• Member Since 1st Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 16th, 2016

Drizzle Quill


A female brony with a love for FlutterDash and a passion for writing.

Sequels1

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It's Father's Day, but one certain Element of Honesty is alone, so Rarity, being the generous mare she is, offers to let Applejack come with her and Magnum to Ponyville's finest restaurant. However, when Rarity sends the letter to her father explaining, a horrible misconception is made: Magnum believes that Applejack is his daughter's marefriend, here to have him approve of his daughter's choice in love.

Rarity is panicked.

Applejack thinks it's hilarious.


Sequel: Clear

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 100 )

...oh sweet celestia, i can already tell that this will be a glorious story. i truthfully cannot wait until the next chapter.

Oh, this is off to a brilliant start; I can't wait to see how things go! :raritystarry:

AJ is gonna milk this for as much as its worth

Yay....

This is original, no being sarcastic, I never seen this before. Props to you, kind sir or ma'am.

Oh, Magnum. You magnificient idiot! Never change, ya big sweet lug.

Celestia's mane.. This is brilliant! AJ is gonna milk this for all it's worth...and stars help them both if/when Rainbow Dash gets wind of this!

This is a ridiculously good idea for (hopefully) a Rarijack fic. Cannot wait for more.

:eeyup:

And by the end of the third chapter: Lesbians.

Oh the possibilities! Oh the :ajsmug: *unfolds chair* this is going to be good!:twilightsmile:

YOU FOOL! Why didn't you release the whole thing at once? You'd have killed the featurebox for a WEEK, and I wouldn't have to wait to see the ending!

Comment posted by Skyeheart deleted Jun 7th, 2013

This is really funny so far, but I wouldn't want it to turn into a real relationship, just keep it cool and creative and make it your own.
The idea was really planned out well, I would never have thought of this, I even had a similar concept!

Man, I love how everyone on here is trying to tell you how to write your story, or how they want it to go or what they think would be better when you've just started it. :ajbemused: If you want to keep the shipping situational here then cool, but if you want to write something that turns into a real romance story then I hope you go for it and not listen to what people have to say. If they don't like it they can write their own fics.

Anyway I really like the way this is shaping up so far, very funny and I like the way you write Magnum (his nickname for Rarity is cute and perfect). It's a great idea for a story premise and I look forward to reading more!

This is brilliant. I'm looking forward to seeing how it goes.

2680742 It's called opinions dude, people express them. Yeah, it's rude when they're telling him how to write the thing, but openly discussing how they think it will go? How is that a problem?

An interesting premise, and I may have to track this. It looks like its getting a good amount of attention, so it'll probably hang out in the popular stories box for a while. That said, I did have a few problems with it.

The elegant white unicorn Rarity skimmed the letter clutched in her light blue aura again, azure eyes going wide as she realized she most certainly had not read the letter wrong. Her violet mane was disheveled and dusty, but at the moment, Rarity didn’t care.

Leading off with a huge chunk of LUS in what should properly be the hook for your story is rarely a good idea, and if this were longer than 2000 words I probably would have abandoned ship right there. Nothing in that block of text is necessary except "Rarity skimmed the letter again."

The voice of the piece was a little inconsistent. It seemed to stick to 3rd Limited Rarity most of the time, but occasionally wandered off into omniscient when the Mane Six were around. Voicing for the characters is generally good, though I've never been a fan of approximating Applejack's accent with an Ah-for-I substitution. I think it reads far more naturally to use standard structure and instead choose appropriate vocabulary and colloquialisms, at which point the accent comes immediately to mind without trying to force it onomatopoeically. I'm also very surprised that Rarity wouldn't know that Applejack had lost her parents, as she seems to have done in this story.

Judging from this first chapter, I remain pretty conflicted about this story. On the one hand, it does a decent job with most of the character voices and uses a lot of nice, active language. On the other, it seems to waste a fair amount of words for something that's only 1500 words long. Anyway, good luck with this!

2678753

Exactly what I was thinking.

2680742

I'm not saying, I'm just hoping. Author's already got it fully planned out from what I can tell.

A good start! I'm anxious to see where this goes.

You can come with my father and I to the restaurant near the middle of Ponyville!

This phrasing seemed a bit awkward to me. If I may suggest, why not name the restaurant instead?

