I have thrown my life away, and now I'll be the one to pay.
These are the words echoing in a young silver filly's mind as she slowly exits the train to Canterlot and heads to the edge of the city, a sheer cliff-drop of hundreds of feet. Not expecting anypony to be watching, she looks down and releases a deep sigh, taking one hoof-step forward.
I have thrown my life away, and now I'll be the one to pay.
But maybe it'll take one compassionate filly from her life before to show her the way to the light.
(Now with alternate ending)
Chapters (2)
Wow! That's sad! Great job!
Since I struggle with suicidal thoughts at times this story struck a chord with me. It also made me feel pity for Silver Spoon, something I thought I'd never do. Good writing!
That was a great story
That phrase will stick with me for a long while...
I would love to see a continuation of this. I mean with the length of time they were gone it is possible that Rarity could have found them and caught Silver. Then we would be able to see the drama continue to unfold as Silver battles against that phrase, and may be finds a new one
Either way FAVORITING!!
That ending...
Good job!
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Hmm...perhaps I could write an alternate ending? That actually sounds like a great idea - I was thinking about doing something like that but changed it at the last moment. Thank you!
I don't know when it would come out, though. I'll try working on it soon.
Nooooooooooooooo!
Sigh, in my mind Sweetie Belle catches Silver Spoon with telekinesis and earns her cutie mark.
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Or, Sweetie Belle jumps down after Silver Spoon, and there follows an epic falling scene in the style of Gandalf's battle with the balrog in The Lord of the Rings (but without the flames or the fighting). :)
I'll be working on the alternate ending soon, everypony, for those of you who hate depressing endings (like her -->
) Soon you'll all look like her! (-->
) because the alternate ending will be...well, different.
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I'm personally going with Rarity catching up as Silver Spoon jumps. Do you think Rarity'd really let me wander around alone in Canterlot?
--Sweetie Belle
this was an amazing story! i may not have shed any tears but it left me with a hollow feeling inside... this is the first fic that has actually made me "sad". the way you were able to make the story feel real with a problem that actually exists helped the stories quality tenfold. yet again, amazing job!
p.s a sequel that deals with how sweetie bell copes with silver jumping would definitely be a must read!
Good ending! Personally I am a sucker for happy endings. Although I do have to mention something.
I feel like there should be some commas in there or something.
Anyway good job!
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Nope, no commas, because her brain is going so fast she can't even put pauses in. Kind of like if a rabbit is trying to run away from a fox - run run run gotta run run run! No time for pauses.
I'm glad you liked it, though!
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That makes sense. Anyway, I am looking forward to your next writing endeavor!
I've been waiting for this for a while, and I am not disappoint.
Alternate endings are always the best endings.
The title for the alternate ending kinda gave away how the normal story ended, which really isn't very good if you wanted to make the ending a shock to the reader.
Sorry that this took so long, I was having a head cold when I made the group and I didn't expect to get things to review so fast. Okay, now I'm better, so lets get on with this.
1. In the beginning, before we, the reader, knew what was going on and what Silver was planning, there was a feeling of depression that really helps them get into it further when it does. Throughout, I could feel a sense of upcoming doom and a lack of hope. The mood is obviously your strong point in this one-shot and it is the driving force in keeping the reader interested.
2. I could feel how emotional Silver was when she was talking to Sweetie Belle and how Sweetie was trying to keep calm but at the same time, be assertive in figuring out things.
1. The wording where she says "...I have thrown my life away..." seemed a little off because I knew that she wasn't really giving anyone any chances, even herself.
1. I really think that this one-shot would've been better if it was in first person view to get everything more personal, which would add to the effect of the plot.
2. The moment where she says "I have thrown my life away..." A really cool effect could've had this being repeated throughout this story even more than the few times it was.
I'll have the all-in-all finishing thoughts in the blog review and I'll let you know when that is done.
I'll give this one-shot a 9/10 for the overall mood of the story and Silver's speaking part.
Yeah, I liked this ending better, thanks.
I like sad stories, personally, but this kind of sad story is kind of hard for me to stomach...
Thanks SO much for the alternate ending, I hate it when people don't do that for their story!
This was a very good read!
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Oh hey cool you're here!
Thanks 
Nice avatar pic too! 
(if you could, go to the WF, I want to talk to you there)
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)
(WF?) What's that?
