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Scootaloo finally breaks. She has taken what life has thrown her. But it became too much. She has to deal with it in more ways than one. She feels lost and alone. She doesn't understand what's happening. What she doesn't know is that help is always just a hoofstep away.
This is the first fic I'v posted so constructive criticism will be apreciated.
The pic is just one I found on the internet by the way
Edited by the awesome BubuJones
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2481744 Soon I fit it in with my school time table and work order but hope fully soon
Short, but meaningful. I hope to read more. I thought that you ended it right there until I noticed the incomplete tag. I would`ve been fine with it ending there. Will she or won`t she (die)?
2481808
Ofcourse not, I'll catch her
As for the story, its very nice, short, but it does have an impact, hoping to see more where that came from
Not bad so far. This is the first RD, go help Scootaloo story I've read but there are a ton of stories similar to this I'm sure, so you may have some trouble attracting an audience unless you give it it's own unique spin in the future.
I'm not the best at CC or Editing for that matter but I will give you my full opinion so far. Also sorry for the long comment but I Tend to write everything on my mind.
First off, some of the sentence structure seems off to me. As I said I'm no editor in any way of the word but it read a bit sloppy in parts. I would try to find someone to read it over. I also think certain parts could do better with more wording.
I did that kind of quick but to me that read a little easier and had more emotion to it. Of course, mileage may very depending on the person.
A few spelling mistakes, a quick one. 2nd paragraph may should be my.
In this situation I think she would refer to them as friends instead of the group name. "I have my friends, but Applebloom was helping her sister and Sweetie Belle was hanging out with Rarity," Something like that.
Length wise it's a bit short for my taste but again, that all depends on who you ask. I usually try for min. 4000 words per multi chapter story and a 10k word one shot minimum but that's my taste. 1000 words is the widely accepted minimum so you probably won't get to much hate for that anyway.
As I said before, the way it was written just didn't pull me in. I didn't feel any love or emotion for the story at all. To me it was just a "Kid gets beaten by parent, kid goes to kill self, future chapter-RD saves kid, talks to kid, everything is better." or something similar to those lines.
To your favor though I'll admit I'm a very hard person to impress anyways as nearly everything I read gets just an Okay rating from me and I'm about as cold as absolute zero, so getting me to feel anything would be an accomplishment in it's own right. And as the comments show, people seem to be getting feels out of it so it may just be me.
I will follow the story though as I'm the kind of person who always reads something to the end, and to be honest I am curious to how you proceed in the next chapter. As for your first story I'd say its fine and it will probably get mostly love. It's also about a hundred times better than the first story I posted in another fandom so more power to you my friend.
Happy writing and all that.
I'm glad it's posted! Looking forward to reviewing what comes next as well
2482154 wow. Well I guess the story might be a bit predictable... might. Well considering this is my first posted story I guess there will be a few mistakes. When I'm doing the next chapter I'll be sure to remember the mistakes i made in this one and be sure to not make them again. So thank you for the advice, It is much appreciated
it needs a human to interact with her.
2482554 hmm that might be an interesting twist
but ill see 
I found the source for the picture you used http://fav.me/d52x3we
MORE! MOAR!
Well here goes nothing.
“Wait. I am nothing”
That put a smile on my face.
^this
i love this dry humor for some reason
MOAR!
no dont add humans that would ruin it, sad but good so far please see this through.
that last sentence made me cry a little
... beautiful.
2484145 yah no humans in this
Continue,
Don't think of me as demented when I say, "I love Scootabuse", it's just something about it I rather not share deeply. So let's leave it at, good story, cant want for updates.
Ummm....this fic seems strangely familiar to this one http://www.fimfiction.net/story/98419/im-tired-of-all-this
Well, whatever. I'll track it for now
I am loving the story thus far. I look forward to reading what you put into it next. Keep up the great writing!
2490044 never heard of that story till now. its close to whats I'm doing but its different. don't worry
2490159 M'kay
Awesome
Update soon!
Cliffhanger! I cant wait for the next chapter!!!!!!
good work on the fic so far. cant wait to the next chapter comes out
Damn you Cliffhanger Man! MOAR!
Also: Wait what does rainbow dash do in a dive? The Rainbow Dash should be capitalized.
Okay, I'm curious did you edit this on a touch screen like device? Not to be rude but there are quite a few missing words in some places. You missed commas or periods when dialogue is finished. And a few things need to be capitalized, like names of places and ponies. If you want examples I can provide them, but they should not be too hard to catch. Just take your time next time when it comes to publishing a new chapter! Still... MOAR!
2506976 yeah sorry about that. my laptop was being too laggy. i didnt want to keep you guys waiting so i did it as fast as i can. ill probably come back some time and edit
We all want MOAR of our fave stories. But not if they are rushed. Maybe make a weekly schedule? You could even make the chapters longer that way. 2506992
Sad but nice.
2506996 I think I might just do that. Thanks for the advice
Fluttershy's parents being unicorns is a new take on things... Her parents are usually pegasi or Posey (her G1 model)
Yes, yes, and yes. I LUV IT
Yes...yes...YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I love the story!
Aww
2506976>>2506992
So sorry for not being around to edit this chapter! Been having a busy midterms week and wasn't able to get around to it. I'll make sure to get back to work on the upcoming chapters
HOW DARE YOU
Putting school OVER Fimfiction? Fluttershy is not amused! 2517093
>>cold spike well it's not his/her fault that school got in the way this messeage is i269.photobucket.com/albums/jj80/Imrix/LunaApproved.png
Dear author i like this chapter a lot and could you possibly any anyway read over a story that im working on? please if so here's the link
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/95924/1/a-lost-past/introduction
I have to say i love your story, i think it's very good. I can't wait to read the rest of it :D
Bastard had better feel guilty!
2536725 it should be. Like the first chapter this one is also going to be from my own personal view
MOAR!
Sweet mother of Cel- this is kind of like what my "sister" is going through, with Scoot's dad being her dad, and Rainbow being like the neighborhood mom where I live
She didn't try to kil her self though, she was constantly yelled at and was choked against the wall, she even saw her mother be choked against the wall. But her father has his drunk girlfriend living with him who makes it all worse.
2543984 my heart goes out for her. I wish I could say I could help but I can't travel through a screen. It disgusts me to the point of no extent to know that it's a man doing such a thing. No man hits a woman or worse a girl. And her father too.
Well this story was my outlet when such a thing happened to me just the reason scoot didn't hit her father back is because in the same fight my mother, after wishing me to have died along with my deceased father, broke my nose while my step dad watched. I could take the hit no problem it's the mental hit that hurt.
Later that night I drove out to the first place I could think of. The cliffs. I sat on the edge and drank myself till I was smashed drunk and contemplated what life was. I decided I'd wait just another year and ill be able to move out.
That's where my boss came in. He is essentially rainbow in this story. When I turn 18 I'm moving in with him and then I'm going to be working on my apprenticeship.
It's good to know that there are still people out there who will still lend a hand to those who need it.
The Blacksmith
2545681 I'm so so so sorry for you're loss. And I feel bad for any pony that gets abused. I want to come and beat up them into a mental instatute where they rot... I would also throw a potatoe at them. :)
2543984 that is soooooooo sad. Some pony should call CPS on them. I normally don't say things like that but I am now...