Jman796
Joined 27th Mar, 2013 ·
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I have to say this is awesome.
6047791 thank you sir. I appreciate the feedback
6047904 you are very welcome.
The description caught my eye gonna stick around for a bit.
I like the ideas you have here but feel you throw a lot of Letters and Numbers at the reader. RASP, CH-47, SCAR, 5.56. I know what they all are but it seems a little much.
Still like the idea, and I am continuing on
6048133 Yeah, I tend to so that a lot. I've been a huge military fan since I was a kid and stuff just came naturally. I'll go back through and give definitions for the terms later
Intrigue!
Sounds like a rough life poor kid. I would say it's a little unrealistic the level of abuse, sadly it it not.
It's a little weird that he knows the place is called Sweet Apple Acres and that they are fillies and Stallions, plus that he was not surprise at their speaking English, but meh.
Continuing on
"When they got there they saw a small orange filly hanging on to a broken limb surrounded by easily twenty timber wolves"
Sorta muddled here. We went from Jenson's perspective to AJ and the two crusaders in the same paragraph? And isn't Applebloom yellow?
The battle seems interesting but it cuts to fast, first he shows up then is surrounded? Just like that?
AJ caught up and then ran to the house only for Jenson to hand over Applebloom to her and then escort them to the house? Who did he give Applebloom to? AJ is already at the house.
I don't mean to sound like I am critisizing it just doesn't make sense. You need to pace this out more. I know the action is more fun but that's why you need to build to it.
6048205 He doesn't exactly know where he is until a bit later. The POV is omnipresent, so I (as the author) can let people know what's going on while the characters have a limited perception. Essentially, I'm telling the story from a God's-eye view
Hmm dis story hes u good story line i keep my eye on it keep up the good work
6048268 Thank you. I've been stuck in a rut along with work and college. I plan this one to be shorter then my main story
Noooo! I need moar!
6049109 i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/368/675/8f1.gif
6049148 YASSSS!
A suggestion, anytime you want to use an acronym, actually write out all the words of the acronym the first time and put the acronym in parenthesis.
such as - Night Vision Goggles (NVG)
This way tour reader doesn't need to look up an acronym just to have in idea of what you're talking about.
Anyway, interesting so far.
6049769 Thanks. It just hit me that I should've done that. I'm putting in the definitions in the next chapter
This looks really cool. It'd be nice if you could offer a description on all of the abbreviations. Also, are these guys Army?
This is a great story, Sounds like the kid had a rough child hood.
RD is going to get her ass handed to her if she fights Jensen. Great story, but you need to work on the details a tad bit.
The pace is a bit fast. Try to slow it down a notch, yeah?
This is really cool, but the pacing is too fast.
6049884 Yeah, US Army 75th Ranger Regiment
sofrep.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/75th-Ranger-Regiment.jpg
I'm putting the meanings for the definitions in the next chapter
Any reason for the dislikes? Feedback can go a long ways
6049925 You'll see later
6049986 The story is going to be a bit fast. It's going to be a relatively short story, so the pacing is going to be a bit weird
the transformer exploded and a massive electrical fire engulfed the building
You're missing a word in there.
good story line, however, you might want to go back and redo parts where it moves at the speed of light.
Short chapter......
I like the story so far though. 
*plot intensifies*
6102913 Don't worry, this is only the tip of the iceberg with the emerging threat.
Holy crap did they just kill rarity.
6168613 Read the previous chapter
6049884 Yeah the rangers are a divison of the army
Is it a video game if so that narrows the list
6235229 Nope, the characters that make up the CAG team are characters from my main story Shellshock
6235423 then I must read it sound good
6290569 Thank you
Feeeeeed
6310206 Feed me Seymour, fed me!
awesome story give me a heads up for when the next chapter comes out
awesome story give me a heads up for when the next chapter comes out
6521288 Will do. I'm working on a few other stories along with school work though
Can't wait for a new chapter.
>>This story has major potential. Also when is the next update?
7221200 Right now, I'm working on a new story that i have in development. I'm usually too tired to work on stories because of my job. I'm planning on editing my original story Shellshock and re-posting it. Riddle may be taken down and reworked because i didn't have a plan for this one. I kind of want this one to focus more on healing and moving forward instead of action
Dang it
Live by the ranger motto: RANGERS LEAD THE WAY
8141177 RISE TO THE TOP! GIVE IT ALL YOU GOT! HOOAH!
(rough outline of a winged figure outside of his window)
Hm I wander how it cauld be
I wish this wasnt dead
11313864
Lost motivation, out grew the Fandom (I came in at 16. I'm 26 now) and been in and out of depression. On the plus side though, writing for the site (even though I never finished a story) helped me discover a lack for writing
11319428
oof so no more for this?