Starkiller has just defeated Darth Vader and was making his way to the hidden rebel base. Suddenly, his ship is hit and he is blown off course. Soon, he finds himself in Equestria. Will he be able to figure out where he is? Will the Princesses help him? Why am i asking you these questions when you dont know the answer?
On hiatus: I've decided to take a break from this story for a while. If you have any suggestions on what should happen next, please leave them either on my user page, or in the comment section. I'm looking forward to reading your suggestions!
Chapters (8)
Okay so Comment time
In the way of grammar I didn't really find all that much to worry about so no worries there.
Transitions were notable so people can keep up when you decided to change characters.
Add a little more space into your story so your readers are not just looking at a giant line of text.
Explain some more of the situation and thoughts that your characters are having and don't just rush thought it.
This is what I think the story could use to improve, but of the overall story line I do believe that it has room to grow.
I await your next installment
Hope you remember that Starkiller is incredibly powerful for a jedy/ex-sith, still prideful too, and that you won't make him submit to princess sunny day or anything else in this journey. Saw a lot of stories already where jedy or even sith submit and it's just not in their nature. Not even for a jedy.
Starkiller has learned a lot when he defeated Darth Vader, and giving up is definitely not one of those things.
Quite the responsibilities choosing the destiny of one of our favorite jedy ever. Hope you don't disappoint. After all, our code doesn't tolerate failure
Awww yeah mlp and star wars crossover instant fav and here take a like
I REALLY don't like how you handled this. Especially how they got to Equestria. they just...FELL to the surface or something....
I'm mad.
But I leave in peace :D
That escalated quickly
My thing is the wording of the characters. You can't just make up random lines like Starkiller saying "Oh my God" because God doesn't exist in the Star Wars universe. You have to think of what words the character would use.
A fic With Galen...nice. Fix the spacing a bit and ur good
Thank you for the help. I'll be sure to keep all of it in mind.
Not the best... But good.
You should have at least made the battle scene with the dragon longer
Your doing great, you just need to work on the pacing, and the relationships of the characters. Applejack and rainbow dash wouldn't be so quick to trust Galen, much less apologies to him
As said before, the event are moving far too fast to make sense. Also please, USE THE GODDAMN RETURN KEY from time to time, it help the reader a lot.
one thing, you can't say "me and my sister" it's "my sister and i".
it isn't horrible mistake, but still it's good to use proper grammar.
sorry if i offended.
I like the story. Spacing between paragraphs but extremely entertaining.
>>TenbrisSole
You sound like my L.A. teacher. Thank you for pointing it out.
well due to the new comment system i cant always have first
THIS. IS. VUNDERBAR!!!!!!!!!
rushed. needs to be longer and not have all events compressed. but good nonetheless
Like the new comment system, no more FIRST! We still need more smily faces tough
The pace of the general events is still too quick but it's definitely improving. Also in the first part of the story there are an excessive use of return key, i am serious, something like:
/
Twilight explained magic, he used that as an answer.
“So,” Galen said, “What do we do now?”
\
It could have simply been: Twilight explained magic, he used that as an answer. “So,” Galen said, “What do we do now?”
Also use preview to see how the chapter came out, it will help avoid forms mistake you have nothing directly to do about, the chapter simply appear different than how you write it. Just preview and you will be fine
>>Onlyicanhear
I see what you mean. I'll be sure to preview the chapter before posting it.
I should have done that in the first place.
you should get a security system for your house so pinkie cant get in
>>Satyr403
I can't seem to find anything that works. I've got Secrity cameras everywhere, motion activating alrames. NOTHING WORKS! I'm going to go insane.
Forget it, defeating pinkie is beyond any living (and nonliving) capacity. Just try to salt your sweets, maybe that will keep her at bay
Remember that in Star Wars blaster are common weapon and the standard trooper equipment, in this chapter it nearly seemed they attacked with sticks or something. Also at the start of the chapter during Starkiller dream you wrote:
"WHY," he asked, "WHY MUST YOU /HANT\ ME!?"
It's haunt, just saying, if you use Opera or Firefox as a browser download the english dictionary, it will make your life a lot easier.
my life just got an upgrade
>>zinger906
Glad I could help!
..the fuck was this
You put angle ( measurement and what not) instead of angel ( a religious figure)
1861610 Most of the Boss battle's in the games were rather short anyways, and besides THe dragong was probably a minor boss like a Rancor or an AT-TE
1945940
It doesnt matter it just would have been better if it was a bit more descriptive.
Other than being a bit abrupt in changing moods, i like
i like pinkies appearance
Hey guys! Sorry the next chapter is taking so long. I have been having trouble finding a good idea for it. So I enlisted some help!
Aftertouch has agrred to read it and give me some ideas. So the next chapter will be out soon!
Took like 5 seconds to read and I saw some spelling mistakes in it.
2040319
I know. I was using my phone again so spelling wasn't going to be great. And since it will be a while before I get the next chapter out, I'll be sure to make it at least 3,000 words long. If not, then I'll see what I can do. But it will be a while. Sorry.
1887843
Hey man. I know Pinks personally, I can talk to her, but be warned, she barely ever listens to me.
Hey Darkfire! Gah! I told you to stop Pinkie! See what i mean LunarPrince? Or I can have my friend Sapper take her powers away! No way! Bye! Groan...
2044583
Yeah. I know what you mean. If you know someone who can take pinkies powers away, give me his number. She's trying to kill me.
Pinkie: CUPCAKES!!!!!
AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
2044610 hey you said this was on hiatus so y does it say cancelled
3250684
Really.... Really bad writers block....
I love the story
I think someone should continue this story, rather than leave it to rot.
I have this game and completed it sadly, but I still haven't found all of the lightsaber crystals though
Omg I have the same idea for a character except his dads a demon and his moms a angle, and he fights with duel weighting scthye that can go into one big scthye.
No why did it get cancelled
Pacing needs to be slowed WAY the fuck down.