OK, I'll start from the top.
Discord found a loophole on his stone prison... several, in fact.
Now I'm in the colorful world of ponies, have the power to make Physics go to a corner to cry, sweet toys, I have new friends, the responsibility of managing and studying chaos, my own maids, a personal assistant, the possibility of a herd... oh, and some stupid cult wants me dead and has the stuff required to make a very good attempt, another stupid cult wants me to take over the world and can't take 'no' for an answer, my subconscious plays merry hell with my powers when I'm upset, a few nobles despise me, my emotions can break the brain-shaped cork holding back power enough to fold reality in half, Celestia is either trying to manipulate me or get me to control myself, and I'm tasked with preventing the unraveling of the fabric of reality due to the lack of sufficient chaos magic use through the ages making the world start to rot at the seams.
Oh, and since this is sorta following events on episodes I already saw but 'haven't happened yet', I have to avoid mucking with them or I risk causing a paradox that might or might not erase me from existence, outright kill me, cause my powers to find a new host, cause my power to find several hosts, or just provoke the destruction of the entire universe.
(Though that last one is the worst-case scenario; the destruction might be contained just to this galaxy.)
No pressure.
Oh, I have to go, Dash and Scootaloo found me. In case you're wondering, they want to see if beating me up will cause them to earn enough EXP to go up a few thousand levels and grant them the ability to will galaxy-sized mechas into existence through sheer hot-blooded-ness.
No, I'm not ashamed of having introduced them to- oh $#!&! They have Twilight on their side! Bye!
Huh...First! Oooooh! This is my first time being "First!"
What should I say...uh....can't think words don't....I really like chocolate!
(No! Now he'll think you're stupid, say something smart!)
When being hit with a giant chocolate fowl, what kind would you prefer?
DUCK!
But yeah, seriously, good going so far.
And Second First!
Ooooh, I'm ready this time (shakes out muscles) c'mon, I can do this!
You've got the chaos-y feel of a Discordian story down pat, but you might want to relax you're pace a little. It seems like you get part-ways through a chapter and start speeding up and tripping over what you want to say (metaphorically speaking). I know that your character is an embodiment of chaos and discord, but you might make his powers more...understandable(?), since they can't exactly make sense. Like, for instance: if he notices incongruities between the 'canon' world and the one he's inhabiting, then you might have him hit the PAUSE button (literally) and take a break to 'rewatch' a few of the older episodes, complete with a big screen TV and a popcorn break. That kind of long-form, detailed, explanation would top a blitzed Author's Note jimmied into the chapter.
What one often forgets (and you generally do a good job remembering it), is that what the author 'knows' is happening in the story may be different than what he actually writes and what the audience, therefore, reads. Just a little constructive criticism if you feel like taking it. I am interested in seeing where you go with this fic, though, and whether you develop some kind of larger 'plot' about the whole 'saving Equestria from Order' thing, maybe assemble some kind of 'elements of chaos' group to mock and disturb the peaceful land. Hey, Cutie Mark Chaos Crusaders!
Interesting... very interesting.
Ha failed first anyway great story I will defiantly be watching so please continue.
Well that sucks now the comments are from the bottom up and I can't edit them guess I'm the douch bag
X'''D
1819134 OMFG!!! CMCC oh my
I'm looking forward for this story it have potential to be extremely amusing.
The pace is moving a little too fast, especially at the end, still you got me interested in this plot. How comic this story could be?
A great start!
This escalated quickly.
This chapter... I like it.ANOTHER!!!
My reaction would be.i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/9/8/cgrogLn3SEW1T_MEUGtN4w2.png
Yahhhhhhhhhhhhhh buddy.
aS a concur of chAos MySelF i'tS onLy NaTurALL I enJOY thiS sTory. Zlp raom (<---ReaD ThAt BakWaRDs)
King Lazaro Sol of Ziolia
some where in the middle... of ... this... Chapter.... i don't find it any more...i looses track who speaks... the Human or Luna... some where around the Void etc. (means you should probably point it more, out who speaks ^^")
also: GREAT Story ^^ love it.
