Chapter 1
Princess Celestia was enjoying her morning cup of tea when an unexpected knock came from her bedroom doors. Eyebrow rising in curiosity, she used her magic to unlock the double-doors to allow entrance to whomever deemed it so important to interrupt her morning routine. To her honest surprise it was none other than her younger sister Princess Luna. She stepped into the sparsely decorated room, her sapphire eyes squinted against the morning light, with her dark blue mane a tangled mess from having woken up so early.
“Luna,” Celesta rose from her couch to talk to her sister’s side. “What brings you here so early? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”
Luna tried to cover her yawn with a hoof but failed. “Yes, we,” she frowned, cleared her throat, and tried again. “Yes I should be sleeping, but I needed to talk to you beforehoof.”
Celestia led Luna deeper into the bedroom. “May I offer you some tea, sister?”
“No.” Luna replied stiffly. She paused for a moment then added, “No thank you.”
Celestia smiled. Despite all their hardships, Luna was trying her best to regain her rightful place in the palace. It would take some time for Celestia’s younger sister to understand how the world works in this day and age, but she was certain that Luna would get a grasp on things soon enough. “So, what is it I can do for you?”
“I wish to request an audience with your student Twilight Sparkle.”
Celestia blinked. “You do realize that you don’t need my permission for such a meeting?”
“Yes, I do. However, it has come to my attention that any time I wish to speak to Twlight in private; you manage to get in the way It is no fault of your own, sister, but you know how much Twilight looks up to you. If your presence is known, Twilight will rush to your side like a puppy to its master.”
Celestia furrowed her brow. “I am not sure I approve of that analogy, but I do understand it.” She considered for a moment. “But of course. You feel free to summon Twilight to the palace and I will make sure that I will remain on the other side of the palace during her visit. This way there will be no chance that Twilight will run into me, thus ruining your plans.”
Luna bowed her head slightly. “I truly appreciate this, big Sister.” She said with a faint smile. “Now, if you would please excuse me.” She yawned a second time. “I really would like to get some sleep.”
“Please do.” Celestia smiled. She watched her sister walk out of the room before lying back down upon her couch. Hmm, she pondered. What could Luna want to do with Twilight that requires such privacy? Hm. Ah well. She shrugged her elegant shoulders while taking a sip from her teacup.
That evening, after the sun had set and the moon had raised high into the sky, Celestia took note of a particular carriage that approached the palace gates. She was standing upon her bedroom balcony, watching with mild curiosity as her prized pupil, Twilight Sparkle, exited the carriage to be escorted to Luna’s chambers. Celestia tapped her front hooves against the tiled floor of the balcony. What could those two be up too this late at night?
A chuckle escaped her lips. No, no, no. I promised Luna that I would give her privacy with Twilight. There is absolutely nothing for me to be concerned about. I am sure that whatever it is that Luna needs from Twilight, it would be handled in a manner most proper.
Celestia retreated to the comforts of her bedroom. She had had a very long day and wanted nothing more than to catch a few winks before the time came where she would have to raise the sun. She set her tiara down upon the nightstand next to her bed, slipped into a sheer white nightie, then flopped – none so gently – down upon her mattress.
She was just about to doze off when a pair of giggling voices caught her attention.
“Shh,” she heard Luna whisper. Celestia’s ear perked. “Don’t wake Her Majesty up.” Luna was giggling. It has been over a thousand years since Celestia had heard Luna make such a sound. Despite having been so rudely woken up, Celesita couldn’t help but smile upon hearing her sister so happy.
“Are you sure we won’t get caught?” Twilight’s nervously whispered.
“Nonsense. Celestia is a heavy sleeper.”
“If you say so. I’ve just never snuck around the palace before.”
“Trust me,” Luna giggled again. “This will be worth it. Follow me!”
Celestia listened as the girls trotted past her bedroom and up the tower. Celestia frowned. What in the sun’s name could the girl’s be doing up there? Why, there wasn’t anything above Celestia’s chambers except for an old attic that had once been a library. At first Celestia considered that Luna wanted to show Twilight some old books and scrolls, but then she remembered that the attic was empty. What could they be doing?
Her curiosity got the better of her. Yes she promised Luna that she would stay away from Twilight, but this was just too weird for her to resist. She had to figure out just what her baby sister was up too so, as quietly as she could, she snuck out of her bedroom to follow Luna and Twilight to the attic.
She found that the door to the attic was slightly ajar by the time she had reached the chamber. She tip-toed to the door, laid down, and listened to what was being said.
“Are you sure this is okay with Celestia?” Twilight whimpered. “I mean, I’ve never snuck around like this before.”
