Being helpful
Applejack, as all ponies in the tight-knit community of Ponyville knew, liked helping her friends. Yes indeedy, it was pretty much what she was about. Why, hadn’t there been that one time when the Mayor had organised a big ol’ fuss of a thanks-for-saving-the-town-AJ ceremony where her friends had been falling over each other to say how helpful she was? Yessirree, there darn well had been! So no surprises at all that here she was, helping a friend out, right? Because Applejack was the kind of pony who was always happy to—
It was too much. Applejack burst into a fit of full-bellied giggles.
“Applejack,” came the prim voice of the pony on the receiving end of Applejack’s ‘helpfulness’. “Do you mind? This is no laughing matter.”
With a little effort, Applejack managed to get the giggles under control, but there was no way in Equestria she was going to stop smirking. Not at this! Yup, today’s Sisterhooves Social was going to be one for the books.
“Jus’ go on right ahead, Rarity, don’t mind me.”
So apparently Rarity and Sweetie had had some kind of falling out yesterday, and now Sweetie flat out was not talking to her sister. Real proper “Applejack, please tell my not-sister that...” business.
While Applejack reckoned Sweetie would get over it eventually, Rarity had seemed mighty serious about making amends—which was actually pretty admirable of her, in Applejack’s books—so Applejack, being the helpful pony she was, had stayed up late last night planning out the details of a way for Rarity to make it up to Sweetie. They’d come up with a pretty good plan, if she did say so herself, and she was sure it would bring Rares and Sweetie back together in no time, but, and here was the thing, it had somehow ended up involving Rarity jumping in a big ol’ pit of mud.
It had been a joke suggestion. See, last night, a little after the fillies had gone to bed, and Applejack’s supply of “being a good big sister” advice was beginning to run dry, Rarity had an epiphany. Real dramatic epiphany, Rarity being Rarity. She would run with her sister in tomorrow's race after all. Next problem was that with Sweetie not even talking to Rares, how was that going to happen?
That had dampened spirits for a while until Applejack had idly commented that ponies who fell in the pit always came out unrecognisable because of the mud, so perhaps she could try that? Instead of an immediate dismissal, or perhaps even an angry rise from a Rarity who had been entirely too somber that evening to be any fun, she had gotten a hesitant: “do you... do you think that could work?”
Applejack hadn’t been expecting that.
Long story short, prissy unicorn now stood by icky mud, brought there by the folly of her own hoof. Applejack reckoned she’d let the unicorn live it down eventually...
A year at most. Two on the outside.
Rarity reached out with a tentative hoof, letting it hover over the surface a moment before drawing it back like the pit was full of snakes. She was all done up fancy as always, mane curled and styled, and her various mysterious powders applied.
Well...
Er...
Damn. Primer, foundation, powder, blush. Highlights presumably, with mascara for the eyelashes, and a sheening agent for her coat. Eyeshadow and eyeliner too.
Applejack always felt a bit embarrassed about knowing those words.
“Oh, before I forget, I got you a snorkel,” Applejack added, with an innocent grin.
“Excuse me, snorkel?”
“Well, unless you're planning some kind of highfalutin unicorn magic to help you breathe...” Applejack reached back and pulled a brand new snorkel out of her saddlebags with her teeth. It was pink and lime green and bright blue, about Rarity’s size. That was why Applejack had selected it, because it looked about her size, certainly not because of the clashing colours. She gave it a waggle for good measure. “...’or gona eed ish.”
With a flick of her neck, Applejack flung the snorkel at Rarity, who caught it in her magic. There it hovered slightly further than hoofslength away.
“It’s... that deep?”
“Sugarcube, yer gonna have to lay down and duck your head under if this is gonna work,” Applejack replied.
“You want me to put my head under that!” Rarity exclaimed, eyes widening. “As in, all the way under?”
Applejack glanced at the pit, and back to Rarity. “Why, I do believe yer gonna have to. ‘Case you haven’t noticed, sugarcube, I’m orange. Ah think the game would be well and truly given away if mah head suddenly turned white.” Applejack explained, adding: “jus’ think of all the bits you’ll save on spa mud.”
Facial mask, supplied a helpful part of her noggin. She told it to shut up. Sometimes being willfully ignorant about certain topics was hard work.
“Right, of course,” said Rarity, who stretched her hoof out again, shying just short of the surface. Applejack sighed. The unicorn really was out of sorts today. Applejack had been hoping to provoke some sort of bickering, or an argument, or something.
“Well, you might as well get on—”
“Yes, yes, give me a minute,” Rarity interrupted. “I need a moment to prepare myself... mentally.”
Prepare mentally? What in the name of all things pony did she need to prepare mentally for? Well, Rarity could be a mite strange at the best of times, and that was the truth.
Applejack stepped back to give the unicorn some space, but all she did was keep staring at the mud. When she eventually leaned forward, Applejack’s grin grew as she prepared to savor the moment, but the unicorn just skittered back again. The grin faded and Applejack let out an exasperated sigh.
“Look, Rares, we don’t have a lot of time. Granny’s gonna start the race soon and I need to get back to our sisters before I’m missed.”
Just because Sweetie and Bloom were only two thirds of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, didn’t mean Applejack wanted them loose and unsupervised for too long. The Crusaders had been fairly well behaved lately—which to Applejack’s thinking, meant they were due a disaster any day now, sure as sugar, and when it came she didn’t want it happening anywhere near the farm for a change.
Rarity just continued her staring contest with the muck, acknowledging Applejack with only a nod. Her barrel rose and fell as she took a few deep breaths. Applejack ground her teeth together. She really should have seen this coming.
Now why wouldn’t the unicorn just jump in the mud like she said she would? It wasn’t hard. Applejack could sort of get Rarity’s usual desire to avoid dirt. Putting on all those cosmetics was work, and Applejack could understand a pony not wanting to spoil done work, but the silly pony knew what she was doing today. Sure, all that makeup and styling must have taken at least an hour, but that was her own fault for putting it on in the first place. Why had she even bothered?
Growing impatient, Applejack took a step back. “The muck ain’t gonna hurt you, Rarity. Watch.”
With her best “yeehaa”, she lept past Rarity at full gallop to land right in the smack bang middle of the pit. It was thick and gooey, just the right mixture of dirt and water, and came up to her barrel.
Rarity let out a high pitched whine, jumping away from stray droplets that splashed in her direction. She quickly inspected her flanks, for dirt Applejack supposed.
“Applejack! You nearly—”
“Tarnation, Rarity, you’re going in here anyway!”
“I—” Rarity faltered for a heartbeat. “What I mean to say is, even though I may well intend to get... messy myself in a moment's time, it isn’t very nice to splash mud at another pony.”
Sighing, Applejack clambered out. The unicorn even backed away from her as she did so. “See Rarity? Ah’m fine. It don’t hurt at all.”
“I can see that Applejack,” Rarity replied testily, biting her verbs. “I know dirt does not actually hurt ponies. I am not a simpleton.”
“Well what’s the problem?”
“It’s just... I...” Rarity’s face scrunched up and her expression looked... pained? “I...”
“Come on Rarity, it’s just a little mud. Me and Big Mac get muddy all the time.” Images of the unsupervised Crusaders somehow managing to innocently burn down one of her barns were filling her head. She was itching to get back. “Sure your mane is going to get spoilt, but it don’t matter that much.”
“I...” Rarity bit her lip hard, before twisting her head away and letting out a strangled-sounding snarl. Before Applejack could react, she turned and, head down, retreated at a full gallop.
Applejack squeezed her eyes shut and buried her head in a fetlock. Why did that pony have to go and make everything so complicated?
After a few deep breaths, she opened her eyes and was greeted by sight of the mud. She looked up. The sun was high in the sky, the stalls were nearly set up, and colourful bunting was hung all across the acres. Already, little knots of ponies were wandering over to the track. Across the way, Mac was busy setting up the stage. He waved as he caught her eye, so Applejack waved back. Neither Apple Bloom nor Sweetie were anywhere to be seen.
She looked back down at the mud. It was, as she’d observed, a perfect mix of muck and water. You had to really work to get it right, not so thin as to be just brown water, not so thick that a pony wouldn’t sink in and get properly covered. Somepony fell in every year, and watching whoever it was clamber out, coat all covered, was part of the fun. Always smiles all round, they were.
It did smell a little, now that she thought about it. Runoff from the fields probably got mixed in somehow, but that didn’t make it dangerous. Applejack reached forward with a hoof and touched the surface. There was a little grass sod that had managed to hold together, and over there some of last year’s still-rotting leaves that had floated to the surface. In fact, maybe they should have given it all another mix or two, because there were still quite a few lumps, to tell the truth.
Applejack sighed. “Sure it ain’t pleasant,” she said to herself, “but it’ll wash off.”
Shaking her head, she turned and noticed, to her surprise, that Rarity hadn’t gone far. Only as far as Josh and Marcel, a pair of nearby apple trees.
Against her better judgement, Applejack decided to give it a second go. She trotted over to where Rarity sat in Marcel’s shade, hunched over facing the trunk. Her choice of company was appropriate really. Applejack had always considered Marcel to be the kind of tree that liked to put on airs.
“Look, er, sugarcube...” she began.
Rarity swung her head round. “Oh. Hello Applejack.”
A moment passed, in which Rarity got to her hooves. As she did so, she straightened her tail with a flick of her back legs while also adjusting her mane. She didn’t seem to notice what she was doing.
“Rares...”
Whatever Applejack was going to say was silenced. Rarity was an expressive pony, and her face hosted hundreds of facades. But now Applejack was seeing that rarest of Rarity’s faces. Sincerity.
“I don’t think I can do it,” was all she said. Her voice was soft, quiet, and so very unlike Rarity. Gone even was some of her upper class diction.
“What do you mean, you can’t do it?”
“Just that,” Rarity said. “I don’t think I can do it, Applejack.”
“Look, Rarity, I know this ain’t easy for you,” Applejack said, struggling to come up with some pep talk. She moved to put a comforting hoof on Rarity’s shoulder but thought better of it. Probably not a good idea right now, what with being covered in muck and all. “Now I know you put a lot of effort into always looking your best, but Sweetie will really appreciate this. So do it for her. What do ya say?” She put on her best encouraging smile.
The result was not the one Applejack had hoped for. If anything, Rarity looked even more dejected. “I know this is for Sweetie. The only reason I’m even considering this is for Sweetie. It’s just that when I actually try and go through with it, I just can’t.”
Applejack remained silent. She wanted to reply, tell Rarity that dirt wouldn’t be a problem if she’d just stop being so prissy for one second, but something told her to listen instead.
“You’ve probably been wondering about the makeup, haven’t you?”
“Well, I didn’t want to say nothing, but...”
Rarity looked away. “It just... didn’t feel right to go out without something on,” she said. “I’d feel wrong all day if I didn’t.
“I don’t know how you do it,” she gestured at Applejack’s mud soaked flanks. “When I look at that pit, all I can see is that mud clinging to my coat, working its way between my hairs until it gets to my skin and...” Rarity winced, “...and then it’s all over me. And I know with enough washing it will just come off, but...” She faltered. “I want my sister back, and all I have to do is get a little dirty, that’s all, and I thought I could do it, but it turns out I really can’t, and what does that say about me?”
Applejack cleared her throat while trying to think of what to say. Her hooves and forelegs were seeming rather interesting right now. She noted that she’d probably have to hose them down before picking up Bloom and Sweetie.
On the other side of the field, Granny Smith was hobbling to where Mac had set up the little raised stage area. Applejack watched her climb into her rocking chair.
This was silly. Rarity was just being Rarity and if she’d just listen to reason for one apple-buckin’ moment, she’d see she was making a big fuss over nothing and—
Applejack remembered a time not so long ago, apologizing for not taking the fears of another pony seriously to a pair impossibly old, knowing eyes. They had been disappointed, but they were forgiving eyes too. They made her want to try just that little bit harder, be just a little bit better of a pony. They’d all written their first genuine, bona fide letter to the princess back then, and what had it said?
“You can’t step in the mud,” Applejack said. It was not a question.
“I can’t step in the mud,” Rarity echoed. “I just can't.”
“Rarity, I reckon I owe you an apology, I didn’t realize the dirt was so, so...” Applejack struggled for a word. Bad? Terrifying? Terrifying dirt? She still didn’t understand, but that didn’t make it not true either.
“Oh, no, no, no,” Rarity answered quickly. “I’m the silly pony here.”
Applejack almost laughed. The pair of them were flank to flank, both doing their best to not look at each other. This kind of talk was awkward enough for the both of them.
“Look, Rarity, you don’t have to do this, you know,” Applejack said. “Sure Sweetie’s mighty mad at you right now, but she’ll come around eventually. That’s what sisters do. You’ll see. Jus’ say you’re sorry when she does, and next time try to not make the same mistakes. No need to put yourself through all this.”
Applejack stopped looking at the grass, and glanced round to see how this was being taken.
“No Applejack, that is not acceptable.” Rarity’s voice cracked a little. “It is not acceptable that... that not getting a little muddy is apparently more important than my own sister. I won’t have it.”
“Look, there are probably other ways you can—” Applejack began, but she was cut off.
“No, I said I won’t have it.” Rarity fixed Applejack with a intense stare. “I want you to do me a favor.” Rarity turned her back to Applejack. She straightened her spine, holding her head high and closing her eyes. “Throw me in the pit.”
“Rares?”
“I want you. To throw me in the pit,” Rarity repeated, eyes still shut. “You’re stronger than me. I want you to grab me. And no matter what I say or what I do. I want you. To get me. In that pit.”
Applejack looked from Rarity, to the pit, back to Rarity. As she did, her imagination conjured up slimy brown gunk that wrapped itself around her, working its way through her hairs until she felt like she was suffocating. Those rotting leaves from last year got stuck in her mane, and the stench of the fields worked its way into her nostrils.
“Rarity, I ain’t throwing you in there if it’s gonna hurt you.”
“Mud isn’t going to hurt me, you said it yourself—”
“Rares!”
“Applejack, we’ve been friends for a while now. I need you to do this for me. I need you to be my bravery for me, because I’m not brave enough myself. Just...” Rarity’s still closed eyes scrunched up. “Just do it.”
Applejack stared at the rigid form of the other mare, silent for a moment.
“Okay then.” Applejack licked her lips. “I’ll do it.”
Steeling herself, she ducked her head and charged, aiming to hook her neck under her friend’s barrel. A tiny, high pitched squeal escaped from the other pony as she was thrown over Applejack’s back.
The next few seconds passed in a blur of flailing limbs and motion as Applejack staggered back towards the pit as fast as she could manage. Rarity didn’t actively try and throw herself off, but she did struggle in a panicked, uncoordinated way. To Applejack’s surprise, she didn’t use any magic or even say anything, but Applejack got kicked twice, hard enough to leave bruises.
They reached the pool together, and with a heave, Applejack threw the other pony off. There was a mighty splash followed by a few high pitched whimpers that made Applejack wince. She couldn’t look. She tore her hat off and hid behind it.
After a second or two, the splashing and whimpers stopped. Cautiously, Applejack peered over the top of her hat. In the middle of the pool was a vaguely pony-shaped mound of brown sludge. A heartbeat later two large blue eyes appeared. It lifted a shaking foreleg above the surface for inspection.
“You... you alright, Rarity?” Applejack asked, still mostly behind her hat. She found she was biting her lip.
“Why yes, Applejack,” came the response after a moment. “I do believe so. It is, after all, only a little mud.” The normally immaculate mare tittered hesitantly. “In fact, now that I’m here, it doesn’t seem so bad after all.”
“You sure?” she asked again.
“Yes, Applejack,” came the response. “I’m fine.”
“Well, glad-ta hear it,” Applejack said, feeling a little more relieved. She knew her friend well enough to know that if she was back to being stubborn as a mule, she had to be at least mostly all right, and that would have to be good enough for now. “Lookin’ mighty fine there, partner.”
“Laugh if you must, but with a little effort, perhaps I shall figure out how to pull this look off,” Rarity replied. “You, on the other hand, look like a haystack, as always.”
Applejack bust out laughing, but mentally she added: yup, stubborn as a mule. She’ll be fine.
Rarity’s mud covered flanks and hindquarters appeared as she got to all fours. She shook her head. “Well, I suppose I shall just wait here until it’s time.”
Applejack reached back into her saddlebags again to retrieve the second item her friend would be needing. “Here, you’re gunna need this,” she said, flicking an old, battered Stetson in Rarity’s direction. It caught on Rarity’s horn and dropped neatly on her friend’s head.
Those blue eyes blinked through the mat of mud. “Applejack, you have more than one of those?”
“Don’t go spreading that around, ya’hear?” Applejack snorted. “I gots me a reputation to keep up. Anyway, here’s the—”
“Oh no,” Rarity cut her off, eyeing the snorkle. “Just because I am sitting here, covered in filth, wearing a Stetson, does not mean I cannot have standards. There are lines I will not cross.”
“Sugar—”
“Hum, hum, humm.” The eyes vanished again, as a hoof was raised. Somehow, the pony-shaped pile of mud managed to look like it was holding its nose in the air. “Do not forget Applejack, that I am a unicorn. Just do your part this afternoon and don’t worry about me not being seen.”
A blue-tinted white glow appeared near Rarity’s forehead, visible despite being hidden by the hat.
“Oh and Applejack,” Rarity said, pausing in the middle of the spell. “Not a word of this to Sweetie or the others. Ya hear?”
The glowing rapidly crescendoed in brilliance, causing Applejack to have to blink. When she was able to see again, all that was left was the muddy hole. The clumps of sod floating on the mud appeared completely undisturbed. She raised an eyebrow.
Well, it was probably best to leave the unicorn stuff to the unicorns. Rarity would be in there somewhere and it was best not to think too hard about exactly where.
“I hear ya, Rares,” Applejack said. “Don’t you worry, mah Iips are sealed.”
With a chuckle, Applejack broke off into a canter back to the homestead to hose herself down.
Yup, helping her friends. That was basically what she was all about.
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So this is an idea that's been bouncing around in my head since pretty much when I first saw the episode. That moment where we find out it was Rarity running the race all along, especially given everything about her about her feelings towards dirt, was undoubtedly a crowning moment of awesome for the series. But as soon as I saw Rarity shake off all that mud, I wondered "what, she actually went ahead and forced herself into that pit? That's so, so moving."
So I really needed something short to get back into writing after a long period of life constantly getting in the way of things, so I yanked the idea off the idea pile, and here we are. As usual, many thanks to my prereaders who were cruel enough to be kind enough to tell me the first draft really sucked. Seriously, it was better I found out sooner rather than later.
I also learned I cannot write in Applejack's voice for toffee. If anything in the above readers like Applejack at all, it was probably down to poking and prodding from my prereaders.
This story is dedicated to everyone who has said Applejack is "to perfect" to learn Very Important Lessons About Friendship.
---
DeftFunk has done a reading of this story.
That's what friends are for; helping you do what needs to be done that you don't have the willpower to do yourself. And your Applejack voice is perfect. The more you try to make it 'sound' like the show, the more jarring it is to read. (something I have found out the hard way)
A nice little story.
I didn't have any problem with the AJ there, particularly the quiet grumbling about knowing the proper names for prissy fancy-society things.
And I have no trouble believing that Rarity would agonize like this, only to in the end nobly demand that she be cast into the pit in spite of herself. Naturally, only to resolve that with a 'huh, you know, it's not that bad'.
I like it!
Very nice. Excellent AJ, excellent Rarity.
2951706
My main problem is that I don't come from America and I have not really spent any time around anyone with the accent. In fact, one of my prereaders told me my initial attempt sounded a bit Yorkshire; rural true, but a few thousand miles off-target. I didn't even know there was a difference between a South Western and a South Eastern accent. Bradel and Toafan really helpful here.
The other issue was word choice. I really had to force myself away from using long, complicated sentences that just didn't read like Applejack and I found that hard.
You got inspired by that episode too, huh?
I covered a similar story near the beginning of my stay here but I took a different route where Rarity actually loves the dirt and the filth but she deliberately wears the mask of style, grace and order like a Canterlot snob not only to sell her goods but herself in order to maintain her business. Sort of a "Methinks she doth protest too much" sort of thing.
2951783 Tim Wilson has some of the best bits on the various strains of 'Southern' spoken 'round here, including one he did on the Bob and Tom show (From the 'I Could Be Wrong' album). It's research. Honest. That's what I tell my wife when I buy his albums or I'm listening to First Baptist Bar and Grill at full volume.
Now this was really cute, I also commend you on your Applejack accent. While its American southern in nature, even Ashleigh Ball said its based on certain famous people and not a regional accent. I'm going to have to read your other stories now!
(THY TALE–)
(Ahem. "Indoor voice", Luna.)
(Thy tale of muddy shenanigans hath amused Us greatly, humorous scribe!)
(Ugh. The things I do for a paycheck around here...)
(Wait... we're s'posed ta be gettin' paid fer this?)
(Oh, be quiet.)
Yeah, there are only so many apple-themed parables one can churn out at any given time.
A fantastic story, not least because of how wonderfully you've burrowed into Applejack's mind.
...that sounded less creepy in my head. Anyway, the narration may be third-person, but it's so distinctly Applenese that it's practically turning orange. A great little tale of two friends trying their best with what they have to work with.
Bravo! A delightful tale and both AJ and Rarity felt very much in character.
You really have a hand for the nice, short and sweet. Excellent work on this.
2951783
I actually tried to write a pony with a Yorkshire accent. Didn't come off very well.
Beautiful peace. Thank you.
GhostOfHeraclitus sent me here...
I really enjoyed this story. Short, sweet, and to the point.
Sisterhooves Social was my favourite episode, (as the youngest of 5, I can identify with Sweetie and the little sibling/big sibling dynamic) and I love how you fleshed out and explained Rarity's actions and back story.
Very enjoyable! "Short, sweet and to the point" is indeed a good description. And funny, too!
If fanfiction were weed, then I would be so out of it right now I would actually think this analogy (metaphor?) makes sense.
There isn't enough praise I can give to people who recognize the importance of Lesson Zero and include it in their work.
Bravo! That was very short, sweet and had just the right atmosphere.
À la prochaine~
Who would have thought you could make Rarity's normally played for laughs aversion to dirt so seriously.
APPROVE
2951783
Just to make things even more confusing, I don't think Applejack's accent is southwestern (Texas drawl) but rather Appalachian (also called a hillbilly accent, but that is a VERY prejudiced term and not really very accurate), which is VERY similar to southwestern.
Yeah, I seriously don't get how some people completely ignore this and say Rarity is a horrible sister.
As for Applejack being too perfect, my early impression of her was actually that she was kind of judgemental and intolerant of differences, so she's definitely learned her share of friendship lessons so far, and I like her much more now than I used to.
Rarity and AJ learn a lot from each other, I think.
Epic Applejack. To actually work lesson zero into the story like that, with a light reference, and... Celestia, that was just right. I was actually kind of impressed by the AJ themed third person narration. I didn't really expect it to make sense, but it ended up being a very unobtrusive way of making her thoughts part of the story. AJ's sudden empathy with Rarity as she's about to throw her into the pit was really quite powerful.
This is really sort of a "deleted scene" for sisterhooves, and though it wouldn't really work in the episode, as it would spoil the surprise, it really makes the resolution more impressive. These events are, of course, implied, but it's still another thing entirely to flesh it out and watch it go down. Thanks for that.
2953779
And yet I still dream of writing a long epics someday. Ah well, learn to walk before you run and all that.
2953972
It probably helps (or hinders in this case) that I come from about that part of the UK.
2956576
That has to be one of the strangest compliments I've ever received. I think I understand what you mean...
2961828
I did actually read a few accounts written by people with obsessive compulsive disorder while writing and editing this. I may make expand on this in a blog post sometime, assuming I find the time and motivation to do so because I uncovered a few things that surprised me that don't fit the stereotype.
For example, did you know that sufferers can end up living in squallier because when they start tidying, they end up focusing in on particular thing to tidy and wont stop until it's perfect? Sort of depth-first tidying. With this view, tidying a house seems like an impossibly huge task and they end up not tidying at all. Puts that bit in Loop Before you Sleep where Rarity starts ineffectually tidying a bookcase in a new light, doesn't it?
I couldn't really find a good description of what a compulsion bit of OCD feels like, unfortunately, other than the sufferer feels intense anxiety so I tried my best to convey that. I can only hope I did it justice.
Really though, it's not necessary to know enjoy the fic. Applejack certainly doesn't know exactly what is wrong, but she knows enough to know that something is wrong.
2965018
That and Sweetie really did manage to wreck a few of Rarity's things. Rarity getting annoyed is understandable. Rarity is Sweetie's sister, not her mother, and siblings do fight from time to time. Rarity quickly realised she'd gone too far that time and moved to make things up to Sweetie. Honestly, I find Rarity and Sweetie more interesting than AJ and Bloom because they are very different, and it's not always easy for them to get along.
2983872
Thank you. I'm particularly happy that Applejack's moment of empathy. It's one of the paragraphs the story was supposed to be building to, so I'm glad it worked for you. As for the narrative mode, mixing character thoughts with my 3rd person limited is something I like to do. I know Bradel has told me he likes to do the opposite, and prefers to always delineate them with italics.
I suppose it doesn't make much sense if you ask the question "who is doing the narration". It's not Applejack because it's not in first person, but who is it? I'm not sure there is actually an answer.
2984368
ked up that is. You can't just buck up, or rally against it. Applejack's feelings of incomprehension show this very well. She doesn't understand it. At all. But she is a good enough friend to support Rarity, regardless.
I know someone with a mild form of OCD. I has gotten him fired from jobs, because he is compelled to listen to the managers over fellow employees on how to actually do the work.
The horrid thing about mental disorders is that your mind is your own worst enemy. It is hard for someone without a disorder to comprehend just how f
2984368
Right, that's exactly why every time I see someone say that Rarity treats Sweetie like crap, it makes me want to rant at them about how absurd that is. So they got in an argument once after Sweetie repeatedly wrecked hours of work, and Rarity doesn't always have time to play with her as much as Sweetie would like. That's really so terrible? The worst thing Rarity ever did was make her pull all that luggage, and even that was probably because Sweetie Belle offered, since Rarity has been perfectly willing to carry her share of items when similar situations came up before. Anyone who thinks that's what makes for a bad older sister obviously never had one of their own.
Seriously, it would have been amazing if my sister had been even half as nice as Rarity when we were younger. My sister went out of her way to deride and harass me for her own amusement, and it wasn't until her mid 20s that I could even speak to her and have a chance to receive something other than snide remarks or general condescension and hostility in return. I got in the habit of avoiding her as much as I possibly could just about the entire time we were growing up. So spending an entire day trying to make Sweetie Belle happy? Rarity's the nicest older sister in the world compared to mine.
And to jump in on your other conversation, I'd say OCD feels like having your brain locked in a vice that just won't let go, and the only way you can loosen it a little is to perform tasks that you know are so utterly pointless that the action itself is rather aggravating in a lesser-of-two-evils sort of way. And then because such behaviors don't make sense to the people around you, many of them find it funny or even get personally offended by your aberrations, so they make it their business to confront or deliberately antagonize you about it. So then the whole thing becomes instilled with a sense of shame that just compounds the entire problem by making you feel like you absolutely can't let anyone see, at its very worst resulting in a feeling of perpetual doubt that pervades your entire sense of self, up to the point where practically every choice carries with it a sense of wrongness and excessive self-monitoring. And that utterly overwhelmed feeling pops up way too easily, so even everyday tasks can become a mentally exhausting struggle where sometimes it's easier to just to not bother, even if that means not eating anything for a day or two, or such. Eventually you just kinda get used to it enough to work around it and push it to the back of your mind in most situations, as things become habitual enough to not take as much focus anymore, and it just sorta becomes your new normal that hopefully doesn't interfere with too many things. So then it's not really so bad at that point, things take longer than they should, and that mild nagging feeling of uncertainty and tension needs something unusual to flare up with intensity again.
Rarity's "I just can't" moment was fairly accurate, depending on the situation. Although usually it's more "I can force myself, but I'm going to feel tense as hell throughout, with lingering feelings of unease afterward, until I do anything I can to make the situation 'right' again." But Applejack actually taking her seriously despite not understanding? That almost never happens in ordinary real-life interactions, unless it's someone particularly considerate whom you've had a very frank discussion with. The TV show Monk was extremely unrealistic in how accommodating people were, and like I said before, older sisters find it great fun to deliberately provoke those anxieties.
Excellent tale. Loved it.
Applejack's voice is really hard to get right. I thought you did very well. We could do with someone writing a long blog post discussing the best way to do it.
Now because you had me pre-reading this, I feel I lost a lot of ability to properly comment on it. Or maybe not so much lost, as missed the chance? Anyways, this shows the same overall polish and dedication as everything else you've published, and having said that I'm just going to descend into rambling.
Since I had opportuity to pre-read this, I'm going to say that I feel "biting her verbs" is slightly more powerful than the version including an additional "at". I'm also going to say that I feel that's overly-pedantic of me and not actually worth changing.
This one is if I'm right, however:
I suspect that's supposed to be "not so thin".
Oh, and apparently I'm having trouble shutting the overly pedantic part of my brain off today... But I felt this line:
had more power when it was its own paragraph.
Since I was complaining about the Princess Celestia reference in pre-reading, I think you handled the clue-in very well. Of course, I already had the reveal, so I'm no longer a very good judge of that.
2951783
You're thanking me for help with Applejack accent? Oh, no. I may be rural, but I'm rural US northeast, nowhere close to even being in the same vicinity as Applejack. Any "help" you got from me was probably counter-productive.
The best I can claim to offer in that regard is complaining when I don't think something reads cleanly, and I think that only the once.
2990640
I ask because we're working together on something else -- well, actually I won't get into "well" -- but do you speak from personal experience regarding OCD? (PM is probably the better response channel for this.)
2990640
I'm not sure what was with Rarity is Sleepless in Ponyville, she really seemed like a bit of a caricature of herself. I don't know if the writers decided they'd just play everything up for comic effect, but the result didn't really feel like Rarity. Honestly, where were they no good Rarity episodes in season 3?
Thank you for explaining what OCD feels like. I have a few friends who have been affected by mental illness and I've been through bad depression, so being sympathetic to people going through similar things is something I try my best to do. I've made mistakes in the past, mostly because back then I had no idea what was wrong with someone, and even if I had done, I wouldn't have had a clue what to do. I guess that's one reason I wrote this, as a sort of Aesop story. I ain't gunna lie, my main reason was because who wouldn't want to write about cute friendship moments between pony friends? But the Aesop was a reason too.
Humm... I wonder if I should have actually have ended with an actual letter to Princess Celestia? I know it's cliché in MLP fanfiction these days, but here it might actually be appropriate.
2992682
I'll have the "so not thin" error fixed soon. I'm on the fence on the biting of verbs, so I'll remove the "at" on the principle that fewer words are snappier. As for "She still didn’t understand, but that didn’t make it not true either"... I was going to say I like it where it is, but now I've tried reading it both ways... ahhhrr! Now I can't decide which I like better.
As for the accent, I do remember you chiming in a few times with pointers, so as far as I'm concerned, you get credit. I, on the other hand, ended up with this in the first draft:
I mean, really, "devising a workable means"?
2995869
Yeah, Sleepless in Ponyville was one of my favorite episodes of season three, but the way Rarity acted in it was definitely the big weak point. Of course season three in general had a bit too much exaggerating Rarity's more negative traits for the sake of comedy, and forgetting to show her actual depth.
Although it is interesting how well she and AJ were getting along. They had some pretty cute moments together in season three that show them understanding each other better than they used to.
A friendship report could easily fit pretty well here, but it works either way. It's certainly the sort of story where it would be appropriate, though, especially since the episode where this took place was early after Celestia said they should all write letters to her. Although, didn't Sisterhooves Social already have a report? I think it was by Sweetie and Rarity, though, so maybe Applejack wrote one too, about her side of the situation.
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It does, it went:
I made sure to rewatch the episode, and when I got to that bit, it really struck me who they were writing that too. "Having a sister is just about the bestest thing in the world". I was very tempted to write a little coda where Celestia starts reading and has to drop the letter and go have a little cry. I mean, Luna's back, but still...
Twilight never wrote her letters about having a sister.
2996275
Ah, yes, I remember also thinking about how that one was likely more personal for Celestia than most of the letters she receives.
Perhaps not sisters, but maybe Twilight should have written a letter at some point about "Hey, don't I have a brother somewhere? What ever happened to that guy anyway?"
Anyway, now that I think about it, that's one thing I haven't seen before-- a 2nd friendship report from a different perspective of a situation that already had one letter. Rarity was so focused on Sweetie Belle, and thinking of Applejack as already having a better relationship with her own sister, I bet it wouldn't even occur to Rarity that she could have inadvertently helped AJ learn a friendship lesson of her own in the process.
