Chapter One*
It was dark, very dark. You couldn’t see a foot in front of your face, at least until a tiny flame appeared on the tip of CandleLight's horn. It gave off enough light for the twelve foals to see each other, though only just. They were all lying on the ground.
“What just happened?” Spirit whispered.
“I-I don’t know, Gari did something... Gari what did you do?!” Tingle asked. all eyes fell on the unicorn.
“Gari? Are you ok?” Springsign asked, worry in her voice. They saw that her eyes were closed and she wasn’t moving. “Light, can you make that any brighter? I need to make sure she’s alright!” She continued, her voice gaining a frantic tone of panic. CandleLight made the flame just big enough to see the small clearing they were in clearly.
Springsign quickly checked to make sure the filly was breathing and that there weren’t any visible injuries. Gari was fine, at least from the looks of it. Everyone gained worried looks when Springsign suddenly froze.
“I-Is something wrong?” Spirit asked. Spring shook her head and moved something from Gari’s back. Candlelight moved closer to give more light and they all gasped in surprise.
“Wings?!” They all exclaimed in unison. They all stared at Gari’s unconscious form for a minute or so before Magpie noticed something. She got close to the ground, as if ready to pounce on something.
“What is it, Maggie?” Nightshade asked.
“Shiiiny...” She whispered. Nightshade followed her gaze to see that the light was reflecting off of something. Magpie suddenly dashed for it and everyone was surprised by the metallic clanging that came next. Candlelight detached the flame from his horn and set the end of a sizable branch on the ground on fire, creating a torch, and moving it to where Magpie was.
“Is that...?” A few of them said to themselves. There, in a heap of metal and Magpie, was a royal crown. Not just any crown, though, it was Luna’s crown.
“Wait a minute... Gari suddenly has wings and this here? Did mother... plan this?” Spirit asked, more to herself than anything.
“Don’t be ridiculous, I mean come on. Did you see how scary and sad she was when she told us to run? She wouldn’t ever do anything like that on purpose!” Wind Whisper exclaimed.
“Well what else do we know, then?!” Tingle exclaimed.
“Well, maybe Gari would know when she wakes up... Why is she sleeping, though?” Fly-by-night asked. The group looked at the ground for a moment to think.
“Magical exhaustion, maybe? Sometimes, if I use up a lot of magic in one big burst then I always feel really tired... And she teleported all of us here, and this doesn’t look like the forest around home..” Candlelight said. They all nodded, agreeing that it made sense.
“Well, Maggie, I don’t think we need to tell you to hold on to that... We need to find somewhere sheltered... Light, can you make some of those for the rest of us to hold?” Nightshade suggested, getting rather serious. Candlelight sighed a nodded, passing the torch to Tingle. He proceeded to make another one for himself, one for Wind Whisper to hold in his wing and one for Nightshade to hold in his mouth. He gave one to Wind because he was always the easiest to spook.
“Wind and Spring, can you stay here with Gari? Make sure she stays ok?” He continued. The two nodded and Wind was nearly touching Spring he was so close. He was shaking, but at least he hadn’t screamed or anything.
“Right, we should spread out a bit and see if we can find anywhere we can stay. Don’t go too far that you can’t see Wind’s torch, alright?” He finished, looking at his brothers and sisters. They were all a little shaken. Well, Magpie was lavishing in her excess of shinies to really have any reaction to their current situation. He couldn’t have separated her from them at the moment if he tried.
“I’ll go with Light!” Moondancer exclaimed, sticking to his side quicker than Wind had to Spring.
“I’ll go with you, Nightshade.” Spirit said, walking to his side.
“Fly and I will go with Tingle, maybe we’ll find an awesome cave with treasure!” Trot exclaimed happily, a direct contrast to how scared he looked at the moment.
“Yell if you find something or need help.” Nightshade said. Everyone nodded and the ones searching walked in three different directions.
All in all it took about ten minutes of watching the three lights in the distance move and bob around in silence before Wind Whisper broke the silence.
