• Member Since 25th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 12th, 2014

Stonemonarch


E

It was an average school day for every good little colt and filly, although one new kid kind of wreaks havoc among the cutie mark crusaders and Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Most likely because Silver Spoon has a crush on this new colt, but she doesn't want to tell Diamond Tiara because Quivers a blank flank. Although, what's weird is that even Quiver has a crush on Silver Spoon, but doesn't want to tell the Cmc this because she's a bully towards them. This seems to not be such an average school year.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 21 )

You may wanna get a proofreader.

>> 2050315 Yeah I know and oddly your the first to say that which surprises me .-. cause on my last story I got nothing about grammar but ive noticed everyone of my mistakes, and yes your correct I will most likely be getting a proof reader. Thanks for concern though:twistnerd:

2050331... Uh, your comment has bad grammar too... you may need to work on it a bit yourself...

Just sayin'.

Umm... well, this was really good, though I have some minor problems. Two, to be exact.
1- How did he knew Silver Spoon's name? They didn't talk, they just sat together.
2- How does Quiver and Silver Spoon feel about this? I mean, did they feel butterflies in their stomach? Did they feel their heartbeat go really fast? Did they feel nervous? I get the idea that they're fillies and all, it just bothers me it all goes so simple.

Even though I have those minor problems, the story looks really good. And about the grammar mistakes, don't worry, you'll get to fix them some day (Or get a proofreader.) :pinkiehappy:

2050481 Thanks man, and now that you mention it, you make a good point, I think when I have some time on my hands, I will most likely edit the story, plus, that would add a lot to it, and thanks for the grammar heads up even though I'm told constantly. :rainbowlaugh:

This really feels rushed. Everything in this chapter could have easily filled three and offered more atmosphere and character development. I'm gonna keep reading. I see promise in this. But slow down man!

2052557 Most likely, I do see a lot of room for it, it's just I'm a rusher so, yeah I'll be sure to slow down in future chapters. Don't worry

:derpyderp2:Alright, so for anyone that is awaiting future chapters of The New Kid, lets just say I won't be writing very often, due to my family moving. Its sending me ape shit insane and just about everyone else insane so.....be patient on the new chapter, I'll try my best to get it in.:pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by Frizzy deleted Feb 7th, 2013

Well, in my opinion, everything went way too fast. :rainbowderp: Like, at first they barely talked, then Quiver fixed Silver Spoon's glasses, and then they just became a couple. It might just be me, but it needed a bit more development in Quiver and Silver Spoon's situation, like, I dunno, Silver Spoon not being able to sleep, or Quiver just staring at Silver Spoon. The Cutie Mark Crusaders barely appeared.

However, I liked how the story ended up. Good job :twilightsmile:

kissing in grade school.... ah memories

I have to agree, the story was way too rushed. I know not everyone has the time to make a lengthy story, so I'll bear no grudge. :ajsmug:
A nice story regardless.

Nice story. A little short, but I digress.

Comment posted by KawaiiKun deleted Jun 11th, 2013

Good story....

Oh, hello Miss Cheerilee, it's just I've got a lot on my mind lately, it's something a bit personnel."

*personal. Made that mistake twice.

Also how did he get her broken glasses when she left them at school? It seems to be missing a part.

3425628 I never said she had lost her glasses at school, well actually did I? because I haven't written anything or reviewed my stories in a long time, plus he acquired her glasses because he took them from her because she was crying.

3440013
Yeah right here...

Back up friends apparently." she ran after Quiver, completely forgetting her glasses fell and broke.

Well it can be interpreted in two ways: she left them there, or she picked them up and didn't realize they were broken, although I find that highly improbable considering they would be on her face.

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