Accidents Happen...
"Bump, bump, sugarlump, rump!"
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, the two wealthiest and most influential fillies in Ponyville, giggled as they completed their ritual high-class hoofbump. To the two spoiled fillies, it was their way of declaring solidarity against the forces of lower-class, poorly-bred rabble such as the three blank-flanks they enjoyed tormenting at every opportunity.
To everypony else, it was just one more clue as to how stupid and shallow the fillies were.
"Why the hay do they bang their butts together like that, anyway?" Scootaloo wondered as the Cutie Mark Crusaders trotted to their clubhouse after the umpteenth session of lame teasing from the two spoiled fillies and witnessing their silly ritual for what had to be the twenty thousandth time.
"Because they're better than us," Apple Bloom said, rolling her eyes. "And ponies who are better than you show it by doing things no sane pony would ever do." Prancing daintily on her hind legs, she tottered over to Sweetie Belle, one forehoof pressed to her forehead. "Rump, rump, sugarbutt hump!" she squeaked in a mimicing voice, wiggling her butt in Sweetie's face. The unicorn filly giggled.
"Cut that out, Apple Bloom!" Sweetie said.
"HEY! Will you three just NOT?" a voice called from above. Rainbow Dash swooped down upon them, a rare stern expression on her face. "Some of us really don't wanna see fillies wavin' their butts around while we're tryin' to work!"
Apple Bloom giggled. "Sorry, Rainbow Dash. We were just making fun of Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara and that stupid little butt-bump they do."
Rainbow blinked. "Stupid little butt-bump?"
"You've never seen it?" Scootaloo asked.
Rainbow Dash shook her head.
Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow at Sweetie Belle, who rolled her eyes and sighed. Assuming they position, they copied the two ritzy fillies more perfectly than either would be comfortable with if they stopped to think about it.
"Bump, bump, sugarlump, rump!"
They fell over giggling, even as Rainbow Dash stared at them, blinking. "They really do that? In public? That's..." Her composure cracked, and she started laughing. "That's so lame!"
After having a good laugh over the whole thing, the pegasus returned to her weather duties, and the Crusaders continued on to the clubhouse.
* * * * *
The next day, Cheerilee led her class outside to play dodgeball. She was a little apprehensive about letting this particular bunch play that particular game, but she wanted them to get some fresh air and exercise--and she wanted to sample some bluebonnets that had mysteriously sprung up along the south wall of the schoolhouse, preferably without anypony noticing.
With Cheerilee off hogging all the tasty rare flowers for herself, the game turned ugly fast. Snips and Snails had somehow managed to take out half the colts in the class and each other with one throw each, most of the fillies were playing volleyball instead of dodgeball (not intentionally--they just really sucked at it), and Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were surgically, methodically, and cruelly picking off as many of their classmates as they could.
Finally, it was down to the two spoiled fillies versus the Cutie Mark Crusaders. The three blank-flanks huddled to discuss a plan to deal with their nemeses, but somewhere along the way, Sweetie Belle had gotten her part of the plan confused, and the Crusaders wound up eliminating themselves without so much as touching their rivals.
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were busy having a gloating victory laugh over their defeated classmates, perverse delight gleaming in their eyes at the sight of their peers lying around in the grass nursing various ball wounds.
"Once again, we've proven that we are simply better than you losers in every way," Diamond Tiara said haughtily. She held her hoof out to Silver Spoon to instigate the ritual bump.
"Bump, bump, sugarlump, r--"
The final chorus of "rump" was overshadowed by a loud squelching, splattering noise, punctuated by a long, sharp whine of gaseous release.
The playground froze, the colts and fillies staring in stunned, wide-eyed disbelief at what had just happened.
In the midst of the finishing rump-bump, Silver Spoon had crapped all over Diamond Tiara's rump.
"Oh...oh my gosh..." Silver Spoon said quietly, hooves pressed to her mouth in shock. "I...I didn't...it was an accident..."
"Boy, I'll say," Snips quipped.
Diamond Tiara stood there, irises narrowed to pinpricks. "Whhhh...aaaaaaaaat just happened?" she asked shakily, disbelief in her voice.
"Your B.F.F. just P.O.O.ed all over your B.U.T.," Scootaloo said, snickering.
"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Silver Spoon cried.
Diamond Tiara slowly craned her neck back to look at her flank and rump. Sure enough, her pristine coat, scrubbed daily with the finest imported shampoo and conditioner, was covered in fresh manure. "Oh. Celestia's. Armpit. That. Did. Not. Just. Happen."
"It surely did," Apple Bloom said, snickering. After a moment, she added, "Stank Flank!"
The entire class erupted into laughter, save Diamond Tiara, who was seething with rage, and Silver Spoon, who was mortified both at the damage she'd wrought to her beautiful friend, and at the fact that she'd just done something every foal stopped doing before they turned two.
"But it...it was an accident..." Silver Spoon whispered, tears brimming behind the lenses of her glasses.
Diamond Tiara growled. "I'LL SHOW YOU AN ACCIDENT!" she roared, pawing the ground with a hoof, snorting steam.