But sure, I guess...
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Warriors forums
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OH sorry!
Yeah, I'll be there.
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'Kay!
24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png
This was really good. So sad. I like how you included a rather happier alternate ending, though the original was not to bad either. Also have a like and a fav
.
Why must you make me feel sad...
Good story, sad story
MUCH BETTER
It's sad that she couldn't first try to reason with Tiara. Because now DT has nopony.
Still someponies don't want to be saved.
And on that note I would like to point out an error I think you made. You said Silver's Hind leg was hovering over the cliff when I think you meant her foreleg. If she was facing the cliff and halted in mid jump it would be her foreleg that might be raised to take the final step, while her hind legs would be poised like a coiled spring, ready to release and send her face first over the edge.
so hooray for the weakness of earth ponies against Unicorn levitation DOMINATION, darlings
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Actually, I think it was meant to be frantic mind racing, almost to the point where everything blurs together in a silent scream. The sound of a troubled, perhaps even tortured, soul.
What were the fifty five bottles?
This is up there in my list of favorite suicide stories I've read so far. Parasol is a pretty good parent OC for Silver that I would like to see more of. Grammar wasn't bad (I noticed a no notable errors at all.... truly a Rarity in the realms of fanfiction) and it flowed really nicely. You asked for criticism so here it is:
Aside from these 2 complaints the story was pretty great.
(didn't read the alternate ending yet so)
Gotta also say that having an alternate ending is just delicious icing on the cake, not gonna care how this one turns out because i already loved the ending to the first chapter. My reaction to this chapter below the break!
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Alright, gonna critique and complement the alternate ending with all my might.
Glad you added in time and date... only problem is I find it very hard to believe that all this happened in the time-span of about 11 hours and 58 minutes.... really? Silver gets saved, "lets talk about your problems", cops called, Bitch McCunt gets arrested
(cops sadly didn't shoot first and ask questions later here), Silver gets adopted, and they manage to squeeze in playtime all in LESS THAN 12 HOURS?The story still flowed well here... dispute the ridiculous time-frame in which it all happened. There were a handful of spelling/grammar errors in this alternate ending.
Lack of explanation of what those bottles were? Drugs? Alcohol? To be brutally honest if it was booze: everybody's drank too much at some point in their lives so the thing that should of been revealed is whether or not
PerosolPairofsoulsPinesolParasol is an alcoholic.... not whether she got drunk for one fucking day.Where did that phrase come from? Don't tell me it just popped in Silver's head.... it would've appeared in her mind if she was planning this for some time LIKE THIS STORY INDICATES. Is Rarity singing this while brushing her mane? That theory actually makes sense so can you explain why the formatting is so confusing? Its not hard to use an alt code to put in those note symbols if she is singing. The italics make me think its Silver's thoughts. If Rarity wasn't singing and it was a flashback, said aloud, Sweetie Belle whimpered it, etc: format it in a way that makes sense.
I liked the original ending.... that doesn't mean I hate this.... far from it. Your pacing and the way you handled the situation MADE WHAT WOULD OF BEEN THE MOST CLICHE ENDING EVER TO THE BEST ALTERNATE ENDING TO A SUICIDE FIC I'VE EVER READ.
(I wish the cops "accidentally" shotPairofshoesParasol like they constantly do to innocent people)ON A SIDE Nshit.... I left caps lock on. Ahem, on a side note to both of my reviews for both chapters:I really do like the way you set this up and I really like
ParasolPinesol's actions, character, and how both of these played a huge role in her suicide (or attempted suicide if you wanna be technical with what I'm about to say next).I wouldn't mind seeing a sequel that would delve into how Ponyville reacts to Silver's story (you and I both know this story would probably make the local newspaper/headlines) and the future actions of Diamond..... with her eventually fading into irrelevancy in a matter of time.
It was sad
but it was heartfelt and beautiful
You did very, very well a most Amazing job
This was an amazing story.
Could we possibly get a sequel that expands upon Diamond Tiara's thoughts now that she's friendless?
reading this story, I got the impression that the characters were "older" than fillies. you talked about the school days, like they were out of school, or in the past. the original ending seemed rushed, whereas the alternate ending seemed to be more descriptive, and believable, like the alternate ending was the original ending...a happy ending. good story though.
Both endings made me sob.....
to infinity and beyond!