Maybe Celestia has little groupings of multiple friendship reports on the same situation, and likes to compare them to each other as examples of how each individual can take away something different from the same event.
Heh, and maybe after season three's finale, Twilight's friends will start sending friendship reports to her instead of Celestia.
2996411
Oh, now that might be an idea for a fic, actually! You have first dips of course, as it's your idea.
What makes me think that particular letter might get to her is that it would completely unexpected. Twilight has a brother and she probably talks about him sometimes (I assume? Right?), and she no doubt deals with ponies who have siblings from time to time. But that letter is out of the blue. She has no time to put up any mental armour. She picks it up, expecting to read about some usual Ponyville shenanigans straight away and it's: "Dear Princess Celestia, having a sister is just about the bestest thing in the world."
2996584
Hmm, my immediate reaction whenever someone says that is to just say that the odds of me doing anything with the idea are pretty much nil, so you can use it, if you like it. I've tried writing stories a few times, and just can't seem to get anywhere.
However, I started pondering the concept a little more this time, and found myself hemming and hawing for the last day, trying to figure out if I actually could use the idea myself. I can think of a few ways it could start, but beyond that, I don't really know, other than one or two vague possibilities. Although, it could even potentially work in combination with one of those other story ideas I didn't know what to do with. Random title idea: "How Do You Princess?"
So, rather than simply say you can have it, then leave it at that, this time I'm going to say how about you send me a PM if you think you really want to use the idea, and come up with a solid concept for how to do it. So my "go ahead" will depend on knowing that you actually intend to write it, rather than that you hypothetically might some time in the future, since that's pretty much where I am with it myself.
Seven paragraphs in and I can already tell that you've nailed AJ's voice so well that you've got my like and fave. Maybe a watch, too—let me see what else you've got. I'd say there's a pretty damn good chance, though.
3001126
I must admit that it would just be thrown on the idea pile to be retrieved at some later date, if at all. The thing I want/should to tackle at the moment is stories of about 20-30k length, because I'm not good at plotting things out in advance and it's good practice.
So I recommend you have a go especially as a story-by-letters (or to use a fancy word I recently learned, an "epistolary story") would probably make for a very good beginner project. You can squeeze an awful lot of story and plot into a low word count with a letter based format, and you'll be writing in a manner closer to the way you do in real life. The only two things you have to worry about is the character voices and what actually happens.
Feel free to PM me or otherwise let me know if you do decide to go ahead; I wouldn't mind seeing what you come up with.
2996042
As I recall, all I did was complain about an 'r' I didn't like. I mean, it's probably still possible that I could go check, but why?
Pointers?
2996275
Dude. That's, let me pull out my "important caps" voice, that's Quite A Thought. I like that thought. I'm going to have to toy with that.
As always, I'm amazed by your talents Mr. Tea.
This feels like "The Wrong Fork 2.0" – Another very small scene, but excellently dealt with, with great dominion over each character, and what make them tick. Loved it with every fiber of my being.
This reminds me of Aragorn and Gimli.
Fairly deep, and not just the mud.
Rarity can't bring herself to enter a pit filled with mud, but once she is fully saturated with it and nothing horrible has happened, she is able to accept it to some degree. Edgy stuff, there.
I once forced myself to deal with a fear of heights... You don't need to know the details, I guess, but this story seems to carry a familiar ...theme. In the end, it is impossible to be terrified and bored at the same time, and sooner or later, boredom always wins.
Heh, I somehow knew it would involve Applejack somehow tossing Rarity into the mud pit. Doesn't make when it actually happened any less amusing. Reminded me a bit of Gimli's "toss me" moment.
It was also especially heartwarming. As you say, that Rarity would be willing to run the race muddied for Sweetie Belle, but more so in this story because despite even when her drive abandons her at the edge of the mud pit, she still finds a way to do it.
Anyway, save a few typos here and there, story's well written. I like.
Oh, and your Applejack is fine. I am so glad you did not replace every "I" with "Ah". You have no idea how annoying I find it.
Funny and a little sweet. Applejack remembering lessons learned from Twilight's freak out, and Rarity being thrown in the pit are the 2 best things in this story.
This is what I imagined happening in SS with Rarity and AJ.
Ugh...I do have to agree that basically being in a mud pit is kinda nasty. > ___ <
Oh my goodness... Tomorrow's episode... I can't stop laughing...
http://family-room.ew.com/2014/02/07/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-its-a-pony-love-triangle-exclusive/
Wow. Really solid story I just found here.
Easily thumbed. 
The best AJ/Rarity interaction I've seen outside of shipping. :D
I probably enjoyed that line far more than I should have...
Thanks for writing!
I did a reading of this story if you are interested.
I listened to DeftFunk's reading, and I thought he did a great job with it. I always thought the dynamic between these two was one of the most interesting in the show.
Keep up the good work!
Also, your username is a Hitchhiker's Guide reference, amirite?