What if Hitler planned the Nazi invasion more carefully?
What if Hitler kept his treaty with Stalin and didn’t invade Russia?
What if all of Europe fell into Nazi Germany’s iron grasp by the year 1947?
What if Japan didn’t stop at Pearl Harbor, and continued throughout the west coast of the US?
What if Japan’s attack disabled the US military?
What if Japan then conquered eastern Asia?
What if Russia annexed North America before the axis powers were ready again?
What if the earth was divided between four powers by the year 1958?
What if the space race continued between the axis and communist powers for 125 years?
What if Russia created the first fully space-worthy vessel?
What if, knowing that the axis powers would inevitably attack, the USSR executed an evacuation of earth, seeking a planet to bolster their defense?
What if the Axis powers are now doing the same?
The year is 2145, the fight for supremacy is on, and the Nazis have found something.
I don't know how to say this...
Well, I think that the general idea of nazis being in Equestria is quite amusing. I don't think anyone could have thought of anything near this level of creativity
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You gotta work on your grammar and punctuation, though
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OH MY GOD YES! SO MUCH WIN!!!
That's a lot of what ifs. I tried to do the probability calculations but my calculator can't display that many digits. And doing it by hand is tedious.
If you're assuming that much why not sentient bubble gum?
That was horrendous. I find a complete lack of logic in damn near ever paragraph you wrote. Nothing made sense, and it didn't even feel like you were trying. You throw space ships in. You throw advanced sensors in. You throw the ability to traverse between solar systems in. But Panzers? Goose stepping? What the hell is a Gewehr 37? Celestia not giving in to a superior force when it's completely obvious they overpower her? The complete ham-fisted way you peg the Nazi stereotype into this unhallowed beast of a story...
I gave the story a chance, a damn good one. But this is irredeemable. It can't be salvaged; it is beyond repair. Not even Herbert West can bring this frankenstein back to life. I'm sorry I'm being so brutally blunt with this, but I can honestly say you've completely blown my mind, and not in a good way. Let it die, for the love of humanity, let it die.
And your grammar was bad.
Ummm...okay. Let's see how I would sum this up
wired.com/images_blogs/photos/uncategorized/2007/10/05/disaster.jpg
h2carblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Hindenburg-disaster.jpg
nextnature.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/nextnature_disaster_530.jpg
Yeah, sums it up pretty nicely
I have a question. What happens to the rest of the world? How does Africa, South America and Australia fare in this new world? Other than a desperately needed Grammar Nazi, you're doing great! Why does Celstia have to die
? I know it is probably necessary but still, WHY 
!!!
Anyways, I like the writing style along with the whole idea of a plausible alternate future. It makes you think, 'How lucky are we that only this happened instead of anything else?" 'Disarming' Luna is too much of an evil thing to place into my mind. Die Nazis sind böses Ungeheuer! Alle sie in einem Feuer sterben!
I wish contraception was invented before Hitler's parents met
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A moment's silence for the late Princess Celestia.
Philip Fry: SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!!!!!!
No, seriously, this is Awesome! Not so for the ponies in Equestria, of course, but I frikin' love the Nazi's! And it would be more awesome if the Russians were going to liberate the sh*t out of Equestria! After all, the Russians did defeat the Nazi's in 1945.
630355 I understand were your coming from, however, I’m going to have to correct you on a few points.
Firstly, the point you made about the stereotyping. In German the word “panzer” is actually a general term for armor, carapace or shell; it’s just calling them “Tanks” and not referring to a specific tank-model . I never mentioned that they were “Goose-stepping”, merely that they were marching in synch. Marching in synch doesn’t necessarily mean they were walking in a ridiculous and exaggerated fashion. A Gewehr 43 was a semi-automatic rifle made by the Germans in the mid-WWII era. The “43” in its name refers to its date of manufacture. I was trying to suggest that a “Gewehr 37” is a newer model of the Gewehr 43. I assure you that I tried to avoid behavioral stereotypes, but I also wanted to emphasize cruelty in the Nazis actions. I didn’t have them going around shouting: “SEIG HEIL!” or any other stupid-ass shit like that because I was aware that this would make the things stupidly exaggerated, but at the same time, I wanted them to reflect the “Nazi-culture” .
Secondly the point you made about Celestia not giving up to a greater force. Celestia is basically a god, she can sent ponies to the moon, and- oh I don’t know- she can turn the earth on its axis. She probably would have torn that space ship in twain if she was given the change, so I doubt that she had anything to worry about. The guy shooting off her horn obviously caught her off guard. Plus, I also stated that she could see the history of the Nazis before her eyes. If you were the leader of a country and you were being offered an alliance with Nazi Germany, whilst a montage of images of the Holocaust, Nazi propaganda and the Second World War flashed before your eyes, given the fact you had a choice in the matter, would you think: “Gee, these guys seem like an honest bunch!”…no? I didn’t think so.
