• Member Since 22nd Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Bradel


Ceci n'est pas un cheval.

E
Source

Princess Luna reflects on what it's like to come back from one thousand years of exile, and all the things she's missed in the time she's been gone. These are a few of her favorite things.


Written as an homage / response to Skywriter's "Heretical Fictions" and "A Short Story by Twilight Sparkle". Cover art by secret-pony.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 62 )

*sniff*

:fluttershysad:

I...I got something in my eye, is all.

:fluttercry:

I'm not crying. that's ridiculous. I'd never--*sniff*--never, I'd--

:raritycry:

Holy shit, dude. Just.... WOW.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Nice solid S2-canon Luna. Quite well done. I'm honored to have helped inspire it.

2743478 I'm just happy I feel better for having gotten it out.

Thank you, a lot. For both stories.

:yay:
Happy Luna is second only to Epic Badass Luna when it comes to good Lunas. A wonderful little story. The feels waxed and waned like the moon itself.

That last line, my eyes are watering and I'm smiling through the unshed tears.

A very nice look into the mind of the Nighttime Princess. It was wonderfully heartfelt and spot-on in terms of characterization. And the clincher at the end was solid. Well done! :twilightsmile:

We must not dwell on past sins overmuch.

…I am so sorry.

2743791
Yes. Um. It's somewhat meta. "eternal" is also in there. It's in continuity with two Skywriter stories. The story idea came about because I was thinking, "darn it, everybody keeps writing about princesses and tea." And, um, it has a line from Fringe in it, just to go way out into left field.

It was a weird afternoon.

2743809 And for me, it's been a strange, yet uneventful day in general.

One of these days, I'm going to get me some tea. And not that super-sweet tea kinda stuff.

(And also a day filled with apparent technical problems…)

Very well done.

And yes coffee and donuts with sprinkles are truly wonderful.

This is a really cute story-- I love the way you've told it: A half-conversation in Luna dialogue.

Of course Luna would like coffee; it's dark and bitter and keeps ponies awake at night. :rainbowlaugh:

More seriously, this was a nice, satisfying Luna story. I enjoyed it!

Luna likes coffee! And donuts! And sprinkles! :rainbowkiss: New head-canon accepted! :twilightsmile:

Ah, coffee. If oil is the black gold then coffee is black diamond Iridium. (FYI Iridium is the real-life equivalent of Unobtainium and there's more of it in the rest of the solar system than on Earth)

My only objection to this story is that it is complete. :pinkiesad2:


Wonderful job. :moustache:

well that's adorable

my only real feedback is that 1) there needs to be more of this, and 2) beest is not a word; your grasp of the older language could use some help. otherwise, this was delightful, and has earned you my internets and attention :pinkiehappy:

2746122 I have to admit, my command of it is imperfect, especially with third person verb conjugations. Thankfully Luna's only really wonky in first and second person pronouns and conjugations. I'm working off of Sunchaser's rather excellent blog on the subject.

But... I feel a bit pedantic saying this... I think Shakespeare might take some objection to the notion that beest isn't a proper conjugation.

:twilightblush:

Sorry! Sorry!


ETA: <goes and does some research> Oh, okay, I suck. Beest is subjunctive and art is proper normal conjugation. Okay, this calls for an editing pass. I don't know how I'm using it, but I doubt it's always subjunctive.


ETAA: Um. Okay. Actually, I think both of those are subjunctive tense, now that I look at them. The first certainly is, in an 'if' clause. The second one is a bit iffy, in more ways than one. No if, but the 'when' could be replaced by an 'if', so I think (but am not positive) that it may be subjunctive there as well.

I am such a nerd... But thank you for pointing this out and making me educate myself!

2746146
Oh goody, I love blogs on grammar! :twilightsheepish:

There's no need to be sorry, but many people forget that Shakespeare was a peasant-class hack in his day, not the be-all-end-all authority on literature. Historical impact, blah blah blah, and he turned many a magnificent phrase, but he was far from perfect, and most likely not above inventing words for the sake of artistry.

now if you'll excuse me, I have a guilty pleasure to indulge in :rainbowlaugh:

2746168 I don't know if you missed me updating that post. If you're a grammar fan, there's an interesting discussion here which is what I'm now working off of, and... Hmm. Well, it's a very interesting point! I don't know that I know what I'd do with those two spots, now, though...

2746179
okay, I'm wiling to redact its nonexistence, but I maintain that it sounds terrible.

2746221 That, coupled with the question thingy, are good enough for me. Looks like 'be' is the proper subjunctive anyway, and I'm no fan of sounding archaic, beyond the simple necessity of putting things in Luna's voice.

Off to edit again!

2746225
honestly, in both cases where you used 'beest', I'd use 'art'. it's a simple replacement with no outside editing required.

2746236 Well... yes... but there's an 'Edit' button you have to click to make that repla... oh, nevermind.

I used 'art' for the second, but the first is definitely a clear subjunctive, so I left it as 'be'.