“M-Maggie, Y-You know you’re gonna have to give that to Gari when she w-wakes up, right?” He said. Magpie, who was sitting with the crown right in front of her, glared at him.
“He’s right, Maggie. That is for Alicorns, and the only Alicorn here is Gari now...” Springsign said. Magpie didn’t look very happy about it.
“But... I found it... It’s my only shiny here right now...” She said with a mixture of frustration and sadness. Springsign sighed.
“How about this, if Gari can’t tell us what happened then it’s yours until she can. And either way, we’ll all help you get more as long as someone else doesn’t need it.” She offered. Magpie looked between her and the regalia a few times before grumbling and pulling them closer.
“Fiiiine... But you have to promise that the next time I find something it’s mine, I might let you guys borrow it if you need it but in the end it will be mine... Alright?” She retorted.
“Deal, as long as what you find doesn’t already belong to someone.” Spring replied. Maggie just grumbled and adopted a rather sulky mood.
“We found something!” Trotamundo’s voice called loud enough for them all to hear. Two of the lights quickly rushed towards the third.
“H-Here... I’ll uh, I’ll have one of them wave a torch around if it’s something good. Bring Gari if it is, ok?” Wind suggested, holding the torch out to Spring. She nodded and took the torch and Wind quickly charged towards the lights. He was scared out of his mind, Spring guessed that all the sitting idly was wearing him down.
---
“Wind? Is something wrong?” Spirit asked when the pegasus burst into the radius of the torches. He was breathing heavily and shaking.
“N-No, no... I-I-I just... couldn’t sit there for any longer... It was freaky!” He replied. Spirit rolled her eyes and they looked at the massive cave entrance in the side of a mountain hidden by the trees. Well, massive to them.
“What if there’s an animal in there, and it’s not friendly?” Nightlight said.
“Well what i it is friendly and invites us in?” Trotamundo retorted.
“Only one way to find out.” Nightshade said around his torch and walked in. Spirit, TIngle and his group followed him in while Light and Moon stayed out.
The cave wasn’t overly large, but it wasn’t small by any stretch of the imagination. They heard the sound of running water rebounding around the walls and soon found a few small pools of underground water.
“Do you think it’s safe to drink?” Spirit asked.
“Well let’s test it.” Nightlight said.
“No!” Nightshade, Spirit and Tingle exclaimed at the same time. The filly froze where she was about to try it. “It could be polluted or something, even if it is running a little bit. Tingle, zap the water.” Nightshade continued, putting his hoof in. Tingle gave him a strange look, but shrugged and did as he was told. Nightshade flinched a little bit that was it.
“How much power did you put into that?” Nightshade asked, taking his hoof from the water.
“Enough to put you on your flank if it was direct.” Tingle replied. He had an impressed face, probably thinking Nightshade withstood such a big shock with such a small reaction.
“It should be good to drink... The more pure water is the less conductivity it has.” Nightshade said.
“Wow! I didn’t know you were so smart, Nightshade.” Nightlight said, looking at him with a look of awe on her face.
“Wait, so you barely felt it?” Tingle asked.
“No I felt it, it just wasn’t as nearly as powerful as you said. I think this is spring water.” Nightshade replied.
“I’ll go tell Candlelight to signal Springsign to bring Gari over here.” Wind Whisper said and dashed of back towards the entrance. Nightlight took a small drink of it, swished it around her mouth and then continued drinking.
“So it’s good?” Tingle asked. She nodded. Everyone quickly took big drinks as Wind returned with the others.
“How is she?” Nightshade asked, water dripping from his muzzle as he turned to see Spring and Wind carrying Gari.
“I think she’s starting to wake up, she’s been mumbling and stirring.” Spring replied as they set her down. Maggie was behind them, carrying the crown on her back and using her wings to make sure it didn’t fall.
Gari chose that moment to open her eyes tiredly and groan.
