• Member Since 10th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Schorl Tourmaline


Comments ( 963 )

Five downvotes already?
This comment section should be a fun one.

It's a FoE story. They tend to attract lots of downvotes over the premise alone. Kind of like the reverse of Sparity or AppleDash stories.

You say that like I don't know that already.
I'm not exactly new.
You should have seen my comments in the group. :trixieshiftleft:

good story i like it

I just enjoy a good flame war.

I am ready and waiting to see if any white knights comment day one, but at this point i think the other FoE stories might of tired them out.

Oh, I meant no disrespect, my friend^^ Just statin' the obvious.


might of tired them out

White knights don't tire.
They will fight the evils of fictional rape and slavery until the end of time.


Honestly? I hate FoE but I never judged a story by the world it was set in and rather the story itself. And....

This is a great story, honestly I can imagine it going down like this with big Mac having to play a balancing act. Though honestly I have a feeling he may eventually dive off the deep end with how angry he gets with these 'requests' and since stated before he is the only food producer for ponyville it does carry leverage he may in fact use in the future.

I stared and clocked this story, going to see how it goes and looks like it may be some good reading material when I am bored. Anyway, wish the FoE universe had some less darker stories like this, not saying it won't get dark at times but it seems at least it will be lighter then most.

Also, I will wait till chapter two to give my up vote or no, can't judge Wheather it is good or no just from the start but it sure shows promise.

And thus begins the first wave of butthurt white knights.
The weakest bunch.
The ones that can only downvote comments and think that makes them right.

4731597 Be like it, I mean, stories decent. When I read a long clop, it's for da story

Oh, I didn't mean I didn't read it.
I am just sticking around for the comments.

4731627 what do you mean i just said i liked it am no white freaking knight i am very very dark if i am a knight then every one is screwed lol

I am glad you like the premise at the very least. The next chapter will be a more "proper" FoE chapter, but the story on the whole will bounce back and forth between AJ and Mac's point of view. The AJ chapters might be the ones that will be more enjoyed by FoE fans, but I am trying to make a story that can appeal to a wide audience. Not sure if it will work, but I will be glad if I can get even one hater of FoE to enjoy this tale.

Thank you for the comment and I hope you enjoy the future chapters. :twilightsmile:

I was referring to the downvotes.


Y'know, antagonizing them doesn't really do anything but make them feel more justified in continuing.

The 'Yea, it's okay to dislike it, it's pretty hardcore' response has pretty much kept me from having to deal with much after the initial wave.

I don't want to stop them though.
I gain too much entertainment in watching them spout out their stupid bullshit and get their asses intellectually handed to him for trying to force their beliefs on everyone.

I do have to agree. In a way what you are doing is being a "reserve social justice warrior". One extreme is just as bad as the other. I love ya meta, but please don't cause too much trouble here. I don't want to have to be involved in a flame war myself.

No more edging on until they say something themselves.

This has a lot of promise. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with it.

Neat. Looking forward to how this goes.

4731723 Why are you so fucking awesome?

(Loved the story, btw, and can't wait for more)

... Why am I not surprised you're writing in this universe?:facehoof:

Uhrrg... Just when I thought that Jackass's universes' popularity was dead, you pump a few more weeks life into it.:unsuresweetie:

And before you think I'm complaining about the subject matter you're writing about again, I'm not. I just don't like the author of the original and the world he constructed since its nothing but his own self insert power fantasy. Plus, he ignored so much just to have his own way that I can't ignore it. Yeah, a never before mentioned race can over power four alicorns, discord, and Equstrias' allies that would have come to their aid...:twilightangry2:

Sorry, went on a tangent.:twilightblush:

So... Um... Tl;dr go back to your other story sense it's your IP, don't pump life into THIS crummy story universe.

Wait, Flashlight receiving downvotes is like Sparity receiving upvotes? Or am I not getting this? Wouldn't be the first time. I never make sense.

Vote for Pomegranates 2014.

It's all in the large cock size.

4732046 I'd rather vote for Dale Gribble.

I'd vote for Rusty Shackleford.

Fall of Equestria stories get more downvotes by a large margin than the quality of the individual writing merits. Plus, you get many folks who outright say they hate the setting and anything to do with it.

On the other hand, if you write a harem story with Spike screwing the Mane Six you're very likely to get featured. Again, just for the premise.

Hmm...I've always loved Sparity...and I've always wanted to be featured or in the Popular list...

