//------------------------------// // Final test: Silver // Story: zomg vamponies, or, Fluttershy the Hunter // by bahatumay //------------------------------// Twilight paced and fretted incessantly as books swarmed around her, wreathed in a soft, purple glow. Spike watched with mild amusement (but he made sure he was well out of the way of the splash zone of her rage). “I'm just glad that the clinic is closed today!” Twilight said, continuing the rant she had been working on for the past few hours. “I don't think I could stand another day of vampony hunting. I'm just so sick of it! I can't wait until the next test is failed—because it will be!—and then maybe we can go back to things being normal!” Spike chose this time to make a witty observation. Having been present for many of Twilight's rants, he knew when to push and when to stay quiet. After four hours of ranting, it was no longer a 'stay quiet' time. “Things are never normal around here, Twi.” Twilight paused, apparently deciding between facehoofing and agreeing, and she chose the second. “Well, that's true, but you know what I meant! This is insane! Insaner than usual insane! I can't believe how much time I'm wasting on this when I could be doing something more productive!” (1) “You're helping a friend,” Spike started, but Twilight cut him off. “She's convinced herself that Redheart's a vampony! She'll be twisting evidence to fit her views!She won't see a failure as a failure!” Spike nodded. "Is there any way, theoretically speaking, for a vampony to resist the tests?" he asked. "I'm not sure! I'm looking! For anything to prove her wrong! Anything! Any exceptions! But there are no such things as vamponies!" Spike nodded sagely. Thanks to previous experience, he knew just how to deal with her at times like this, and now seemed like a good time to divert her attention. “That sounds very stressful. You should probably eat something.” “Not hungry,” Twilight said. Spike raised an eyebrow. “Twilight. It's four pm. You haven't even had breakfast yet.” Twilight's growling stomach concurred. Spike smiled. It wasn't often he was the voice of reason, but he enjoyed it every time he was. “Fine...” Twilight said. “Just don't let me forget where I was.” * * * Evening saw a much more peaceful household. Spike had, of course, let Twilight forget where she was, and Twilight, having lost her train of thought, had let it go (have you ever tried to rant without a full head of steam? You just can't do it!) and had finally gotten in some good reading before falling asleep. Luckily, there were no more nightmares; but alas, Twilight was not to get a good night's sleep tonight either. Tap, tap, tap. "Twilight!" she heard a faint voice call. "I'm not sleeping on the job!" Twilight said, sitting up—and promptly falling on her face. Disoriented, she sat up, scanning around her room. She had been in bed, it was night, Spike grumbled in his sleep and rolled over, her bookcases were still in pristine order, a pony floated at her window, the moon was.... Wait, what? She shook her head to clear it, but sure enough, Fluttershy was hovering by her window, tapping on the glass. Twilight opened it. "Fluttershy? What is it?" "Oh, I'm really sorry to disturb you...." "And yet you did it anyway?" Twilight muttered dryly. She regretted it the instant it slipped out of her mouth, but with the stress (and now sudden wake-up), her mental filter wasn't completely online yet. Fluttershy deflated visibly and cowed behind her pink mane, sinking lower as she spoke. "Oh, if it's too much of a bother, I guess I can ask tomorrow...." "No, no; I'm already awake now.” Twilight smiled and hoped she looked sincere. “What's bothering you?" "I had a dream, and I wanted to ask you... Do vamponies sparkle in the sunlight?" Twilight blinked. "Wat." She shook her head to clear it again. "Do... vamponies sparkle in sunlight? Is that what you asked?" "Um... yes." "No. They burn. Sparkling is the most ridiculous thing I have heard. Maybe next time you should double check the mushrooms you put in your salad." Twilight glanced over at the clock, and her jaw dropped. "Two in the morning?? Fluttershy!" "I'm sorry!" Fluttershy squeaked, retreating even further behind her mane. "I just wanted to know...." "It's fine." Twilight took a calming breath. "I'm going back to sleep. You can stay here