“Gari!” They all exclaimed. “What happened?!” Spirit asked. Gari looked up at them.
“I-I dunno... Just, suddenly a place and a spell appeared in my mind and I used it without thinking...” The filly replied, slurring her speech a little bit. Her head was pounding from using so much magic. Springsign quickly helped her over to the spring, where she greedily drank.
“H-Hey!” Magpie exclaimed suddenly. The regalia was enveloped in a silvery magic, like the magic that saturated the moon dust, and was floating.
“What is... is that...?” Gari said, turning to look after drinking.
“It’s mother’s crown, do you know why it appeared here? Also, why you have wings?” Nightshade asked, sitting down in front of her.
“What are you talking about? I’m a uni-...” Gari started, but froze as she unintentionally moved her right wing forward to look at it. She yelped and fell sideways away from it. “W-What?!” She exclaimed.
“Think, Gari, do you remember anything that could be linked to this?” Spirit asked. The others were silent. Gari looked at the floor after standing up, deep in though. It took a minute or so but she remembered something.
“Mom’s crown... I-I remember one time I touched it and it... zapped me or something. I felt all weird and stuff but it went away so fast... I... Could that have done something?” She explained. Before any of the others could reply, though, the regalia moved. Gari backed up as it came towards her, but after a moment she held still and it slowly fitted to their places on her body. The crown atop her head, the shoes over her hooves and the chestplate over her front. A perfect fit.
“What does this mean?” Gari asked, looking at her brothers and sisters.
“I... guess it means you’re a Princess now.” Spirit said.
“Cool! My sis is a Princess!” Trotamundo exclaimed.
“But... I don’t wanna be a Princess! I don’t know what to do or anything!” Gari retorted. Everyone went silent.
“Well we can decide what to do later, all I know right now is that it’s in the middle of the night and we have some shelter. We should sleep and rest.” Springsign suggested.
“Good idea, thinking is too hard to do much anyways, especially when you’re tired.” Nightlight said.
“I’m with Nightlight.” Candlelight said with a bit of a chuckle. Soon they all agreed that they should rest and decide what to do in the morning.
After some discussion they decided that they shouldn’t sleep right next to the spring, but not at the mouth of the cave either. They searched for a little bit and found a decently sized alcove that could easily fit all of them. Nightshade and Magpie, the latter a bit flustered at losing her shinies, left and returned ten minutes later dragging a few large branches with soft leaves on them in. They used it as bedding and huddled together to keep warm with their body heat.
“I hope Mommy’s ok... She and her sister were really mad at each other...” Nightlight said softly.
“So do we, Nightlight...” The others agreed.
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I like Magpie, she has OSD. (Ooh Shiny Disorder or OSD: A condition where an individual has a moderate to unhealthy degree of attraction to objects that glow or shine. It is commonly confused with greed as coins and gems, being shiny in nature, are the most common items collected by the individual with OSD. Milder cases are able to hold attraction to a single shiny object while extreme cases can be described as having a dragon's greed.)
But I also like Gari, not because she's an alicorn but because she had emerald eyes. I guess I have a thing for green eyes.
2952099 we've only just scratched the surface of their personalities
Maggie and Nightshade are my favorite characters and they have a rather good synergy when Maggie isn't obsessing over shinies
Luna as caucasian Chechen bandit kidnaped children and took them away to mountains. These children plainly didn't know anything about the world, about the good and evil, had no skills necessary for a survival.
And delusional fandom like it! Luna is cursed kidnaper! She commited several crimes against world itself! She is villain by all means! But noooou... bunch of nerds like her because she is lonely and cute...
P.S. I have no claims to the author of this story.
this is a spoiler question and I don't expect an answer, but many of your story has gore and mature on them and that makes me worried that some foals will die.
Wow... Just- wow...
Me being speechless is a good thing in this situation... although I saw many grammatical mistakes in this chapter, and advise you to get someone to fix that.