Lastly, your argument on the logic within this fanfic. The description states that the current date is 2145. You’d think that by then we would have made something at least similar to space ships, interstellar travel or advanced scanning devices. Plus, you do realize that this is a world inhabited by pastel-colored, sentient ponies that can do magic, right?
i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/039/shrugging-pinkie-pie.png
Just going to put that out there.
I understand that the grammar is sloppy; after all, I did most of this late at night when I was tired (and by tired, I mean struggling to stay awake) since it was the only time I had to do it. I’m more than likely to proof-read and fix this later on, which I admit I should have done in the first place. This isn’t my best work, hell, it’s VERY rushed. So yeah, that’s all I got.
Uh, where to begin...
I'm gonna ignore all the alternate history cliches and mistakes you've made in the summary alone. This is a MLP fan fic, so I guess I should give some leniency there. I'll just take all this in an Iron Sky sort of camp way.
But even so, the writing and pacing of the story in general are kind of meh for me. The grammar's fine for most of it, save for some of the RanDoMLY capITAlizeD letters, and some of the paragraphs can be spaced out a bit to prevent wall of text syndrome.
The main problem I see though is that things get started way too quickly. The Nazis just talk for a bit with the ponies and then shit blows up. I know you say they want to make a point, but wouldn't they fulfill that point by piloting their giant spaceships over the castle and inviting Celestia to come up their in what would be either a trap or genuine attempts at negotiations? I mean they just march into to hostile territory, Celestia goes berserk, and everything genuinely goes to hell. There's no build-up or tension. We don't get to know any of the Nazis, and not even as villains. I mean if you're going to have us hate them, you've given us not much to base hatred off of besides 'they're Nazis.' And using just that sounds kind of lazy, agreed?
Plus the sudden death of Celestia and all the EXPLOSIONS MAN AND DEATH STUFF also kills tension and suspense. From what I get of the tags, you're trying to make a 'dark' story, but this is just Michael Bay stuff so far. Adding a lot more paragraphs, maybe even a whole chapter or two of build-up before we get to all this drastic conflict. As of right now, it looks like we've already hit a climax. Celestia's dead, Luna and the rest are captured and about to be tortured, and Equestria seems doomed. For a 4,000 word chapter, it all comes really fast, too fast for any of it to really take effect on an emotional scale.
That's my two cents on it though. I'd really consider rewriting this; I'm not saying you should trash the idea even though I don't care for it myself, just polish it out more. Add detail, character, and if you want dark, terror and suspense through use of words. That sounds simple, I know, but really adding more to this could heighten the tension and emotional payoff for the reader considerably.
I hope you enjoyed reading this pizza-roll ridden diatribe good sir.
632679 Thank you for the constructive criticism. I’m glad you took the time to write this. Thanks to that I have a stable ground in which to rebuild on.
I didn’t want anybody to hate the Nazis just yet. However, your right, I should put emphasis on why they should be hated. There are only certain Nazi characters that I wanted to be hated, the one with glasses for instance. The blonde guy is supposed to be more of a neutral character.
Just to clarify, the ponies aren’t being shipped off be enslaved; the incident with the tear-gas and rubber bullets was simply the troopers pacifying the crowd. They had be ordered by the man on the radio not to kill anybody ( I should change that to were the message is being heard from the troopers POV). I actually plan to have the Ponies live among the Nazis as regular citizens. Also, they aren’t going to torture luna, just surgically remove her horn and she’ll be released. This story was intended to be more of a cultural thing than a war story
Anyhow, thanks for the comment. Now, it’s time for me to add detail, dialogue and extend scenes.
3.bp.blogspot.com/-rLmKgX_nU08/T3WsZ_Ixt2I/AAAAAAAALAg/Ml918cmVAMI/s1600/Thanks-Bro.jpeg
633860
Good, sympathetic Germans are okay. It's good to show these guys aren't all evil, just under an evil system. Makes it not so horribly offensive, you dig?
I'm not sure why the Nazis wouldn't just kill the Ponies though. And having the ponies live among the Nazis? I don't think the Nazis would do that at all. I mean considering how they treated real humans who were kind of different, imagine how they'll treat an actual different race of sentient beings? I'll give you a hint; Generalplan Equestria.
And having Luna's horn surgically removed certainly won't endear them to the populace or the princess.
I'm unsure how you want to do the whole cultural thing as well. Honestly, with Nazis in Space fighting cartoon horses, the premise is kind of silly for such a serious topic. I mentioned Iron Sky earlier, and I think you'd be better off goin' for something like that: A campy, dark comedy sort of thing. It'd fit with all the action and explosions and hilariously evil guys, because as of now I can't see this turning into a 'cultural war' fic without enough suspension of disbelief to imagine Atlantis into existence.
633986 I do intend to get the soviets involved, as well as the changelings, so it's not all going to be a bunch of political drama. The ponies just end up getting caught in the shit-storm.
