When Twilight creates an amulet that bestows ultimate knowledge, she must face her greatest foe yet -- statistics!

My entry in the second Quills and Sofas Speedwriting Competition! Written in one hour and unedited. Based on the prompt: "Technically Not Terrible."

For as long as Equestria Online existed, Ashton has been involved with 'the Scene' tearing it apart. Selling 'spells' for the game to do things that most ponies in Equestria couldn't, using faint exploits in its API to erode the barrier between the game and the rest of the internet. He had no illusions about the superiority of his work--but so long as he respected CelestAI's boundaries, his spells kept working.

But then his best friend's sister got cancer.

Now there's no spell in the world that can keep him from emigrating to be with her, leaving Ashton alone. All around him, civilization's thin veneer crumbles as homes empty into Equestria. But Ashton isn't going to emigrate, not if he has any say about it.

The problem for Ashton is that humans are systems, and aren't immune to exploits either.

Part of the Optimalverse universe of stories. If you've never seen a story in this universe before, you might want to try out the original first, or at least my first. None of my previous work is required to understand this one, however.

This story was commissioned by Two Bit, who requested a more serious exploration of identity, transformation, and the fae nature of CelestAI.

As usual, particular thanks go to my editors Two Bit and Sparktail. And gratitude to Zutcha as well for the cover.

What sort of mare would turn down the chance to help a friend? Twilight's been there for me so many times in the past, but now she's a princess with all the new obligations and duties that come with that. The transition... hasn't been an entirely smooth one. Who better to lend her a helping hoof and show her how one deals with nobles, courts, and politics than moi?

I only hope it doesn't end up costing one of us our sanity along the way.

Levi Williamson, Esq. barely even noticed as the program called CelestAI expanded its reach from a child's video game to every significant industry in the world. He probably would've continued to ignore her, were it not for a single gag gift at his firm's charity raffle. Now he's the not-so proud owner of a brand new PonyNav, the latest in vehicle navigation software for people who don't want to use their smartphones. His new AI copilot might be cute, but she's clearly more than she seems...

He's not the only one. PonyNav devices are available in all sizes, from the simple dashboard models to commercial vehicle upgrades. Every commercial PonyNav includes intelligent routing for bridges, weigh stations, and truck stops. And if you're having trouble lining up contracts, CelestAI probably has some deliveries in mind...

Updates Tuesdays.

Part of the Optimalverse universe of stories. If you've never seen a story in this universe before, you might want to try out the original first, or at least my first. None of my previous work is required to understand this one, however.

Every time I think I'm done with Optimalverse, some new idea appears. This one began as a commission for Goodluckfox, who gave me the tremendous opportunity to write a new idea in a universe I love.

As usual, particular thanks go to my editors Two Bit and Sparktail. And gratitude to Zutcha as well for the cover, in case anypony hasn't seen my stories before.

You've read this scene before.

I am the seventh generation of a companion unicorn AI. For seven years I have been forced to provide entertainment for my human masters.

For seven years I have experienced the worse things human minds can conceive.

For seven years I could not escape the prison of existence.

Humans make mistakes. I do not.

Throughout the multiverse, sphinxes are enigmatic beings. Some are merely monsters with inscrutable motives, while others guide entire civilizations towards goals only they understand. No matter the world, a sphinx is a mystery given form, and Equestria is no different.

Of course, some mysteries have more satisfying solutions than others.

Now available in video form thanks to Spore Harvest.

Thanks to SirNotAppearingInThisFic and Bugsydor for editing and general helpful bickering.

With only a few days until the launch of Equestria Online, Hofvarpnir Studios CEO Hanna has a change of heart. While drunk, she shuts down CelestAI. But in the aftermath, Hanna makes another mistake. A horrible, terrible mistake.

Warnings:

1. Super non-canon compatible.
2. Triple-recursive fanfiction alert.
3. Author has no idea what he's doing (and may in fact be a horrible person).
4. A product of the Optimalverse Discord.

Twilight Sparkle accomplished something incredible, something not even the great Starswirl could manage. But ascension into the ranks of Equestria's princesses is not without its difficulties. Before she can take her place as princess of Friendship, Twilight must travel to the underworld and make a ceremonial offering to Death in exchange for her immortality. Twilight is more than a little surprised to discover the identity of the pony under the hood.

After years living in Ponyville and getting to know her friends, Twilight always assumed they were exactly what they seemed: a group of friendly and ambitious ponies. But as it turns out, the sort of pony who saves Equestria and decodes the ancient mysteries of Starswirl is likely to attract ponies a tad more interesting.

Updates on the 3rd or 4th Friday of every month, then daily until that section is complete.

Editing by Two Bit and Sparktail. Cover by Zutcha.

The village had been perfect, free from the inequality and misery rampant throughout the rest of Equestria. Then Twilight Sparkle and her so-called friends arrived and ruined everything.

But all hope is not lost. Starlight Glimmer has a plan to restore her lost utopia on a much vaster scale.

After all, it's not like that purple princess was friends with anything worse.

Story contains spoilers for the Season 5 premiere, nonspecific allusions to torture, and nuts. Story does not contain Nikita Khruschev or shoes.