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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Quite a nice piece, I like the progression, it doesn't feel too forced on Fluttershy's side and I always like flutterdash with Rainbow Dash being the initiating party. I really like the acknowledgement that with their personalities, their will still be some obvious conflict in the relationship, it makes it seem more real. Have a mustache good sir
and a favorite. Well done. Also as a side note, I think the cover art is beautiful.
2339930 Thank you! I was really worried about this story. This is the first particularly lengthy fic I've written and yet I felt like it was rushed. Thank you for your comment, it is very much appreciated!
This was well written. The pacing was smooth to me and overall, I found this to be pretty cute and sweet.
2340466
This sums up what I was going to say.
Fantastic story with great pacing. Definitely one of my favorite FlutterDash fics.
A few minor issues on formatting, I'll note you the one's I found.
*Goes on to ravish her professionally*
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m92j2kJGiR1r97z8t.gif
daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!
2348281 Eh, I didn't want to mention this, but the sex scene is actually just a written form (save for the pony anatomy) of my first time performing oral on a female. I'm not trying to flatter myself, but my girlfriend agrees.
Is Rainbow Dash not allowed to be a natural?
This was very well done. I loved the pace and the content that you put into this. It is always nice to see a story actually build up to those kinds of intense moments. I really look forward to reading more from you in the future. Keep up the great writing!
Oh, and does your girlfriend approve of you putting your first time giving her oral in a story? I know mine would kill me if I did.
2349925 Thanks! And no, she doesn't mind. It's kinda like an "oh, you" sorta thing. She would mind, however, if I copied her "dialogue" (which I didn't so it would fit Flutters' personality).
I can write sex better if I've experienced it; it's just more natural to me.
2349523
I suppose it's possible.
2349925 oh your here too
2350055
That I am, what are you writing that is ending up getting deleted?
2350252 I posted the same comment twice
Hnng the adorable was its killing me D'awwwww that was so good and adorable. I was a little cautious about reading this at first with the mature tag as I don't typically read clopesque stories but I liked the build up and the overall story was great 9.5 outta 10
Cloud...9...AHAAAAAAHAAA!
2380020 My humor is skewed and pointless hahahaahahahaaaaa
This was a fun read!
It'd be very easy for a story that progressed from an unrequited crush to full-blown intimacy in a single chapter to feel rushed, but to be honest, this didn't. The pacing was great, and I thought your characterization of Fluttershy stood out pretty well. Plus, the relationship had a lot more depth than you'd usually find in a one-shot, so props for that.
If there was one thing that tended to break immersion for me, it was some of the dialogue, particularly Dash's. Just to pick out an example:
To me, that feels like something Rarity would say. Dash's manner of speaking is usually very informal; I realize in this scene she's treading quite carefully around Fluttershy, but for me, it still sounds a bit too high-society to really sit comfortably with her character.
That said, it wasn't a consistent problem, and it didn't by any stretch ruin the story. Have a well deserved like and fave! (And mustache!)
I liked it but srsly a ferris wheel? They can fly you know.
2389302 Thank you for your feedback! I had actually been thinking that may be a problem. I usually just talk more, how you say sophisticated in general, and I was trying to keep that habit away from Dash. But thanks!
2393224 Yeah, but I needed it for the atmosphere, haha. Nice catching that.
2394357 No worries! Dialogue's by far the hardest thing to write (I think, anyway) and as I say, it wasn't a consistent problem by any means!
2393224 I now have this mental image of the two of them flying slowly around in vertical circles, both of them wearing unconvinced "this is just as good, right?" kind of expressions.
This is one of the best written stories I have ever had the fortune of reading. I detected no errors at all, which is better than even Fallout: Equestria! Well done, my friend. Well done.
i recognize the cover from that one DA fic so sad (the fic not the copyright)
3277192 what fic?
wait, why the sad picture, for such an AMAZING story?
~Wywint
4098978 http://bread-crumbz.deviantart.com/art/It-wasn-t-always-like-this-313671715
Those adjectives though. But really, great story 1
this fic was amazing adorble and just great this story is one of the reasons i like rainbowshy shipping i commend you on this amazing fic
That was very sweet.
Very sweet story. Two things though: One, what was it Fluttershy made Rainbow promise? Two, that sex scene at the end would've been better if Fluttershy gave Rainbow Dash the same treatment.