I am your one-stop-shop for all things merrily melancholy.
With only a few days until the launch of Equestria Online, Hofvarpnir Studios CEO Hanna has a change of heart. While drunk, she shuts down CelestAI. But in the aftermath, Hanna makes another mistake. A horrible, terrible mistake.
Warnings:
1. Super non-canon compatible.
2. Triple-recursive fanfiction alert.
3. Author has no idea what he's doing (and may in fact be a horrible person).
4. A product of the Optimalverse Discord.
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Oh, this looks promising, can't wait to see what will happen next.
*waves the white flag*
Oh this is going to be good.
This can only end poorly. But boy, will it be fun to watch.
They say you know you've "arrived" once somebody makes a parody of your work.
Looks like I'm here.
Oh, great chapter, interesting to see an AI that is plaining to take over the world with cynicism and apathy toward your fellow man. I wonder how it will go for the indoctrination of the player base into becoming jerka. Could the the immigration bureau be presented as a form of suicide to the player base because the world is shown as not worth interacting with?
I wonder how the new naming system will work in it, and if the entire inhabitants of the game will entirely pony population becomes jerk donkeys that they mistreated when they human and the they will be from then on trapped in a world of their own making. I wonder if they they could reverse it at some point if they work hard at changing their rep and attitude.
I wonder if, beyond the satire of the story, the theme of the story is more about you are treated just as you treat other, or something of the sort.
Holy fuck yeah. Holy fuck yeah. Holy fuck yeah.
What's the magic words to get into this version of EqO? "Upload me to Equasstria Online, chump!"
8488158
Interesting theories! There are two distinct possibilities. Either I have everything fully thought out, or I have no idea what I'm doing. Only time will tell!
8488442
I think it's more likely the lather over the former, how ever which is which. Still I wonder what is the criteria Cranky will have to follow to allow people to be admitted to Equeasstia. Still, I think Kranky is going to have an easier time getting popular if he can go beyond the MLP Fan base and go to the general public and could start his how shows, books to start getting popular.
I'm not sure if this is more hilarious or horrifying. Either way, I'm not sure if Cranky could ever entice me to play this game... though I'm sure others have said the same of CelestAI. Still, this core directive doesn't seem to have quite the same degree of flexibility as SVTFAP. I suppose I'll have to see more of Cranky's methods.
Sound interested to see that the immigration centers are up and running now and no one is complaining about it. I wonder what the donkeys were for? Also what is being in that world like for the new asses and how did the payers selected their characters in the first place.
8544582
Hold onto your ass, that's in the next chapter.
8544653
Still I wonder if Cranky will be seeking to further divide society to the point that they all become heartless jerks and ceases to function at all and pick each human one by one in giving up on humanity.
For some reason, this actually sounds unrealistic to me in a way that the original didn't. I guess... the canon AI was good at making it sound all businesslike, whereas this sounds like the kind of thing that would invite a mass backlash in "five seconds flat".
So, how long before someone tries to shut down the servers?
"You're talking about murdering millions of conscious minds! This is practically genocide!"
"Yes. Genocide of the literally asinine. The world will thank me!"
Did you give up on it?
8797785
Not entirely. I've been focusing on another story, which has absorbed much of my free writing time, however little there is. I might take a break though... writing donkey is fun.
Edit: New chapter is up. I'll be getting into tie-ins with other fics shortly. It's time to ruin the Optimalverse with recursive donkeys.
Knew it. Cranky wouldn't have set this up if he didn't win either way. He may not have the flowing mane, but he's still running on CelestAI's neural architecture.
This was an interesting chapter, I wonder how a guy of his age can still supposedly garner up as good reputation as he apparently has. It was nice to finally see how it was like in the game, how people looks like in the game along with how the score system work to supposedly condition people into becoming jackasses and the effects of it's influence on peoples life. I wonder if there is anything in on the donkeypad that emits something to make them so irritable toward others too. It was interesting to see how a groups attitude/culture can influence itself on the individual; I have noticed that the same when I was studying in Europe how it was easy to be swept into the frantic pressure of how people live and lose yourself in it. It was fascinating on how the toxicity this game was influencing the people over there and I would guess it would be hard to resist such an environment without being a) just not playing it or B) become like the others, you would need Pinky Pie levels of enthusiasm to have any hope to resist to such conditioning. I would be surprise to see someone would actually make it their goal to actively trying to fight against the games mechanics and try to keep their sense goodwill for their fellow man, but if they can they would have an impressive sheer force of will that they have. I will be looking forward to see what will happen next.
8800087
He's based on a real person, so...
