1. Member Since 9th Mar, 2012
  2. offline for 7w, 2d

Swedish guy with too much imagination. Draws comics as a hobby and writes as a diversion.

Featured In10

  • ...
 126
 2,027

This story is a sequel to Borderline

Reading the first one is not absolutely necessary, but strongly recommended.

I don’t know how, but Pinkie managed to escape from the Canterlot Prison for the Mentally Unbalanced, adding insult to injury to a nation which has already been shaken by her murders. Sugarcube Corner has been abandoned ever since her spree, but now something is stirring in there again.

I can’t help but shudder as Mully tells me to check on the disturbance. A part of me hopes that this will be just another case of a desperate teenager first dealing with misconduct. The other part dreads what I might find amidst the decrepit walls of  what Pinkie once turned into a slaughterhouse.

A collaboration between Owlor, Lucefudu and jmj.

Edited by MikhailWilson.

[Cover art by Darkenshore and xArakayx; edited by MuzzledElk and MikhailWilson.]

First Published
21st Apr 2013
Last Modified
23rd Feb 2014

WOOHOO! This will be awesome!

Please, sirs, continue. I wish to know more and have a few of my questions answered. I'll will withhold them until this reaches completion.

Fave'd, liked.

~Cosmic

>>2460909 Cosmic! How are you doing, man? S'been a while!

Anywho, feel free to state your doubts/thoughts/notes here. We'll try to answer them to the best of our ability without spoiling any part of the story.

>>2461430

It's been going pretty good man. Got featured recently, hit over 20k base views, almost 200 followers, some other small thingy dings, and getting to read this collab by you guys.

Sure, two things:

1) Was Sunset the one in the taffy?

2) The art work on chapter two just kind of... it took me out of the story for a moment. I didn't dislike it, but it's like trying to febreeze a scented candle. Both work well on their own, but together you get something highly flammable:pinkiecrazy:.

#5 · 213w, 3d ago · · · Prologue ·

Oh god, here we go again. Just a quick question from Borderline, did Doctor [name here] get killed? It was pretty ambiguous.

On to chapter 2!

#6 · 213w, 3d ago · · · Prologue ·

I'm not a fancy unicorn!.”

Exclamation mark followed by period.

“Um...”

“Oops! Sorry if I scared you! It’s just that I saw you hiding in that bush and I thought you were playing hide and seek! Oh! Oh! Can I join? Pretty please?” Sunset shook her head, suddenly remembering the reason she had been hiding in the first place.

The strange pink mare gasped. “A Spyerton McSpy?! NO! Did he hurt you?”

“No... I think he left.” Sunset Snow paused and looked at the pink mare. There was something about her that seemed familiar, but she couldn’t put her hoof on it. “Do I know you? I apologize if it sounds rude, but I feel like I know you from somewhere."

“No, it’s nothing like that.” Sunset sighed and brushed her eyes with a forehoof. “I’ve just... had a rough day.”

“Oh... well, you know what cheers me up during these nasty gray cloudy days?” Balloon asked and before waiting for a reply, she pulled Sunset into a tight hug. “A party!”

Missing a space between these paragraphs.

Saying I'm excited for the next bits of this would be an understatement.

was to see their old home turned into a crime scene... again.

“Buckshot! Nightstick! Come here!” I hear Shining Badge

on the floor, spilling the batter and, to my surprise, a body.

“Nightstick! Call the medics!” I instantly yell. My partner

Missing a space between these paragraphs.

Edit: Okay, after skimming it over for these simple formatting errors, here's my thoughts. This is very interesting so far. I liked the shift from third to first person. At a first moment's glance, I thought that you had screwed up on the description. This is not the case, however.

It's curious to see Buckshot again. Let's see how the story develops. This is it for now.

>>2461469

1) Was Sunset the one in the taffy?

Don't worry, this will be made clear. :pinkiehappy:

2) The art work on chapter two just kind of... it took me out of the story for a moment.

:twilightsheepish: You can blame the artwork on me.

>>2461469 Apologies for the delay. I had an internet problem. Brazil, Brazil, Brazil.

Um, what he said: >>2463519

>>2463349

Ambiguous, you say? Well, now I am sure I wrote it right, then. :twilightsmile:

I'll leave it for you to decide. :raritywink:

#11 · 213w, 3d ago · 3 · · Prologue ·

Well she's screwed.

Moving on.

Are downvotes really a problem here?

Right now it's 19 to 2.

No big deal.

>>2464279

Nope, quite the opposite in fact, I did not anticipate it to go over as well as it did. :rainbowderp:

Otherwise, three types of fics that doom a story in my experience is  dark fics, fics where a canon character does something amoral and sequels to more popular stories,  and this is all three. :rainbowhuh:

jmj

>>2464548

Trifecta of fail. lol. At least the up to downvote ratio is good.

jmj

>>2463904

Screwed she is? Rev up the chainsaw, shine up the shackles. We gotsalotta dissecting to do.

Forth the an Pinkie wrapped is round corner the.

>>2463459

Most of the formatting errors came from copying the story from our gdoc, gotta keep that in mind in the future.

Yes, using a different mode for the prologue and the main story was intentional. We wanted to realease the first three chapters at once, to "put our card on the table" when it comes to how the story is told.

