After a stressful week at the boutique, Rarity decides to unwind at a local drinking establishment. Things quickly get out of hand.

"A gripping tale of mystery and intrigue!" - No one ever
"Love, laughter, tears. This story has it all!" - Don't quote me on that
"One of the seminal works of our generation. Truly a masterpiece." - Voice in my head
"You're adopted." - My mother
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*And it seems that there's already a reading by CaptainBron3y. Find it here. Thanks for the quick work, Cap!
*Another one by Stars of Night/Night Star.
*Seattle's Angels reviewed it. (Awesome group, definitely worth checking out!)
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Inspired by otakuap's piece "Argument," used here with permission.
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((I'm so sorry.))

He up and vanished, what a faker! The world was his oyster so why did he forsake her?

Where is he now?

Dedicated to Darf, Syd Barrett, and all the other artists who dance too long upon the knife's edge of insanity.

It has been a year since I last saw her when she appeared on my doorstep, strangeness in her eyes and a mumbling under her voice.

She asked for my help to investigate a peculiar object, which once held an odd ancient magic. But it's benign now, she said.

It's benign now.

Princess Twilight Sparkle wants Equestria to join the rest of the world and finally switch from measuring in hooves, pounds, and gallons to meters, kilograms, and liters. But not everypony is happy about her proposed change.

Now with dramatic reading. Thanks, scorpion1m!

At Celestia's behest, Twilight Sparkle arrives in Ponyville to prepare for the Summer Sun Celebration, and potentially the return of Nightmare Moon.

Her preparations will be anything but easy. The stallions in charge of the festivities all seem to have taken a "romantic" interest in her, and every one of them is terrible at flirting. Really terrible. Really.

T for innuendo/creepy behavior. Thanks to Sereg for prereading and to Midnight Rambler for helping with the first draft song sequence. Thanks to Posey, Jetto, Blank!, and Kuroi Tsubasa Tenshi for editing (Plus three other anons who didn't give me their fimfic names). Especial thanks to whatmustido and ocalhoun for nitpicking the hell out of this mess.

All-mare version
All-stallion version
Stallion Twilight/mare main five version
The password for the FIMfic versions is: TUSH
(Every version is essentially identical, save character gender. Comments are enabled on the Gdocs if you notice any typos )

Twilight can't sleep. She has an ancient and unfinished magic spell running circles in her mind. It's only when her friends visit that she begins to relax.

Fillydelphia! City of a thousand glittering opportunities! Come to Fillydelphia! Get your mane cut! Divorce your spouse! Buy a chariot! Rent a condo! Fillydelphia! The city that glows like the gin blossoms on its mayor’s face!

Trixie and Gilda have been in Fillydelphia for some time, and it’s almost, but not quite, to their taste. There’s no good work — at least, no good work with monthly paychecks, annual performance reviews and a promotion track that doesn’t involve murder — for a travelling illusionist and an uncertified bouncer, so to cover the rent they’ve had to resort to bad work.

Well, not bad bad work. And certainly not that sort of bad work. The hours are good, the pay is more than adequate, and the people they meet are interesting.

They cater to a certain clientele, ponies who know it’s not just what you have in life that makes you happy, but what you don’t have. Like vengeful rivals. Or snitches. Or nosy detectives.

Or dead bodies.

When that is the particular problem, Gilda and Trixie get a call. For a reasonable price and a good reference, they’ll make your problem disappear...

After falling prey to a prankster, Luna gets revenge the only way she knows how.

Murder.

In the final days of her life, an exceptionally faithful student muses on the subject of her perfect and immortal mentor Applejack.

Now with Spanish translation by Spaniard Kiwi!

She smiles at him every time she comes to visit the stately home where he works as a gardener, but Dilly Daliér has never spoken to her.

Nor will he ever.

Because he's a mule and she's a unicorn, and those are the rules.

Written as an entry for the WBA April Writing Contest

Reading by ObabScribbler and co