• Member Since 23rd Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 1st, 2015

Obvious German


I'm a writer mostly into gritty, down-to-earth war stories with all their gruesome details and the like. Also, crossovers are apparently the only thing I can write about, doesn't stop the fun there.

T
Source

The Empire of the Rising Sun. The world’s most terrifying and technologically advanced enemy, now reduced to a shadow of its once great self.

Nothing more than just an freak accident, a result of the elimination of Einstein by the hands of the then-Premier Anatoly Cherdenko, who now resides in cryo prison for his crimes against humanity with his accomplice.

But what if the Imperial's foretold divine destiny is somewhere else, and their accursed upbringing a blessing, that even the late Emperor Yoshiro himself couldn’t imagine?

What if another Empire of the Rising Sun needed their help in another world different from their own and technology so much more inferior to theirs, and their legends taking ahold of six different and current warriors and ages before, a great leader who’s successors unified the whole of feudal Japan?

It is time for the Imperial army to restore its former glory and to redeem itself from their justifiable atrocities, and with it comes a new age for them and the inhabitants of the other world, the age of the rising suns.


Crossover with; Command and Conquer - Red Alert series/MLP.
Teen for foreign cursing and extreme gore.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 16 )

Intrensting setting I think I will folowe this story and can't waite for more chapters from this story.

"We will fight to the last man and rocket!"

That's a Soviet dreadnought the griffons saw, if I'm not mistaken.

ok, im confused. there was only a passing mention of japan. Just how does japan come into this? :rainbowhuh:

When I click on a story, and the first thing I see for a chapter is the word 'Prolouge' instead of 'Prologue', I start to get worried...

First off, I wish you had given the reader some back story on the characters from the Command and Conquer series. Expect them not to know about the series. I came in, not knowing anything, so I can care less about any of the characters in the story so far. Fans of the series may like this more since they'll know more, which is your target audience, but try to reach for something wider.

Not to use spoilers, the idea of that death was very interesting to read about and had me interested. With that said, it looked like you wrote the bare minimum and continued on with the story. That part was the interesting part for me, I wish you had done more with that and shown the full length of how things changed. It would've shown us, the reader, exactly how much has truly changed.

The last part, going into the Equestrian lands, that has me confused where exactly you're going with this. Hope you go into that more for the next chapter.

Just so you know, the Germans were also going into nuclear research during WWII, going head to head against the U.S. If the U.S. didn't have Einstein, it would've been possible for Germany to have built the first one instead. Would it be just as powerful as the Hiroshima one? Probably not, but they would've had the tech for such a thing if the war kept on, and with Einstein gone, it most likely would've. Food for thought, and all that.

Also, Griffins have four claws, not five.

Einstein being evaporated because of time and space, that confused me. Unless the guy had a weapon that could vaporize people, I don't think time and space work like that. If he had killed the guy through some other means, like stabbing him in the heart, it would've made more sense to me. Also, he vaporized the guy. You don't think the science community wouldn't try their best to replicate that from seeing that it's possible? Some of the brightest minds during that time were at that convention. Cause and effect, I really wish you had written more of that into your story.

The only other thing I saw was some misplaced indents for your paragraphs. Everything else looked alright, though I wasn't really looking for grammar or misspelling errors. I just wish that the characters were more developed, or better explained on their positions and who they are.

2322338 In actuality, the Soviet introduction is just really a written version of the introduction of RA3 and I actually disagree on the way on how Einstein died, would make more sense if Cherdenko had a knife or something. Thanks a lot bud but I can't really make any changes because I'm kind far from the computer and typing this out on an iPhone.

2322357

I hope you take the time to get to a computer and type future chapters. Changing it from evaporation to stabbing is an easy change that wouldn't hurt the story if you did.

As for the other stuff, such as how the Germans would've gotten nuclear advancement and griffons having four claws instead of five, I hope you do some basic research in the future. That's not me bagging on you. I do that for my own stuff if I ever want to use things properly for my story. Though... my stuff's more comedic, amongst other things...

The doors grinded to a close, and the elevator began descending into the bottom of the building

Ground to a close, and I think "towards" would work better than "into" here.

2322338
Slight point of note about the nuclear testing thing: This is based on the Red Alert universe, wherin WWII never happened because of Einstein travelling backwards in time and assassinating Hitler before he could do much politically. Instead, RA's WWII was fought against Stalin and the Soviets. And then WWIII was fought against Romanov and the Soviets, except now it's against Cherdenko and the Soviets, and also the Empire, because more time travel.

Yes, this is all very confusing. Thankfully, the games realise how increasingly ridiculous this is as each one passes.

2324542

See? Exactly what you said, is what I commented on my original post on the gaming lore. The author should've, in the very least, explained in someway through the story-telling that this universe diverges from our reality and into the games own created story. What you just said, I didn't know that. Fans of the game will only know that, leaving everyone else without a proper explanation to what you just said completely confused. If I had known that from the beginning, all of this would've made more sense and I could've gotten more enjoyment out of the read itself.

If there's some way for the author to go back to this one chapter and write that in somehow, maybe throw in some of what was previously stated for fix-ups, this story would be so much easier to understand and enjoy while reading. I really do hope he'll do just that, eventually.

2324650
The first hurdle in attracting readers to any crossover fic is familiarity. The solution is exposition.

2322338 It's the Red Alert series, don't understand it. Just enjoy the madness. :pinkiecrazy:

Tenno Heika Banzai!




I love the Japanese faction.

2320740 This chapter shows how it all started. Next chapter will probably be a timeskip.

The reason why I'm waiting for more is that I can see Steel Ronin whip some good butt!

No seriously, I want to see Steel Ronin.

I can what for a long time for these next chapters to arrive.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!