• Member Since 17th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen February 22nd

Drefsab


I'm a guy who gets bored at work and writes about ponies. Sometimes it's clop, sometimes it's action and adventure. Hopefully I'm not terrible at it. Rarity is best pone.

Comments ( 1840 )

Here it is, my return to romance. I hope you all enjoy it, and please feel free to leave any constructive feedback or comments in general.
:raritywink:

oh this is going to be fun

fav and like because why not :derpytongue2:
Looks good will definitely keep an eye on this :twilightsmile:

The golden armour suits her :pinkiecrazy:

My body is ready for this tale. :rainbowdetermined2:

Liked and fav'd for great justice.

Nice one buddy, S&B was epic, this is shaping up to be more of the same. Keep it up.

What? That doesn't seem physically possible."
"That's what the poor sod kept screaming as his ear canal was violated."

Red vs Blue reference!

When I heard there might be a Celestia story coming, you had my curiosity. But now you have my attention!

So far I really like what you've done with the first chapter of this story. Loving the ancient Roman references and military style and the characters that have been introduced seem interesting as well (really hoping to see more of the "political" interaction in the future, e.g. Elinwynn/Celestia).

Keep up the good work!

This is a public service announcement:

If you downvote something on the premise alone without reading it, you're an asshole.

If you're downvoting something for a valid reason, unless it's a story that's so bad that it's self-evident, or it's one of those authors that obviously won't listen, then you're an asshole for not providing a single reason why.

This message was brought to you by the People Objecting to Nefarious Idiocy and Egregious Stupidity group. P.O.N.I.E.S. is an award-winning organization that has been internationally recognised for its efforts to reduce idiocy levels throughout the Internet.

Edit: This edit does not exist and is a figment of your imagination. I didn't slightly revise the above acronym at all when I was no longer in a rush. *cough*

"What? That doesn't seem physically possible."
"That's what the poor sod kept screaming as his ear canal was violated."

Shout out to Red vs Blue!

This certainly has potential. Let's see where it goes!

A well written chapter, interesting story building going on. I also enjoy that you used a deer dignitary for Celestia to talk to, so many fics just go with griffins and it gets a little tiring.
The one gripe I have about this was that the human wasn't in the chapter so I wasn't completely able to decide whether or not this is something I wan't to read. The human is a real deal breaker for me because if he is made out too weak, or too strong, or too passive, or too aggressive.... it can completely fuck over a story. But I also understand why you didn't want to put him in just yet. Can't wait for more! :twilightsmile:

3855566
Actually, Tercio (the human) is in the first part of the chapter. However, since that particular segment was focused on a retelling on the Luna/Celestia fight, he wasn't the main focus. You'll see more of him in the next chapter. I thought the small cues that he's human (like covering his face with his hands to shield himself from the blast) would be sufficient without me ramming "HEY, THIS GUY IS A HUMAN" exposition down everyone's throats. Maybe it was TOO subtle...

3855662 Oh OH, I'm sorry. I guess I merely assumed he was a pony. Well then ignore the rest of my comment! :twilightoops: Boy do I feel foolish. I guess I sometimes get so used to seeing certain words that I place them in places they shouldn't be, or ignore them entirely. I didn't even see the word 'hands'. Haha, I feel really dumb now.
Anywho, can't wait to see more of him.

Hmmm... that cover art seems familiar. Oh yeah, because it's my screen saver.

3855868
You have excellent taste in screensavers.

3853504
I disagree almost completely. The premise is a fundamental aspect of a story.

3856970
I think you missed the point of Abstract's post. He's saying that downvoting a story purely because it's a genre you don't like is bullshit, and so is downvoting something for a legitimate reason and not providing feedback as to why you did so.
Stories should be taken on a per-case basis.

Both of which I agree with entirely.

3856970
Just because you don't like the premise of a story does not mean that the story can't be good. Without actually reading it, you can't know. Refusing to read it because of the premise is one thing, something I can completely understand. However, giving something a downvote should be reserved for a story that you actually don't like or is poorly written. A story's premise has nothing to do with the quality of the story or the writing and until you read the story itself, you can't know the writing is poor or that the story is shit.

There are exceptions to this, I'll admit, but a story like this isn't one of them.

Huh. Nifty. You have a planned update schedule, or will the updates just fall when they do?

Oh yes, I know I'm going to love this story. Great prologue, great writing, and what I love most of all, great action with no loss in detail (gore). I'm gonna be followin' this story like a hawk in the sky lookin' fer lunch. :rainbowdetermined2:

3857455
I write these chapters while I'm at work (lol lazy job), and while I don't have a set schedule per se, I try to put out a new chapter every couple of weeks at the most. Keep in mind that I'm currently writing for both this story and a previous story, Red Sky, so updates will be staggered between the two...unless I catch the urge to write for this one more.
Rest assured I'll try to get a new chapter out as quickly as possible!