if you don't want to fly back when it's this dark." "Oh, thank you. I don't like flying when it's this dark outside." And yet she had flown here in the dark? Twilight decided that Fluttershy was tougher than she looked. She should probably look more into that, write a friendship report or something, but it was just too early in the morning. * * * Early the next morning, Twilight woke up. She stretched happily, ready for this new day. Her good mood was suddenly killed when she remembered that Fluttershy had spent the night and then was expecting another vampony test today; however, her good mood was slightly restored by the smell of something cooking coming from the kitchen. As she trotted in, she saw Fluttershy add another pancake to the stack already in front of a very excited Spike. “Looks like someone's in a good mood this morning,” Twilight commented. “This is awesome! Can we keep her? Please?” Spike asked, drizzling even more syrup on his breakfast. Fluttershy blushed. “Well, I don't think all my animal friends would be too happy about that....” “We can't foalnap Fluttershy,” Twilight said, turning to Fluttershy and giving her a look, as if daring her to say that she wouldn't mind being foalnapped. Fluttershy didn't notice her glare, as she had turned back to the griddle and was expertly flipping another pancake. She did reply, though. "No, that would be a bad idea. I have too much to do at home." * * * After a very tasty breakfast, Fluttershy read the next item on the list. “Test number three: silver.” “Our third and final test,” Twilight said, trying not to let her relief show. “We can ask Rarity about that. I'm sure she has a lot of jewelry she can lend you.” Fluttershy nodded. “That's a good idea. I can go in for a simple check-up, and see how she reacts to all the silver. I can go see Rarity right now.” Twilight cocked her head. “Are you sure the boutique is open right now?” Fluttershy nodded and turned towards the door. “She started extended hours this week. She opens at seven and closes at seven.” “That's... extraordinarily convenient,” Twilight said, as Fluttershy left. Spike shrugged. "Weirder things have happened here." * * * You know that sense that all mares have, when they can tell that another mare is looking especially attractive? Twilight's sense went off about an hour later. This was mildly surprising, because the only other visible being was Spike, and although he was making muscles in the mirror, nothing he was doing could qualify as “hot”. (2) But when Fluttershy walked in, it all made sense. Twilight couldn't help but stare in awe. She wore various bracelets and necklaces, and somehow Rarity had managed to place them in such a way that they accentuated Fluttershy's natural beauty (much to the yellow pegasus's embarrassment). “Wow, Fluttershy... Rarity sure did a number on you.” Fluttershy blushed bright red and tried to hide behind her mane, but Rarity had styled it and pulled it back and her face was still exposed. “Oh, Twilight, would you please come with me? I've never been stared at so much and I don't want to be alone...” “Are you really going to go in like that?” Fluttershy gestured at the necklaces and earrings that graced her body. “I don't think I have much of a choice.” “You don't?” Twilight asked. Fluttershy gestured with one hoof, and Twilight saw that they were held in place with a sticking spell, a typical trick of the fashion world. It held the bracelets and other ornaments on the pony so they didn't fall off. It was a simple charm, but specifically tuned to the one that had cast it, and so canceling it would take magic that would be best preformed by the original caster. Sure, given a little time, Twilight could crack it; but if she channeled wrong, she could end up breaking the bracelets or, worse, making the bonds permanent. Well, permanent until her fur grew out, anyway. Of course, they could just cut the fur off, but that would definitely earn her some stares (and not the good kind) and that fashion emergency would probably give Rarity a heart attack. Twilight steeled herself. “Well, then, let's go. I'm sure it won't be too bad.” * * * Fluttershy sat despondently on a chair in the waiting room. “That was the worst experience of my life.” “It wasn't that bad,” Twilight tried to comfort her friend, but, for once, Fluttershy was right. “I