1. Member Since 3rd Apr, 2013
  2. offline for 5h, 59m

Someone who needs to write far more than they currently do! x.x

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Jessica finds herself flung into a world she has little concept of. Everything is strange and new to her, but worst of all she cannot communicate with the native inhabitants. A world of monsters and sapient ponies, griffons and other assorted beasts is no place for a human girl.

How will Jessica cope? Without an understanding of their language how will she make her way in the world, will she even be able to ever communicate with them? Why was she even brought into the world and is there even a way for her to get home?


(Thanks to Tulip for the Cover image!)

(Also now apparently has a Tv Tropes page in the making. )

Now has a re-telling in progress focusing on the Equestrians' side of things, A Stranger Among the Voices


First Published
5th Apr 2013
Last Modified
30th Jul 2013
#1 · 125w, 3d ago · 3 · 136 · Chapter one: Arrival ·

First comment!:yay: lol

Love how you make the equine language and the human language entirely different! First fic. I've ever come across thats done this:rainbowderp:

What gave you the idea of doing that anyways?:rainbowhuh:

Damn. This is a good story. I MUST know what comes next.

Please :fluttershysad: write more.

Woot. nice start:pinkiehappy:. Can't wait to get more.

>>2379293

Love how you make the equine language and the human language entirely different!

Deolex you should check this story out then Arrow 18 Mission Logs: Lone Ranger

This was very well done! I love language barrier fics! I will be eager to see where this goes!

>>2379293 I was intending to do something similar, stick a brony in Equestria only to have him find to his horror that English and whatever the ponies are speaking aren't compatible. I just have too many story ideas dancing about.

Well, this has become an instant favorite and follow, please continue this interesting story! :pinkiesmile:

Now that's a HIE story! :pinkiegasp: MOAR! :flutterrage:

Well, you've certainly captured my interest! Can't wait for more!

Wow, a little surprised by the feedback so far. This was just an idea I was mulling with for a while and decided to try my hand at a little bit of fiction writing. Thanks all!

This looks extremely promising. Really looking forward to more. Hopefully Ebony survives.

>>2380262

Glad you liked, I have no intention of not updating this and you'll find out more about Ebony shortly and it's fate.

Hope that sounded ominous, got to keep people guessing!

This is the GOOD STUFF!

Moar, MOAR!!!

You have my attention ^^. I can't wait for more chapters

your paragraphs are a little long.  You can make a more appealing illusion by tabbing them and hitting enter after each subject change. (No matter how minuscule) and you'll have the paragraphs would look easier to read and people will be more attracted to reading them.

Don't worry though.  not dissing the story in any way :P

I'll probably read later.  I've got some stories myself I've got to write :raritywink:

I will read later at night to see what's up. And heared about the lenguage barrier, reminds me to the best story of HIE that I have ever read, Over the Edge and Through the Woods.

Will be back!

>>2379293>>2379473 read it.

Over the Edge and Through the Woods.

>>2380540

I was afraid of the paragraphs being too long, but editting it myself made me simply throw my arms into the air half way through and went with the flow so to speak. I may edit them all into a more appealing structure later though!

>>2380541

I was unaware of any others having the same problem, I shouldn't be shocked though it is a really neat idea. I may have to give it a read but I would hate to subconciously pilfer ideas. Maybe when i'm done with mine I will.

>>2380555

It's easy actually :D

You can do it maybe 30 minutes at max!  

>>2380588

Effort!? Hiss! Hisssss!

I will probably do it later when I have some free time and not having my muse gnaw upon my ear to keep writing. ^-^

>>2380600

What?  effort?  pfpffpfp do it now.  Get used to it.  And later you'll be like "OH hey I did that while typing O.o" and you'll be happy that you no longer need to review your stuff.

But it's good to do it to make sure you skip over cringe moments.  

I have those problems at times.  And you don't know them until you pre-read :rainbowkiss:

HOLY WHAT?!??!?

you only just joined D:

Well you're doing something right if you've got 18 likes your first story when I had 2 dislikes on my first one XD

congrats!

(Unless you have a secret other account)

>>2380635

I, wait what? I just uploaded my story today and yes only just joined. Not sure if what you said is good or not 'like' wise, just wanted to share a little piece of the insanity in my mind. ^-^;

I'm just happy some people are enjoying it!

I've always enjoyed adventure stories where the changeling is helping the protagonist.

Couple this with the language barrier, and this is a very interesting story.

