• Member Since 2nd Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Sep 14th, 2015

SirAroun


Hi

T

This is a story of the messed world of the Conversion Bureau Universe and one man's dream of leaving Earth to seek a better life on mars.

Chapters (7)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 70 )

Director freeman? ITS GORDAN FREEMAN!!!!!!!!!!!(yes hes that awesome)

these idiots are our last hope? According to dr. Tvtropes, there's nothing that could possibly go wrong!

160735
Why are they idiots?:applejackunsure: also I like to meet Dr. TVtroprs.:pinkiehappy:

Get a proofeader. you probably could find one on ponychan.

I think this story has enough potential that I will follow it. Just to be sure, though, I would recommend brushing up on TCB if you need to, just to make sure you know what goes where and when. Also, yeah a proofreader is highly recommended even if you check your own work. No harm having someone double-check it, right?

OOOOooooo more CB ill be tracking this now. And get a proof reader of some sort to help out with any grammar you may have missed while editing.

160797
can you help me with the lore? I don't what have to read the whole story.
edit: ever mind

160757
Twas just a joke my dear sir! Go to tvtropes.net (or something) it discusses plot conventions in fiction (and occasionally, real life(!)) it's pretty cool. Unless you already knew all that, then you can just ignore this.

160980
I know. I was more or less joking to

DAMNIT!!! I HAD THIS IDEA!!!1
I was going to cross over with doom and TBC
DAMNIT!

:flutterrage:STARSHIP TROOPERS CROSSOVER IS A HOPE

You see, this is what I like. Don't like something in the universe as it's not been addressed? Go write your own! Woohoo! Go for it.

The plot thickens. Please continue.

You know, this could be a viable backstory for firefly couldn't it?

177756
not bad like ok or not bad like great?

177928
Not bad as in I am enjoying it but it could use some more editing.

177939
what needs Editing? spelling, grammar, or/and story?

Honestly this story so far hasn't had any substantial substance besides roughly establishing the setting. Mostly due to your pacing and chapter size, the story is going too fast especially for chapters that on average take under 5 minutes to read.
I hope you eventually plan on re writing and refining this, nobody has done a story about humanity finding a way to escape Equestrian's expansion until now and I would love to see this continued.

I liked the metaphor with the poison. Very nice. However,I cant help but fear that Celestia and the PER (Theu SAY, she doesn't support them, but we all know that's a lie) will be doing everything they can to derail this. I expect much intrigue.

321506 we will my friend. we will see.

What about me now? Meh anyhow keep up the good work broshep.

I must admit that this story comforted me. At least some people flee away of this pony plague. And few hundred years later, when they rule the entire Solar System they launch the counterattack, muehehehe.
Anyway, please, continue.

508366
As soon as school is out (next week)

big mistake shoulda never told those ponies

Ooohhh.... Reading this just makes me more eager to get started on my own CB story, which will take a run at some similar themes. I just have a couple of other stories to wrap up before I get into that.

That Twilight's a spy! :flutterrage:

At least the PER members are getting what they deserve! And despite what you say, the complex is pretty heavily defended (automated defense turrets, gas neutralizers and who knows what else?)

Also I can imagine the HLF possibly being recruited as guards for the complex.

On a side note, your spelling and grammar needs some work. Not to mention the pacing's a bit too fast.

553787
Thank you. Freeman does not like the HLF so that is out also I am going to work on the spelling and grammar but there is not much I can do about the pacing as the story is planed out as a 8 chapter (and epilogue) short story.

Edit: PER did get what was coming to them. javascript:smilie(':rainbowdetermined2:');

At first I wonder how the hell this PER members got to the Mars. Rather not by built in a secret a interplanetary ship. :D
But well, they could simply hide amongst the staff colony.

Gas neutralizers. YEEEEEEEEEEEES!

562841
Their still on Earth, the ship to go to Mars is not done. Dome 1 is the test dome built on earth, Dome 2 and 3 is being built by robots on Mars.

563309 LOL, stupid me. All this time I thought that they are on Mars. :facehoof:

I have one question, what does P.E.R. stand for? The "P" part is obviously "Pony" but does the entire acronym mean?

618214
Ponyfication for Earths Rebirth, They are a stranded of CB storys.

618276 Thanks for that info. And I think you mean "standard". Also, I've noticed some minor spelling mistakes in the story.

618291
Yes I know, I don't get an editor till chapter 4.

164349
I am going to do that now at some point thank you.
Also cool story.

cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/21280816.jpg

677751>>677751

Thank you all powerful Tech-Pri3st

i honestly don't know whether i love you for finally making a space scifi TCB fic:pinkiehappy:.
or if i hate you with the burning fury of a thousand exploding sons for already writing the fic I'm currently writing MONTHS in advance:pinkiesad2:.
I'll track and fave. but I'm keeping my eye on you...

EDIT: You even have the names of the ships? I'd ask if your psychic, but I'm thinking with mounting horror that you already knew that i'd ask that question.:twilightoops:

777428>>777428
Thank you, And yes when me and my co-writer are in the same room the walls of realty have no chance.:pinkiehappy:

778728 it's a really good story you have here. and though it may share some similarities (like the entire plot point) the plot itself is almost completely different so that when i finish Mars ultor (i swear to god, i chose that name before i found this) it will be a completely different experience. (for example, the ARK ships are already completed and the story takes place entirely on mars.)

great use of the speech. why cant more modern comedians be like him?
i think the greatest version of that speech is this one.

778869
So Yours starts where mine will end? That great.

778869
I've seen that one, it is great isn't it.

> I stood a void above a red sphere […]
You accidentally a word there, this probably should be “I stood in a void”

I think the timing of the events in this chapter is off. First, Dr. Freeman spends far longer unconscious than his injuries justify (you even lampshade this), then the very moment he wakes an attempt is made on his life (why not before? and how is his office safer than the hospital wing against assassins?) and minutes later he's making a speech and resuming his work. The thing is, you don't even have to stretch SoD in this way. To the contrary, having the good doctor awake within days but in no shape to leave his hospital bed, let alone work for a few weeks would let you describe the whole aftermath of the attack better, and I think that needs describing more. Is there an investigation into the attack, and if not, why? What did they uncover? How did the PER know about OAK, who helped them, where did they get ponification gas¹? Then the whole media circus: how did they catch wind of an terrorist attack on a black project they knew nothing about? Does the PER have embedded journalists (or, given the future setting, bloggers)? Etc.


¹ BTW, is that new? I don't recall it being used in other TCB fics. But if it is, how did OAK have a specific defense against it? Do they also have a counter-chemical for potion contact?

829660
You make some good points and though I can change it to much (do to co-writer) I will make so edits based on your comment. Also the gas is from Chatoyance's stories.

Dr. Breen, Freeman, benefactors? HmmMMMMMM...whats next? Combine?

1111347
I like to see the Ponies as the Combine.:pinkiehappy:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!