have never had so many ponies looking at me before. And they were whistling!” That had been a little over the top, Twilight did agree with that. “Well, at least you're safe now,” Twilight said. At that moment, Berry Punch stumbled in, an exasperated-looking Ruby Pinch behind her. She looked at Fluttershy and did a comical double take. “Whoa, Fluttershy!” She walked up to the yellow pegasus, smiling broadly (and bringing the smell of alcohol, which clashed with the already strong smell of antiseptic). She leaned up against Fluttershy. “You got some nice duds on!” Fluttershy just blushed, while Twilight rolled her eyes. Berry Punch began playing with her necklace, batting it like a cat toy. “Heehee,” she laughed. She held it up to her face and cuddled it. “It's nice.” Without warning, she collapsed onto Fluttershy, still holding the necklace. “You're... nice too, Flutter...” she said, before losing consciousness. Fluttershy looked up helplessly. Twilight shrugged. Ruby Pinch sighed. “I'm sorry,” she said. “She does that sometimes.” She walked up and began stroking her mother's mane. At that moment, Redheart walked in, and seeing the strange setup, couldn't hide a sigh. She levitated a clipboard. “So... Berry Punch?” Berry didn't even stir. Redheart's eyes narrowed, but she didn't push the issue. “Fluttershy?” Fluttershy glanced down at the sleeping Berry Punch and squeaked awkwardly. “All right, then. Twilight Sparkle?” “Oh, I'm not here for... well, I wasn't... uh... ok.” * * * Twilight grumbled to herself as she left. “You have high blood pressure,” she said in a mocking voice. “It's probably due to stress... Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure that one out... vamponies everywhere... dreams... Fluttershy...” She turned to look at Berry Punch, still draped across Fluttershy. “Oh... and drunk ponies,” she added another complaint to that list. “No wonder I'm stressed.” Redheart checked her clipboard for no other reason than for appearance (as Fluttershy was the only other pony in the waiting room). “Fluttershy?” “Um, Berry?” Fluttershy started kindly. “I... uh.. kindof have to get up, now.” Berry didn't stir, but her back left leg did twitch. “Oh, for...” and with that, Twilight's horn glowed; and she lifted the drunken pony up off of Fluttershy and set her down none too gently on the floor. Ruby glared at Twilight accusingly, and then snuggled up to her mother on the floor. Berry reacted immediately, reaching out and pulling her daughter close happily. Twilight sighed. This was probably going to be a long day. Again. * * * Twilight sighed as she picked up her lunch again. “Well, so what did your investigation reveal?” Fluttershy chewed thoughtfully. “I'm perfectly healthy, so that was nice to hear. She looked tired today.” “Yeah. She apologized to me and said she hadn't eaten breakfast this morning. Running late again.” “I'm not so sure... did you see her sigh when she saw me?” Twilight personally thought Redheart might simply have been tired of seeing Fluttershy; but if she said that out loud, the pegasus would be crushed forever. So she settled with a much safer, “Yes, and?” “She saw the silver... What if she knows?” "I don't think so. I think she was weak because she skipped breakfast," Twilight maintained. "She was weak because of the silver!" Fluttershy maintained just as stoutly (albeit at half the decibels). Twilight sighed and pushed the rest of her hayfries over. “We'll have to develop another test or something. You can have the rest of these, I'm going home.” “Ok. Good bye, Twilight.” * * * It was a quiet late-afternoon at the Ponyville clinic. Tenderheart was nearly done filing paperwork, while Redheart was cleaning some equipment. With no one else around, Redheart decided to air some pressing concerns she'd recently been having. “Say, Tenderheart, would you mind being open with me?” Tenderheart nodded slowly, confused as to where Redheart was going with this. They had been working together for a while now, but their relationship was mostly professional. “So Fluttershy has been coming in a lot recently, right? I can't be the only one thinking this.” Tenderheart nodded. “Yes. No. Wait... No. Yes! Wait... No... wait..." She sighed in annoyance. "No, you're not alone; yes, she has been coming in a lot. Why?” “And she looked like she'd dressed up a bit for