“Don’t worry, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna was obviously doing her best to keep her normally bellowing voice to a mere whisper. “She’ll never find out. This will be our little secret.”
Oh! Secrets! Celestia thought with a grin. I wonder what juicy little secrets my sister has to share with Twilight Sparkle.
“If you say so.” Twilight was quiet for a moment, and then said. “So how do you want to start?”
“Alright,” Luna replied. “Now, I’ve done this by myself several times, but never with another pony, so bare with me.”
Celestia blinked.
“Of course, Princess.”
“Twilight Sparkle,” Luna scolded gently. “You don’t need to call me princess when we are doing something so special together.” Her voice lowered to a soft whisper, straining Celestia’s ability to hear. “When we are together like this, consider me…I dunno, a friend. Okay?”
Twilight’s voice perked right up upon hearing that. “Of course Prin…er, I mean, Luna! I’m honored to be your friend.”
“Huzzah!” Luna exclaimed. “Okay, now I need a few seconds to set this up.” Celestia heard the faint sounds of metal scraping metal. “Wow,” Twilight said suddenly. “I’ve never seen one like that before.”
“Isn’t it great?” Luna whispered back. “Top of the line. I just got it last week and I couldn’t wait to try it out.” More sounds of something being assembled. “Now, I’ve done this alone a few times, but you know what I’ve learned, Twilight? This is something best experienced with another pony. It just isn’t the same when you do it alone.”
“I can understand that. I feel the same way.”
There was a pause in the conversation. “You’ve done this before?” Luna asked, sounding a bit disappointed. “This isn’t your first time?”
“No! I-uh-mean yes, I’ve done it before, several times in fact. I usually have to wait until Spike falls asleep but, yes, I’ve done it before. But I’ve never used one like this. I mean, mine is just so…well…dinky compared to yours. To be honest, I’m actually quite excited to try yours out.”
Celestia’s eyes widened. What in the name of the Sun and Moon was going in that room?
“Do you mean that?” Luna asked almost timidly.
“Of course I do! I mean, yours is obviously fancier than mine. Not to mention that it’s a lot bigger too.”
Luna giggled. “Well, when I saw it being advertised, I couldn’t resist. You know what they say, Bigger is Better.”
Celestia’s jaw dropped.
“Exactly! Mine is not bad, but it doesn’t always get the job done.”
“Well I guarantee you, Twilight, that this will satisfy you unlike any other.” The sound of heavy metal being pushed against the floor could be heard. “Now hold very still while I calibrate it.”
“Okay,” Twlight said. A moment later, however, she squeaked in pain. “Ow! Right in my eye!”
“Oh Twilight, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean too! It just happened! I swear it was an accident.”
Twilight chuckled. “It’s okay. It happens to the best of ponies. I’ve gotten myself in the eye quite a few times. I’m surprised that I don’t need to wear an eyepatch.”
“Twilight, you must be more careful!”
“I can’t help it! Sometimes I just get so excited…” Twilight giggled softly.
“I know the feeling. Alright, Twilight, are you ready?”
“I’m nervous. I’ve never done this with another pony before. I mean, I’ve tried to get Rainbow Dash interested but she never gives it a chance.”
“That’s surprising,” Luna replied. “I’d always figured her to be a pony that would enjoy this.”
“Right?” Twilight responded. “Okay, now let’s see what we go here.” There was some silence then, “Oh wow, it’s so big!”
“Do you like it?”
“I do, but, well, I cannot really…get it all in.”
Celestia felt her cheeks flush.
“Here, you need to just adjust it. Let me help you.”
“Wait,” Twilight squeaked. “Wait…oh, too much! Too much1”
“Sorry, let me pull back a bit. Okay, how’s that?”
“Much better! I got it all now. Wow! This is amazing! I’ve never experienced it like this before.”
“I knew you would enjoy it! Huzzah!”
“Shhhh!” Twilight giggled. Luna giggled in response. “How is it? Does it need more adjusting?”
“No, I think I got it now. I just need to twist it around like this, and then push myself a bit higher and I’m able to get what I need. Ah! There it is! Right there! That’s the spot!”
“I cannot belief it!” Luna exclaimed. “It’s so fast!”
“I almost can’t keep up with it!” Twilight chirped. “This is amazing! Oh, Luna…”
“I know, Twlight, I’m coming! Just hold on.”
“I don’t think I can! It’s too fast!”
Celestia had heard enough! She barged into the room, eyes a-blazed with both embarrassment and outrage. “Twilight Sparkle!” Her voice boomed so loud that the walls shook. “What exactly is going on here?”
Twilight jumped and dove behind Princess Luna who went from shocked, to surprised, to irritated. “Celestia! You promised!”
“I promised to give you your privacy, but if I knew that you two were…”
“Looking at the stars?” Luna scowled. She pointed her hoof at a large telescope that she had assembled in the attack. It was pointed halfway out of the window and there were two eyepieces built into it so each pony could look at different parts of the sky. “We were watching a falling star enter the atmosphere until you came to ruin everything.” She growled. “Now we missed its impact!”
Celestia felt her white cheeks turn a bright pink. “I, well, I mean to say is…” She swallowed then sighed. “My apologies, the both of you.” She looked to her younger sister. “I should have respected your wishes and stayed out of this. As a way of apologizing, I will see to it that the Canterlot Observatory is available whenever Twilight wishes.” She lowered her eyes. “And for you, Luna…well…” She gnawed upon her lower lip. “Any favor you wish from me, I shall grant it as way of apologizing.”
Luan grinned. “That may come in handy someday.” She bowed her head. “I accept.”
“I am sorry to have woken you up, Princess.” Twilight mewled weakly.
“I am sorry for ruining your evening.” Celestia smiled. “Please, enjoy the rest of your night. I shall retire to my room. Good night the both of you.”
“Good night, Princess.” Twilight replied with a smile.
“Night big sister,” Said Luna.
Celestia left the room while shaking her head. How could I have thought such horrible things of my pupil and my little sister? She retreated to her room and crawled back into her bed.
Luna waited until she heard Celestia’s door close before turning towards Twilight with a coy smile. “So, now that she’s gone…doest thou wishest to make out?”
Twilight returned the grin, albeit hers was a lot more bashful. “Okay!” she chirped.
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bravo, good sir!
I got the weirdest boner...
...then I burst I fell out my chair laughing 
...and then that ending made me giggle, knew that kinda twist would happen
That was incredible, very well written. I figured it wasn't a vibrator, but I was wondering "what in Celestia's name could it be...?" I particularly loved the ending, TwiLuna ftw
Bwahahahahahahaahahaahahahaha!
...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zSHz7Thvbc
Ha, the punchline
Near the end, you wrote:
"Luna left the room while shaking her head. How could I have thought such horrible things of my pupil and my little sister? She retreated to her room and crawled back into her bed. "
Don't you mean "Celestia left the room"?
Awesome story anyway
oh you... great story funny and cute like luna herself
i feel like such a nerd for listening to the this while reading.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7O91GDWGPU&feature=related
i don't know how to link to a word so sue me. :/
also, Dat ending.
Bwahahahahahahaa, this one got me. I knew what would happen, canon being that Luna and Twi both love stargazing, but the twist really had me in stitches. Very well done.
You have some minor issues with typos and so forth, but I am certain a good pre-reader could help point them out and fix them.
Have a thumbs-up for making my evening a lot funnier.
I knew they were stargazing. And the end makes it priceless.
absolutly epic, so damn good, couldnt stop laughing!
(for anyone that decided to read comments before reading the story; DONT, the hints will probably ruin it for you)
although i had figured it out somewhere around here, maybe a little later, definetly by the 'rainbow dash' part:
“No! I-uh-mean yes, I’ve done it before, several times in fact. I usually have to wait until Spike falls asleep but, yes, I’ve done it before. But I’ve never used one like this. I mean, mine is just so…well…dinky compared to yours. To be honest, I’m actually quite excited to try yours out.”
but that ending really got me, right when you thought that there was NOTHING like that involved! i wasent really expecting any of the sort since there wasen't a tag for it (which you definetly shouldn't add btw!)!
i love these kinds of fic's, they always mess with the head
Figured it was a telescope about half way through. The twist ending like that reminds me of something, but I can't remember where I saw it.
You didn't exactly keep the joke well-hidden, but the innuendo was still hilarious.
Well done!
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/172/737/Picture%201.png
The first thing I thought of actually was "telescope."
Psychic Inky is now canon.
Not a bad fic; I'd relate its quality-length ratio to a good clip from Robot Chicken.
Note to self: Never drink Pepsi while reading this..
Nice fic, good sir. I've read so many stories that I saw the ending coming, actually, but the delivery was too much
That was pretty funny, it had me laughing a few good times.
Okay, I knew it wasn't going to be... that... due to both formula and the "Teen" rating. But regardless.
Why the heck couldn't I get that image out of my head!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!
Oh, and might need a spell/grammar check towards the beginning.
"I don't quite approve that analogy, but I understand the analogy."
Seriously, doublecheck your work.
Good story, though.
I love the innuendos there. Heeeeeeee-larious. Huzzah, you just received a million points.
dude
......... DUDE
!!!! YOU DONT BREAK ANOTHER GUYS BALLS LIKE THAT
!!!!! WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU
?!?!?! LEAVING ME HANGING LIKE THAT JUST AS IT WAS GETTING GREAT
?!!?!!? WTF?! ah well alls well and ends well
damn fine book though kept me laughing from the desription onwards
!!! you should write more books like this
This was just so outrageously funny. I really thought they were doing stuff until Celestia interrupted them, but what made it truly hilarious was when Luna suggested actually doing something.
319952.
Sorry about the typos. I wrote this during my lunch break so i only had 30 minutes and i had to keep minimizing he window ehenever my boss tried to peak at what i was writing. Lol
....oh my.
319449
Thanks for catching that! Fixed!
319952
Fixed :D
Yeah, I know I need to dble check my work, but like I mentioned earlier - I wrote this during my lunch break
so I was on a time constraint.
320084
Ya'know, there's a thing called 'saving it and working on it later."
I'm sorry, but I had to say that.
I would rather take a month to update a really well-edited story than to update a story of poor quality every few days. Just a little advice; that was not meant in any way to bring your hopes down. (If i did)
Oh, by the way . . .
""Well, when I saw it being advertised, I couldn’t resist. You know what they say, Bigger is Better.”
Celestia’s jaw dropped."
Loved that part!
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/230/569/a08.jpg
320150
I know, but when I get something in my head, I just have to get it written down ASAP. I was working on the plot all throughout work and just needed to finish it while I still had all the innuendos floating around.
Please don't hate me
Heh, I've seen that little ploy used faaar too many times to be caught off guard by it. Though the ending makes up for it somewhat. X3
img.ponibooru.org/_images/8e8b56f873526fdf52b3976ac029e139/47824%20-%20caption%20derpy_hooves%20i_see_what_u_did_there%20i_see_what_you_did_there%20macro%20reaction_face%20reaction_image.jpg
Oh yes, wonderful. please keep it up.
319903 Canon Phsycic Inky likes to run with axes.
I don't quite understand why this got approved... My 890 word story failed moderation because it wasn't 1000 word.
Gonna read this later... It looks good.
320169
I don't hate you.
I just need to say it again: "Save it and work on it later."
What I would do in that situation (which would never happen, because (1) I don't go to work, and (2) I'm not that fast of a writer), is write what you wrote, save it but don't publish it. Then go back later, make edits, then publish it.
And TADA! An even better version of the story than the one that just got featured (which, for a 30-minute story, is quite the achievement in itself).
Still, good job.
319903>>320157
A lot of people see what he did . . .
320192
Ok, that's just awesome and cute.
This fic was glorious! The ending, in Lunas words "The fun has been doubled!"
Brilliant fic, keep up the awesome work!
Well played, well played indeed.
you sir, have just won the game!
320114
No prob.
I didn't mean it as a diss, or anything, just something to be aware of. The reason my chapters take so long is cuz I'm always redoing it. Again. And again. And again... you get the picture.
Great story. Don't stop.
...
I wonder if Luna will show Twilight her sextant next...
That was brilliant.
When I read the title first, I parsed it as "Luna's Rump". Needless to say, i was sorely disapointed :V
In all honesty, the writing here is servicable, but the conceit of the story is evident from the get go - there are also some issues with passive voice in the beginning of the story, and Luna's dialogue and characterization are wonky. There's no consistent establishment of her character, whether it's direct from olden times Ponyville, or a mish-mash of her episode alongside some fanon.
Either way, it was cute, but not ground-breaking in any real regard. Would be nice to see a crack at a more ambitious story.
It had me guessing at times and thinking "where this going?
" "is celly being trolled?
" "please don't be a clopfic."
Very well done sir. Well written and brilliant ineuendos. The ending was perfect.
320672
Me thinks you are reading into it too far my friend
This wasn't one of my more serious works - it was done just for the lols. If you want all those things you mentioned, read my other stories.
320645
Oh I know and I appreciate the criticism :D Also helps out and trust me
I know exactly how you feel. Been that way with my serious work for quite some time as well
Oh god that ending, Just like when Amy and Fry got stuck in a planet with no fuel left.
Funny mind fucking.
So many wierd images.... Goddamnit, Mazer! Why did you have to put those images in my head?!
i24.photobucket.com/albums/c40/und3rd0g/clint-nod.gif
320728
Well...I've done sad
I'm working on Dark and Twisted
So I wanted something funny with a bit of a tease thrown in
heh
320714
Whether or not something is 'serious' doesn't absolve it from being held to a certain creative standard. I didn't mean to imply the content of the story was anything undesirable, but certain technical or narrative corrections could improve the impact of the storytelling.