Congratulations indeed, someone made a thread in the Human in Equestria group praising this story, which should bring a large amount of people here. I, for one, am glad I came, because I think it is rather good and has a great deal of potential, looking forward to future chapters. Oh, and I thought it was excellent that you gave the character a somewhat sad back story but didn't constantly play on it and use it to create a depressed and angst-y character. And on another note, it's slow on the updates but I agree with the recommendation for Over the Edge and Through the Woods, it's one of my personal favourites. :twilightsmile:

>>2379293

I have seen this idea before in one story, I believe the story was called Arrow 18.

I find the language barrier idea more realistic.

This is really interesting, and I can see lots of potential in this. It's still too early into the story to really point out anything of the plot worthwhile your time. I'm loving the way you're handling the language barrier, tho. And Jessie is turning up to be a likable character without heading straight to be a heroine we're used to see.

All this needs is some editing love, to make it easier to read and more pleasing to the reader. Get an editor, asap. Your grammar and punctuation looks alright, it's just your spacing and some minor aesthetic things that should be looked after.

I'll be watching this. Get to work and churn me out some new chapters.:pinkiehappy:

You should be receiving more views and likes than this...:applejackunsure:

Maybe it's because you don't have cover art for this story. People are drawn to those like bees to honey:derpytongue2:

I can say one thing for sure: you've gotten my attention.

Let me start off this review with a summary of what I've just read so far (or at least my interpretation of a summary). This girl named Jessica, through reasons that have yet to be explained, falls into the realm of Equestria and ends up getting captured by slavers. Thanks to the help of a Changeling, she gets free and they escape. They come across a Chimera (which I have no idea what that is) attacking who I assume is Dinky, only for Jessica and Ebony the Changeling to interrupt it. Ebony distracts the Changeling while Jessica manages to get Dinky to civilization (which right now, I'm assuming is Ponyville). When you lay it all out, it sounds like a rather simple plot. But the idea of slavery in Equestria is quite new to me, and I'm a bit interested to see it actually employed in a fic. The idea of humans being treated like animals is another new concept, and I'm hoping that you'll have a chance to expand on it as the story progresses.

All in all, this seems quite interesting. I hope to see more really soon. :twilightsmile:

Step 1 - Compliment: Awesome HIE fic!!! :pinkiehappy:

Step 2 - Like and Favorite: :twilightsmile:

Step 3 - DEMAND MOAR: :flutterrage:

>>2380561

Now, most of what I wanted to say has already been said, nice development, a combination of diferent ideas, (I've seen them before, but never all in the same story), people already asked you to get an editor and I can see why, but because I know how hard it is to find one these days I will give you some pointers in the mayor issues I saw in your story.

She had been studying at University, when...something

These are spread throughout the story, I will show some but not all, it seems that many words have been brought up a level of instead of being a word to define an object they become a place.

She had been studying at the University, when...something

calm herself working her rationale mind to try and

Just an error in meaning. Are you directly translating this from another language? I had the same problems initially when I was passing Spanish texts to English.

calm herself working her rational mind to try

She needed medical attention as other than her shoulder which while extremely painful she deduced wasn't life threatening she had just fallen from the sky which could and should of caused any number of serious injuries.

Logic and grammatical error and lack of use of commas. You seem to turn the comma usage on and off, this is the best example but there's more in there.

She needed medical attention, as other than her shoulder, which while extremely painful she deduced it wasn't life threatening, she had just fallen from the sky which could and should of caused a larger number of serious injuries.

She had heard stories of people doing so but she had hit a tree while most had fallen through branches or other miraculous saves.

You changed the subject of the phrase before you finished the idea.

She had heard stories of people doing so, but she had hit a tree while most had fallen through branches or other unlikely saves.

She wasn't going to cry, she wasn't going to give in and give them the satisfaction.

You already used 'give them the satisfaction' it's not necessary.

She wasn't going to cry, she wasn't going to give in.

Jessica chewed upon the end of pen, a

The same issue you had with 'University'

Jessica chewed upon the end of a pen, a

but she was still at University

Alright, this is the last time I correct this types of errors.

but she was still at the University

And to end this comment I have to say one thing to this story...

Your main character is acting just like my sister Jessica in that situation..:rainbowkiss:

That's how she told me she would anyway.:trixieshiftright:

>>2380890>>2380890

Glad you like! Ebony was never meant to exist past a brief mention. kind of wrote themselves in with each sentence.


