• Member Since 10th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Blazing Dragon


The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

T

Takes place three hundred years after Twilight's coronation. Twilight had to say goodbye to all but one of her friends, but soon she'll have to let her go as well. Celestia try's her best to counsel Twilight and remind her that she still has friends and maybe a little more.

Art by: VeraWitch
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I was heavily inspired by Devise Heretics story Eternal .
This was my first attempt at writing. I polished it up some.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 23 )

Aside from some grammatical errors, it's a good Twilestia premise. Do you have a proofreader?

Aside from some spelling mistakes I think you have a nice premise here! I'll be keeping my eye on this fic! :pinkiehappy:

Not bad. I will folliw this. I would suggest getting an editor or proof reader

This premise is interesting and it shows compelling emotions, nice :twilightsmile:. You could use an editor's help though, specially with the formatting of dialogue.

2816380

No I do not, are you volunteering? :pinkiehappy:

I will put it on my watch list, but please get a proof reader and get this checked. It has potential, but the errors are really holding me back from my enjoyment of it. :unsuresweetie:

2817590
2819941

Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it. Also, how do I go about finding an editor or a proof reader?
I would like to find one before I release the next chapter.:twilightsmile:

Nice idea. You may want to lay off the italics though. Present-tense dialogue reads weird in italics, unless the character is shouting.

2820086 The best way to get an editor is asking around the site, go to the forums of your groups and politely ask for help and you could join the several groups dedicated to help authors (just type editor, proof, author, help etc. in the find group option), you will find groups to find prereaders and editors, people willing to review your work, as well as groups that have tips and guides about grammar, formatting, and writing in general.

You could also add the fact that you are looking for an editor in the author's notes of your prologue, some editors may offer their help if they read your story and like it.

loose-lose, discus-discuss, with a look of concern-., "Twilight has been spending a lot of time with Applejack and her granddaughter lately and Applejack isn't doing so well, and I think she's dying soon."-she will be dying soon, and the sentence is a bit too long, try to space it out between 2 sentences, lulu-Lulu it's a nickname but it's still a name, "Luna grins" "Celestia grins"- repetitive, tired up-tied up, untie is redundant, saying let her go oror free would be better, grany smith-Granny Smith, 'Applejacks-"Applejack's, shinnin-shinin', applejack-Applejack, twilight-Twilight, applejack-Applejack, stopin-stoppin', leavin-leavin', applejack-Applejack. Great story by the way and I hope the profreading helps you get more viewers and likes.

3144929

Thank you very much, let me know what you think of the other chapters.

Some of them mistakes. :facehoof: fixed what you pointed out.

3144929
Loss - Lose actually. Loose means something isnt tight. Like a loose string.
>> Kain187
But yeah, there's just alot of spelling errors that should be addressed in order for the meaning to not be lost in translation. Its great so far though, I'm eager to find out how things go. Also, try to draw things out a bit, be more descriptive of actions. When Celestia appears to Twi, it seems sudden and out of the blue. While it may be intended to be as such, More detail of her appearance could elaborate on how she got there, or when she arrived.

If you get what I'm saying that is.

Looking forward to the next chapters.

3279419

Everbrony was pointing out the mistakes I made on my first attempt at writing. I believe I corrected all my mistakes when I rewrote this chapter, but if you find any, show me where they are so I can correct it.:twistnerd:

Also, try to draw things out a bit, be more descriptive of actions.

I'll do my best, but I don't have the vocabulary that a lot of experienced authors have to pull from.
But I'll eventually get there with time and experience. I hope, because I have so many great ideas.:pinkiehappy:

Thanks for reading and the next chapter will be out shortly.:twilightsmile:

3550700

This was my first attempt at writing, and I will continue it eventually, but for now I'm concentrating on Nightshade.

Glad you liked it.:twilightsmile:
Not bad for my first attempt, huh?

I like this story, I hope U continue it soon. if U need help with anything let me know. Ive helped a writer friend figure out how to get out a blockage or gave him ideas.

4468104

I'll continue it. I'm just kinda afraid to, my mind isn't in the same place it was when I wrote the first chapter.

Thank you, I'm surprised and happy someone cares. :twilightsmile:

I find everyone is their worse critic, I thought it was really good. Nice set up in a new era where your free to explore their potential relationship.

you could potentially change this story from canceled to complete and just name it a one shot since that ending seems final enough for it

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