Simultaneously able to type 94 wpm and still take five years to finish a story. If you're feeling generous, throw a ko-fi at me.
After her first time donating blood, Fluttershy saw something that convinced her that Nurse Redheart is a vampony. Teaming up with Twilight Sparkle, the two try to prove and disprove, respectively, the vampony status of Nurse Redheart. Of course, all this must be done all while trying to avoid raising her suspicions.
Which, of course, cannot end well.
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Oh, Celestia...
Edit: This was surprisingly good. I was quite shocked that this wasn't a troll fic. The writing flowed and was humorous throughout. Couple of grammar mistakes here and there but nothing that really stood out. In terms of characterization, Twilight is well written, if a little bit less caring than I remember. Not really noticeable difference, however. Fluttershy, on the other hand, seems a good deal more forceful and less kind than I would expect of her, mostly in her thoughts as opposed to her actual dialog. One more thing I have to address is that you have very few descriptions of the environs in the fic. I didn't really mind, as a fan of the show can easily fill in the gaps, but you might want to improve on that in future chapters.
Oh, and another thing! 496047 Can we trade? I like Luna more! :weneedalunaemoticon:
Oh, Luna...
This sounds interesting, plus it looks like you covered just about all the basic rules.
Hmm, is that a 'Fluttershy Gets a Papercut' reference I see?
Twilight Sparkle: Smart enough to recognize the signs of the return of Nightmare Moon, but yet made the mistake of turning her back on the food she's cooking.
495999 It's the title, isn't it? I've always been terrible with names and such.
That's good. If you're not entertained, I feel I've failed.
I was trying for "defend my friends" Fluttershy, but she did come across a bit strong, I'll try to tone her back a bit.
Thanks for the points you brought up!
496618
I did my research *cough wikipedia cough* but if you think of another test I missed, let me know.
497794
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw2379.gif
Good eye. I didn't think anyone would catch that.
507568
Yep. Adorkableness at its finest.
Whoops, looks like FiMfiction ate your span tags. Maybe try them with square brackets instead of angle brackets?
620606
Alright....
edit: I just tried that, but it didn't seem to like those, either.
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw746.jpg
From my angle, the span tags seem to work for me only half of the time. I'm calling this a failed experiment.
Author's notes:
I tried making a space between lines. Does this make it easier to read, or just make it stretch out too long?
1) Totally not poking fun at the Twilight “saga”. Nope. Not at all.
2) Little filly Vinyl is probably the cutest thing ever. Just sayin'.
3) It was originally going to be 'holy water', but then I remembered that that would make no sense in this world. Unless it's like Celestia's sweat or something. ….Ew.
Looks like this chapter needs some repair work. Bad fimfiction eating this good authors tags.
789883
Argh, thought I had taken care of that already.... Fixed.
1) Oh, Vinyl... I imagine it would sound a little something like this.
2) It's funny how different I am depending on how tired I am. When I first wrote this scene early in the morning, Tired Me wrote “Fluttershy's wings flared out in surprise...” and thought that was perfectly fine. Awake Me a day or two later thought, “Did I just give Fluttershy a bondage fetish?” That was slightly awkward.
3) It was to retrieve the garlic from before. I'm so proud of my continuity!
4) But let it be known that in times of trial, Pinkie Pie will always *puts on sunglasses* “dessert” you. Yeeeeeaah!
Or what if every unicorn in Ponyville is a vampony?!
864392
I love how you do those little... (1)(2)(3)... things.
I'd consider doing that in my story, but I'm horrible at reference jokes.
nurse redheart is not a unicorn she is an earth pony just to let you know good work all the same
1) Obligatory flightless-bird pun for Scootaloo. Glad that's out of the way....
2) We all love you, Scootaloo... but I couldn't resist writing this scene, even if I did decide to cut it for being overkill:
Sweetie Belle added, “Though apparently, they are great in bed, whatever that's supposed to mean.” Scootaloo, who did know what that meant, found her mental control capabilities overwhelmed, and proceeded to sprint to the window and expel the contents of her little stomach violently. Sweetie Belle stopped and looked at Apple Bloom in confusion. “Was it something I said? I didn't think it was THAT bad of an idea...”
3) That is a lot of commas. Re-wording suggestions would be appreciated.
4) 'drink arsenic and study effects' and 'lick Celestia's cutie mark' were also on that list.
5) “Huzzah! The Royal Canterlot Voice has been doubled!”
6) Pulling a paper out from behind your back is actually canon.
7) For some reason, up until revision 3, it was Bon Bon counting muffins. I have no idea how I didn't catch this earlier.
8) Due to a previous comment, I thought it would be funny if all the possible vamponies she saw were unicorns. However, I scrapped that idea when the only background unicorn I could think of was Pokey Pierce. I then felt like a failure of a fan because I could only think of one.
9) If you haven't heard Brian Regan's Cup of Dirt section from his Stupid in School skit, it inspired this line and I highly recommend it.
10) I wanted to have Apple Bloom crack her knuckles here, but ponies don't have crackable knuckles. Does anyone know the pony equivalent?
11) Tired Me wanted to add this scene:
“All right... let's get you out of there.”
“Oh, thank you, Twilight. But like I said, I really don't mind.”
Twilight blinked.
“What I mean to say is, I really, really don't mind.”
Twilight digested this comment, then made a decision. “I'm going back to bed.” And she turned back towards home, her horn glowing.
“Oh, before you... go...” But Twilight had already gone. Fluttershy finished anyway. “It's... time for me to feed the chickens and if you wouldn't mind staying... Never mind.”
(And that's why I don't let that idiot near a computer.)
12) Aaand there's the obligatory Scootabuse. I think I've covered all my bases this round.