2746254
That works too :twilightsmile:
I get so few opportunities to argue early english semantics with people who know what they're talking about :fluttercry::rainbowlaugh:

I like this. It was wonderful.

:yay:

...

I have to admit, though, the bit after she mentions Nightmare Night was kind of confusing, in terms of whether this is a soliloquy or a monologue with an in-universe audience, and if the latter, the identity of said audience (she addresses "Tia" at that point but refers to Celestia in the third person throughout), and doesn't seem to ever get resolved. :rainbowhuh:

2747301 Yeah, I get the feeling this has tripped up a couple of people. It's meant as apostrophe, but given that it's being worked into a one-sided conversation rather than a true monologue, I can understand how that might confuse some readers...

Sorry!

A light and sweet little tale, entirely unlike its titular beverage.

Seriously, I like this, but I hope Luna/coffee doesn't become a Thing. I could easily see it becoming a Thing, people assuming that the night goddess has to subsist on heroic doses of caffeine. That's silly! She just sleeps through the day.

2747848
Silly pony, coffee and Luna have always been a thing. Just look at these ancient scrolls recovered from archaeological digs through the fandom:

Luna's Day Out

And especially The Worst Bakers in Equestria.

But seriously, I'll always have a special place in my heart for the "Morning Dew" Luna from Worst Bakers. Time and canon have moved on, but there's just something likeable about her.

What? Oh, no, we only control the moon.

It may be somewhat egotistical of me, but it is really quite gratifying to see that someone, particularly someone with your kind of talent, shares my own headcanon (somewhat anyway, I do attribute her some control over other bodies within the solar system, though that is mostly in the form of the occasional nudge to keep them in line.) regarding Luna's control of the stars. :pinkiehappy:
Also, the Past Sins line made me giggle. :raritywink:

It is also nice to see a story where Luna considers her generational gap and time spent on the moon where she ISN'T an emotional wreck. Much like how Skywriter's stories that inspired this piece did the same for Sadlestia. Happy princess is best princess.

2751968 Well, to be fair, I've gotten some criticism on this point elsewhere, viz. that any human-like mind forced to endure a millennium of isolation would be so broken and twisted by the time it returned that it couldn't possibly function properly, and therefore Nightmare's "banish[ment] in the moon" shouldn't be read as her getting stuck on the surface for a thousand years, but rather some sort of magical sealing (more like the imprisonment of the Forsaken in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, to use a good analogue, I think).

Canon likes that position more than I do, personally. It makes better logical sense, but it's kind of less fun. I really enjoy the thought of Nightmare wandering around on the moon, bored for a millennium, or possibly inventing rudimentary games, or plotting her eternal revenge. And I tend to think the mind is more plastic than we give it credit for. People endure long stretches of mindless repetition all the time.

(New words for the day: scilicet and videlicet)

2752108
The story also makes a pretty good point. While a 1000 years is hardly a slap on the wrist, the mind of someone as long lived as Luna would be better prepared for such a long stretch. The fact that the Nightmare was probably more actively aware of things probably helped. (Hell, it could be the long isolation was why NMM ended up being such an ineffective villain. :trollestia:)

Have an image.
25.media.tumblr.com/55be69f9bd8e8a974a21faed6d1e6d39/tumblr_mmmrhdhmhJ1sohr8wo1_500.gif

when Luna talked about coffee, it strongly reminded me of a story called, "Luna makes toast".

2754562 I think I saw that one wandering around a week or so ago, but I never did read it. Was it good?

2754572 yes it was very good and very funny. Let me just say that I am STILL laughing about what Luna did. You should read it. :moustache:
oh and BTW your story was so good you get a moustache :moustache:

There are a few stories about Luna "discovering" what's come along while she was gone. The funniest, IMO, is "Luna Takes a Shower". Two words: Panic ensues.

This is how I wish I could portray Luna; I write her (a little too) serious and introspective, but in my fic it's only been a couple months since she returned. Maybe when it's been a year...
And the last line is the best line.
How'd we get away from coffee so quickly?

Okay, the... Umm... Chapter name was taken from "Home" isn't it?

2758155 2759039
Yeah, I have to admit the titling has a certain amount of the following to it:
art.penny-arcade.com/photos/215499741_EEML7-L-2.jpg

The story was done very intentionally as an homage to some of Skywriter's stuff (part of which ties into his story "Princess Celestia Hates Tea"). And I'd been listening to "Home" earlier in the day, so when I went to put a chapter title on it, that line came immediately to mind.

...I wasn't really expecting Skywriter to go signal boost the thing and have it suddenly become a bit of a hit.

Wow, what a nice story :pinkiesad2: a nice break from the usual stories I read.

(Also, cause I'm an idiot, what does the last line mean?)

2759882 Just that she sees Twilight, being a new alicorn princess, as also a new sister. Since the subtext here, under Luna being giddy about new things in the world, is largely about loneliness, it's just a resolution to that thread with Luna not having to be so lonely anymore.

