School has just started, and every filly in Equestria is ready for a new school year....except Morning Mist. He even hates the word, "school". That all changes once he sets his eyes on one of the mares, he can't take his eyes off of her and loves everything about her. Too bad things don't always work out in the love scene....
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Pretty good. I love how you ended the chapter! I think it is cute!
To my readers: I will be posting chapters weekly (if nothing occurs) and will be happy to listen to feedback, compliments, questions, etc.
Very good starting
Good work chap.
This is a great chapter 
HNNNNNG! TH-THE FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS!!!
Such a cute story this is....but I can't help but think something will get in the way of the relationship between Sweetie and Mist. I kind of want that, because it would build conflict, but they are just too cute together and, and, and......
God I don't know. Turnips.
So, I just read what you have so far. It's pretty good, though very straight-forward. I feel like there could be a bit more character development for our protagonist here. I enjoy the story and will give it a follow to keep up with it.
Now, on the more technical side:
Your dialogue attributions need a bit of work. You are using your dialogue like this: '"Hi there." He said.' When it should be like this: '"Hi there," he said.' It's all one sentence, so you need the comma instead of a period, and the attribution should not be capitalized unless it is a proper noun.
And on two separate chapters, there were instances of spelling 'ill' instead of ' I'll '
And in one chapters (probably chapter 3 (maybe 2)) you spelled 'castes' when it should be 'cast'
I think there were others that I noticed, but I forgot the specifics.
Anyway, thanks for writing,
~SilentBelle
You are getting better at typing stories
Anyways good chapter and the feels make my heart explode from cuteness 
Damn you!!!
This is THE WORST POSSIBLE THING 
Very well played 
To my readers, the end of this book is near
but I am anticipating a sequel to this tragic ending. So stayed updated as I may release the sequel soon! 
Ugh. Love at first sight?
Sorry. Nothing against you personally, but I can't stand love at first sight plots. Fortunately the rest of the chapter was pretty good so I'll keep reading and see how this develops. I shall be keeping a close watch Primary. Be warned. I have standards. 
Not entirely sure what those standards are but I still have them.
This might just be my personal bias, but. *clears throat* SWEETIE BELLE IS FAR TOO YOUNG TO BE IN ANY SORT OF ROMANTIC TENSION!!!
... sorry you had to see that. Anyways, short chapter. Not much room for development, which is what this story is lacking a bit. Just a bit. It would really help to go into why Morning Mist likes her so much. Well, I'm only on chapter 2. Perhaps development will come soon.
... I suppose this counts as development. At least, I know more about how Morning feels about her. Not so much her, other than she likes him. Still, the whole "love" thing is seriously throwing me off. It's probably because I'm a cynical bastard, but every time he says he loves her I just think, "No you don't. It's just a schoolyard crush." I'm still reading the story though, so that's a plus. Good show, young man. Good show.
oh god they kissed.
I just....I just can't. I still see them as kids. Anyways, that was just one minor nitpick. Pretty good chapter, although the twist could have used a bit more buildup.
Seriously, this story would work so much better if they were adults. Maybe Sweetie Belle has to move away due to her career, and he can't go with her because he's poor or something. She can't take him with her cause her career has just started so she can't support him living with her. I don't know, but I just can't see kids acting like this. Which is a shame cause this is a pretty good story. Sad to say, I most likely won't be reading the sequel. Good luck on it though.
2739413 I see where you are coming at with this, but the problem of age IS addressed in the sequel. I threw in hints such as, "...even if it takes a long time..." So believe me, they will NOT be the same age in the next one and I believe the sequel will fix all your woes with the story.
Very good.
Now.... WRITE THE NEW STORY 
I don't mean to sound like a douche, but... This was just too cliche. Love at first sight, the main stallion/foal character being way too emotional towards a character, situations/dialogue straight out of a low budget film, etc etc. Not to mention, they are kids and shouldn't even be doing/worrying about this kind of crap anyway.
Sorry, but I just didn't enjoy this. It could have been worse though, if that helps at all.
awwwwwwww I
this story, so romantic and adorable 
2747880
I cannot describe my agreeness(is that even a word?) with words.
Still, it was a good story
P.S: I will leave this two here