Luna wants her own colony, one that will thrive when Equestria is ravaged by poverty and sadness after Discord runs rampant. When Celestia denies her request, Luna takes matters into her own hooves.
A tale that sparks a legend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Based off of "Children of the Night" by Duo Cartoonist
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I can't wait to read more!
Interesting, I look forward to seeing what Luna will do.
Just an aside. Even though the 'Children of the Night' project has been known and in development for a year, this is only the third story that I've seen inspired by it.
Its a promising beginning, but one thing that definitely needs changing:
Ponyville did not exist before Luna's fall as Nightmare Moon. Remember the episode "Family Appreciation Day" when Granny Smith told the story of how Ponyville was founded by her family when she was still a filly? Ponyville's only been around for a hundred years or so, at most.
Celestia and Luna are sisters; they shouldn't address each other by formal titles when in private.
Hyphenate compound adjectives like "starry-haired". Any time you have two words acting together as a single adjective, hyphenate them.
And be careful of typos:
Spell checkers don't catch everything.
They can only tell you if the word is a word, not whether it's the right word.
Pretty darn good. I like it, can't wait for more!
Thank you guys so much! I looked through again and fixed spelling/grammar mistakes. I was hoping to be one of the first, though the video is so popular that I am bound to be one of many!
Again, thank you all for reading/commenting!
This is very well written! Out of all the "Children of the Night" fanfics I have read, this is by far the best.
2963954
Thank you so much! I am glad you like it :)
Love this fic so far!
Thank thee.
soon thay shall call thee mommy luna
Oh dear.
Also, I like.
"passed", not "past"
(Also, thou may find this guide helpful to thee, o scribe: )
Thee, Thou, Thy, Thine: A Guide for Writers
(Thou art confusing thy pronouns somewhat, we fear.)
(Thank you, Luna.)
2995644
AH thank you! I admit I was feeling a bit confused, but now I can change them to be correct! Much appreciated!
Reminded me of this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1t8-_pI1-9Q&list=PL6vGZP5cjRixXQWE4sVlPf_T5YUPR-BFC&index=3
3012319
The original animation of that song is what inspired me to write this! I'm glad I remained true to the theme!
this is celestia's price for ignoring her sister now it begins long live the night.
And so, the 1000 years begin.....
2995644 I was just about to comment on that, thank you
A word of advice, I noticed that throughout eat chapter you quote in italics words that are from the song and from the first episode of the show. It is proper educate to mark that in " " as well as quote the location of your findings. This keeps you from the copy right laws. Please consider this for future editing. BTW you could make your story longer and more detailed if you reread and focused on painting a picture in the minds of your readers. I do this by describing every little detail of each scene. If you want I can help you on my free days.