It's So Lonely, On the Moon
All things considered, spending a thousand years on the moon isn't so bad.
Oh, do not mistake us. Being there is awful. The dust gets in thy mane, and thou canst never find a comfortable place to sit. We do not know if thou be familiar with the scent of a blacksmith's shop, when the forge-fires burn hot and the metal lies golden against the anvil, but the scent of the moon is much like that. And never does it change. The days—for yes, even on the moon, there are days and nights—the days are like an inferno, and the nights are the heart of deep winter. But without the snow. That always made us sad.
There is only dust. Miles and miles of dust.
But the worst of it, the absolute worst, is when Dear Sister plucks thee from the void each night and thrusts thee into the heavens. Or perhaps when she sends thee back during the day. They're much the same, and believe us, it doesn't matter what thou grabst hold of. Thou willst go tumbling across the surface, quite fiercely. The only comfort is that nopony is present to see the undignified way thou bouncest over rocks and craters. Nor will they see the havoc this wreaks on thy coat and mane.
Did we mention the dust?
But when thou art eternal, what's a thousand years here or there? And anyway, being trapped in the form of a world-ending monstrosity helps cushion the hurt a little. Thou canst hardly fault thy sister for treating thee intemperately when thou didst try to bring about Eternal Night.
But we are drifting far afield! We wished to tell thee why it's not so bad, spending a millennium in the moon's cold embrace.
Being there is awful, but coming back... Coming back is wondrous, and wondrous strange.
Dear Sister has always loved her tea (and never mind that story Twilight wrote to the contrary). She prefers a heady brew of jasmine, though she has a dirty little secret. When it's just the two of us, she adds lemon and honey. It is completely improper! We don't think even Twilight knows this yet, though she can hardly help but learn, now that she's a princess too. It's been months since we had a proper tea, in the old fashion—but Dear Sister has one planned for the equinox, as always. We used to do it four times a year, before... well, before our unfortunate relocation. It seems she kept the tradition even in our absence, and when Cadance was made an alicorn, Dear Sister began to invite her as well. She must have grown terribly lonely, after all that time.
No, it is nothing. Just... just a spot of dust in our eye. Where were we? Oh yes, Dear Sister and her tea.
Well, no amount of lemon, nor honey, nor any other contrivance has ever served to make the stuff palatable to us. We enjoy Dear Sister's company, so we have long endured this in silence. It is a small thing. But in the thousand years we were gone...
Coffee! Now there is a wondrous thing, indeed! What pony would think to take berry seeds, roast them, grind them up, and steep them in boiling water? We have consulted the histories on this point, but they are sadly silent—we had briefly entertained a hope that we might be able to set up some sort of monument to his or her artifice. And this coffee is so much better than tea! The aroma tantalizes one's taste buds, and the excellent bitterness of the brew is such a welcome change from that icky jasmine taste. Dear Sister apprehended our liking of this beverage very quickly, and was entirely understanding when we suggested that perhaps it could be served at our equinoctial and solstitial gatherings.
This is precisely why we say that being gone for a thousand years isn't such a bad thing. The surprises that greet thee upon thy return are truly magnificent.
And coffee isn't the only thing! Dost thou know about donuts? Like little round cakes! Fried cakes! With sprinkles!
And we hardly need to tell thee about Nightmare Night! Colts and fillies, coming out in costume, all to celebrate the night! It is...
Oh, Tia, I'm so sorry.
No, please. It's fine. We are happy now! Isn't that what we were just saying? There are so many wonderful new things in this world. Like trains! And the Hearth's Warming Pageant! And fiction!
Yes, we think that may be our favorite. Well... no, our second favorite. Back in the old days, ponies didn't have nearly as much time for things like art or writing. Dear Sister tells us that this fiction thing is nearly a thousand years old now. And yes, it was stirring even before our departure. Hoofocles and Eurhippodes were both writing plays for actors to perform, back in the pre-classical era. But now there are so many books! So many stories, like fresh little worlds we can jump into! This is not how it was when we left.
