I'll herp, and I'll derp, and I'll...
Once upon a time, in the town of Ponyville,
There were three little fillies who lived on a hill.
One had a sister who sold apple treats,
The second one's sister sold clothes to elites.
The third had no sister, but she didn't mind,
For her mentor was truly one of a kind.
They shared a clubhouse which was run-down and old,
The roof leaked, the floor creaked, and it smelled of mold.
One said, "That's it! I've had just enough!
We need a new clubhouse, one that's really tough!"
The others agreed, and set out to plan
A brand new place to house their blank-flank clan.
But a whole day passed, and they couldn't agree
Which plan for the new clubhouse was best of the three
So the fillies decided they would build them all,
And prove to the others their house would not fall.
The first filly's designs were epic and grand,
But when the others arrived, all did not go as planned.
For her clubhouse was built out of rainbows and cloud;
With posters of Rainbow Dash and music so loud.
The others were mad that their friend built a place
Only she could inhabit, because of her race.
"It's a pegasus house!" they cried, and their friend gave a pout;
"I get it already!" she said. "You don't have to shout!"
As the fillies continued to bicker and fight,
Along came a mailmare on wings soft and light.
Her mane was spun gold and her coat clean and gray;
Her golden eyes rolled and spun every which way.
She bounced on the roof of the house made of cloud;
With every bounce thunder boomed long and loud.
"Scootaloo, Scootaloo, give me some mail!"
"I don't have any, Derpy! Get out of my tail!"
"You don't?" Derpy said, with an unhappy frown.
"Then I'll herp, and I'll derp, and I'll plot your house down!"
"My house is too awesome, there's no way it'll break!
Now go bother somepony else, you big flake!"
Derpy herped, and she derped, and she sat on the roof.
The cloud house collapsed with a comical POOF!
Scootaloo tumbled out and bowled over her friends,
And Derpy flew off without making amends.
The next day, the second filly built her new place,
A monstrous mishmash of fabric, ribbons and lace.
"This isn't a clubhouse, it's a dolled-up old tent!
And there aren't any windows, and this pole's all bent!"
But the filly was stubborn, and wanted to stay;
"If you don't like it, you can just go away!"
As the fillies continued to bicker and fight,
Along came a mailmare on wings soft and light.
Her mane was spun gold and her coat clean and gray;
Her golden eyes rolled and spun every which way.
The tent wobbled madly as she bounced on the top;
The unicorn filly cried, "You're breaking it! Stop!"
"Sweetie Belle, Sweetie Belle, give me some mail!"
"I don't have any, Derpy! Get out of my tail!"
"You don't?" Derpy said, with an unhappy frown.
"Then I'll herp, and I'll derp, and I'll plot your house down!"
"I made this house pretty and I made this house strong;
If you think you can wreck it, then I'll prove you wrong!"
Derpy herped, and she derped, and she sat on the tent.
The weak poles collapsed, and down it all went.
The fillies were trapped in the ribbons and lace,
And Derpy flew off with a smile on her face.
At last, it was time for the third filly's try;
She'd build the Crusaders a clubhouse or die!
So she drew up a plan for the best clubhouse ever;
She deserved a cutie mark for being so clever!
With reinforced walls and a shiny tin roof,
And traps to make sure it was all Derpy-proof.
With a cobblestone floor and beds stuffed with soft hay,
And a chicken wire fence to keep weirdos away.
It was an awesome place, and her friends both agreed
This clubhouse was perfect for their every need.
And the three fillies sat and planned plans and schemed schemes,
When along came a mailmare, her head full of dreams.
Her mane was spun gold and her coat clean and gray;
Her golden eyes rolled and spun every which way.
There rose a great clatter from the fillies' tin roof,
As the mare stood upon it and stamped her front hoof.
"Apple Bloom, Apple Bloom, give me some mail!"
"I don't have any, Derpy! Get out of my tail!"
"You don't?" Derpy said, with an unhappy frown.
"Then I'll herp, and I'll derp, and I'll plot your house down!"
"Go ahead, try your best, drop your butt on that roof!
