• Member Since 23rd Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 9th, 2018


There are only three real monsters: Dracula, Blackula, and Son of Kong.


Having been rejected, yet again, Trixie decides that drastic measures must be taken in order to gain entry to the Golden Oaks Library... and Twilight's heart. Fortunately for her, and the rest of Ponyville, she's stopped by someone who knows Twilight intimately. Against his better judgement, Spike agrees to help Trixie with her purple pony problem. But what does Spike know about wooing mares? Apparently a lot.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 36 )

So, yeah, this story was written for an mlpchan /fic/ writeoff about a month ago, and I sat on it for about a month... because. Anyway, I've fixed it up a bit, added some stuff, and changed a few things. Thanks to Belligerent Sock for help with editing and stuff.

In case anyone was wondering (they weren't), the chapter title is a reference to the awful song from King's Quest VI: Girl in the Tower.

For your viewing displeasure:

:moustache: Did not see that coming...:trixieshiftright:

Just across the deadly laser grid...

And we're starting off strong here. . . . But, that ending:facehoof: oi.

And then Trixie was Jon Cusack.

Author Interviewer

Haha, I still love this! :D

Heh, thanks. Apparently you were alone though. It did pretty terribly in the write-off. Oh well, c'est la vie.


Great story. I really enjoyed this!:pinkiesmile:

So is Trixie actually trying to court Twilight and Spike is still acting cool with her because this is some kind of elaborate plot, or is Spike just kinda being a jerk to Twilight here?

Neither, Spike is just one cool customer. He's always willing to help the ladies.

Wouldn't that mean he would hep Twilight get rid of the most likely insane stalker Trixie? That's the problem with being a ladies man when something like this happens.

hahahaha :rainbowlaugh:

Perhaps that would be the case if this story were more serious, but it is not. It's a silly premise with a silly middle and a silly end. Nothing about this story is meant to be taken with anything less than silliest grain of salt which is then dashed atop a silly pile of french fries and set along side a silly cheeseburger and an equally silly glass of soda, served by a silly waitress in a silly restaurant with silly patrons and silly music.

Sheesh... that metaphor really got away from me. Anyway, yes, the story doesn't make perfect sense, but the great thing is that it doesn't have to. That's how [Comedy] works. Thanks for reading though, and taking the time to comment.

Your welcome and damn you, I'm hungry now....:applecry:

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!!! Is this a SHORT story? I guess since I have failed horribly at finishing the first story I started of yours, I'll give this a read. I'm a fan of anything silly and Trixie at the same time. :trixieshiftleft:

Haha, awesome! I look forward to seeing it. PM me a link when you're done and I'll toss it in the description or something.


Allergic to daisies? :pinkiegasp:
Rainbow Dash is a life saver. :rainbowdetermined2:

Very cute story. Though, the cover looks miiiiighty familiar....


Very cute story. Though, the cover looks miiiiighty familiar....

Thanks! And that's probably because it's a random image I took from my "Trixie" folder. I honestly don't know who the artist is. It was just the only image I had of Trixie and Spike that I also thought would draw people in.

*Tilts head and blinks* Somehow I can totally picture Trixie doing this *laughs*

And she has half a brain...

No wait, never mind.

2891874 Here's the original, by Suikuzu. Derpibooru's reverse image search is a wonderful thing.

This plan was perfect. There was no way she could be rejected again.

Somepony needs to tell Trixie that "reastraining order" is not a term of endearment.

“Just get out of that slingshot, and we can talk, I don’t want you to accidentally catapult off in the middle of our conversation.”

Ohhh! Smart and genre savy!

whilst simultaneously placing a heavy rock in the seat she had previously occupied.

“To keep it from launching,” she explained.

So much for genre savviness... :facehoof:
5 quid says that rock will come crashing through at an awkward moment.

that would explain why there were in her medical records then.
I also pilfered her journal.
“Whoa, wait. You were in her room!?”

Trixie nodded. “Only once though, and it was while she was asleep.
“A kidney stone.”

Those hollow *thuds* you just heard? That was me concussing myself with facepalms.

Trixie smiled. “I’d like that,” she said. “And maybe afterwards you can tell me how you beat that Ursa Minor.”