And Twilight Sparkle has a very deft hoof with this fiction! She has written a number of stories now, though she usually hides them under other ponies' names. We think she's afraid Dear Sister will find out about some of them. Of course, Dear Sister knows all about those stories—she's the one who told us, after all—but it is perhaps best that Twilight doesn't know she knows. We suspect that Twilight would be extraordinarily embarrassed, were some of those stories to come to light.
Twilight is very good at astronomy, too. This is an unadulterated joy to us, to be able to share our love of the night with somepony so talented and wonderful. We often like to invite Twilight to join us at the Canterlot Observatory when particularly unusual events are ahoof in our night sky.
What? Oh, no, we only control the moon. The stars, and the planets, and the comets, those all move of their own accord. They are... How to explain it? Dost thou know of the Everfree Forest near Ponyville? Twilight has told us of it, two or three times. It is part of Equestria, and yet the seasons have a will of their own, there. The animals take care of themselves. The night sky is much like that. We have control over the moon, and over certain other small parts of it, but much of the sky is as unknown to us as it is to anypony. Even after all these years, we are discovering new and exciting things each week. Twilight has identified no less than six new nebulae and three galaxies, and she has ideas about how we can build a new telescope that can...
Oh, we are rambling again, aren't we? Our apologies. But thou must understand that of all the things in this new world, there is one which holds our favor most of all. Twilight Sparkle. She is our very favorite thing. And we have Dear Sister to thank for her. What a wondrous discovery she made in Twilight. We wish we could have been there, to see her as a filly, earning her cutie mark.
But that was not to be. That was our own fault. We must not dwell on past sins overmuch. It is unseemly. And it is unnecessary. She is our friend now, and that is all that matters. Nothing could be better than that.
Well, perhaps there is one thing.
I have a new sister.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Skywriter · 2.6k words · 518 7 · 9.2k views
- Ponydora Prancypants · 7.8k words · 271 5 · 4.5k views
- PoweredByTea · 3.8k words · 394 4 · 4.9k views
- Bradel · 19k words · 425 7 · 5.3k views
- Skywriter · 44k words · 735 10 · 11k views
- Skywriter · 11k words · 736 7 · 11k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.179 seconds
Total duration
1,007 users online
2,009,463 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
*sniff*
I...I got something in my eye, is all.
I'm not crying. that's ridiculous. I'd never--*sniff*--never, I'd--
Holy shit, dude. Just.... WOW.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Nice solid S2-canon Luna. Quite well done. I'm honored to have helped inspire it.
2743478 I'm just happy I feel better for having gotten it out.
Thank you, a lot. For both stories.
Happy Luna is second only to Epic Badass Luna when it comes to good Lunas. A wonderful little story. The feels waxed and waned like the moon itself.
That last line, my eyes are watering and I'm smiling through the unshed tears.
A very nice look into the mind of the Nighttime Princess. It was wonderfully heartfelt and spot-on in terms of characterization. And the clincher at the end was solid. Well done!
…
…
…I am so sorry.
2743791
Yes. Um. It's somewhat meta. "eternal" is also in there. It's in continuity with two Skywriter stories. The story idea came about because I was thinking, "darn it, everybody keeps writing about princesses and tea." And, um, it has a line from Fringe in it, just to go way out into left field.
It was a weird afternoon.
2743809 And for me, it's been a strange, yet uneventful day in general.
One of these days, I'm going to get me some tea. And not that super-sweet tea kinda stuff.
(And also a day filled with apparent technical problems…)
Very well done.
And yes coffee and donuts with sprinkles are truly wonderful.
This is a really cute story-- I love the way you've told it: A half-conversation in Luna dialogue.
Of course Luna would like coffee; it's dark and bitter and keeps ponies awake at night.
More seriously, this was a nice, satisfying Luna story. I enjoyed it!
Luna likes coffee! And donuts! And sprinkles!
New head-canon accepted! 
