• Member Since 29th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen December 3rd

pchn00



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Umbra works hard to contribute to her family's efforts against their enemies. No one in her family has ever been so gifted in crafting clever traps and insidious poisons. The youngest daughter to the Queen of the mysterious Spiderkin, Umbra does her best to set a good example for her mother's subjects.

Umbra is also a pony.

This' my first try at writing a first person story, hope it's not awful!
Sequel is up, Umbral Travels. If you like this one check it out :o

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 48 )

What is this? A story with a changeling tag, interesting premise, and no dark/sad tags?
Onto the follower train I go :D

2033323
Yeah unless the Dark tag literally applies to darkness it won't apply here haha.

Very well, a nice written story, a promising plot and I have to say that the choice of shifting to first person was a good one :pinkiehappy:

Keep up the good work!! :twilightsmile:

2041283
Thanks! I wanted to see how I could do the first person haha, somehting I've never tried. Chapter 2'll be up as soon as my buddy finishes editing it. :x

Huzzah! An update :D!
Keep up the great work! :3

Very interesting. I will follow this

An update? And so soon! O_o (For the record, there are probably minimal, non-distracting-to-the-reader errors, but I'm ill suited to be a prereader, and as such I shouldn't volunteer to be one D:)
The entire expedition went down marvelously (now Kasson is best spiderpony), but now I have to wonder not of Umbra's past, but of her relationship with her mother! She seemed so mean to her ('nuu I'm not your daughter'), and while I understand it was bottled anger, I really hope this doesn't tear a rift between her and her spidery family, as I just love their dynamic D: (Well, the loved members, anyway)
ANYWAY, good job, and I'll continue to sit here, eagerly awaiting more of this awesomeness :D

EDIT: Wait... shouldn't the word 'righting' be 'writing' in the description...? :x

2045027
Righting is how we spell writing in my country!

Nice chapter (both this one and the former), thisis really getting me :twilightsmile:

One question: the Grabber is taken from D&D, right? I remember a stallactite/stallagmite monster from the Underdark similar to it...

2051603
Yup it's called a Roper in DnD. The Ponydark is gonna feature a buncha DnD style monsters.

2052117

Glad to see I didn't forget everythig :twilightblush:

I don't know what to think about her as alicorn. I hope you will have good story for it. Right now its going to Mary Suesness

hmmm...very interesting...i cant wait to see how she will react to jenny taking the sword and shield from the ghost!:twilightsmile:

2055707
Haha, that's coming up soon! (spoiler alert: Not well)

2055780

Ah, so those are indeed the spiders that Jenny & company met (and squashed...)! I see trouble brewing at the horizon :pinkiecrazy:
(Do not answer to my spoiler-ish comment, it will ruin the surprise!)

Anyway, nice chapter :twilightsmile:

Great story so far. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.:rainbowderp:

Maybe find some interesting image for it, that for sure help to get attention ;p

Her mother... Is dead?
Umbra never even had the chance to tell her 'I love you' :fluttercry:
As it stands though, great chapter, and brings up a whole lot of interesting plot points/questions!
I knew I wouldn't regret following this ~ keep up the amazing work!

2156514
I poked around for images of drow-ponies a little bit but nothing really jumped out at me. I thought about comissioning Umbra in her armor, but any decent artists charged more than I was willing to pay. XD

2156614
Glad you're liking it so much. :x The next chapter is probably going to wrap up Umbra's first story. But I've got her second planned out, and she and Tak are going to make a big appearance in my story Settling In soon.

(Can't reply on iPod) (To author)
The changeling and the pony... But now I'm scared for all of her kin >_<
Looks like I have more to look forward to :D

Ah, the dear old Drow way of social ascension: killing who stands over you... what a great chapter :pinkiecrazy:

Only one thing: didn't hulks use mind attaks instead of eyes? Or were they screams? I cannot recall exactly...

2157027
No Umber Hulks used a gaze attack. Mind Flayer's use psionics.

2157172

Yeah, I went and checked up too :twilightblush:
I really hope for Umbra's sake that those squidfaces don't live under Equestria too...

I just ralized that this story remembers me of Drizzt Do'Urden's... But I have to say that I like this even more :pinkiehappy:

2161993
And Umbra isn't whiny all the time! :x (I do not like Drizzt XD) I'm all about Liriel Baenre for a drow main character in a novel. The only surface drow who still acts like a drow!

2162269

The name doesn't ring any bell, but I agree with you: born as a drow, live like a drow!

2166467
She was the lead in a trilogy by Elaine Cunningham. They're on the older side by now, Daughter of the Drow was the first.

If this story is going to have drow references, you better have on for Jarlaxle, damn it!

2468751
I hadn't even thought of that. Now I feel like the opposite of a drow fan. :/

2468937
How the hell do you forget Jarlaxle!?!? :twilightangry2::flutterrage::facehoof: The guy slept with a dragon for Luna's sake. He should be the second drow that ever pops into your head. The first, obviously being Drizzt.

2471100
Though Tak is pretty similar to Jarlaxle. With the flippant attitude but cunning mind underneath. :o Plus he's crazy dangerous when riled up.

This was a neat little story. Your use of the floating "…" between words does confuse me, though.

Well, onto the next story!

2752618
I used to do a lot of online RPing, DnD sessions and such. We used them a lot for pauses in words, it's a bad habit I kept I'm afraid.

PPS

Looks like I'm your first downvoter on this story. The story just hits too many Mary Sue cliches. Self-hating, superpowerful special snowflake shunned by her peers discovers that she's secretly double-royalty. In the interactions we actually see, everyone is remarkably approving of her. She has a variety of powerful abilities, most of which she thinks little of. She singlehandedly renders her first military expedition a success when more seasoned warriors are rendered helpless, despite a lack of relevant experience. I hope you've improved since you wrote this, because I just tracked your new D&D story, and I'd hate to see that one turn out like this after the pretty decent-looking start.

are and the plot thinking he he :heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry::fluttercry:

that a lovely and slice of life chapter :heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry::fluttercry:

This story is definitely underrated.

This is really strange.
The town I live in is called Kasson...:rainbowderp:

“It is almost as if I am wearing nothing at all.”

Daah! Stupid sexy spider!

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