her check-up, right?” “Glad I wasn't the only one to notice that, too,” Tenderheart said. “The silver and yellow kindof clashed, though.” Redheart swallowed. “Well.... you don't think.... she might.... you know, like me or something?” Tenderheart laughed. Let me rephrase that. She burst out in uncontrollable gales of laughter so strong and overwhelming that she had to set down her paperwork, and wipe a tear from her eye. Redheart narrowed her eyes. “You saying I'm unlovable, Tenderheart?” she growled, her professionalism cracking slightly. Tenderheart attempted to stifle her laughter. “No, no, not at all, but she doesn't exactly swing that way. She's got her eyes on.... shall we say.... 'bigger prey'.” Redheart's interest was piqued. “Who?” “Oh, I can't say.” Redheart's eyes narrowed. “Doctor-patient confidentiality,” Tenderheart smiled. Redheart could have sworn that an innocent little halo had appeared over her head. “That is NOT on our list of things we can't talk about. I know the list—I did all the paperwork before you came.” And I hated EVERY minute of it, she silently added. (3) Tenderheart merely smiled and turned away. “Nope!” she sang. She froze when she saw a white glow around the bottommost paper in her completed stack. She turned, horrified, to see Redheart, her horn glowing softly. “Tell me,” she said. There's professionalism, and then there's getting things done, and Redheart knew how to walk the line between the two. “No,” Tenderheart said uncertainly. “You wouldn't.” Redheart gave a little tug. The stack slipped precariously closer to the desk edge. “I would.” Tenderheart felt her resolve weaken like cotton candy in water. “But that's alphabetized,” she whimpered. The stack slid a little bit closer to the edge. Tenderheart bit her lip. Redheart smiled cheekily. The standoff could only end one way. “Fine!! It's the Apple stallion!” (4) Tenderheart wailed. “Just leave my paperwork alooooone!” Redheart was, quite frankly, disappointed by this revelation. “Big Macintosh? Seriously? Name one mare who hasn't crushed on him,” she said, instantly crinkling her nose at the slight slang phrase that had left her mouth. “I know, right?” She gave a quirky smile. “I wouldn't mind having him.... do a checkup on me, if you know what I mean.” (5) Pause. “I did NOT need that in my head!” Redheart moaned, rubbing her temple furiously to try to rid herself of that particular mental image. Tenderheart laughed at her colleague’s plight. “So is that why you sighed when you saw Fluttershy?” Redheart slammed a hoof into her face. “No, but thanks for reminding me... I have to go to a wedding this weekend and her outfit reminded me that I needed to pick up some clothes. And probably a ton of jewelry.” Redheart shuddered. “Ooh...” Tenderheart grinned. “Fancy wedding?” “The fanciest.” An eyeroll slipped out from behind Redheart's mask of professionalism. “My sister is marrying this hotshot lawyer, and so I have to be there.” “Sounds like you're not too excited to go,” Tenderheart observed. Redheart exhaled. “My family has never... approved of my profession. Too personal, too much helping, and not enough money for my father's tastes.” Tenderheart nodded compassionately. Her own parents had hoped she would take over the family business, and they hadn't kept much in contact since Tenderheart had moved to Ponyville and changed her name to fit her new profession. “So I'm going to Rarity's tomorrow, if I remember.” “You remember a lot of things,” Tenderheart said comfortingly. “You barely need these files, you remember medications, training, patient history, I'm not surprised you don't have any more room for yourself in there.” Not sure if she was being complimented or criticized, Redheart settled for nodding. “In fact, you could just go right now,” Tenderheart suggested. “A little change of pace.” “Her shop is still open?” Redheart asked in surprise. “New extended hours from seven to seven. Saw it this morning on my way to work.” “That's generous of her,” Redheart remarked, turning back to her desk. Tenderheart snorted a laugh, prompting a funny look from Redheart. “What?” Realization (and horror) dawned. “...Did I just make a pun?” Tenderheart couldn't hold back her laughter anymore. Redheart set her head down on her desk and exhaled in defeat. She hated puns. (6) “Well, go on, then! I can finish this paperwork myself. You could use a little distraction.” Redheart shook her head, but turned and headed out the door anyway. * * * Most mares, if not all, enjoy feeling beautiful and desired. Rarity personally knew of dresses she had made for no less than seven different mares that had never seen the nightlife; they were for putting on whenever those mares were feeling down and needed a little shot of self-esteem. Fluttershy was no different. She looked at herself in the mirror, admiring the necklaces and earrings. She pretended she was a beautiful princess, walking stately down the street as everypony stopped, bowed, and lifted their heads to stare. Wait. Everypony staring? At her? Fluttershy let out an 'eep!' and shook her head to escape her daydream. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, after all. “I'll just return these now,” she said. * * * Fluttershy knocked quietly on the door to the Carousel Boutique. “The open sign is there for a reason!” a happy voice sang out. “Come in!” Fluttershy pushed the door open and felt her heart drop at the sight. She saw Nurse Redheart standing on a little platform, wearing a dress worthy of a Gala afterparty. The ensemble fit well against her white fur, the vibrant colors accenting her body nicely. She was still wearing her hat, but Fluttershy knew that Rarity would probably veto that. Of course, that's not what really bothered her. What really bothered her was the jewelry that she was wearing. Silver accented her clothes, and large silver earrings adorned her ears. “Fluttershy!” Rarity trotted up happily. “Well, did they work? Did you catch that colt's eye? I'm sure nopony would be able to resist that look!” Fluttershy flushed deep red, looked down, and mumbled something that sounded vaguely like, “not really”. Redheart digested this new development. Surely she was just getting a bit paranoid. It's not like Fluttershy would lie to Rarity about which gender she wished to woo. Upon further reflection, she redacted that statement. (7) Being the primary caregiver for most of Ponyville, she had seen some weird things done for weird reasons, and had long since given up being surprised by anything. (8) Fluttershy was still flushing bright red. She had told Rarity that she wanted the jewelry to attract a colt. After Rarity had squealed out all of her excitement (about seven minutes worth), she had been happy to help. And she had tried—she had walked by Sweet Apple Acres. And it had worked. Kindof. The shiny silver stood out against the green, brown, and red that covered the orchard, and Big Mac had noticed and caught her eye. At that point, Fluttershy had lost all her nerve and kept walking away. Quickly. Ok, maybe she flew away. And she might have been going as fast as she could. But it was a mild improvement over what normally happened—nothing. “I came to give these back,” she said. “Oh, that's just what I was looking for,” Rarity muttered, quickly and easily undoing the spell of holding. Fluttershy's necklaces and bracelets all fell off in a pile of silver, and Rarity picked one up and placed it against Redheart's fur. Fluttershy waited with baited breath. Redheart held it up and adjusted it with her teeth until it sat perfectly in the middle of her foreleg. She rotated her hoof, noting how it gleamed in the light. “Yes,” she said. “I think this will do nicely.” Rarity smiled broadly, happy at having made another excellent choice. “Now, if you're going for a full wedding, you're going to need another color for the reception...” Redheart groaned in annoyance. “And probably another for the afterparty...” Fluttershy knew her work here was done. “I'll just leave you two, then,” she said, turning back towards the door. Redheart decided to perform a little experiment. “Oh, Fluttershy?” The pegasus looked back. “Your mane looks nice like that.” Fluttershy looked down, scuffed a hoof and mumbled a “thank you” before turning to leave. Redheart hid her relief well. That had been the embarrassed action of a shy pony, not the embarrassed action of a love-struck pony. This relief was short-lived as Rarity accidentally stuck her with a needle right in the flank. Redheart gasped in pain and then groaned in annoyance again. It was just her luck. Fluttershy, on her part, was hating her luck, too. Twilight: 3; Fluttershy: 0 Game, set, and match (9)