• Member Since 1st Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

Metool Bard

A weaver of tales who enjoys a good story. What more is there to say, really?


Cloudchaser, Raindrops, and Thunderlane are three ponies with problems. Cloudchaser's problem is that she thinks Raindrops is stealing Thunderlane from her, and she must win him back. Raindrops's problem is that she likes Thunderlane, but she isn't sure about how to express her feelings, or even if she should.

And Thunderlane's problem? He's completely oblivious to the fact that his family friend and his wingpony are courting him at the same time. In fact, none of these pegasi really know what the others are truly thinking. And unless one of them gets a clue soon, it's gonna be pretty awkward for all involved.

Oh, and just to make things even more complicated, Flitter and Derpy are helping CC and Rainy in their endeavors. Guess which one is doing so against her will.

Partly inspired by the Eric Clapton song, and partly inspired by an inside joke. Special shout-out to xjuggernaughtx and statoose. They know why.

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 65 )

Thunderlane should go on a date with Derpy :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
Talk about twisted webs of love :derpytongue2:

3051551 Well, that all depends on if he's listening or not. After all, he's still a little kid, and a boy at that. I don't know many boys his age that would be interested in this kind of conversation. :trixieshiftright:

That's not to say that he won't tell Thunderlane, but we'll have to wait and see if things progress to that point. :duck:

I like this story!!! Please do continue writing, update soon and all that :twilightsmile:

3057935 That, is indeed what I plan on doing. I'm glad you're enjoying the story thus far. :twilightsmile:

YES!! Another update! Can't wait for the next :pinkiehappy:
I'm just loving this story, keep up the good work :pinkiesmile:

Good chapter keep it up.
Dat profile pic:rainbowlaugh:

Question: Is Thunderlane an idiot?

3064473 Nope, just oblivious. And in many ways, that's much worse. :derpytongue2:

Yeeeesss excellent, EXCELLENT!!! Another great chapter deserving of a mustache :moustache:

I require MOAR!!! :pinkiecrazy: .....please?

3062486 Tank you, tank you very much :derpytongue2:

I love Derpy in this!

Snowflake should just say, no!

Derpy knows best.

An Cloudchaser is further off the deep end.

When is the inevitable Cloudchaser vs. Raindrops catfight? Hopefully it will involve a pool of chocolate pudding. :pinkiehappy:

3129073 Patience, my friend. It'll happen soon enough. :raritywink:

"I can just picture it now." Cloudchaser said to nopony in particular while Aloe placed cucumber slices over her eyes. "I'll get the tickets from Flitter and wait for Thunderlane to relieve us of foal-sitting duty. But instead of the Cloudchaser he knows and loves, he'll see the most beautiful mare in Ponyville whom he knows and loves. And after that, Raindrops can kiss her chances of stealing him from me goodbye. And our date to see the Wonderbolts tomorrow is just the icing on the cake. Yessiree. This day is gonna be just perfect."

Some time later, "Cloudchaser" was revealed to actually be Chrysalis in disguise because she's been blocked from access to more prominent ponies like Shining Armor, and has had to resort to sucking off draining the love from background ponies like a two-bit whorse. :trollestia:

"Straight from the horse's mouth, if you can believe it." said Cloudchaser.

She would've added a "w" onto the front of "horse," but she couldn't be certain that Rumble was out of earshot. :ajsmug: :pinkiecrazy:

Cloudchaser sighed and placed a foreleg around Flitter's shoulder. "Flitter, there's no such thing as going too far when it comes to love." she said. "If you learn nothing else from this experience, at least learn that."

:applejackconfused: :derpyderp1: :rainbowderp: :twilightoops: :unsuresweetie:


With that, she gave Derpy a salute and flew off. As Derpy waved goodbye, she noticed two other pegasi passing her.

"Hmm? Oh, hello Flitter! Hi, Stormwalker!" she called out.

Flitter stopped and turned around. "Stormwalker?"

"Yeah, your sister."

"My, sister's name is Cloudchaser."


Yes, indeed.

:rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh:

3134631 Y'know, I was wondering if someone was gonna get that incredibly esoteric joke and not just write it off as Derpy being Derpy. Kudos. :ajsmug:

Although now I wonder if making it a running gag with Derpy was a good idea...

I second the pool of chocolate pudding. :trollestia: :pinkiecrazy:

Kooky schemes... GO!

Soon, catfight, soon. MUHAAHAHAHA!:pinkiecrazy:

If TL and CC are special someponies then why did they have their first kiss?

3143683 Um, they didn't yet. That's the point. Cloudchaser is just assuming that Thunderlane thinks of her as his special somepony. Meanwhile, Thunderlane is just oblivious to her hitting on him. :unsuresweetie:

I thought Golden Harvest was Derpy's best pal.

3146655 I'd say she's a close second in Derpy's book. At least, that's my headcanon. :duck:

"It's an inflatable wading pool filled with chocolate pudding. silly. What does it look like?"

All my yes! Kind of was waiting for a background pony to make a rude comment though.

3156466 Yeah, I think Raindrops running away crying kinda killed the mood there. That's a sure-fire way to get somepony's head out of the gutter if I ever saw one. :duck:

The dense finally figure it out.

The traditional herd.
How are they going to break it down to Rumble?

3165150 Thunderlane and Raindrops will probably think of something. Cloudchaser, however, is still trying to figure it out herself. :derpytongue2:


Well, Rumbe, it's like this. When one pony loves another pony and both those ponies love another pony who loves them, then they all get together, or something.

You know what? Here's 10 bits. Go to the arcade.