"EEP!" Silver squeaked. Diamond charged after her like an angry bull, and the terrified and embarrassed filly turned tail and ran as fast as her perfectly-manicured little hooves could carry her.
As the two fillies left the schoolhouse grounds, the remaining fillies and colts could hear Diamond Tiara scream, "GET BACK HERE! I'VE GOT SOMETHING THAT BELONGS TO YOU! I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT BACK! ALL OF IT!!"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders couldn't take it anymore. They rolled around on the ground laughing so hard they nearly peed themselves.
Cheerilee trotted back around the corner, staring around at her laughing, screaming class. "What's going on over here? Where are Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara?"
"They had some stuff t' take care of," Apple Bloom said. As Cheerilee tilted her head in confusion, the Crusaders looked at one another, nodded, and...
"Bump, bump, sugarlump, RUMP!"
Thankfully, nopony crapped this time.
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Didn't see that one coming. Pretty neat little story, man.
W-w-what the _ _ _ _ did I just read?
(
My face reading this story.)
That was hilarious
That was amazing. Totally deserved it.
~Pip
Normally I detest scat but that was so funny.
At least they didn't do the Roarin'-Butt-Face-Jam.
My reaction when I read the title and description...
After reading...
This would be fine if it wasn't for the fact that absolutely nothing in it is connected, a bunch of shit happens and then a shit happens out of nowhere, the end. I count at least two places where you could have added context for the involuntary release, one being that they're playing dodgeball and Silver could have easily been smacked super hard in the stomache, or those rare flowers that Cheerilee goes off to eat, she could have had a gurgley tummy when she got back.
3355216
Agreed. This... well, it was funny, but it could have been a lot better if you added a lot.
3355216
3355270
Thirded. I understand it was just to have them "pay", but it felt really random.
3355216
3355270
3355469
Guys? It was a really stupid poop joke. I gave it EXACTLY as much time and attention as it deserved.
Well that was, intresting.
3355479
Still, at least some setup and payoff is called for.
Do you know what standard you're aspiring to if you don't even have basic setup and context for a 'stupid poop joke'. You're aspiring to be THESE GUYS!
3355492 If you say so.
Umm... Okay?
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/175/889/oh%20god.png?1316467507
3355153 made it 26 secs
Stank flank!
I couldn't breath for parts of this fic
3360220 Probably for the best, all things considered. (Does smell travel electronically?
)
3360229 I really hope not
Bwayahahahahahaha XD this was the funniest fic I read to date. STANK FLANK? That was genius.
3358258 I'm gonna be saying "stank flank" all week!!!!!
Okay....that was, er, interesting....
If this were to go in the group "Where Random Is Allowed", it would be under the folder 'WTFDIJR???'
3383668 Hmm. Maybe that's why I put it in the Random group in the WTFDIJR folder the day I submitted it?
3383712
Oh. Derpy me!
I'm torn between "dafuq I've just read?" and "that actually works with my shitty sense of humour"...
Okay that was buckin funny even though my heart bleeds for poor Silver Spoon
I mean I know you think ha ha ha they deserve it, serves um right yada yada yada.. RIGHT?
But think about this. Most of the superficial things they tease about can be changed or will change in time. Fillies and Colts grow up and get their marks, learn how to fly and use magic.
But Silver Spoon will never live this down! She will carry this humiliation for the rest of her life. Diamond Tiara might never speak to her again for a very long time, if at all.
Silver will be alone and humiliated all because of one bought of diarrhea
so you tell me. for what she did to the CMC does Silver Spoon realy deserve this?
or does life just suck no matter who you are?
How did I end up here.
Huh huh huh huh
Ohhh yeah, heheheheheh. Poop.
3446994 .....
That did NOT just come from you...
Awesome sauce!
Oh, boy... *likes*
Sometimes you read a fic and wonder if laughing at it makes you a bad person.
This one made me wonder if laughing at it made me a dumb person.
Okay, this was pretty damn funny!
3767950 Yeah, it's one of those dumb little things that makes you giggle like a sixth-grader for a few minutes. Glad you liked it.
3767992 There's also the fact that it's happening to DT and SS, so few will ever hold it against you. Good job.
Oh, my God. I did not just read that. I don't know if that was absolutely hilarious beyond all compare, or disgusting to the extent of madness. But, considering that it was SS and DT, I'll go for the former.
Hilarious
Love this. Just, nothing else to say.
Wish there was DT and SS emoticons.
Holy Chuck, this so needs to happen in the show!!
I'm still laughing my ass off...
4218743 Well, it's HIGHLY unlikely this would ever happen in the show, but it'd be nice to see DT and SS have an especially embarrassing accident of some kind while being retarded.
This is so crass, and vulgar, and lowbrow, and WHY CAN'T I STOP LAUGHING?!
I am going to like and fave this so hard. By God, I almost died reading this!
4218751 my vote would be them getting glues together.
Oh celestia,, this is so funny!
well i have to say i don´t like the feces (right word?) humor, but i suppose there exist people who like that so never mind.
I think beside that the story is no to bad.
PS: I don´t need to know which time you go to the toilet...