• Member Since 6th Jan, 2012
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RandomPerson


Heyo

T

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The lands of Equestria and Gryphonia are being tainted by pollution from human industrialization. With the gryphons threatening with war, can the ponies keep the peace between them and the humans? With the future of Equestria hanging by a thread, can the ponies and gryphons stand up to a technology that is much more advanced than their own? Or will they be doomed to destruction by the hands of man?

Editors: pjabrony, RobertBel98
Many thanks to CplHenderson for spicing up my cover art.
Character tags will be added as they appear. My first fic, criticism and feedback is welcomed. Human tech is approximately that of 1918

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 374 )

Not bad, can't wait for the next chapter.

Indents are your friend.

I NEED MORE NOWWW :flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

seems interesting. wonder how the story will progress.

I am very impressed:twilightsmile:. This is a very interesting story, and you have me hooked, just please indent your paragraphs. You have earned yourself a new follower my lad. Here, take a moustache :moustache:.

MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh if only the Gryphons knew what they are about to do but by that time it will to late

This had cause me intrigue when you said that it was 1918. I was curious as to what kind of ploy are you raveling upon this story. The form is decent and style of third person is well-defined, but I wonder if you escalated this story too quickly, fearing that you might lose some material. But who am I too judge, this is your story and your moment. I could say that I am curious as to what happen next. I'll give a startering follow.

the gryphons superior numbers are not going to be worth crap when they go up against human guns

I see Gryphonia... destroyed.

Yep, I already hate that Gryphon. :twilightangry2:

Although what I don't get is, if the Gryphons go to war with Humanity, why would Humanity go after Equestria?

Wow, I'm amazed at how much good feedback I've gotten on my first story. :pinkiehappy: Thank you to all.

I'm writing my first fanfic now, too, so I understand your want for feedback completely. Really, all I saw was a few grammatical mistakes, but they were minor ones that most English teachers probably wouldn't even notice. :twilightsheepish:

I really like where it's going. Can't wait to read more!! :pinkiehappy:

Why do I see the gryphons attacking the Humans... and suffering such staggering losses that they reel and the Humans push. The Equestrians will then try to placate the Humans and beg them to cease hostilities. The Humans will likely, with the ceding of captured gryphon territory, will agree to a ceasefire... but the gryphons will not yeild to superior firepower. They will push the Humans and then the Humans will push back... HARD. The Equestrians will again attempt to keep the peace, but somehow Twilight will screw up and pizz off the Humans in an inflammatory manner. This will unwittingly drag the Equestrians into the war, much to the detriment of the Humans and the rest of the world at large, as the Zebracans will likely come to the aid of their allies the Humans. Thus, in short order... world at war, and much like ours, there will be no winners... only survivors.

This is...surprisingly good for a first story.
Really, I mean there are the ususal grammatical errors, but I noticed only like 2.
Although there is a lack of detail. For example, I have no idea how Schmidts bodyguards look like. They have a gray uniform, but what does it look like? Does it have buttons? A zipper? Do they wear helmets and swamp boots?
And the Gryphon Empress could use more detailing as well. I had no idea how she looks like. I know that most Gryphons look alike, but she is one of the main characters.
What is her height? Does she have colored feathers?
That sort of thing. I suggest getting an editor.

You have certainly caught my interest with this chapter. Please keep going.

2211602 I do have one, I am just being a little ignorant to detail. I'll try to work on that.

So far I'm intrigued, never underestimate your opponent and I'm afraid that the Emperoress will soon find that out the hard way.

mmmmmm fried griffon :pinkiecrazy:

this is totally gonna be awesome

If I might make a suggestion, maybe introduce a "main" character or two from each side to follow? Unless you plan to have the monarchs fight, in which case, you've already got your characters. haha It would just give the battles a more personal feel. Just a thought. I like where it's going, though.

Oh boy, this is going to be nasty for both sides.:derpyderp1:

Please don't allow humanity to be taken out as easily as the empress thinks.

Also, non-deity princesses ftw. :ajsmug:

May I ask, just how outnumbered are the humans?

2219416

Yeah, trenches, machine guns, and heavy artillery should crush any Griffon advance. Plus, FT-17s :D

2219393 The Human nation is roughly the size of Switzerland and half of Austria on a coastline, while Gryphonia is about the size of Germany. So about....4 or 5 to 1?

Cant wait to see the Griffons get massacred

I'll keep my eye on this fic...for now that is

2219447

Machine guns vs crossbows and swords usually has only one outcome...

The Gryhpons are idiots technology always wins in the end

2221703 Not necessarily, in some aspects the Germans had vastly superior tech than the Allies in World War 2, yet they still lost.

I know that this is technically before WWI but I am pretty sure that a proffesional general will be able to recognize a diversion.

2221851 I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean.

2221844 yes because it came too late in WW2 to be of any help

wow the Gryphons REALLY underestimate humanity

if this really is WWI technology vs 12th or 15th century weapons

...this is gonna be a cake walk

oh and please let there be a MARK V tank :pinkiehappy:

2221869
Well she is talking about the diversion. The Empress I mean.
Also as it was said before, the Germans lost because the tech came too late in the war. If the Nazis managed to get the V2 rockets working in the 1941 era, we would have lost.
The only reason we won is because Hitler focused too much on the Soviets, so when they came pushing back the Reich was in total chaos and all they did was just sit around and lose all the fronts.
Derpity dwerpy derp.

Also, we work well under pressure. WW2 is the prime example, do you even know how much of tech was pouring in from the Nazis when the Allies were stepping on their doorstep?

2222895 That's pretty much exactly what I said...just longer.

Lookin' forward to more.

Vive la Republic! :yay:

This is gonna get ugly. :twilightoops:

Wow, I can't believe she would just write off humanity as pushovers so quickly. This won't end well for the griffins...:twilightoops:

2230363

I wouldn't be surprised if the first battle ends up like the Marne (defender/French victory) or the Somme.

2201721Definetly. And unlike certain fics (#cough# TCB #cough) this will hopefully show how superior numbers don't mean jack shit when up against guns/.

2246000 Remember though, in TCB the ponies have something too shoot back.......:pinkiecrazy: hehehe

Don't worry, the war will be over by Christmas... right guys.... guys?

Uh, when do we get to the part where the humans start mowing down the griffon bastards? This was too easy for the attackers.

Sorry, just doesn't feel like World War 1.

.2262954 This triggered the war, it will come soon enough.

Dude come on give them semi autos or fully autos because we had fully autos when we still used bolt actions.

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