• Member Since 30th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen Sep 25th, 2013

NTSTS



T
Source

On the Pie family farm, there are only rocks. It's a life Pinkie moved away from. Back home, after a tragic event, her sister Inkie wonders if she should do the same. After all: it's hard to have a life worth living, with only rocks.

Written for the EQD Prereader Battle of June 2013

Edited by Vimbert.

Cover image edited by knighty.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 98 )

Fake and ghey :rainbowwild:

(Thanks for the acknowledgement.)

2781834
u wanna fuckin' go m8 i'll fuk u up i swear on me mum's life

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

AUGH FUCK THAT PROMPT

NTS Y U DO DIS TO ME ;_;

also, fire your editor olol :V

Wow. A story about child abuse. I would never have seen that coming. I almost don't want to find anything wrong with this, but since that doesn't sound like me at all...

I can smell the stench of minimalist punctuation about this. It seems to be a very modern trend that really grinds my gears. Sure, a few non-standard arrangements can really shake things up and provide punch, as it did here a few times, but more often than not it just felt over-simplified and forced—like it was written for an average six year old. I'm not a fan.

In a more general way, I'm torn regarding the middle section. The dreary repetitiveness is clearly fitting with the tone but I just can't qualify it when I end up skimming because of it. Maybe it's just because I wanted to stab Inkie's mum in the face; who can say.

In terms of originality, creativeness with the prompt, and holding a tone... just... wow. Conceptually this is staggering, but the bland writing style let it down, regardless of whether it was intentional.

-Scott

pinkie's family's names are now canon in the pinkie pie novel
father: igneous rock
mother: cloudy quartz
older sister: Limestone Pie
youngest sister: Marble pie.

the names are now canon. so please change them.

2787401 alright then, mr. who the fuck fucking care, let's see you get hit by other people about the names. or asked about them. i'll leave. no use arguing with idiots. they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience

Why did the Pie family stay at a dead farm moving fucking rocks when they could have moved to Ponyville, as shown by Pinkie?
What makes rocks so precious that a living can be made from them by moving them?
Why was Mrs. Pie such a dumb cunt for wanting to stay on the miserable farm after her husband killed himself?
How did an earth pony tie a noose around her neck and hang herself?

I...
I...
...

Daaaaaaaaaammmmmmn. That was... Bam. Right in the feels.

I was silently begging for the story to not end the way it was going to. I wanted that whole hope spot with Thistle to come to be. It didn't.

Truly, the tragedy tag has never been used more appropriately. Good show, good show.

Well. That was something.

If you'll excuse me. I need a few...

Nicely done.

~Skeeter The Lurker

2787408

You're the only one bitching about it.

Just an fyi.

But... I... Um...
No...
Why?
I mean, I know why...
But....
Dude...

I feel horrible.

This work of fiction is so wonderful, I could sob! I felt so attached to Inkie that every pang of sadness that stabbed her, gutted me! I'mma go check if you have any other fics, because, by the looks of this one, you are a fabulous author!

Comment posted by Fabulosity Personified deleted Jun 28th, 2013

2787488
I guess you don't understand depression, and the way it makes you feel like there's no escape. That's their life - as bad as it is, to leave is to end their lives. They can't imagine things getting better, but they can imagine things being worse... or, worse still, things being the same. Death is an easy out, after that...

ouch, right in the feels.

2790671
What. That's stupid. They had a clear example of a life beyond a rock farm. The pink daughter having fun and making a life.

Perhaps the story isn't as impactful to me as it should be because it's about ponies, ponies who, mind you, in the show were shown laughing and dancing with said pink daughter.

2790700
Like I said, you don't understand it, you're probably too young and/or privileged in life. Sorry, that's not supposed to sound condescending, but this is what depression does. You don't feel like there's any escape, even when there patently is. You feel like you don't even deserve anything better, and you feel like no matter how hard you try, no matter how easy it seems to others, that for you, it will just never work. It's why I always cringe when I read things like "she was such a lovely kid with such a bright future" or "he was always so kind". Nobody ever says "yeah, he was a miserable bastard and I'm glad he's dead" or "yeah, I used to kick him when the teachers didn't see and steal his school books, to throw them in the toilet". Unless you know what it's like to feel as if the world is an endless sea of grey, I guess you'll not understand why this story by NT is so painfully written.