Ah, coffee. If oil is the black gold then coffee is black
diamondIridium. (FYI Iridium is the real-life equivalent of Unobtainium and there's more of it in the rest of the solar system than on Earth)My only objection to this story is that it is complete.
Wonderful job.
well that's adorable
my only real feedback is that 1) there needs to be more of this, and 2) beest is not a word; your grasp of the older language could use some help. otherwise, this was delightful, and has earned you my internets and attention
2746122 I have to admit, my command of it is imperfect, especially with third person verb conjugations. Thankfully Luna's only really wonky in first and second person pronouns and conjugations. I'm working off of Sunchaser's rather excellent blog on the subject.
But... I feel a bit pedantic saying this... I think Shakespeare might take some objection to the notion that beest isn't a proper conjugation.
Sorry! Sorry!
ETA: <goes and does some research> Oh, okay, I suck. Beest is subjunctive and art is proper normal conjugation. Okay, this calls for an editing pass. I don't know how I'm using it, but I doubt it's always subjunctive.
ETAA: Um. Okay. Actually, I think both of those are subjunctive tense, now that I look at them. The first certainly is, in an 'if' clause. The second one is a bit iffy, in more ways than one. No if, but the 'when' could be replaced by an 'if', so I think (but am not positive) that it may be subjunctive there as well.
I am such a nerd... But thank you for pointing this out and making me educate myself!
2746146
Oh goody, I love blogs on grammar!
There's no need to be sorry, but many people forget that Shakespeare was a peasant-class hack in his day, not the be-all-end-all authority on literature. Historical impact, blah blah blah, and he turned many a magnificent phrase, but he was far from perfect, and most likely not above inventing words for the sake of artistry.
now if you'll excuse me, I have a guilty pleasure to indulge in
2746168 I don't know if you missed me updating that post. If you're a grammar fan, there's an interesting discussion here which is what I'm now working off of, and... Hmm. Well, it's a very interesting point! I don't know that I know what I'd do with those two spots, now, though...
2746179
okay, I'm wiling to redact its nonexistence, but I maintain that it sounds terrible.
2746221 That, coupled with the question thingy, are good enough for me. Looks like 'be' is the proper subjunctive anyway, and I'm no fan of sounding archaic, beyond the simple necessity of putting things in Luna's voice.
Off to edit again!
2746225
honestly, in both cases where you used 'beest', I'd use 'art'. it's a simple replacement with no outside editing required.
2746236 Well... yes... but there's an 'Edit' button you have to click to make that repla... oh, nevermind.
I used 'art' for the second, but the first is definitely a clear subjunctive, so I left it as 'be'.
2746254
That works too
I get so few opportunities to argue early english semantics with people who know what they're talking about
I like this. It was wonderful.
...
I have to admit, though, the bit after she mentions Nightmare Night was kind of confusing, in terms of whether this is a soliloquy or a monologue with an in-universe audience, and if the latter, the identity of said audience (she addresses "Tia" at that point but refers to Celestia in the third person throughout), and doesn't seem to ever get resolved.
2747301 Yeah, I get the feeling this has tripped up a couple of people. It's meant as apostrophe, but given that it's being worked into a one-sided conversation rather than a true monologue, I can understand how that might confuse some readers...
Sorry!
A light and sweet little tale, entirely unlike its titular beverage.
Seriously, I like this, but I hope Luna/coffee doesn't become a Thing. I could easily see it becoming a Thing, people assuming that the night goddess has to subsist on heroic doses of caffeine. That's silly! She just sleeps through the day.
2747848
Silly pony, coffee and Luna have always been a thing. Just look at these ancient scrolls recovered from archaeological digs through the fandom:
Luna's Day Out
And especially The Worst Bakers in Equestria.
But seriously, I'll always have a special place in my heart for the "Morning Dew" Luna from Worst Bakers. Time and canon have moved on, but there's just something likeable about her.
It may be somewhat egotistical of me, but it is really quite gratifying to see that someone, particularly someone with your kind of talent, shares my own headcanon (somewhat anyway, I do attribute her some control over other bodies within the solar system, though that is mostly in the form of the occasional nudge to keep them in line.) regarding Luna's control of the stars.
Also, the Past Sins line made me giggle.
It is also nice to see a story where Luna considers her generational gap and time spent on the moon where she ISN'T an emotional wreck. Much like how Skywriter's stories that inspired this piece did the same for Sadlestia. Happy princess is best princess.
2751968 Well, to be fair, I've gotten some criticism on this point elsewhere, viz. that any human-like mind forced to endure a millennium of isolation would be so broken and twisted by the time it returned that it couldn't possibly function properly, and therefore Nightmare's "banish[ment] in the moon" shouldn't be read as her getting stuck on the surface for a thousand years, but rather some sort of magical sealing (more like the imprisonment of the Forsaken in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, to use a good analogue, I think).
Canon likes that position more than I do, personally. It makes better logical sense, but it's kind of less fun. I really enjoy the thought of Nightmare wandering around on the moon, bored for a millennium, or possibly inventing rudimentary games, or plotting her eternal revenge. And I tend to think the mind is more plastic than we give it credit for. People endure long stretches of mindless repetition all the time.
(New words for the day: scilicet and videlicet)
2752108
)
The story also makes a pretty good point. While a 1000 years is hardly a slap on the wrist, the mind of someone as long lived as Luna would be better prepared for such a long stretch. The fact that the Nightmare was probably more actively aware of things probably helped. (Hell, it could be the long isolation was why NMM ended up being such an ineffective villain.
Have an image.
25.media.tumblr.com/55be69f9bd8e8a974a21faed6d1e6d39/tumblr_mmmrhdhmhJ1sohr8wo1_500.gif
when Luna talked about coffee, it strongly reminded me of a story called, "Luna makes toast".
2754562 I think I saw that one wandering around a week or so ago, but I never did read it. Was it good?
2754572 yes it was very good and very funny. Let me just say that I am STILL laughing about what Luna did. You should read it.
oh and BTW your story was so good you get a moustache
There are a few stories about Luna "discovering" what's come along while she was gone. The funniest, IMO, is "Luna Takes a Shower". Two words: Panic ensues.
This is how I wish I could portray Luna; I write her (a little too) serious and introspective, but in my fic it's only been a couple months since she returned. Maybe when it's been a year...
And the last line is the best line.
How'd we get away from coffee so quickly?
Okay, the... Umm... Chapter name was taken from "Home" isn't it?
2758155 2759039
Yeah, I have to admit the titling has a certain amount of the following to it:
art.penny-arcade.com/photos/215499741_EEML7-L-2.jpg
The story was done very intentionally as an homage to some of Skywriter's stuff (part of which ties into his story "Princess Celestia Hates Tea"). And I'd been listening to "Home" earlier in the day, so when I went to put a chapter title on it, that line came immediately to mind.
...I wasn't really expecting Skywriter to go signal boost the thing and have it suddenly become a bit of a hit.
Wow, what a nice story
a nice break from the usual stories I read.
(Also, cause I'm an idiot, what does the last line mean?)
2759882 Just that she sees Twilight, being a new alicorn princess, as also a new sister. Since the subtext here, under Luna being giddy about new things in the world, is largely about loneliness, it's just a resolution to that thread with Luna not having to be so lonely anymore.
Some people seem to read it as a reference back to Device Heretic's Eternal—where Luna and Twilight adopting each other informally as sisters is something of a plot point—but it's not really intended as such here. I see that as one bit of characterization that I think DH captured particularly well, but I think it's intrinsic enough to Luna's characterization (at least how I view her) that it's sort of a natural point for her to move toward in any story. Luna needs friends, and Twilight is kind of perfectly built to be Luna's friend.
At least in my mind.
2760024
I think all the bronies would agree with me, when I say, "Luna needs more hugs".
A lovely bit of Luna character-writing.
I suppose that, after a thousand years, it must have been a whole new world to Luna. Mostly, writers try to make her resentful of the changes but this Luna looks upon the changes as a chance to find things that have improved. That's a different enough interpretation of the character's situation to catch my attention and approval.
Luna Eclipsed is one of the most emotionally touching episodes when you really think about Luna's perspective.
It's nice that she stays so strong, so upbeat. But even here, you can feel some of the regret and loneliness hidden just beneath the surface.
Twilight is sort of made to be Luna's friend. She appreciates Equestrian history and has an interest in astronomy, two things to which Luna can relate. Twilight is also logical, non-superstitious, and open-minded; she saw that all Luna wanted was to make friends but was too out of touch to be familiar with social interaction..
Overall, this fits very nicely into my headcanon, apart from the manipulation of stars. It felt like the story was being told by Luna herself.
2752108
I agree with everything before "and therefore." I mean, why would you not want to write a character warped in unfathomable ways by stresses the human mind can scarcely comprehend? (I've written several different characterizations of Luna. Most are sympathetic, but none are normal.) The thing that draws me to write about MLP is the way it takes crazy dramatic things like this and grounds them in mundane characters so you can actually turn it into stories like this one.
2746146
That Blog entry is a very good resource to have!
Nicely done! Something that might take you deeper into language if you want to write Luna as speaking Shakespearean English--Shakespeare in the OP (Original Pronunciation):
This suggests a really fascinating music to Luna's speech, something exotic, subtle and complex, yet ultimately accessible. Some points to take away: Luna would...
1. Drop her h's. Yes, as in Cockney, and yet not because in Elizabethan London all classes did this: it was a regional dialect, not a class dialect.
2. Growl her r's, not roll or trill them. To a modern listener this would sound somewhat menacing (ARRR PIRATES and why do you think they spoke that way?) or even vaguely seductive depending on context, but to her it would just be the way she spoke (I could imagine her learning of its effect, however, and deploying it to good use).
3) Pronounce syllables a modern speaker would elide. I can imagine her praising Octavia as "a most excellent mu-SIS-ee-an," very naturally and unaffectedly.
Oh, this put such a lovely smile on my face! Comfortable and uplifting, but written in such a way that it does not feel mushy or fluffy. I enjoyed every word, hearing it all in Luna's voice of happy discovery and appreciation. It's a great balance of thousands of years of wisdom and the endearing, childlike wonder that I think we should all keep in our hearts throughout our lifetime. And "I have a new sister" was the perfect way to end it. So heartwarming to imagine Luna thinking of Twilight that way.
I want to thank you both for this lovely story, and for the link to that blog post; heavens know I really need help writing Luna
4046875
I'm guessing you're referencing Sunchaser's blog post on archaic English which I linked a little ways back in the comments? Yeah, it can definitely be handy. Though it's worth pointing out that this is pretty heavily Season 2 Luna. She changes a fair amount from season to season, which is a little difficult to deal with as a writer. She's got the color thing and the wonky fanon in Season 1, this in Season 2, but her language has started to normalize a lot by Season 3 (which you can see in "Sleepless in Ponyville").
I'm actually trying to put together another Luna piece right now, though it's proving to be tough going. But I'm finding that, at least in my head, her post Season 3 voice is less a matter of funky pronouns and conjugations and more a matter of sounding a bit like a stuffy dictionary for a while (until I can get her to lighten up). I'm not sure that's going to work for me, but that's where I've got her right now.
In any case, thanks for entering AugieDog's contest! I still haven't gotten a chance to read any of the entries, because life, but even if you feel like your stuff needs work, it's cool that you're putting yourself out there for things like that.
3933399
Even though this piece came together pretty quickly (and was the first story I failed to get on EQD because it's more than 1000 words under their minimum requirements), I've always been pretty happy with it—especially that last line. I've been getting a lot of feedback that I need to improve my endings on more recent stories, but I really loved this one when I wrote it, and I continue to do so.
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it! (And despite being bad about responding to comments on this story, I kind of wanted to drop you one since you read it more recently and since you left so many wonderful comments on "Three Nights".)