636741
Okay, that sounds fine. Just remember; Don't take yourself and your story that seriously, and you'll do fine.
UED Admiral Gerard DuGalle: By god they killed Celestia and all! All forces, prepare to move in and stop them! I want those Nazis stopped or, if that fails, WE WILL STRUCK AN ALLIANCE WITH THE TERRAN DOMINION!
I showed this to Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, and the guy who played Ipp Man. Their heads exploded in awesomeness. I reanimated them into one being and bound myself with it. I can now view this safely.
Please have Luna be successfully disarmed, Nazi rule successfully established, all former traces of Celestial and Lunar rule destroyed, all ponies exterminated, enslaved, or most preferably made to welcome the Nazis with open arms, and have the Nazis ide with the Soviet Union and take over the rest of the Earth. PLEASE!!!!!
This is my dreamfic so far. You deserve many faces.
688255 Don't think so. I want to see the next chapter.
yes! as I read this it intrigues me
AUSGEIZICHNET!
SIEG HEIL MEIN BRUDER!
Update?
You are... the third... best... sadistic... bastard ever! The 1st one will be always the writers of Cupcakes and Blade!
Only one problem though: I don't understand german so could you please translate when prompted with german dialogue? Thanks and keep on the good work!
2278503 You think I'm evil now? just wait until The (censored) finds out how to make the power componet for their (censored) weapons.
Hint: it involves unicorn foals.
2278688
Is Sweetie Belle one of them? Mouhahahahahaha!
2278896 when I say foals, I mean newborn foals; Sweetie Belle is considered a filly. Plus, I like Sweetie Belle too much to put her through what the foals will be going through
.
2278815
a133.idata.over-blog.com/537x672/2/87/79/27/zit/nazi_super_science.jpg
Please tell me you're German and you're not using the cock-sucking Googe Translator
2343635 gartic.uol.com.br/imgs/mural/_c/_casper/bad-poker-face-2.png
Well at least it ain't Bing Translator
I got to Lars and you won me over.
2343641
It still sucks
2343691 I know
. Do you think you could suggest a good German editor?
2343697
I'm German myself
2343699 well then, on a scale of one to incomprehensible, how are the German sentences and paragraphs?
2343711 This is what you should change:
Chapter 1:
Is that his last name? It’s more of a first name here
It’s „Führer“
It’s „Oberkommando“
„Achtung, Achtung! Die Straße sofort räumen!“
General Gottfried
The plural for Panzer is Panzer
Again, Führer
“Wie….wie sollen wir kommunizieren?“
Although that’s correct, „Fräulein“ would be more appropriate
See above
Again, see above
Schwester, with a capital S
Tötet sie jetzt!
Sie kommen mit uns
Was machen wir mit der?
Achtung, wir haben erfolgreich ihren Herrscher gestürzt. Die Zeugen sind entkommen. Ein ziviler Protest steht unmittelbar bevor. Jedes Mittel ist erlaubt. Der Einsatz von Tränengas ist freigegeben
Replace any of that with „The Führer”
Chapter 2
More Schnaps
Schützen Sie Ihre Nation! Melden Sie alle Zeichen der kommunistischen Invasoren Ihrem lokalen SS Offizier!
Der Equestrische Kurier
„Bitte weisen Sie sich aus“
The German Führer
The rest is ok. Just contact me if you want something in German for the next chapters
"What if Japan didn’t stop at Pearl Harbor, and continued throughout the west coast of the US?" They did attack the US actually, and I believe they did a ground attack on Alaska, but I could be wrong. Will read the story itself later.
You're ALIVE!
I am german and I don't know anyone with the name of Lars... So if you know any, good for you. Lars is a scandinavian name, not a german one, and a prename to that.....
But the "I kid you not" part should go into the author's notes.
that is the more uncommon version in german. That should be Fräulein.
If you got any question regarding german stuff, you can ask me, if you want to. Unless you already have someone to help you.
Does this mean there's going to be a communist uprising in Equestria? Starting with the CMC? Either way, I'M STOKED!
Will the Communists show up to liberate the pony's?
2346803
They did attack one of Alaskas island but left due to the soldiers poorly fitted for winter gear and yes there have been times when the Japanese attacked the mainland but they weren't serious enough to cause damage. One was a submarine using its AA and Flack guns to hit this fort in oregon but no casualties and the other incedent is when they sent fire balloons to start wild fires but were all put out before it could spread
3415614 No. Equestrian Hitler can stop those commies.
i like this story because im asian
Oh my. The Nazis took over Equestria and possibly all of Equis, the killed Celestia, they enforced their lifestyles on them and even took over the job, press, and governing systems. Do you wonder what role Discord could play if he ever comes into the story? He may still be reformed in this timeline, most likely, some of the ponies, most notably Twilight, would try to convince him to get rid of the Nazis to avenge Celestia's death.
3415614
Maybe. But it wouldn't be much better! Or the White army?
Soon he said the next chapter will be out