Just a regular Brony who likes to bake sweets and write stories. Feel free to post criticism, but please don't flame.
Babs Seed326 stories ·352 members
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When Tangerine is chosen to be the school's new hall monitor, she feels that she cannot live up to the task. Her cousin Babs however, with the help of their new friend Featherweight, is determined to help her by toughening her up a bit. But there might be consequences after the lessons...
Title suggested by punzil504
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Tangerine?
TANGERINE?
3150200
Tangerines are tasty.
If you know what I mean~
3150202
BOW CHICA BOW WOW!
I watch too much Red vs. Blue.
I don't see enough Red vs Blue.
BTW, wasn't there a Hey Arnold! episode with this premise?
3150237 I'll try to differentiate it from any other Hall Monitor episodes seen in cartoons. I don't really want to copy anything.
3150200 Skyeheart created her in his story 'Apples to Oranges'. Try reading that story first to get a better understanding.
3150237
I can say the same with the Jimmy Neutron episode as the same premise
3150308 Like I said before, I'll do what I can to differentiate this story from any Hall Monitor episodes in the cartoons.
3150237
The trope's as old as TV. The Brady Bunch did it in the 70's, Saved By The Bell did it in the 80's, The Simpsons did it in the 90's... Jimmy Neutron, Hey Arnold, Sponge Bob, the Prefects at Hogwarts...
So you have meek, polite little Tangerine being given the role of Hall Montior. Part of the fun of this story will be watching to see... not "if" she abuses her power, but when, how, and why.
Ah'd almost bet money the payoff on that superhero talk is gonna be comparin' Featherweight ta Spider-Colt
Ha, as soon as they said they were looking for a book, I had a feeling Iron Will (or at least his advice) would play a part here. Though given that Tangerine doesn't seem to be taking to it as quickly or whole-heartedly as Fluttershy did, I'm intrigued to see what your take on the subject is going to be by the end.
Also, you might want to look over the chapter again, because I noticed some awkward shifts between past- and present-tense. Other than that, still a good story. Tangerine and Babs work well together.
Oh god, not Iron Will's advice again
. As if we didn't have to put up with that jerk's advice again. Either way, nice references and overall good chapter.
P.S. Don't do too many memes in the same story, gets old after awhile.
And now the power's going to her head. Well, at least she'll have a chance to get it out of her system before she's expected to inherit her family's business interests!
Or maybe it's something Octavia would say.
Nice lyrics! Just wish there was a tune to this
Nothing to complain by me, just make sure it doesn't last, and have apologies all around.
Because someone needed to.
Awesome story and good end!
Nice finish to the story! Can't wait to see what you come up with after the Ticket Master Event.
Ooh, this isn't gonna end well for Tangerine will it.
The best of intentions...
Great song, there. And sweet Celestia Tangerine is a tyrant!
Great story. I'm glad Tangerine got snapped out of her mad power-trip.
Blargg, ah dunno how ah never noticed before, but ah'm gonna hafta pick on yer word choice here:
Well, the line as a whole could use some improvement, but what ah mostly take issue with here is that the "from" should be "by". Lunch made by your mother is much, much different than lunch made from your mother.
3931393 Yikes, how have I not noticed that!?
Well, it's fixed now. Thank you for correcting me.
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Or she'll have good practice...
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That's real neat.
______
Poor Tangerine! She was so adorable, and now she's gone crazy!
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Behold! Nightmare Monitor!
The rules will last forever!
My excuse is much like Cosmic Mind's, because someone else needed to.
Very nice song also.
This was well written, and I could actually see something similar to this being done as an episode in the actual show.
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It's practically tradition to go mad with power upon becoming Hall Monitor
Gloria... Not a bad concept for the character. I still have the issue that it's basically just a pallet swap with Diamond Diara. And barely even that. It a different mane color (blue instead of purple), and different cutie mark, and no tiara. But I will grant the fact that she's a unicorn instead of an earth pony, and she's not a personality clone of DT (unlike Cutup and Specs). And I grant that because this is well before Crusaders of the Lost Mark. Although she is a personality clone of Rarity (whose a personality clone of Gen 3 Rainbow Dash). But at least you address it, and that's not a criticism of the concept.