2781839
so when's the big gay mormon-style marriage between you, vimby, knigget and alex? And can I watch the orgy? :pinkiecrazy:

2790744
>you're probably too young and/or privileged in life.
I'm 20, and I'm in a middle class family, and guess what, I've been through depression. Fucking hell, NTSTS wrote Lunacy on my request because I was going through a rough time, so I know what the feelings are. My point is I've moved on from that point in life, and this story doesn't have the same impact as it should be. Mainly because it's PONIES. A pony killing his or her self isn't as depressing or tragic as a fictional person because it contradicts what's in the show, as shown in the story of "How Equestria Was Made". it comes down as forcing feelings, and not believable. I like NTSTS's stories, but I like the ones that don't have tragic endings because who wants to read a story where everyone dies, the problems remain problems, and nothing is solved? I personally consider Family his best work, and wish he'd right more like it.

>...this story by NT is so painfully written.
You are right about that though.
That was a joke btw.

2791264
But... Luna... kills herself at the end of Lunacy.

Literally nothing you've said has made a damn bit of sense.

2791785
Yes I know she does. It still helped me in my own way.
And I think I was rather clear with the rest of my post. What didn't make sense?
Why'd you spoil that last bit?

You... YOU KILLED MY FAVORITE PONY!!! :fluttercry:

WHYYYYYYYYY? :raritycry:

I ended up deleting my original comment because it didn't express how I felt about this story adequately. After a day of considering it and after a second read through, I can say that the story is close to perfect. Rhythm, character interactions, construction, it's all technically superb (minus one or two grammatical mistakes). Any issues I had about the ending are really minor and miss the point to a certain I extent.

The only thing that prevents me from really liking it is my own experience of depression. That's not something an author can do much about, but it's a credit to the story that it got me thinking about things and maybe changed the way I thought.

2787408
Woah, dude, take a chill pill. :rainbowderp:
If you don't have one of those ten take a chill strip. Put it on your tongue, let it sizzle, chill :raritywink:

Wow. Actually, a lot of people are like, really uncool in the comments, man. I don't mean, like, the people feeling sad, or even some of the criticism, but like...
You know, man, the story is what it is. People are gonna feel different ways about it. I liked it, it's familiar, man, and it all depends on how you relate to the story.

So this story earns a moustache. I don't know if people like, do that anymore on stories...

:moustache:

The feels... they hurt...

Still, beautifully written.

This story was an emotional punch in the gut, which is exactly what I think it was supposed to be. You helped me to feel, just a little while, the bleakness and despair of the Pie farm as you chose to portray it. It resonated for me emotionally, and I think it did for a number of other readers here too. Some people might not like where that resonance takes them, but sometimes we need a reminder of the depths of the darkness in order to better appreciate the brightness of the light. Thank you for this story. :eeyup:

im sorry for that, but what else is there to say? really, it was just so full of pain

Ow.

I liked the minimalist, repetitive style- it goes well with the minimal, repetitive setting and the question of what happens next when there's only one possible answer.

Also, I feel inspired now. I may write something on this topic.

The feels man...

I'm gonna go... ya know..

cry into my pillow :fluttercry:

:applecry: That's so sad.....
:pinkiesad2:
:fluttercry:
:raritycry:

Why?

I mean, I am not sure it makes sense. If she would be so afraid of dissapointing her mom, why wouldn't dissapoint her getting nice and cozy in life? I haven't got any real explanation why she is destined to stay there forever, besides a bit crazy mom, which kinda two or three smart sentences from coltfriend could fix. Oh, a coltfriend. How could she find a one, if she was only knowing and thinking about rocks? Did he fall in love reading constant whining about how boring it is? If she never even went to school (she'd probably make some more-or-less friends there) and just turns stones all day, how did she made him interested? What other personality traits she had besides "rocks"? WHAT WERE THEY WRITING ABOUT? Why is her love not giving her any power? Completely fresh, romantic love? Love, which shows a person a new cathegory they can identify themselves with? Which makes you think of self not only as of child, heir, student, worker, but of lover, seducer, caretaker?
Is this fic a kind of Lars von Trier style trololo to inflict pain in readers?

(BTW, great examples of love and tolerate in comments, guys.)

That was beautiful, it make you feel full of emotions.
:ajsleepy:

That hope spot had me going around the middle but then, well, rocks. :fluttercry:
dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133546243038.jpg
And that's all I have to say about that.