13) Much like the 'noodle incident' of Calvin and Hobbes infamy, I think some events are funnier if left undefined, because your imagination goes crazy. Or, as another cartoonist said, leaving it undefined is 'pushing the PG rating in your mind'. Personally, I think it involves Scootaloo in a frilly dress, or something similar.
14) Deep down inside, jerk though he be, I think Angel Bunny would really do such a thing to anypony who tried to harm Fluttershy. But that raises the question: what motivation lies deeper than that? Is it because he loves Fluttershy, or because she provides food and shelter and he's really just using her? The world may never know.... Actually, you can.
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(3) Some of the commas are unnecessary.
"The poison lemongrass had worn off, and Fluttershy had said that(need a comma here) after last night, she wanted to take a short break from vampony hunting,(possible start a new sentence here) so Twilight was, without a doubt, in a very happy mood, and she was very determined to make the most of this vampony-free day."
(8) Look up background characters on the My Little Pony Wiki. That's how I do mine.
(13) Scootaloo in a frilly dress... Hmm, reminds me of something...
Have a flutteryay.
1) As I wrote this line, I realized that I could say the same thing....
2) Well, not as a baby dragon, anyway.
3) That's one thing I've noticed about doctors. As a general rule, they are there to help people and they hate paperwork. Well, at the very least, I hate paperwork. But I'm not a doctor. And I certainly don't play one on TV.
4) inb4 Fluttermac hate!
Personally, I don't care much for shipping, but from an objective viewpoint: even though Fluttershy is a bit of a shrinking violet, it has happened before, so I guess it's possible.
Actually, what I hate is the combining of names to make it all cutesy. I find it most pointless and irksome. I'm pretty sure that's why she chose the names Peeta and Katniss. How are THOSE going to be combined? Go ahead, try it. Say them out loud. I'll wait.
5) Alternate lines considered:
'That green unicorn with the lyre mark hasn't, but even she's still into earth ponies.' Tenderheart nudged Redheart playfully. 'You know what they say about earth ponies...'
'His sister hasn't.' Tenderheart paused. '...I think.'
'I know, right? Even other stallions could go for that.'
'It's true. Everpony wants a taste of the apple.'
6) I didn't think anyone could hate puns. Then I had a roommate that hated puns. He told me that in Japanese, the term for 'pun' is loosely translated to 'old man joke', except the word 'man' is slang, and would almost be better translated 'old fart joke'.
He accidentally made a pun once. I thought he was going to hang himself with his belt right there.
I'm kidding, of course. But he did hit himself in the face with a book for a while.
7) That's fancy speak for, “On second thought, scratch that.”
8) I'm going to let your imagination run wild for the implications of that sentence. In all honesty, though, this phrase was inspired by a sign I saw at a hospital a couple years ago when I went in for an x-ray. It was on flu prevention, and said in large, all caps letters, “DO NOT DRINK BLEACH”. I asked the nurse checking me in about that. “Are people really dumb enough to do that?” She looked me right in the eyes and, in a mildly dismissive yet slightly disturbed voice, said, “You would not believe what some people will do.”
9) Well, it's not really over. I still have to resolve this thing, don't I... I mean, I can't call the story zomg vamponies and not have a vampony.
And I kindof want Vinyl to make a reappearance. She's pretty cool.
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....how have I never seen that before?
Now for Fluttershy to think the vampony is Twilight.
1) With this one line, I think I just referenced every single Octa/Scratch fic....
2) It's funny how stories can change over time through incarnations. In outline 1, Redheart was holding a needle, and when she was startled, she flung it behind her, embedding it in the door and that made Fluttershy faint. Outline v. 1.2 had her being accidentally stabbed with the needle. I think that was Tired Me's fault. This last version actually popped into my head as I was writing it out.
3) I b.s.ed this entire paragraph. But if you're like me, you probably just saw that it was a wall of text and just skimmed it anyway.
4) Do you know how long I've been waiting to use that line? A really long time, that's how long. Frankly, I'm surprised it didn't get tossed in there earlier.
Le sigh... that was fun.
So... if your eyes aren't bleeding from my writing yet, or you want to see how Berry Punch handles being a vampony, you can read another story set in the same continuum--Berry Punch in the Big City.
And frankly, if ANYONE can think of a better title than "zomg vamponies", I am more than open to change it. That's what I get for posting at 3 am...
1243128
It may be because I'm a geek when it comes to pop mythology, but I was fascinated by it. I thought you had thought it out or done research on it, so I was extremely impressed that you simply "b.s.ed" it.
3. I actually did read it.
1243379
I mean... uh...
*cough*
That one paragraph took me longer to write than the rest of the chapter, because I had to make sure her reasoning was accurate but still flowed well.
Yeah. That's what I meant.
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw835.gif
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Wow. Did not see that coming.
I'd do something along the lines of "Fluttershy: Vampony Hunter", "Unprofessional Vampony Hunters", or "Fangs for the Help". I know they're lame, but the only other one I could come up with that hadn't already been done is "Bloodlust", but that works better with a vampony as the protagonist. Besides, I sort of like "vomg Vamponies". Although, I don't know what vomg means.
Was expecting Luna to be the real vampony.
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Not in this story, sorry.
She does still hold the title of "best pony", though.
(even though she wasn't mentioned once in this story. That's how cool she is.)
That is likely the best possible ending, especially Celestia knowing that funky bit of vampire lore. Very awesome stuff. especially for referencing the excellent Pegasus Rescue Brigade
2723825
Thanks!
And yes, good catch. PRB's Shipping and Handling was the first epic story I really followed when I first joined the fandom, so they're a personal favorite.