Nah. I'd rather do a King of the Hill story. I just need to work harder! :rainbowdetermined2:

I'll do a Sparity story when I'm REALLY desperate. :twilightblush:

4732077 But--but--but--but das dah same person! :raritydespair:

What are you talking about?! That's nonsense!!!

I want to read this, but at the same time I don't want to read it...

The story behind it sounds really good, but because of the fact that it has all of the stuff that comes with FoE... I don't know if I would be able to handle it...
I... I'll give it a shot once there are a few more chapters...

Sorry to disappoint you but this story has been in the works for a while. I have 2 more chapters all ready to go but to keep interest I'll be releasing them weekly. From there I will probably go to a monthly release for this story as I do still hold my own at a priority. Also I am not the only one who has been writing for FoE lately. SunnyNights recently updated her own story (the chapter was lovely I might add).

Now for what you said about the universe itself. Yes, it is a power fantasy, as is all forms of fantasy rape. The thing is that it is a fantasy that can be shared by many people who like the idea female domination (including submissive women such as myself)

Are there plot holes, sure but even classics like Star Wars have those. The issue is if they are too big or too many that they prevent you from enjoying the story and for many they aren't.I also want to clarify some things you said for those who might not know the series.

Discord was not defeated, he joined with the caribou when their leader offered him a "better deal". What that was exactly we don't know but seeing as Tirek offered freedom and that worked there is no reason why the caribou leader couldn't of done the same.

Celestia is the only one who had involved herself directly with the leader in battle and lost because he was powered by Discord's magic. The show has shown that without the elements even Celestia was no match for Discord so this isn't too far fetched either.

Cadence was tainted by a corrupted crystal heart so that she became a sex crazed mare who could be easily manipulated by the caribou. Since the crystal has connections to emotions this too can be seen as a valid reason.

The crystal heart is also used convert stallions to the cause and seeing that it could work on a princess (in this story's logic) what chance do the weaker stallion have against it.

Now I am not going to say I agree with every little detail in FoE, but that isn't the point of me writing this story. The point is making a story depicting the struggles of two ponies in the FoE universe. If people find what happens sexually attractive that is on them, likewise if they enjoy the story for how being dark or for being a small ray of light in a dark universe.

Thank you for you comment though. It might be bias but you have a right to comment here as much as any fan of the series.

This is what I was waiting to see. Something a bit different done with this scenario. There is only so much you can do with just the base scenario before it gets boring. There is a reason these story types (Monster/Orc vs Elves/Humans) are usually only a CG set or one Manga.

Just remember that at the end of the day this is an official Fall of Equestria story and that means that there will be points that might be a little hard to read for those who don't enjoy the setting. Even so my goal is to focus on the story at least as much as I do the clop. I just hope the story will be enjoyable to both fans of FoE and those just curious of what might happen to AJ and Mac in such a setting.

It looks interesting. I'll keep an eye on it.:ajsmug:

A good beginning to a controversial clop story. I like that Mac has some dignity left after "the fall". The main problem with FoE stories is that they automatically assume it is a bad story from the get go. Namely because of the rape fetish. I admire your courage to write and publish this story.

Taking an old overused set up, putting a spin on it and featuring 2 characters who usually aren't focused on in such a setting; Mac who isn't an Oc, Spike, or Discord so therefor not good enough, and Applejack who seems to be taken to in the comics as a rebellious bitch who keeps having to be broken.

I enjoy how well you've written this and in seeing what you do with this to set up, though I must ask out of curiousity, If Applejack is technically Mac's slave, are you going to include a scene of them?

I ask out of the idea of, wouldn't the Caribou or anyone else who visit notice AJ never seems to be used or change at all? Just seems like something someone might notice and I wonder if you'd have her taken away immediately in such scenario or have Mac do what needs to be done to protect his sister.

I look foreward to what you do with this story and wish you luck with the Templa-I mean White Knights.

.......... -vanishes-

Bravo bravo u are completely good with this kind of stuff

This looks... different. Have a fave. I want to see what happens.

not a single degenerate social justice warrior thus far.

Good setup, wish you luck

Awesome art and nice story. I like it!

4733392 shtu the fucku p misogist

Not a badly written story, all things considered. Only real flaw is the laughably-flawed Fall universe itself which suffers the same problem as Rainbow Factory: it only makes sense if every character is either insane or a drooling moron. Not a fan, but even I can recognize a well-written story, so good on ya.

Remember when Featured Box wasn't filled with mindless smut?

Yeah, me neither.

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