And another pic to describe this fic:

Loved it, and not just because there was a good end for my favorite pegasus.

Incidentally, about that bit about Blossomforth and Cloud Kicker at the end: is that a reference to the Winningverse?

3175335 Not entirely. I know next to nothing about the Winningverse beyond Cloud Kicker being the central character and the fact that there are a lot of romantic hijinks involved. Based solely on that, I figured it was a very Cloud Kicker thing to do to gossip about relationships and whatnot. Again, I haven't read any Winniningverse stories, so I could be completely wrong about that. :applejackunsure:

I'm afraid that Blossomforth and Cloud Kicker are having there own field day if you know what I'm saying.

Snowflake is Featherweights brother! Yes! I like it. Why doesn't this story get more love?

Woah, woah! Now I know the Piano Incident did not involve a flower pot, a wagon of hay, Twilight and Pinkie Sense. That would just...Oh, You!

3051659 He would just say it as if it was something Thunderlane already knew. Of course he might tell some-one else :unsuresweetie: and she tells :duck: and the rumors just spread from there, reaching Thunderlane a week later.

3144024 If Cloudchaser gets any crazier she's going to panic about being TARRRDY!:twilightblush: What's wrong with all seven of them (they're all from the same town) getting together and practicing as a team? Other than the story already being finished that is? And why do I imagine my "typing Voice" being German right now? Help!

3094607 Nancy Reagan would be proud. I like this so far, but why can't Flitter just tell Thunderlane what's going on? By the way, I'm kinda rooting for Raindrops here, she's not as crazy (all girls are crazy), and much more humble.

3175433 I know a bit about it, romantic hijinks and what not. Yeah, they are gonna get a kick out of this.
I liked this for the most part but then you took the cowards polygamy way out. That hurt, it was still good.

Wut, just wut? O.o wut did i just read, good but my mind cant comprehend two lovers at once :/

3572448 Heh, now you know how Cloudchaser feels. :rainbowwild:

Not bad so far. The biggest flaw I can see is a grievous misuse of periods ending dialogue where there should be commas;

"She said the session ended this afternoon." mused Flitter as she looked up into the sky.

The period on "afternoon" should be a comma. This same error occurs with all the dialogue in the story so far. That's not good.

Other than that, there were a couple scattered errors, and the by-the-book-writer in me questions your use of squigglies~.

On the positive side, the premise for this story sounds like an amazing set up. You had me chuckling a couple of times at the dialogue throughout this. I'll read on, though the recurring errors are rather distracting.


Special shout-out to xjuggernaughtx and statoose. They know why.

Oh, gosh darn it, I'm searching my mind, but for the life of me I can't remember what this was about. Probably the first shout-out I've ever gotten that isn't becuase I was an editor, and I can't even remember what on earth it was about. Confound it. :facehoof:

3756083 Yeah, that dialogue thing is a bit of a problem with me. It's because a part of my brain keeps telling me that sentences don't end in commas. I've never been able to work past that, and I've been writing for a while. It's also why I'm probably never gonna be featured on EQD. :twilightblush:

As for the shout-out, it has to do with these two blog posts, particularly the comments sections. :scootangel:

It's rather rare that I read a series in one sitting, especially with a story of this size and above. But what can I say? The premise grabbed me and intrigued me to no end to see how it would play it.

And I gotta say, I really enjoyed this story. Cloudchaser's loony side, Raindrops' nervousness, and even giving Derpy a character (the Stormwalker stuff was pretty funny). A battle of wits on Cloudchaser's end to prevent Raindrops from stealing her stallion, which played off better than I initially thought. Every time she told Flitter that she was a 'love newbie', I just knew it'd bite her later. And whaddya know? It did. Kind of.

I was thinking that Thunderlane was a little dumb what with Raindrops and all, but given his situation, how could he have picked up on it? He spent Sundays with Cloudchaser, but I don't think she ever said anything. Though, apparently, all of Ponyville knows that Thunderlane belongs to Cloudchaser. Wouldn't he have picked up on that? He was a little dense at points, but I can't blame him; I probably would've been the same.

The ending was quite the surprise. I knew it was building to a climax, and we finally got the fight, the reveal, and the romance. Drama certainly went down. And then the truth behind Raindrops... I was only thinking it'd have been a running gag, but I wasn't expecting it to be true, or a swinger anyway. Though, the ending was a little quickly paced from Cloudchaser's side. She accepts and enters a three-way relationship without trouble. Well, she has doubts of course, but she took it like it was nothing. It just felt like she was accepting it a bit too quickly, and Raindrops hit on her without warning too, even after the drama that went down merely moments ago. Not to mention that Thunderlane was completely open to it as well (but he's a guy. What guy wouldn't be down for it?).

Still, I thoroughly enjoyed this. I know this story's quite old now and everything, but as a reader, just getting across how much fun I had with this. :twilightsmile:

5151386 I see what you're getting at with Cloudchaser's acceptance of the situation. I would argue that she's still kinda in shock and wrapping her head around the whole thing. That and she's just relieved that nopony had to go home with a broken heart. That's just my take on it, though. :duck:

As for Thunderlane, well, his reactions kinda play into this odd paradox of the male condition. When a girl is in love with a guy, they don't tend to notice right away. On the flip side, though, they'll willingly chase a girl who has no interest in them. As such, I thought his reactions were very natural. But again, that's just me. :eeyup:

All in all, I'm glad you enjoyed this little tale. :twilightsmile:


Alternate title: Thunderlane, the oblivious stallion.

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