My Little Clone Wars

TThe Tempest in the Force (A Light in the Dark)
MLP: FiM
Star Wars
Dark
Adventure
Sci-Fi
Tempest Shadow and Starlight Glimmer make a trip into the wider galaxy in search of the Rebellion.
Sex
Profanity
Crossover
Human
Alt. Universe
Twilight
OC
Sunset Shimmer
Starlight Glimmer
Tempest Shadow
ThunderDasher07 · 8.8k words · 7 4 · 448 views

Ahsoka, Anakin, Obi-Wan and Captain Rex crash land after a battle on a world populated by ponies during the Clone Wars. Will they be able find a way back before the Separatists arrive?

Chapters (5)

Chapter I: Prologue and a New World · 16th Aug 2013 · 2,729 words
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Chapter II: Meeting the Princesses · 24th May 2022 · 2,104 words
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Chapter III: Ambush · 29th Jun 2022 · 1,572 words
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Chapter IV: Battle of Equestria · 10th Jul 2022 · 4,691 words
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Chapter V: Epilogue · 12th Jul 2022 · 742 words
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Comments ( 21 )

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arkman575

arkman575 #1 · Aug 16th, 2013 · · · Chapter I: Prologue and a New World ·

Thunder,

I do not wish to sound rash or despising, I just wish to make observations. I like your work and want to see it prosper!

Firstly,
I like where you are going with the whole starpony theme. I have seen way too few clonewars fics around here.

Second, Nice clarification on the battle seen, and good for pointing out that capital ships can ram other ships, a feature not seen in most fics, let alone films.

Third, I find the ponies and jedi (and rex) were a little too friendly to the intro. You could have expanded a bit in the plot development there.

Forth, I felt that it progressed a bit fast for a molti-chapter fic. I would have liked a bit of description on how they were the only survives of the crash, and how they dot out of a star destroyer.

I love your work here and can't wait for more. If you need anything, just P.M. me.

575th Ark

kyttypony

kyttypony #2 · Aug 16th, 2013 · · · Chapter I: Prologue and a New World ·

Alicorns are also part earth pony.

ponies r awesome

ponies r awesome #3 · Oct 8th, 2013 · · · Chapter I: Prologue and a New World ·

WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE

ScopeEva

ScopeEva #4 · Oct 10th, 2013 · · · Chapter I: Prologue and a New World ·

Interesting premise but you really need to work on describing the emotions of your characters and their environments better.
It's also a bit odd how fast they all get along. Being friendly is one thing but a several thousand ton space ship just crash landed outside of their town, they should be a lot more cautious about the whole situation, not mistrustful but just weary of the strangers that just walked out of it. Not to mention there probably should have been a bigger reaction to the subject of one of them practically admitting to being a soldier, some tension in the air is more interesting then a group all happily nodding at each other while sipping tea.

The lack of a language barrier also irks me, at least have a minuet or two where their universal translators or something strings together an algorithm to translate their languages. Maybe some misinterpretation in-between for comic relief.

I also think there should have been a bigger reaction to the crash in general. Fluttershy doesn't live that far outside of town so I imagine there should be more of a reaction to a Star Destroyer flying overhead. That and there really should have been mention of greater internal damage, at the least saying a few of their vehicles will be out of commission for a few days.

Sorry if I'm nit picking but Clone Wars cross overs aren't that common. I'd like to see more of them do well, I'd like to see you or anyone do well.