But I'm telling you now, I made this one Derp-proof!"
Derpy herped, and she derped, and she plopped down her flank,
But the house didn't budge, not one nail, not one plank.
Again and again Derpy dropped her rear end,
But the earth filly's clubhouse refused to bend.
With a sad sigh, she gave up and then flew away,
Never again to be seen, to this very day.
And though the three fillies still have empty flanks,
The whole town of Ponyville gave them their thanks
But the legend lives on, in this still pony town
Of a mare who wrecks houses by just sitting down
And if on a clear night you listen, you just may
Hear a wall-eyed mailpony and filly say
"Somepony, anypony, give me some mail!"
"I don't have any, Derpy! Get out of my tail!"
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...... Fuck it, I won't ask.
3126791 LOL
Actually, the truth is this whole thing started from a stray thought that went through my head: Derpy saying "I'll herp, and I'll derp..." Everything else just kind of snowballed from that one stray thought.
Funny how some of the best shit we write starts that way.
3126797 I know how that feels. In fact I'm writing a fanfic that got started like that.
We need more children's stories here. This is adorable
3126830 Thank you. *bows*
3126953
Translation: Derpy is being a complete jerk for no apparent reason?
Bee a utiful
This was very nice. I may just read this to my girls as a bed time story.
AMAZING.
Very nice!
3127148
That's all that needs to be said.
I don't have to ask. Awesome requires no explanation.
this is the funnest fan fic i ever read the little pigs is one of my favorite stories when i was 5 and this storie is really just cool
CAN'T
BREATH
HELP
That...was...PERFECT! Seriously, how did you managed to make everything rhyme?
I feel talent-less
Herp derp!
Loved it! Great story!
That was probably the funniest retelling of that story I've ever seen. Nice work!
oh man, that must have been so hard to get ryme. Lovely job!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/11/3/141414.gif
Am I the only one who feels bad for Derpy? She just wants somepony to give her mail to deliver...
Cute story. The houses that the CMC built were quite fitting to their characters, and the last one was comically overdone. Loved it!
Write on,
Legion
LOL that was brilliant!! It also reminded me of this:
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/25587__safe_rainbow-dash_derpy-hooves_animated_the-last-roundup.gif?1342342548
3272038 Yeah, that's kind of what inspired it. :)
3272811 :)
This is funny
Woah...my childhood just got 20% cooler.
This needs more views. Now.
There now needs to be one written a la "The Trial of the big bad wolf" you realize...*hint hint*
*Clap, clap, clap*
Good job!
...
I am Impressed.
Well done, good ser.
Wow, just wow.
I loved this story. This took so much imagination and time and effort and it turned out really well. Why doesn't it have more likes?
The rhyming was brilliant and it was a very creative way to tell the story. I haven't read the Three Little Pigs in years so I don't know if the original story rhymed, but if it didn't, I really liked that this story did. It just fit so well and the story flowed well and it worked well.
I felt kind of bad for Derpy at the end, but she'll bounce back. She always does.
Again, I loved this story. It was short and sweet and it was a lot of fun and I had fun reading it. I could tell that you had fun writing it and it helps your audience have fun too. Thank you for letting me read it and I hope to catch more of your stories in the future. Take care.
3708944 Glad you enjoyed it. This story was a lot of fun to write.
Did I neglect to mention how much I loved this?
4060265 Glad you liked it.
Very funny and clever, have a like.
Well, I'm asking...but I do not know what question I will ask...
You win this round Mothy.
By the way, funny story.
Very well then, I won't ask. I will make a statement, though.
First of all, let me just apologize for leaving this in my "read later" section, rather than reading it as soon as I saw it.
That first paragraph really hooked me right in, so congrats in that regard.
This was a wonderful retelling than has managed to put a smile on my face.
*Note to self: Keep an envelope nearby at all times, and when Derpy asks for mail, give her some mail!*
Anyway, I know this comment comes late, but thanks for writing!
...Well done.
I must say. I really enjoyed reading this.
This was very cute. But...
Why did I never read this before? This is stellar. You are dearly missed. D: