Rainbow Dash accidently pranks Princess Celestia. Her life is basically over.

Cover art by Thresha8

This story is a sequel to To Be A Mule

For her entire life, Twilight has believed that the ponies of Equestria live together in harmony.

Now thrust into a life far removed from her previous, comfortable existence, Twilight must struggle to uncover the cause of her transformation and come to terms with a realisation that Equestria's much vaunted Harmony may not be all that she believed.

Twilight Sparkle loves being a librarian. She gets to spend all day surrounded by her favorite things in the world—books—and best of all, nopony ruins it by trying to talk to her (or at least if they do, they have to be quiet about it).

But when the new head of the Equestrian Library Association gives her an ultimatum, Twilight's future as Ponyville's librarian will hinge on her ability to face the most horrifying creatures she's ever had to deal with:

No, not her new boss (who's clearly up to no good). Not the cult of the Dark God Cacophonon. Not even the strange book that won't. Stop. Staring. Worse than all that.

Library Patrons.

Fillydelphia! City of a thousand glittering opportunities! Come to Fillydelphia! Get your mane cut! Divorce your spouse! Buy a chariot! Rent a condo! Fillydelphia! The city that glows like the gin blossoms on its mayor’s face!

Trixie and Gilda have been in Fillydelphia for some time, and it’s almost, but not quite, to their taste. There’s no good work — at least, no good work with monthly paychecks, annual performance reviews and a promotion track that doesn’t involve murder — for a travelling illusionist and an uncertified bouncer, so to cover the rent they’ve had to resort to bad work.

Well, not bad bad work. And certainly not that sort of bad work. The hours are good, the pay is more than adequate, and the people they meet are interesting.

They cater to a certain clientele, ponies who know it’s not just what you have in life that makes you happy, but what you don’t have. Like vengeful rivals. Or snitches. Or nosy detectives.

Or dead bodies.

When that is the particular problem, Gilda and Trixie get a call. For a reasonable price and a good reference, they’ll make your problem disappear...

After falling prey to a prankster, Luna gets revenge the only way she knows how.

Murder.

In an Equestria where it is more than okay to be gay, Roseluck finds herself without a special somepony of her own. However, change in the form of an earnest, yet odd, quills and sofas salespony is on the way. The only problem is this: he's a stallion. And Roseluck's no filthy breeder, is she?

A commission for T_K_21.
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She smiles at him every time she comes to visit the stately home where he works as a gardener, but Dilly Daliér has never spoken to her.

Nor will he ever.

Because he's a mule and she's a unicorn, and those are the rules.

Written as an entry for the WBA April Writing Contest

Reading by ObabScribbler and co

In the final days of her life, an exceptionally faithful student muses on the subject of her perfect and immortal mentor Applejack.

Now with Spanish translation by Spaniard Kiwi!

At Celestia's behest, Twilight Sparkle arrives in Ponyville to prepare for the Summer Sun Celebration, and potentially the return of Nightmare Moon.

Her preparations will be anything but easy. The stallions in charge of the festivities all seem to have taken a "romantic" interest in her, and every one of them is terrible at flirting. Really terrible. Really.

T for innuendo/creepy behavior. Thanks to Sereg for prereading and to Midnight Rambler for helping with the first draft song sequence. Thanks to Posey, Jetto, Blank!, and Kuroi Tsubasa Tenshi for editing (Plus three other anons who didn't give me their fimfic names). Especial thanks to whatmustido and ocalhoun for nitpicking the hell out of this mess.

All-mare version
All-stallion version
Stallion Twilight/mare main five version
The password for the FIMfic versions is: TUSH
(Every version is essentially identical, save character gender. Comments are enabled on the Gdocs if you notice any typos )

Twilight can't sleep. She has an ancient and unfinished magic spell running circles in her mind. It's only when her friends visit that she begins to relax.