3853504

Well said! Unfortunately cynic and pessimist in me don't think that your post is gonna help that much because I think these downvotes were given by a people who downvote by principle.
I have this saying that I don't know if it translates well but here it goes: "principles start from where common sense ends". Therefore I argue that you cannot use logic or common sense for those who have really strong principles.

About the story itself: Really nice first chapter I liked it a lot! I also missed that Tercio is human. Must have something to do with a lot of stories which keep constantly mixing up hooves and hands and I kinda thought that was the case here. My bad! :facehoof:

Could just be a weird format issue on my end but..

for my feeling the text is to close together, sentence after sentence yet barely no empty space, which makes it rather a difficult read for me (who always lets his mind wander off whilst reading stories like this)

so if you could add some more empty space to prevent the wall of text feel i would personally really appreciate it.

Other than that, i really enjoy the story and i'm looking forward to more :)

3860612
I figured this would pop up. In the past I've written stories with quite a bit of "white space". This time around I'm trying a more book-like format. It can always be changed, though.

Aru

Oh..oh! It is you! Ok, I didn't noticed you have made a new story! Time to check it out than.

Interesting first chapter. The only thing that bugged me was that there really wasn't much mention of pegasi and unicorns making use of their natural abilities in the battle towards the end. I'm not sure how effective a shield wall advance like that would be against flying enemies who could go around it with little effort. Not to mention that there wasn't really any use of unicorn magic aside from I assume holding and using shields, and weapons. Maybe there's some explanation I'm missing but it certainly made for some rather illogical tactics on both sides assuming that they weren't all earth ponies.:unsuresweetie:

3861542
I didn't mention pegasi or unicorns because there were none in the battle. Don't worry, I'll get around to my personal story canon soon enough
:duck:

Aru

3861542 I agree this bit was a little confusing. I can understand pegasi not flying (arrows and all that shit, at least until archers are down, no sense in flying, not everyone is Rainbow Dash), but why not magic? At least some protecting spell.

3863828 Oh okay that makes much more sense. Thanks for clearing it up.:twilightsmile:

Hmm, I suspect either a protection racket or a false flag operation. Though, one must wonder why Legionaries are helping the deer if that is the case.

And, Tercio is human? That really wasn't explained very well. I didn't get that at all until I read the comments. Also, why no explanation on how he's a human in Equestria? Just wondering.

Anyway, this is an intriguing concept, and I'll definitely be following it.

3866613
Patience, grasshopper. All will be revealed in good time. Generally I am not a fan of giant info-dumps at the start of stories, as I feel it a lazy and forced way to tell about your world. I prefer to dole it out over time. Don't worry, next chapter will cover Tercio more in-depth.

Chapter 2, completely typed up and ready to go in 3 days of work. Not too bad if I do say so. Hope you all enjoy it.
:raritywink:

Also, you didn't see me accidentally publish this without a chapter name at first. Nope. It was all a figment of your pony-crazed imaginations. A figment, I tell you!

This chapter didn't pop out on my update list. Weird.

3874932
3874969
Really? That's pretty strange. Not sure what could cause that.

3874971

Luckily I saw it in my feed, but it wasn't in my update list.

Pretty awesome. I get this Game of Thrones feel from this, if you can believe it. I like it, personally.

This reminds me so much of the HBO show Rome. It's my new favorite thing ever.

3874971
Nine times out of ten, it seems to be because the author (accidentally or otherwise) published, unpublished, and re-published the chapter. The server thinks it's a re-post, and doesn't flag it as new. The rest of the time, who knows. :derpytongue2:

3875275
Not true. When I accidentally unpublished and then republished two of my chapters (who the fuck puts an unconfirmable unpublish button next to the edit button?), I had tons of comments asking where the new chapter was. However, several times when I update, I have even more people mentioning that my story didn't show up in their favorites list. First I assumed it was because there's over a hundred chapters and well over a million words and the server couldn't handle that, but I'm hearing more people having the same problem.

Something is rotten in the state of fimfic, and it's not writers fucking up when they publish chapters.

I have little doubt that this visit may have been spurred by the appearance of the traitorous guard... I'm interested in seeing what the chancellor has to say about it.

Chances of Celestia being waylaid and hiding out in Summervale? My 8-ball says "likely."

I'm also very suspicious of Terico's almost evasive answer about his "relations."

I can tell this is going to be another one of those stories that's strangely hard for me to read. Like Indigo Eclipse's "To Love the Moon" I just can't help but be jealous of the protagonists and their relationships with the princesses. Terico you lucky bastid.

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