If that book wasn't by Iron Will... well... I don't know. I didn't think that far ahead. But I'm not surprised that it was a book by Iron Will, considering the premise of this story.
Nonsense. I'm sure Twilight will love any book. I mean, it's not like it's a book about vampires and werewolves after all.
This is actually a good variant of Putting Your Hoof Down. For character development, it works for Fluttershy. But with Fluttershy out of the picture (assuming she's not in Manehatten visiting Blossomforth), it actually makes sense that it would take place in a school setting. Children are still learning about the world and themselves. So a hall monitor is a good reason to have a character be put in a position of power, and have to be assertive because of it. And Tangerine's mindset is that she doesn't know the difference between being assertive and being a bully. She has to learn how to stand up to others and assert her authority. But she also has to learn that there's a fine line between being authoritative and being tyrannical. It is possible to show dominance without being a bully. As Babs described it, "tough but fair".
Also, did Chip Mint also read Iron Will's books?
And now Iron Will's influence is kicking in.
I like the explanation that Iron Will may be the reason why Babs didn't have any friends. Sometimes you can't see something about yourself until you see it from the outside. Maybe if Tangerine sees those pictures, she'll see that she became the very same bully as the ones who she chewed out previously, and the very same Hall Monitor that Mint Chip was. I think I've already addressed the idea that maybe Mint Chip read Iron Will's books. But in an ironic turn of events, perhaps Mint Chip truly believed that he was in the right, and wasn't intentionally a bully.
Perhaps when Tangerine learns her mistake (because let's face it, it's going to happen), she may still be able to keep the assertive aspect of herself intact. After all, at the beginning, she was doing a great job. If she learns how to control the evil tyrant she's become, she could probably do well in taking over the family business. She just has to come to terms with the fact that the 'might makes right' ideology isn't true.
I also like how this is implementing Ponyville Confidential and One Bad Apple as well.
If I were the one writing this, I would see it concluded in one of two ways (which aren't necessarily mutually exclusive ways either). Although it occurs to me that my ways may not be nearly as beneficial.
My first idea involves the students agreeing to work together and be defiant. Perhaps even pointing out how she's become the bully. This could also lead into a confrontation that involves Babs standing up against Tangerine, specifically pointing out that Iron Will's book helped her to stand up to bullies. That idea would feed into her paranoia though.
The second idea also involves defiance, but this time more just with Babs and Featherweight (though it could spread to the rest of the students). Perhaps they start doing something wrong, and gets written up. But they just take that red card she gives them and throws them away When Tangerine sees this and attempts to address a teacher about, they would say that they never saw Tangerine in the halls. And despite the obvious deception, they wouldn't be lying per se. They would specifically refer to her by name and not as Hall Monitor. This is because she's become so corrupted that she's no longer recognizable as the Tangerine they knew. This could lead to a confrontation where Tangerine explains that if they get written up by her, they wouldn't be angry. Babs would say that they wouldn't be angry at her friend. And as she is now, she's not their friend anymore.
I technically had a third idea (which was technically my first idea), but that was completely shot down. And that was going to Orange Sherbet. Though my idea wouldn't be to have her deal with it, but to have them ask for advice on how to deal with it. And hypothetically, they could perhaps ask Twilight for advice. But I think them not going to the parents may play into the One Bad Apple part, and the adults explain that they should've went to them for help.
You know what, why not? I ship it.
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It's been a while since I've seen that episode. But I don't think Bart went mad with power. I thought he was doing a good job as Hall Monitor, even getting on good terms with Principal Skinner. As for the Prefects, granted, I'm a bit unfamiliar with their portrayal in the books. But I wouldn't say that they abused their power in the movies. Did any Gryffindor Prefects abuse their power in the books?