Twilight stopped in her tracks. “Wait... what?”

“Well, I was hoping you could tell me how you beat it so I could use it as my big finale during the next show,” Trixie replied.
Trixie suppressed a laugh. “Wait a second,” she said, barely holding back a snort. “You actually thought Trixie was in love with you?” Twilight’s cheeks flared. “Bahahahaha!” Trixie burst out laughing, unable to contain it any longer. In between laughs, she said, “As if a mare like me could ever love a mare like you!”

Any amorous >implying has been tazed, defenestrated, dragged into a dark alley, beaten to death with a shovel, dismembered, disembowelled, quartered, stuffed into burlap sacks, banished overseas, and buried in a shallow grave in a landfill in the place they were banished to.

Excellent return to form Trixie. :trixieshiftright:

Well, that was fun! Loved the "fat butterfly" line.

Now that was one fun read! It's always a treat to see Spike and Trixie doing anything at all together, and as with LL,L, nearly every paragraph was hilarious. Their banter at the slingshot was a riot, with Spike being the reasonable, helpful, level-headed guy he is and Trixie was completely clueless and inept, yet no less certain of herself.

And let's be honest: the only thing that tops Silly Trixie is Inebriated Twilight. I can't get over the image of Trixie going through with a series of wild schemes to gain entrance to Twilight and Spike's home - like Ralph E. Wolf from WB's Merrie Melodies cartoons - and failing repeatedly. Such a premise, with a good deal of imagination applied, could be a fanfic all on its own.

It was also just fantastic how you played along with the Twixie trope until it came time to shatter everyone's expectations by not only sinking that overused ship, but adding insult to injury by paving over it with a much more realistic scenario.

“Hmm, that would explain why there were in her medical records then.”


whilst simultaneously placing a heavy rock in the seat she had previously occupied.

“To keep it from launching,” she explained.

I cannot believe such an obvious setup slipped past me. I must've been reading too fast without thinking.

Heh, I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was a fun one to write. It was originally for an MLPchan write-off months ago (that I found out 5 hours before the contest ended) so it was written in somewhat of a hurry, but due to the power of subverting Twixie tropes, I was able to crank this sucker out in no time at all.

Herp... fixed now. Thanks for pointing it out.

>I cannot believe such an obvious setup slipped past me.
Well, the idea was that it was obvious in retrospect, but was supposed to feel like a throwaway gag in the beginning.

The rock flew across the evening sky as gracefully as a fat butterfly

Now that is comedic genius.

Not much to say other than that the whole thing was absolutely hilarious.

I'd love to provide feedback on this, truly I would.

Just one problem.

I'm still laughing.

Sweet Cadance, I can't stop. I shouldn't have tried to read this twice.

Nuts to this. I'm tapping out

(Also, my memory might be failing me again, but didn't Twilight eat a daffodil-and-daisy sandwich in Season 1?)

Phew, finally got around to reading this. Don't ask, it's a thing.

So hey, this is better than the original /fic/ submission. The payoff was better than the buildup would have implied. I'm not hugely into random, though, so I'm probably just not the right audience for this one – it was funny, but not stitches or laughing-out-loud funny. More of a chuckle and a smile.

Still, good for a quick read.


This Trixie? Possibly best Trixie. This was freaking hilarious and certainly most excellent.

leather seat
really? even lyra hates leather, and she wants to be human!
(it's disgusting like eating meat! i am glad you don't eat meat, or flowers, or fish... or fruits and vegetables... i luv ya the same!)

and that was not what i was expecting, oh! was the rock TOM?! that would be awesome!

“Does this mean you’ll teach me how to vanquish an Ursa Minor!” Trixie called after her.
“Screw you!”

Bwhahahahaha! That was hilarious!

You know, I kinda gotta fault Spike for this. He's supposed to be the bouncer in this thing and properly screen folks. He should have at least figured if this was real romantic intentions or not.

...Unless he knew that it wasn't and knew he'd be getting a peon out of the deal, in which case Spike is a Xanatos level schemer...

Making sure her cape and hat were straight, Trixie cleared her throat and breathed into her hoof.


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