Wow that was something :applecry:

..........:raritycry:

when I was practicing writing a few months back, I found that I could only write like this when I was feeling pretty terrible, course, thats nothing new to me. This story almost made me cry, about halfway through I already knew how it was going to end, as for Inkie, I completely related with her. You wake up to the same routine every day, desperate for the few things in your life that bring some sort of happiness, and you see a place where your life can get better, you just can't get to it, you never can. This story made that painfully obvious to me, its sad to think about, but what can you do? I'm going to contemplate this, I may even write a story similar to this, I hope the story I have planned can make people feel what I felt reading this story. Thats the beauty in word smithing, the emotions you invoke in an individual with just a few well strung sentences, I'd say you as a writer mastered that art.:fluttercry:

This is my new favorite story. So amazing. Beautiful writing

this was beautifull,but at the same time so sad.I cried :fluttercry:

2794469

Well, as for why she didn't leave, remember that Equestria is a destiny-based society. For example, while in our human American culture is based on fighting destiny; having the idea that we're 100% in control of our future, Equestrian society is completely about following your destiny, hence the cutie marks (I do think NTSTS should have addressed that in the story, however). But why did Pinkie leave? As the story said, it's clearly obvious that Pinkie was different, her talents lied elsewhere aside from rocks (and her cutie mark is a bunch of balloons, while Inkie's is a stone of sorts). The idea of running away from destiny in Equestrian society is quite, well, revolutionary. And while Inkie was given that opportunity, she feels like she isn't good at anything else. It's not a logical thought, but that's the whole point: people (and ponies), don't always act based on what's logical, but more often than not we act based on our emotions.
As to how she has a coltfriend, the two of them both shared something in common: they felt something in common, both being trapped in a repetitive agrarian environment (even if Thistle's farm wasn't rocks). The story (though weakly) points out that they talked about how they wanted to get away from home and start a new life. They were both more comfortable with one another than they were with their families, which in adolescence, is pretty common. Plus, they were also likely the only contact they had with the opposite sex outside the family.

I hope this clarifies those points in the story. I don't mean this comment offensively, because I think the author could have done a better job in pointing those things out. He writes in a style similar to Ernest Hemmingway, which is all about implying rather than explaining (show, not tell). However, there were at times too little detail for the average reader to see.

And I agree completely with that last line.

2795855
Thank you for your comment!
And yes, Equestria do have those cutie marks... But, when watching a show, they seemed to be a gift, not a curse. I liked the moment, when Applejack got hers: she seemed to chose it. Like cutie mark appears when you realize you will indeed be happy with some way of life, then be forced to take something. (Probably the reasons CMC doesn't have theirs!) I would like to believe the mysterious magic behind cutie marks would never harm ponies... Maybe those cutie marks are actually a way to escape the system of just taking your family's traditions, like in some cultures? Signal to follow your dreams? Think of Rarity, a small town unicorn of very middle-class parents, her cutie mark encouraging her to follow her ambitions.
It's still kind of terrible when I think of kids having their way of life chosen without a way out... Reminds me of horror of "Magical Mystery Cure". Also, you have Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, Screwball, Derpy or this little colt with snail. What does it mean? That you're destined to be a spoiled daddy's girl, a fool or mentally ill?
Still, cutie marks are often not unambiguous: Fluttershy isn't an entomologist, and Rarity isn't a jeweler, and a traveling pony had a cutie mark of a hen.
It's an interesting topic, wanted to write a fic about that, unfortunately, I am not from destiny-fighting USA (nor any other English-speaking country) and my language and grammar skills leave a great deal to be desired.
(Sorry for a lot of OT, I am rather fresh in community and never had occasion to have a serious talk about ponies (and humans) before :)

holy fuck. 15k words! well i better get to reading.

2796126

It's okay, and that is an interesting point. I think what we can deduce about Inkie is that she felt she couldn't find her destiny, or that her destiny was rocks.
I think she could have escaped, but I feel that she was simply too afraid to do so because all she saw in her future was rocks. It comes from the "I'm not good at anything" feeling, combined with hatred towards a repetitive routine.

2796126 cutie marks don't directly show the ponys talents

The feels D: great writing, moments of happiness and sadness, hope and loss...:'(

Well. I don't know what to say. My feels are all pretzel shaped right now. :pinkiesad2: This was a powerfully written story but the ending didn't ring true with me for some reason. She's too scared of leaving her family and the life she knows...so she kills herself, leaving permanently her family and the life she knows. Rrrright. :ajbemused:
I can understand that people are ruled by ruled by emotion, but that still seems a little harsh that she would seesaw in one night from physically not being able to escape her life with someone she loves, to deciding that the best solution is to kill herself; as opposed to -I don't know- running off to find said love when you decide you actually don't want to continue the life you have. I think the story would have been better if it either followed Mr. Pie on his way to suicide, or if the ending was a bit less -ah- drastic.
For some reason, this story came to mind. It has the same bleak tone as your story, but proves you don't have to kill everypony to have a sense of conclusion.

For that matter, how do you tie a noose without hands? :facehoof:

Login or register to comment