Here lies the wistful delusions of the sleep addled mind. Actually wait, no, just me.
Luna's Children of the Night, six colts and six fillies, are forced into a new world- the forgotten mountains. Faced with a new, unexplored and less than friendly world, they have to survive on their own and build a home for themselves, but they're only foals.
This story is directly based off of This
And yes, this is technically the 'official' story of it
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FIRST!
And are you the one who made the vid and the song?
"The colt, Nightshade, was a deep purple coloration with a gloriously red mane and tail. His cutie mark was a His light blue eyes, which matched Magpie’s streaks, looked up at her as well."
Sorry I just got really hung up on this
Other then that I'm looking forward to seeing more of this
2947491 Same here, I watched the finished vid and the ones that were it in production...
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2947469 no I am not, but I got into contact with them and got the storyline and characters
2947491 eheh wups, going to fix that now
2947555 oh, okay. I just hope this will be as good as TSaHLS.
2947571 this is the first time I've done a story like this is going to be so only time will tell. I was planning to have the creator go over this prologue to see if I got the characters and storyline half decent but they've been busy so I decided that I can modify it later for something with this much potential
Wouldn't Neverfree make more sense than Everfree?
2948864 but then it wouldn't make sense if someone just suddenly decided to call it the everfree. That was just a bit I threw in at the end, it popped into my mind and I was like O.O
2950245 the story for the animation, which this is in full story form, as far as I know was just an awesome idea. And David Lauren only did the music for the intro. I don't know what you mean by official and canon, but if you mean that for the show then not in the slightest lol. To get the full origin of the idea you'd have to ask the creators themselves
I like Magpie, she has OSD. (Ooh Shiny Disorder or OSD: A condition where an individual has a moderate to unhealthy degree of attraction to objects that glow or shine. It is commonly confused with greed as coins and gems, being shiny in nature, are the most common items collected by the individual with OSD. Milder cases are able to hold attraction to a single shiny object while extreme cases can be described as having a dragon's greed.)
But I also like Gari, not because she's an alicorn but because she had emerald eyes. I guess I have a thing for green eyes.
2952099 we've only just scratched the surface of their personalities
Maggie and Nightshade are my favorite characters and they have a rather good synergy when Maggie isn't obsessing over shinies
Luna as caucasian Chechen bandit kidnaped children and took them away to mountains. These children plainly didn't know anything about the world, about the good and evil, had no skills necessary for a survival.
And delusional fandom like it! Luna is cursed kidnaper! She commited several crimes against world itself! She is villain by all means! But noooou... bunch of nerds like her because she is lonely and cute...
P.S. I have no claims to the author of this story.
this is a spoiler question and I don't expect an answer, but many of your story has gore and mature on them and that makes me worried that some foals will die.
Wow... Just- wow...
Me being speechless is a good thing in this situation... although I saw many grammatical mistakes in this chapter, and advise you to get someone to fix that.
2956173 well i've been saying I'm accepting editors for a couple weeks now, nobody ever seems interested so you can't blame that part on me
2955881 nah, nothing like that. I was told to keep it something like an older movie like secret of nihm.
2955678 you came to the wrong neighborhood motherfucker. it's not a kidnapping if they have nobody to care for them and they go willingly
2956247 Not saying that, just commenting that you need an editor
I would offer to be your editor but I have too much going on right now.
2956247
Sense of the word "child". Means following:
1 . The minor individual completely doesn't understand values of his/her actions.
2 . Can't bear responsibility for commiting of such actions.
Characters in your history and an original video are children. Yes, they went for Luna voluntarily, but only for the reason that she misled them. In effect she misled them for the purpose of kidnaping. And those were glad to follow because "the magic princess promised them the best life", and as a result she threw them and left to the mercy of fate. Why? Egoism and stupidity. For the same motives she nearly ruin the whole world.
I don't understand fans of this character. Equestria`s most terrible criminal is behind a mask of the "cute pony", and fans acquit her and erect to a pedestal. Idiots.
P.S. Mthrfucker here is only your father. Because he banged your mother. Owing to what she postponed an egg from which something which wrote this story hatched. Yes, story is slipshod. The author, firstly learn how to write, and after - publish your uglinesses and feel shame.
I think you meant pony's
2956500 The character of luna wasn't expanded upon at all, all we got is a vague history and a halloween episode. What you're saying is just your take on her, and leave it at that. Everyone here except you loves Luna, or else they wouldn't be here.
and this story isn't even ABOUT Luna, it's about the twelve foals.
