way around her, and Rainbow Dash was already high and away.

What the hay is a Susurrus?

Other than that this was worth the wait. Although the sex was a bit lackluster, the rest of it was great, and hopefully the sequel will have a bit better sex. But that said, writing orgies is hard to pace right, and I applaud your attempt and with practice you'll eventually hit the mark beautifully. Since the rest of the fic is good.

Anywho I look forward to the sequel.

5624595
Couldn't agree with Dust more; there's way, way more beneath the surface of this story. I can't help but wonder if Hoof makes his synopses shallow-sounding on purpose, just to attract more eyeballs.

But either way, a fantastic story. Hoof took the whole "Rainbow Dash breaks her wings" cliche and completely knocked it out of the park. All the implications of the trope were finally said aloud, and the all heartbreak before made the eventual make-up (or should I say make-out?) so much more satisfying.

That, and a blooming polyamorous relationship to boot. *sniff* It's so beautiful...

I don't normally say this after reading about a friend-orgy, but

He wheeled a stretcher behind him, on which lay an earth pony stallion with a plunger sticking out of one ear and a pained expression on his face that denoted very serious inner contemplation of his life’s circumstances and the choices he had made that had brought those circumstances about.

I really want to know what the hell those circumstances and choices were.

5909117

Crashing = hurting friends!
Hurting friends = bad!
Flying = crashing!
Conclusion: No more flying!

I think you may be doing the same thing--overly simplifying the situation. Rainbow Dash's 'flying=crashing' isn't a simpleton's mantra, it's a simple fact, and entails the fact that Rainbow Dash is doing much more dangerous kinds of flying than most others and that flying is leading to more frequent injuries. Her conclusion is not, "No more flying!" It is to begin perform a less dangerous form of flying that she enjoys less but that she thinks will better earn the approval of her friends. And for someone who is as dependent on other's approval as Rainbow Dash, that's a very strong motivator.

Thinking in straight forward terms and being simple minded are not the same thing.

5909209
Yes, I'm exaggerating for effect, but I stand by my overall point.  I'm up to part 8 now, and right up to her sudden realisation, shortly before the sexytimes start, Rainbow acts in a way that I feel makes her seem either a lot dumber or a lot more of a jerk than I believe you intend.

The only distinction that Rainbow allows is that between stunt aerobatics and ordinary flying - at all other times she reduces the issue to all-or-nothing, black-or-white, with-me-or-against-me.  Whenever the rest of the Mane 6 try to inject any form of nuance into the discussion she wilfully rejects it, refusing to acknowledge any distinction between taking calculated risks and being reckless or between minor accidents during training and repeated, potentially life-threatening injuries.

All crashes are equal.  All Wonderbolts crash.  Her friends want her to never crash, ever.  Therefore her friends are trying to keep her from becoming a Wonderbolt!
(Again, an exaggeration to illustrate my point.)

My impression is that you intend this to be a genuine miscommunication that truly causes Rainbow Dash emotional distress - but, at least for me, it doesn't work.  The conflict is dragged out too long and the others make their case too clearly and too often for Dash not to understand where they're coming from, unless she is either too dumb to grasp fine distinctions or is a jerk who deliberately misinterprets her friends' words so she can ignore their valid concerns.  Clearly, neither of these impressions is what you want.  They undermine much of the empathy I have for Rainbow's suffering.

The fact that Rainbow Dash can, without any further information or prompting, come to an overnight realisation and suddenly understand what her friends were really saying and what Fleetfoot's book was really expressing, only exacerbates the problem.  It reinforces the notion that the miscommunication was entirely her fault - everyone else was expressing themselves clearly and giving her all the information she would have needed to understand them.

Now, this story is long since finished and published, and I'm not your editor - If it weren't and I were, I'd have suggested condensing the first five chapters and making Rainbow's friends communicate their concerns more poorly (Applejack comes closest, I think) to make Rainbow's misunderstanding more believable and her resulting turmoil more empathetic.  Obviously I'm not so presumptuous as to tell you to go back and rewrite this story; all I want is to give you feedback about something that I feel didn't work as you intended it.  Because I really like your stories, including this one.

5911794
All right. I understand. Than you very much for reading and taking the time to leave detailed feedback.

6393197

Believe me, I’ve felt my fair share of heartbreak while pursuing my own career, even if mine has never left me in the hospital.

Not a bad story, but RD's overnight realization is a little forced, I feel like there should've been one more chapter in between that and the clop where they all apologized. Or at least had a long conversation where they phrased their concerns in a way RD wouldn't take the wrong way.

Aside from that, it was an ok story.

7326502
okay but to be fair she probably had a concussion hahaha. After big physical trauma, even if it's not to the head, your body's resources are allocated to healing, and you get all foggy in the brain – so it's pretty believable imo hahaha