1836492 Well, technically, he's always speaking, since this chapter is in first person.
Ok author I have questions and facts for you,
Q1: how much do you know of the true fabric of existance?
F1: the WBW is easier to look at after only a small amount of training.
Q2: what species are you no secrets please?
F2: most of your ideas are right just a few minor altercations to what I have learned personaly while traveling through univerces.
With curiosity,
King Lazaro Sol of Ziolia
1839242
About the Fabric, that's addressed later.
As for the headache, I know, I know, I just wasn't expecting to look straight at... that thing with the rocks and all the goo -seriously, what kind of event spawned that?
I have no idea, I think I'm human, but even my basic thought process is different from the norm.
Also, facts are of very, very little use when you're on the other side of the collective. This thing's ruled by imagination, so they won't be 'facts' as much as 'coinciding data'.
1840295 we will be keeping an eye on you. I think you might be a hybrid of a ziolian and human, last time that happened though, well, have you heard of Dracula? Anyways you seem to know a lot about the fabric of existance and the colective conscious is a verry strange place, imagination is not just a window to another univerce but sometimes (in rare cases) immagination DOES create a new univerce. I remember when univerce MLP-O was first created, it was actually my assignment from the council of exictance to make sure it went along well and well let's just say that I got REAL close to the cosmic matriarch. But I have loved that place since the dawn of its time and will until the day I die.
King Lazaro Sol of Ziolia
Ps. Starswirl was fun dude to hang out with.
Ok I can now conclude that either
A: you have had training on the laws of universal shifting
OR
B: the story you are writing is actually being broadcast from the univerce MLP-AA/42 zeta
1844341 have you traveled though the univerces? Do you actually KNOW how much of your theriories are correct, not all possibilities are actual univerces trust me I have the top scientests at the royal ziolian university looking for a "Simpsons" univerce and if they can't find it it don't exist. So yeah I'm kind of an expert on these things bro.
Also I never said I didn't happen I am questioning wether his story is coming from this univerce or if his immagination is a link to this univerce
1847348 you are from a diferent plane of existance, those are diferent from universes and I blame Siri for misspellings I'm on a I Phone for god's sake. Anyways what species are you and where do your loyalties lie? (btw definante launguages are not my first language I'm used to a form of telepathic language.)
Maybe a number you are looking for is centillion?
1848982 hmm a shapeshifter I've heard of you you're on the existance spectrum 48-9 right? Other than that what loyalties do you have? You and I seem to have the same role in our planes of existance forgive me, I rarely think outside of my plane but on my plane this universe exists and I'm asking if he is using an "immagination window" to see this universe or a kind of magical bypass to get the story to this universe. Also welcome to existance plane 77-7
King Lazaro Sol of Ziolia
1849465>>1849295
and over there, my children, two guardians arguing again about irrelevant trifles... lets see if we make both mortal and trap them in Asean Sanzetzu, one of the home realms of that what they call Demons... this would be at least interesting, am i right my beloved young creators? *a choir of probably 30 children answers with* "Yes Dreamer, this would be fun!"
*flick* *nothing happens* wait my fingers are wet... *grabs a towel out of nowhere and dried his hands* *flick* *change of scenery... a strange red land with no sun, no stars, and no moon...*
P.S. @ Arcane Anomaly good work ^^
1849615 XD dat's goooood ^^
1849465 well that's how I root out a liar or madman and have you not read the fact that I don't like definite languages and you know nothing of my plane
1849591 I'm not immortal I'm just extremely powerful and live for a long time, I'm 21 trillion years old now.
1849937
real immortality do not exist, it would be a to abrasive punishment...
thing about it, and decide; dreamer or dream, creation or creator, God or mer Mortal?... with all of its blessings and curses.