Imagine if we began releasing the prologue, in third person, then released the first main chapter in first person a week later. And then a week after THAT we released a transcript in third person? All with different characters, no less. People wouldn't know what the fuck was going on! :raritydespair:

>>2466063

"Trifecta of Fail" was the Cutie Dark Crusader first attempt at starting a black metal band. It... didn't go all that well... :twilightoops: In retrospect, they should've warned us that hay is flammeable. :ajbemused:

But yeah, the ratio is suprisingly good, espescially considering I prolly earned us a few dislikes by bitching about how people tend to rate darkfics harshly. :twilightblush: I really did expect a sizeable ammount of people to go "psycho Pinkamena? in 2013? do not want!" :pinkiesad2:

jmj

>>2466722 "Psyho Pinkamena in 2013". Sounds very much like an election slogan. Who would be her running mate? I guess Apple Bloom. "Want Doom? Vote Bloom!" "Don't Stink, Vote Pink in 2013!"

Yes..the Trifecta of Fail. I really thought that hooves could play guitar better than that. At least your vocals were amazing. Especially when all those fireworks blew up. I didn't know male pegasi could hit such high ranges!

>>2466758

I didn't know male pegasi could hit such high ranges!

...and that's how we invented Equestrian hair metal. :pinkiehappy:

>>2466070

Forth the an Pinkie wrapped is round corner the.

I'm sorry, what?

Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!

If I might make a suggestion, do all of the pauses and crying in bold to differentiate between that and the dialogue, like this.

AJ: Long pause. No. Thank you kindly sugarc—partner. Pause. I just wanna go home.

>>2505006

Thanks for pointing it out, that's basically how it is in the gdoc (we used italics instead of bold, but you're right that bold prolly looks better), I just forgot about the internal pauses when I edited this chapter for fimfiction. :facehoof:

>>2505115 Not a problem, also if I may be so bold (no pun intended) as to make another suggestion? Make Applejack's dialogue more southern, so instead of 'I' use 'Ah' and take out the 'g's at the end of words, that kind of thing. It makes it easier to read it in her voice.

>>2505124

Not writing the accent was a deliberate choice on our part, since this is supposed to be an interview transcript, and you wouldn't transcribe an accent phonetically. Had this been part of the main narrative and not an in-story document, we'dve written the accent, however.

I've read this before somewhere...

Who are the other 2 besides rainbow that were killed?

>>2505760 Do you even Borderline? :ajbemused:

>>2505760

Twilight and Fluttershy. Of the mane 6, the two surviving members are Rarity and AJ. Besides RD, who died in Cupcakes, the rest of the killings are revealed in the story Borderline of which this is a sequel.

>>2505596 Yes,we quoted this part as a preview,didn't we? :raritywink:

Maybe I'm missing something that will be explained in a further chapter, but... what? I get that the experience drove the victim mad, but who was that guy?

>>2530765

Arty? He's the guy from the prologue, he's the curator of the gallery she tried to apply to before.

>>2530801 Oh... why is he nuts now?

>>2530806

He was never intended to come across as nuts, just very slimey. If he reads as being insane, then we fucked up his characterization. :twilightblush: What he is, is an enabler, he's egging her on because her insanity makes her a curisoity in the art world, and no matter what she's putting out, it's gonna sell.

>>2530822 Yeah, he came across as insane. Now that you mentioned what you were going for it makes a little more sense, but he still comes across as just about as nuts as she is.

Got to agree with BronyWriter here, I couldn't tell who was more messed up in the noggin. I did understand what he was going for but it definitely didn't go off as you intended.

~Cosmic

Is there more of this story out anywhere? I'm really into this and I would be sad if the "train" stopped going.

>>2552177

Yes, as a matter of fact there is. :pinkiehappy: It's planned to eleven chapters, not counting bonus chapters, and we've written 7½ so far.

Your fears that the story might be off to a promising start and then just stop is warranted, I'm sorry to say. I got a bad habit of abandoning projects and my last collaboration with Luce, sky matron crashed and burned when we realized we had bitten off more than we could chew. :raritydespair:

That's the main reason why we chose to wait until most of the story was already written before uploading it. We're at the point where the whole story is drafted, so unless both of us drop dead, (knock on wood) there's no way that we won't be able to finish the story.:rainbowdetermined2:

>>2552760 You sir (or ma'am) are a very amazing person. I applaud you greatly.

Keep typing stories and making us fellow bronies happy.:heart:

Why was he humming Pinkie Pie's smile smile smile?

Unless... he is Pinkie Pie. CONSPIRACY.

>>2561089

Lucefudu was in charge of that part, so your guess is as good as mine. What I think he was going for was the idea that Pinkie's smile song has spread like an earworm in this universe, you gotta admit, the melody is catchy. :pinkiehappy:

Rorschach style authors notes for maximum glory.

Typing on phone for minimum glory.

First off this is such an awesome fic :twilightsheepish: and secondly could you PLEASE get the next chapter up because I so want to know what will happen and it is driving me nuts!!!! :flutterrage: PLEASE!!!!!:fluttercry:

>>2630440

Yes, sorry about the delay, it's just that my co-author is studying for a test, so we won't be able to produce any new chapters until june, and I'm starting to run out of buffer chapters. :twilightoops: Don't worry tough, I got at least two left to edit before I run out completely, the first one I'll upload when I finish editing it and the second next week, that should put us within schedule.:twilightblush:

Girl's got some rump. Aye jus hav'n a har time un'erstan'in the lass a' times. Seems lik' some fellow wen' o'erboar' with their ak-cent. Aye can' quite righ'ly compl'en neither, T'was a g'od read.

I still don't get who exactly Crescent Moon is.  Thier was something about and ex-wife? Oh well, great chapter! Insane Pinkie is happy :pinkiesad2:

Login or register to comment