She did not mislead them, she offered a better life for them and they got a better life for how long it lasted.
Characters in my other stories aren't children, really, they just aren't old enough to be considered adults. According to your logic, age doesn't matter whether or not you are a child.
you have a completely idealistic and moronic view on what children are, and you have no basis for your assumptions of Luna.
and again, she didn't kidnap them. She sang her song , promising a better life, and the foals followed. where she gave them a better life
now this is the end of the conversation. I will delete any further moronic comments you make so unless you want to give actual criticism instead of idealistic and moronic hate, then just leave. If you don't like the character then why'd you even come here?
but I already know that answer so don't bother
2956672 ah whatever. not that big a deal, I'm not going for ponifying their speech too much anyways
2956690
>Writes a story about a video he is obsessed with;
>Doesn't give a shit about errors.
2956684 OMG there are really Luna haters out there that's sad. I may love Luna and she may be my favourite princess but i can guarantee i have never nor will ever say anything damning about Celestia. And for someone to hate one or the other is pretty petty.
2957752 I'm not obsessed with it, it's just one of the best animations I've seen in a long time. And this isn't 'just a story', it's 'the' story behind it. and you're obviously not familiar with any of my other works so you don't know that I don't have an editor, even though I've said that I'm looking for one. I also normally write between 2-6 am, so some things get past my look-over. and as long as it's not story breaking then the only time I fix errors is when I go back and re-read things
2957787
Oh yeah. I can see why you don't have editors.
2957780 slandering not only my story, but the story of such a well done piece of work doesn't help it... I don't care if he hates Luna, but neither does he need to bring it here nor should he think we care about his opinions when they conflict our own
2957793 All I'd need an editor for is the little grammar and spelling derps I do, and at the most I'd just replace the old chapter with the fixed one when they get done with it.
and besides, sometimes I can put out 10 chapters a day or 1 in three months at random, I had an editor once. he left
Intriguing thus far, even if they're just the first two chapters. I like the idea of them getting lost in the middle of nowhere where they must struggle to survive. That and your writing style isn't bad. I'll wait with anything further till I've read more. Also, are you willing to make a presumption of how long this might be (and how "Dark" for that matter)?
2958297 I have no idea, but the dark part is more of an underlying theme than I normally do. The most we'll be seeing is a bit of blood every now and then to show the severity of a situation. at least that's what I'm thinking, dunno if it'll actually happen. who knows? lol
Profiled to read tomorrow after work.
I don't care too much about the errors, I'm more interested in where the story line is going to go with this.
2972555 lol well it seems there are many of a different mind than you. I get people bitching at me to get an editor every single story
Is Luna coming back in?
Can't wait for the next chapter.
2973381 well, let's see.
Luna was banished for a thousand years
it's been about three days since then
put the pieces together lol
Scattered updates, how fast are you normally?
Great story! Can't wait to see what's next. If you need an editor I'd be willing to help. Just pm me if interested, though I have to agree with p.k. Nothing too obvious.
2981076 I have a blog post on what I look for in an editor, take a look
2980567 i put out crimson night in 11 days
So, Gari can manipulate matter to create Cookies? Her Cutie Mark turns out to be quite matching.
Will you resume a steady shedule now?
3055982 there isn't such thing as a steady schedule for me lol. and she can manipulate matter, it's just she doesn't have good control over her own power- now especially since she has so much as an Alicorn- that she sometimes turns stuff into cookies and/or milk.
Good story.
2957799 There's nothing wrong with him saying he has a different opinion. However he was rude in his comment- and was slandering the story, rather than just disagreeing.
That was why he was wrong.
For the record, I disagree with him too. Luna had nothing but good intentions for those foals.
But I kinda get his point. Having some mare run off with the children would ruffle a lot of feathers.
And from a certain point of view it could definitely be defined as wrong.
3167112 him disliking Luna wasn't the wrong part, but honestly if he didn't like luna then he shouldn't have been anywhere near a story with luna held in such a god light, therefore no matter what point he has he is generally wrong because he came here just to slander it
Awesome. Can't wait for more!
I was goddamned right. 9000 words in half a year, and nowhere near to completion. Meanwhile started 3 other stories, all unfinished.
Let's ride someone's fame, start a project and run out of steam less than halfway through.
9000 words in half a year, and nowhere near to completion. Meanwhile started 3 other stories, all unfinished.
Let's ride someone's fame, start a project with a catchy title and run out of steam less than halfway through.
Sorry, if you can't be assed to finish it I won't be assed to start it.
3622873 ride someone else's fame?...
have you seen any of my other stories?
I'm sorry but im not sorry but if you bash what I write, I bash what you write.
this story has done better than all of your stories combined, and this is well into the lower half of my stories.
I'm sorry I have a life in which I don't spend every waking moment writing. People have other ideas while they're writing one story, and for me those other ideas override the ideas I get for the current story and it'll just drive me crazy. And for a story in which its storyline isn't my creation it's double.
I'm not going to let some ass hole who thinks he can sit here and talk down another author with mountains of superiority over them.
and I hate hypocrites.
'FoE shorts' is incomplete and hasn't been updated since april of LAST YEAR. and oh look, LESS THAN 5K WORDS.
my first, and shittiest, story that I ever posted on deviantart did better than you're doing, so next time you think you have the right to talk shit, do a little bit of research and use your brain once in a while.
3626495
>> RandomBlank ride someone else's fame?...
> have you seen any of my other stories?
The ones you finished? I did. "The Sun and her little Sparkle". Didn't like it. No conflict, no plot, cheap 'daww, loaded chekov guns left hanging unfired left and right, any hanging conflicts just resolve themselves without any resistance, and whatever serious problems existed for real get swept under the rug... A very compelling idea realized with zero flair. Orphan Twilight Adopted by Celestia stories are a very common trope, and gather a slew of upvotes even before anyone reads them. They carry a lot of potential too - potential you didn't use.
The rest of first page of your stories are Incomplete or On Hiatus. Second page is mostly gore - which I simply don't like, and then - after I saw how anticlimactic, run-off-the-mill "The Sun..." was I don't feel compelled to invest more time into your works.
> this story has done better than all of your stories combined, and this is well into the lower half of my stories.
Even though it's unfinished...
Meaning it SEEMS attractive. Then it disappoints the audience with unfulfilled promise of continuation. You surely have a talent for picking catchy ideas, and marketing your stories. Too bad that doesn't transfer to writing them well, start to finish.
> I'm sorry I have a life in which I don't spend every waking moment writing.
I have a life too. I have a few stories started too. I don't finish all my stories too. I just don't go around announcing stories I just started and then leave the readers disappointed. That's just a jerk move.
You feel so superior by getting a slew of upvotes and tons of praise for presenting another promise you don't plan to fulfill - well, here I am half a year later calling you up on your false promise and you flaunt the cheers of naive hopeful readers to deflect my arguments.
> and I hate hypocrites.
> 'FoE shorts' is incomplete and hasn't been updated since april of LAST YEAR. and oh look, LESS THAN 5K WORDS.
FoE shorts is a collection. It doesn't have a beginning or an end. Each of the "chapters" is a completely independent story standing on its own. It will never be finished and it loses nothing because of that.
3632668 I can honestly say the sun and her little sparkle was a fluke. you want to know why it never had much depth? because it was never supposed to be longer than two chapters.
and dark and romance are my specialties, especially when combined, so if you don't like that then that's not my fault.
marketing? I'm not marketing my story, I'm not marketing anything. I was raising awareness for the original and for the story behind it, which is what this story is.
this story, this story right here the one we're commenting on, it's not entirely my fault its unfinished. I got approval from Jordana on the chapters for it because it's not my world, I'm just putting it into words. It took a bit too long and I lost the drive for it far quicker than normal.
and you speak as though I tell people yes I'm going to update every single day or on these days yadda yadda
I tell people my goal and try to keep to it. If I find that I can't keep up to my goals no matter how hard I try then I let my readers know. and you know what? they understand. you're just some ass hole who came along and decided to take a shit on the way I write when you won't even touch what I put most of my effort into.
a good chunk of my stories are small ideas I have that I start and see how I like writing them. things like caged panzer and twilight was dark tonight and the likes, they never get more than a couple chapters because they're just tiny ideas. The only reason I haven't cancelled those ones is because I still enjoy the universe of them and when I finish off the stories that have a bit more to them I might like to go back to them.
and I do plan to get closure for all of my stories. I have no idea when, but I'll either finally decide to cancel, update and complete or get around to rewriting them.
3632925
All right. Going to keep you to the word. See you in a year to see if you made any progress or just making excuses.