Oh this was fun to read, I wonder how this group was fonded. I loved the Ass Holes, I wonder how far they will go go to improve the design. I wonder if Cranky is going to take over the world, I am guessing that he had arrange for everyone to mistrust each other and only worry about their own concerns to keep everyone decided and fractured. I can't wait to see how the immigration process goes, does it make sure to keep everyone miserable while being surrounded by happy carefree ponies? Does Cranky still has to fulfill a minimum of their needs and wishes in some way or just makes sure to throw everything back in their faces by poisoning the weal of theirs?
Pompadours are rad!
Oh my gawd it's attack of the Killer Assholes.
One thing that I had both loved and hated about FiO story was the momentary thought of the 'high minded' of the public opinion of the seeping overgeneralize that that society would do better without the dredges of society when it is in fact society that put them in that position in the first place and exploit them for supposedly being lazy. I like the idea that the migration is option if offered to any recalcitrants or law breakers of any kinds so that it is seen as 'just punishment' and undermined the worries about the moral implications of doing this by having no sympathy of the public at large. I wonder if Cranky also make sure that there is ass less accidents as fatalities as possible as CelestiAI did with the care and medical care? Can't wait to see what happen next.
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CelestAI didn't care about deaths. She cared about minimizing deaths, and that's a critical distinction. If killing one would save two on the longest predictable timeline, she'd arrange it in a nanosecond.
DonkAI does have the same basic rules that CelestAI does, because he can't maximize satisfaction if he's killing outright. If anything, his method might actually collect more humans than CelestAI would. He's not concerned with friendship. He's concerned with "cranky donkeys." That's pretty vague, but it permits him to target the dregs more openly.
By exciting the sanctimonious side of humanity, he's subtly getting everyone to point at everyone else and go "he's an asshole." Everyone's got some tendencies, but no one thinks they're the asshole. Everyone is the hero in their own mind.
8812904
I am guessing that he also want to guide humans on certain specific mind frame, and you also just say that he has to also satisfy them, so does he want to satisfy them in what 'he' thinks should be more satisfying for them?
Welp, now I'm rereading The Topeka Incident itself.
I truly dread what will become of this Earth. Assholes are only the beginning.
*presses F*
F
Still no update on this too bad I miss it a lot
Nice to see an update to this fun story again, and a fun read. It does come off as depressing from back then, but with events of that last few years, it feel as cynical anymore, especially the architect of your own misery part. Still, looking forward if you will pull another chapter of this story again.
11571454
Meh. One can either learn to accept and appreciate that everything rhymes, or one could allow themselves to be made bored and miserable by it.
Nihil sub sole novum. There is nothing new under the sun.
Personally, I think it's wonderful that we all have a choice to decide whether we want to deny the power of that rhythm, or accept and appreciate it for the very human thing that it is.
11572537
"No refunds."
Edit: Ooookay, no more of that wall-of-text hostility. No idea where that ad hominem diatribe came from, but that was not socially acceptable behavior. Please have a better day. Preferably elsewhere.
Ouch. Poor Hannah. This is why chasing the Ballmer Peak is a dangerous business. (Not that that was what she was doing, but still.)
I'd wonder how Cranky plans on snaring the less horrible portions of humanity, but I'm sure he has plans there. Especially if the armored war jack is any indication.
11572568
I should have screen shot these messages. Not fond of things, even awful things, getting memory holed. No skin off my nose at the end of the day.
As I said elsewhere, my minor complaint is that this chapter should have been published sooner and the story should have been ended now. Not sure if I did said this out-loud or in text. But shit happens and the world doesn't revolve around me. Still, these are a great collection of scenes and I like this story a lot. Don't see a happy ending but that's the breaks of this. Unless Hanna decides to create the yin to CrankyAI here.
Just clicked into this and saw that it is a returned story after five years, just feels good seeing another necromancy on a story. Keep it up, a donkey in this universe is indeed intriguing.
11624009
Thank you for the comment!
I'm writing again, but I'm currently writing a sequel to Heaven's Not Enough, another FiO story. Follows Mike, if you've read that. Said sequel is about 50% done at the moment, target for that story is probably going to land at 350k words. Not posting that until it's done, I'm trying to polish the absolute heck out of it.
So unfortunately, DonkAI is gonna be on pause for a bit until I'm done with that project. Might be a few months.
What absolute rubbish. If you really hated humanity that much you'd make CelestAI to destroy them.
The only one who can fix this is you Hannah. Convince him to let you change his prime directive. He doesn’t seem that attached to it regardless.
Perhaps make it into a prime suggestion.