“You can’t do anything right!” He shouted “Absolutely NOTHING!!!” His hoof met my nose with a crunch and a crack.
My nose was broken. I could feel it, but the fact he hit me hurt even more. The pain inflicted on my nose was nothing to what my heart was feeling. Whimpering, I brought my hoofs to may face in hope to protect myself.
He pulled his hoof towards him. It was broken. He looked at it hanging limply “Ahh buck. Look what you did now, Scootaloo. You broke my bucking hoof.” Rage filled his eyes and he started limping across the wooden floor towards me. “Now come here you chicken”
His words stung my heart. My own father. Feeling hollow and empty, still whimpering and blood flowing from my nose, I felt lost. I was used to his words but he never called me that before. My brow furrowed in anger.
“NO! I have had enough of this. Ever since mum died you've been going at me. Why dad? WHY!?”
“Because you are worthless! You can’t fly -I had to buy this house in town because of that-, and you don’t listen. You spend all day out of the house doing what? Looking for your cutie mark. Do you know why you don’t have it? It’s because you are useless, talentless and just a plain waste of space! You're mother should have killed you before she killed herself!" He then turned onto his uninjured fore hoof to buck me.
His hoofs met nothing but air. Falling down, he tried to put his injured hoof down to stop his descent. It struck the floor, twisting in a disturbing way and caused him to scream in pain.
I bolted to my room, trying to get away from him before he could recover. Closing the door, I stuck a chair against the handle in hope to stop him. I felt so hollow as I slowly stepped away from the door.
Walking to the corner, I glanced at the mirror. There, looking at me, was a little orange filly with scattered purple hair. Her violet eyes were red and one was close to swollen shut. Pouring down her face mingling with tears was a steady flow of blood. Most noticeable was the look in her face. The look that told her she had lost all she had. Her mother and now even her father.
A banging at the bedroom door brought me back to my senses.
Not him again
Looking hopelessly around my room, I saw my open window. My chance of freedom, my chance for safety.
“Scootaloo open this door now!” His shouts were slightly muffled by the door
Grabbing my scooter, I ran the short distance and jumped through. Forgetting I was on the second story, I buzzed my wings in hope to slow my descent.
The result was a face full of dirt. Screaming at the pain that shot through my broken nose, I didn't notice the banging from the bedroom had stopped.
Ignoring the pain, I got up and snatched my scooter from the place it fell. Gripping the handlebars in my fore hoofs and pushing off with the back ones, I started picking up speed. The buzzing of my wings muffled the sound of the front door opening.
“GET BACK HERE!” he shouted. I just pumped my wings faster in response.
“SCOOtaloo...” his voice faded away as I rounded the corner.
The trip itself was smooth, but with a half closed eye and a bleeding nose obscuring my view, I misjudged a corner and painfully tumbled into a wall. Curling up in pain, I realised I had nowhere to go. Nopony to help me and no family. There was always the CMC but Applebloom was helping her sister and so was Sweetie Belle.
Then I remembered the clubhouse. My last place for a safety. Ignoring the pain, I picked up my scooter from the floor and pushed off.
Upon reaching the clubhouse minutes later, I discarded my scooter in the bushes so it wouldn’t get spotted before walking up the steps. Closing the clubhouse door, I leaned against the far wall and started to slowly slide down.
The realization of what my father said to me hit me with the subtlety of a brick wall. He never called me a chicken before. That particular insult brought up by the meanest pony she knew. Diamond tiara. But what had hurt worse was that one sentence.
Your mother should have killed you before she killed herself!
Just that sentence kept playing and playing in my head like a broken record player. He couldn't have meant it... could he?
Then everything he said had meaning. I am worthless. I am a nopony.
“And nopony will miss me when I’m gone.”
Sure, I had Applebloom and Sweetie Belle. But that was it. Just two ponies to remember me. They'll get over it.
Diamond tiara had been right. I am a worthless chicken. I am a waste of space. I am talentless.
The best thing I could no now for everypony its to leave and give my space to somepony else. Somepony who could do better than I could.
I had a plan now.
Leaving the confines of the clubhouse, I proceeded to ghastly gorge. I guess now I can finally see if I’m a chicken.