Some people seem to read it as a reference back to Device Heretic's Eternal—where Luna and Twilight adopting each other informally as sisters is something of a plot point—but it's not really intended as such here. I see that as one bit of characterization that I think DH captured particularly well, but I think it's intrinsic enough to Luna's characterization (at least how I view her) that it's sort of a natural point for her to move toward in any story. Luna needs friends, and Twilight is kind of perfectly built to be Luna's friend.

At least in my mind.

2760024

I think all the bronies would agree with me, when I say, "Luna needs more hugs".

A lovely bit of Luna character-writing.

I suppose that, after a thousand years, it must have been a whole new world to Luna. Mostly, writers try to make her resentful of the changes but this Luna looks upon the changes as a chance to find things that have improved. That's a different enough interpretation of the character's situation to catch my attention and approval. :pinkiesmile:

Luna Eclipsed is one of the most emotionally touching episodes when you really think about Luna's perspective.

It's nice that she stays so strong, so upbeat. But even here, you can feel some of the regret and loneliness hidden just beneath the surface.

Twilight is sort of made to be Luna's friend. She appreciates Equestrian history and has an interest in astronomy, two things to which Luna can relate. Twilight is also logical, non-superstitious, and open-minded; she saw that all Luna wanted was to make friends but was too out of touch to be familiar with social interaction..

Overall, this fits very nicely into my headcanon, apart from the manipulation of stars. It felt like the story was being told by Luna herself.

Benman
Site Blogger

2752108

any human-like mind forced to endure a millennium of isolation would be so broken and twisted by the time it returned that it couldn't possibly function properly, and therefore Nightmare's "banish[ment] in the moon" shouldn't be read as her getting stuck on the surface for a thousand years, but rather some sort of magical sealing

I agree with everything before "and therefore." I mean, why would you not want to write a character warped in unfathomable ways by stresses the human mind can scarcely comprehend? (I've written several different characterizations of Luna. Most are sympathetic, but none are normal.) The thing that draws me to write about MLP is the way it takes crazy dramatic things like this and grounds them in mundane characters so you can actually turn it into stories like this one.

2746146
That Blog entry is a very good resource to have!

Nicely done! Something that might take you deeper into language if you want to write Luna as speaking Shakespearean English--Shakespeare in the OP (Original Pronunciation):

This suggests a really fascinating music to Luna's speech, something exotic, subtle and complex, yet ultimately accessible. Some points to take away: Luna would...

1. Drop her h's. Yes, as in Cockney, and yet not because in Elizabethan London all classes did this: it was a regional dialect, not a class dialect.

2. Growl her r's, not roll or trill them. To a modern listener this would sound somewhat menacing (ARRR PIRATES and why do you think they spoke that way?) or even vaguely seductive depending on context, but to her it would just be the way she spoke (I could imagine her learning of its effect, however, and deploying it to good use).

3) Pronounce syllables a modern speaker would elide. I can imagine her praising Octavia as "a most excellent mu-SIS-ee-an," very naturally and unaffectedly.

Oh, this put such a lovely smile on my face! Comfortable and uplifting, but written in such a way that it does not feel mushy or fluffy. I enjoyed every word, hearing it all in Luna's voice of happy discovery and appreciation. It's a great balance of thousands of years of wisdom and the endearing, childlike wonder that I think we should all keep in our hearts throughout our lifetime. And "I have a new sister" was the perfect way to end it. So heartwarming to imagine Luna thinking of Twilight that way. :twilightsmile:

I want to thank you both for this lovely story, and for the link to that blog post; heavens know I really need help writing Luna :twilightoops:

4046875
I'm guessing you're referencing Sunchaser's blog post on archaic English which I linked a little ways back in the comments? Yeah, it can definitely be handy. Though it's worth pointing out that this is pretty heavily Season 2 Luna. She changes a fair amount from season to season, which is a little difficult to deal with as a writer. She's got the color thing and the wonky fanon in Season 1, this in Season 2, but her language has started to normalize a lot by Season 3 (which you can see in "Sleepless in Ponyville").

I'm actually trying to put together another Luna piece right now, though it's proving to be tough going. But I'm finding that, at least in my head, her post Season 3 voice is less a matter of funky pronouns and conjugations and more a matter of sounding a bit like a stuffy dictionary for a while (until I can get her to lighten up). I'm not sure that's going to work for me, but that's where I've got her right now.

In any case, thanks for entering AugieDog's contest! I still haven't gotten a chance to read any of the entries, because life, but even if you feel like your stuff needs work, it's cool that you're putting yourself out there for things like that.


3933399
Even though this piece came together pretty quickly (and was the first story I failed to get on EQD because it's more than 1000 words under their minimum requirements), I've always been pretty happy with it—especially that last line. I've been getting a lot of feedback that I need to improve my endings on more recent stories, but I really loved this one when I wrote it, and I continue to do so.

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it! (And despite being bad about responding to comments on this story, I kind of wanted to drop you one since you read it more recently and since you left so many wonderful comments on "Three Nights".)

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