I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments positive, constructive or otherwise! Just a small hobby story i wanted to write has gotten so much feedback.

The next chapter is already around 6k words so will be up in the next couple of days when done. Had a couple of rewrites due to pesky Ebony working so well in the story. Am happy a throw away character grew so much in my mind.

The only spoiler i will give is that how Jessica survived her fall, the aura about her and why she isn't dead due to foreign contaminants and vica versa will be explained in next few chapters.

Glad people like Jessica and that she doesn't devolve into angst or main heroine.

Thank you all again, also if anyone finds an editor hiding under a rock I am currently looking for one!

This is a piece of shit.

A wonderful piece of shit.

Such a shit this is, that it's getting liked and faved.

:moustache: Good job. :twilightsmile:

>>2381754

I just chalked the aura Jessica had while falling was the spell that dumped her, literally, into Equestria.

When Flim (or was it Flam?) tried to grab her and she broke away causing a short-circuit in his spell, that too I attributed to the typical un-magical nature of humans. I'd go so far as to say null-magic but negating magic entirely is a bit extreme.

I really hope "Ebony" makes herself more than a throw-away character. Besides, that human compassion wasn't even full fledged love and it still recharged her to full capacity in no time whatsoever. Enough to pull off an epic feat of polymorphism. I imagine Queen Chrysalis would be veeeery interested in getting her swisscheese hooves on Jessica. Maybe I'm just reading more into that scene than was intended? If not, perhaps her supercharged emotions are because humans are extreme in their euphoric highs and abyss-like lows as opposed to far more balanced ponies? That and humans aren't "wasting" energy on magic, instead using all their potential towards emotion, will... ego and id.

...could say there's a reason why there's seven billion of them despite lacking claws, fangs or magic.  :rainbowlaugh:

omigosh this is AMAZING:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

>>2381916

Don't worry, Ebony evolved from a throwaway character in the first chapter. I am glad someone picked up on how Ebony was able to shapeshift into a Manticore and get 'fed' so quick.

As for her escaping the magic it was actually hinted to be Ebony freeing her but I actually like your idea more! Will only say how she slowed down wasn't due to what brought her to Equestria. Won't give it away as it's a big plot point! Jessica is a kind girl so maybe her compassion is super yummy? Or perhaps she's a changeling queen and will rule all Equestria! ....Nah  ;3

They walked like horses but they weren't horses, horses didn't wear striped shirts. Horses didn't wear hats. Horses didn't move in the more fluid manner they did. Horses did not have moustaches like one of them did! Horses did not have tattoos on their butts! Horses did not have red and white striped manes and tails! Horses...did...not...have...horns! Horses did not, do not, and cannot have intelligent green eyes and act like they're having a conversation! It did...not...happen!

Well, shi-:yay:. Of all the ponies in Equestria, she just had to run into the Flim-Flam brothers. :facehoof:

Yes... I like this.... I like this a lot... must... have.... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR :flutterrage:

This is not your normal HiE so to speak, Love it so far!

A girl in equestria, a very unique arrival and unlikely companions, mixed with an exciting story, this is an instant fav and thumbs up, very very well done! :heart:

Wonderful.  Simply wonderful.

>>2381916 "Humans don't have wings or magic!  They don't need it, they don't care!  All they've got's imagination, new inventions everywhere!"

Well, that certainly was a lot of information but it also did not seem rushed at all either. Good story.

This is a fantastic story so far. This is definitely different from the other HiE fics.

:moustache:

This is an very good story!

>>2380650 Your insanity feeds mine. this story rocks. Instafavelike

This story. I like it. :pinkiehappy:

But still, there are a lot of errors that you should probably look over once again. One in particular annoyed the living hell out of me:

I think I´ll just leave this quote from Ezn´s Guide to writing Fanfiction here:

Could have, should have, and would have – or if you want to get contraction-y, could’ve, should’ve, and would’ve. It’s “·ve”, not “·of”.

>>2383065

I am trying to touch up the mistakes and so forth. Would you believe I have read through the whole chapter nine times and each time find more errors. I think I am blind to my own mistakes. It's more frustrating as I was an English major. >.<

Congratulations. You got featured!

>>2383228

Wait, what...who? O.o

What's a featured and how did it happen to me? ^-^;

What a very cruel cliffhanger.:fluttercry:

I shall stay for this fiction's further releases!:fluttershysad:

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