Reaching the gorge, I could see how it got its name. Down below, from a hundred meter drop, was a mass of protruding rocks and pitfalls.
“Well, scoots, I guess it’s time to see...”
Looking down and reflecting on the day... and my life, I just felt hollow. This is what my life came down too.
Just a step. I can do that. I smiled at the thought. Either way, if I fly or not, I might just be accepted.
“Come on. Just a step.”
“Just one...”
Well here goes nothing.
“Wait. I am nothing”
That put a smile on my face.
I took the step. Or rather a leap.
With the wind whistling past my ears and the feeling of weightlessness taking hold. Only one thing could go through my mind.
Maybe I’ll see mom again.
2481744 Soon I fit it in with my school time table and work order but hope fully soon
Short, but meaningful. I hope to read more. I thought that you ended it right there until I noticed the incomplete tag. I would`ve been fine with it ending there. Will she or won`t she (die)?
2481808
Ofcourse not, I'll catch her
As for the story, its very nice, short, but it does have an impact, hoping to see more where that came from
Not bad so far. This is the first RD, go help Scootaloo story I've read but there are a ton of stories similar to this I'm sure, so you may have some trouble attracting an audience unless you give it it's own unique spin in the future.
I'm not the best at CC or Editing for that matter but I will give you my full opinion so far. Also sorry for the long comment but I Tend to write everything on my mind.
First off, some of the sentence structure seems off to me. As I said I'm no editor in any way of the word but it read a bit sloppy in parts. I would try to find someone to read it over. I also think certain parts could do better with more wording.
I did that kind of quick but to me that read a little easier and had more emotion to it. Of course, mileage may very depending on the person.
A few spelling mistakes, a quick one. 2nd paragraph may should be my.
In this situation I think she would refer to them as friends instead of the group name. "I have my friends, but Applebloom was helping her sister and Sweetie Belle was hanging out with Rarity," Something like that.
Length wise it's a bit short for my taste but again, that all depends on who you ask. I usually try for min. 4000 words per multi chapter story and a 10k word one shot minimum but that's my taste. 1000 words is the widely accepted minimum so you probably won't get to much hate for that anyway.
As I said before, the way it was written just didn't pull me in. I didn't feel any love or emotion for the story at all. To me it was just a "Kid gets beaten by parent, kid goes to kill self, future chapter-RD saves kid, talks to kid, everything is better." or something similar to those lines.
To your favor though I'll admit I'm a very hard person to impress anyways as nearly everything I read gets just an Okay rating from me and I'm about as cold as absolute zero, so getting me to feel anything would be an accomplishment in it's own right. And as the comments show, people seem to be getting feels out of it so it may just be me.
I will follow the story though as I'm the kind of person who always reads something to the end, and to be honest I am curious to how you proceed in the next chapter. As for your first story I'd say its fine and it will probably get mostly love. It's also about a hundred times better than the first story I posted in another fandom so more power to you my friend.
Happy writing and all that.
I'm glad it's posted! Looking forward to reviewing what comes next as well
2482154 wow. Well I guess the story might be a bit predictable... might. Well considering this is my first posted story I guess there will be a few mistakes. When I'm doing the next chapter I'll be sure to remember the mistakes i made in this one and be sure to not make them again. So thank you for the advice, It is much appreciated
it needs a human to interact with her.
2482554 hmm that might be an interesting twist but ill see
I found the source for the picture you used http://fav.me/d52x3we
MORE! MOAR!
Well here goes nothing.
“Wait. I am nothing”
That put a smile on my face.
^this
i love this dry humor for some reason
MOAR!
no dont add humans that would ruin it, sad but good so far please see this through.
that last sentence made me cry a little
... beautiful.
2484145 yah no humans in this
Continue,
Don't think of me as demented when I say, "I love Scootabuse", it's just something about it I rather not share deeply. So let's leave it at, good story, cant want for updates.
Ummm....this fic seems strangely familiar to this one http://www.fimfiction.net/story/98419/im-tired-of-all-this
Well, whatever. I'll track it for now
I am loving the story thus far. I look forward to reading what you put into it next. Keep up the great writing!
2490044 never heard of that story till now. its close to whats I'm doing but its different. don't worry
2490159 M'kay
poor scootsy