2956173 well i've been saying I'm accepting editors for a couple weeks now, nobody ever seems interested so you can't blame that part on me
2955881 nah, nothing like that. I was told to keep it something like an older movie like secret of nihm.
2955678 you came to the wrong neighborhood motherfucker. it's not a kidnapping if they have nobody to care for them and they go willingly
2956247 Not saying that, just commenting that you need an editor
I would offer to be your editor but I have too much going on right now.
2956247
Sense of the word "child". Means following:
1 . The minor individual completely doesn't understand values of his/her actions.
2 . Can't bear responsibility for commiting of such actions.
Characters in your history and an original video are children. Yes, they went for Luna voluntarily, but only for the reason that she misled them. In effect she misled them for the purpose of kidnaping. And those were glad to follow because "the magic princess promised them the best life", and as a result she threw them and left to the mercy of fate. Why? Egoism and stupidity. For the same motives she nearly ruin the whole world.
I don't understand fans of this character. Equestria`s most terrible criminal is behind a mask of the "cute pony", and fans acquit her and erect to a pedestal. Idiots.
P.S. Mthrfucker here is only your father. Because he banged your mother. Owing to what she postponed an egg from which something which wrote this story hatched. Yes, story is slipshod. The author, firstly learn how to write, and after - publish your uglinesses and feel shame.
2956500 The character of luna wasn't expanded upon at all, all we got is a vague history and a halloween episode. What you're saying is just your take on her, and leave it at that. Everyone here except you loves Luna, or else they wouldn't be here.
and this story isn't even ABOUT Luna, it's about the twelve foals.
She did not mislead them, she offered a better life for them and they got a better life for how long it lasted.
Characters in my other stories aren't children, really, they just aren't old enough to be considered adults. According to your logic, age doesn't matter whether or not you are a child.
you have a completely idealistic and moronic view on what children are, and you have no basis for your assumptions of Luna.
and again, she didn't kidnap them. She sang her song , promising a better life, and the foals followed. where she gave them a better life
now this is the end of the conversation. I will delete any further moronic comments you make so unless you want to give actual criticism instead of idealistic and moronic hate, then just leave. If you don't like the character then why'd you even come here?
but I already know that answer so don't bother
2956672 ah whatever. not that big a deal, I'm not going for ponifying their speech too much anyways
2956690
>Writes a story about a video he is obsessed with;
>Doesn't give a shit about errors.
2956684 OMG there are really Luna haters out there that's sad. I may love Luna and she may be my favourite princess but i can guarantee i have never nor will ever say anything damning about Celestia. And for someone to hate one or the other is pretty petty.
2957752 I'm not obsessed with it, it's just one of the best animations I've seen in a long time. And this isn't 'just a story', it's 'the' story behind it. and you're obviously not familiar with any of my other works so you don't know that I don't have an editor, even though I've said that I'm looking for one. I also normally write between 2-6 am, so some things get past my look-over. and as long as it's not story breaking then the only time I fix errors is when I go back and re-read things
2957787
Oh yeah. I can see why you don't have editors.
2957780 slandering not only my story, but the story of such a well done piece of work doesn't help it... I don't care if he hates Luna, but neither does he need to bring it here nor should he think we care about his opinions when they conflict our own
2957793 All I'd need an editor for is the little grammar and spelling derps I do, and at the most I'd just replace the old chapter with the fixed one when they get done with it.
and besides, sometimes I can put out 10 chapters a day or 1 in three months at random, I had an editor once. he left
Intriguing thus far, even if they're just the first two chapters. I like the idea of them getting lost in the middle of nowhere where they must struggle to survive. That and your writing style isn't bad. I'll wait with anything further till I've read more. Also, are you willing to make a presumption of how long this might be (and how "Dark" for that matter)?
2958297 I have no idea, but the dark part is more of an underlying theme than I normally do. The most we'll be seeing is a bit of blood every now and then to show the severity of a situation. at least that's what I'm thinking, dunno if it'll actually happen. who knows? lol
Profiled to read tomorrow after work.