Nothing that can be labelled as existing, exists for ever, but simultaneous it will exist for ever.
The simple truth is, every thing exists in one single spot, and there is no surrounding, not nothing is outside of this spot, no there is no outside. but in the same simple instant, this spot is a single thought in an other higher kind of reality, nothing from this reality can go there and nothing from there can get to ours, they can only watch and manipulate, whisper and manifest here as an mer image of what they want us to see them.
And they have dreamed us. not that this Reality would be a dream, nor will it vanish because this dream will end, no time is irrelevant, like you can chose what word you will write, they can likewise easily chose where and when they want to watch or be.
What we understand as History, is nothing more than the setting they have chose at there moment to be true.
But to know this do not change anything child, only because this all what we call reality is just a thought, did not mean that it is not real, it is likewise real to us like a picture of a Muffin is real to an picture of Derpy hooves, only because its not real to us do not mean its not real to the picture or Derpy.
And so child, don't bother your little broken heart about what can be and what would be, just enjoy the trip, the Dreamers take care that everything goes like it should go, because its there dream, and who likes sad dreams?
...
BADABUM LEUX STRIKES AGAIN
P.S. correct me please if i have done some grammar or spelling mistakes. thank you.
P.P.S. @ Arcane Anomaly: sorry that i abuse the comments to give my literary voice the finishing touches. ^^" *crouches -> run*
Have this as a teen and dumb-down any major mature scenes but have the full mature scenes on a different link. It might work, it might not. See what others say
COSMIA DAMMIT! You cliffhanging bastard now I want moar!!!!!!!!!!! mlkshk.com/r/D9N
I agree with 1918912. This story is too good to NOT share with everyone.
I would set up a system of sorts where you have a two separate stories, but with links at the end of chapters allowing readers to seamlessly switch between them if they want the mature stuff, or to simply hit the next button under the stories if the want to skip it. If a chapter had a mature scene in the middle of it, it would be divided into 3 parts. Part one would link to mature with mature linking to part two. I say post them, then bump it down to teen while informing people that this story is 'paired' with optional mature chapters.
i dont mind the mature scenes being here, but putting a link to them in a separate story is not a bad solution.
don't forget his knight pinkie
Hah. I read this after watching S3 E10. I still think they made Discord look weak at the end of it.
Yes. Yes he can.
Aether is best god of chaos
STOUT SHAKO FOR TWO REFINED
If you want to hear rambling talk to me about my time spent in the ziolian armada!
Lazaro Sol
Fun the chaos in so good that without a strong will I would implode
First!
King Lazaro Sol of Ziolia
GREAT!!!
Also Second.
I don't know where you get your magic lore, but you have done a damn fine job of fleshing that part of your universe out. The researcher in me must know more!
2210767
It's a mix of mystic lore from many different sources. For example (just to give you an idea), the places mentioned happen to be where the earth, wind, and fire chakras are located, each corresponding to the obvious relation of earth, pegasus and dragon magic. As for the dark and light, those would be psychological aspects pursued to great detail -sometimes to the point of driving the entire plot- on many different stories.
Spellcrafting... well, that's mine. I imagine that it can involve diagrams, movement, will, and formulae in different combinations, and for different effects.
The combinations... that is also mine. As I said, mixing things is what I like, and am good at.
Kekekeke, I look forward to reading the details of his encounters with the nobles. Hmmm, I wonder how much chaos energy "food" he can create from messing with the nobles.
I'm sad, getting an accounting of all this fun, with various timeskips, and we dun get to read all the shenannagins inbetween!
My God...dess aether what have you gotten yourself into with rarity
2253670
Oh, don't worry, those are just the inane ramblings of the future version of the focus character, who is the narrator; none of that has happened from the point of view of the story.
Yet.
This will be fun write moar about him you are three chapters away from solidifying the universe you have created
Hahh. The new God of Chaos matches
in trolling!