2689424

Oh! :twilightoops: Thank you, fixed. It's now the "Daisy Days Café." :twilightblush:

2689264

Thank you for your tips. I'll take them into mind. I tend to use an excessive amount of detail, but I've had others tell me it's the perfect amount. When I post part two, we'll see what happens. :twilightsmile:

(oh my gosh, I think the Twilight emojicons are my favorite. They're so great! :twilightangry2::twilightblush::twilightoops::twilightsmile::facehoof:)

2689313

Yup, suppose I do. I can promise you guys it won't be full shipping, like "OH MY GOSH KISS KISS LET'S GET MARRIED OH MY GOSH I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH" (although I've never written much of that :unsuresweetie::pinkiesick:) but it might actually have a tiny bit of Rarijack in it, because, and people might downvote me for this, but :raritywink::heart::ajsmug:

Amazing chapter! :twilightsmile: Love this fic!! Keep it up~

so does rarity actuelly like spike in your story?

* note Rarity is unsure if Applejack has feelings for her or not - all she knows is that AJ has decided she's gonna milk this for all its worth

If you need to tell us, you've done something wrong.

2694276

Okay, I took that out. I was hoping people could figure it out on their own, but just in case they couldn't, I added that. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do. *saves changes* :twilightsheepish:

2694256

Somewhat. She's having confused feelings for him. Rarity's trying to figure out if she's straight, bi, or lesbian somewhat, without saying that she is, and in the process this is muddling with her feelings for both Spike and AJ. :raritycry: : WHY???

Ok, so AJ can't lie to Spike and is willing to break the little guys heart, but she's willing to humiliate Rarity in front of her dad and lie to her fathers face?

This AJ is so goddamn OoC it ain't funny.

2694870

All strange characterization and remaining loop-holes will be covered in Part 3.:pinkiehappy:

Of all seriousness, though, is there anywhere so far where you see character inconsistencies? The ones involving Applejack will be explained later on, but any of the other characters - Rarity, Spike, etcetera? I'm planning on submitting this to Equestria Daily when it's done, and I need it to be in tip-top shape. :pinkiehappy:

2694870
I'm gonna assume that's because her intentions are for it not to be a lie by the end of the day.

2696979

Ah, ah, ah! You'll see. But I do promise everything will be covered, in some ways you may not expect...:pinkiecrazy:

2697479
I always expect everything. Your mind games shan't work on me.

2701825

Oh, really? Then we'll just have to see. :ajsmug:

I live this story...my only concern was why aj would be making rarity uncomfortable like that when rarity had done something so sweet by generously inviting her along...aj doesn't seem like the type to do that....but I read in another comment that u said this would be explained so ill wait n see :)

This isn't going to turn into sparity Is it? We already have enough of those.

2716895

It won't go any farther with Sprarity then it already has, that's all I say. Actually, Spike won't be showing up again. However, there can never be enough of ANY shipping!
:moustache::heart::raritywink:
:yay::heart::rainbowdetermined2:
:ajsmug::heart::raritywink:
:twilightsmile::heart::pinkiehappy:
...and many more!

2718054

Well, there'll only be one more chapter, but it should be longer then the previous two! :pinkiehappy:

2718382

Fluttershy shall not play a major role; however, she will be mentioned. (ARGH, I can never write a fanfic without referencing my OTP *sighs* :ajsleepy:) But anyways, you'll get your little mention of her. :raritywink:

2718390

Was mostly asking where her dad/parents were XD

2718412

Oh...oops :derpytongue2: Silly me! Well, she'll be with her father also, up in Cloudsdale. :raritywink:

Ahaha, me likey! :pinkiehappy: Whether it ends up shippy or not, this is great. :heart:

Awesome premise :rainbowlaugh:

Yeah, only real thing I noticed was the amount of detail in the opening. Wouldn't mention it, but I had a little to add to his comment. Using plenty of detail is okay when it adds to the story. If you're describing a new location for example, or something in which details help to paint a mental image. In this case, most of the detail was just fluff because we already know how Rarity looks.

Anyways, moving on to the next chapter because I like how this has started off x) I really do love this premise.

When I read the description for this I thought "that's a really cool idea". So far the first chapter seems well written and the characters are spot on. moving on to part 2 now.

Even Can't wait for chapter three I can't tell if this is going to be ship-y our not yet but either way it seems pretty funny with how over dramatic Rarity can be and how laid back Applejack is.

I most say that this fic is just wow i care only for romance fic but this one just :heart: moar!

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