I'll start at the very, very beginning of this... whatever this is.
I was out on a family picnic when I found this large, rectangular slab of rock. I can't help but chuckle and laugh at the idea... then another comes, just like I'm used to. I just climbed and, laying back, relaxed and saw the sky.
I felt tempted to draw a symbol on it, but I didn't have any materials with which to do so. I let my mind wander and ponder silly things like 'how much is an Equestrian cent and what can you buy with it if a tomato is worth two whole bits'.
Then I closed my eyes for a bit.
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?"
That voice... shoot, Discord.
"What, no 'how are you?'s or even a 'hello'?"
Stop trying to cause a paradox and let me broadcast my thoughts to the Collective Unconscious in peace.
"Ugh, so boring... alright, let me start over."
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?"
As I already said, I was all 'oh God, Discord'.
"Just some guy trying to relax a little?" I said. Opening my eyes, I found myself floating in a completely featureless white void. Not quite what I had expected from talking to him.
"I have... something to ask of you." He said, still outside my range of vision.
"I gave at the office."
"Funny guy, but I'm just so bored, and you can help me."
Yeah right, I didn't want anything to do with that. "I think I'll pass, it's against my personal code to free colossal jerks from imprisonment or aid them in revenge schemes."
"I'm aware my brand of fun isn't appreciated, and in any case, if I escape to Equestria, Celestia will be a stick in the mud and have me stoned again."
"I take it you're considering a different approach." I said, managing to swallow down my nervousness. I mean, he's not looking for revenge, and the way he phrased that sentence didn't sit well with me. Not to mention he didn't react to me knowing about him, so I take it we were in one of those 'I know you know' scenarios and he knew I knew about the show, and I knew he knew- wait, I'm getting sidetracked.
"I'm going to find some other place with an open spot for a devilishly handsome spirit of chaos. Problem is, thanks to Tia and her little ponies, I can't take my power outside of this statue."
"And this is where I come in." I reserved my judgement of what sort of horrifying thing he had in mind-
"I'm letting you have my powers."
I just didn't know what to make of that.
"Tia and her pretty little order make this place fun to play with, but pretty boring to live in. Frankly, I have no interest in a world that is rotting at the seams from the excess order magic."
That. That is an important detail disguised as an off-handed comment. See kids? This is why we pay attention to the evil monologue.
"That wasn't an evil monologue!"
SHUT UP DISCORD!
"Fine, go on."
"If somepony else were to gain the magic I accumulated in this realm, I'd be free to go to a new playground! Find greener pastures, so to speak."
I groaned, and actually facepalmed. I knew that if I just turned around I'd see him, but I'd want to punch him for that pun.
"But I couldn't just choose anypony, you know? In fact, I couldn't choose any pony - do you catch my drift?"
"Let me guess, you can see into other worlds and came across humanity."
He began to laugh, and I knew I had hit the nail on the head.
"So delightfully chaotic! So beautifully unpredictable! I just needed a certain type of human, though. Oh! And you do have a saying about power..."
"So... you're dumping the powers of chaos on me just so I can mess up?" Can't say that surprised me, since either way there would be a great deal of trouble in the future of Equestria.
Oh boy, my projections fell short on that one.
"Maybe, maybe... just make sure you don't end up as a lawn ornament too soon! A little chaos deficit might not bother Celestia... yet! But the main reason would be that you might not have eaten enough order to survive for long."
"So I'll survive by making chaos... you know, you aren't selling me to this idea." I deadpanned.
"You don't need to do anything extreme! Unless you want to 'stock up', that is. Just play around a little, eat 'normal' food... come on, what do you say?"
I noticed that Discord was starting to sound a little desperate - rather, that he was always in a bit of a hurry to get me to accept, only now he was actually worried. Still took the time and effort to spit out 'normal' like the word was laced with a deadly venom, though.
"What, getting stir-crazy?"
I heard him grumbling.
"It's the pigeons, alright!?" He yelled, and I didn't have it in my heart to taunt him about it.
"Fine, but just so you know, I'm going to curse you. If, wherever you are, you step on too many toes, I'm guaranteeing you'll end up as stone again."
"FINE! Be that way!" Seems like, as soon as I said 'fine', I had powers too, neat! "Just get me out of here!"
"Alright! Sheesh. And how do you intend to get me where you are? Portals? Dream magic?"
Had I bothered to see him to the face (I can see in a new perspective now, if you're wondering), I would have noticed his approach wielding a giant rubber chicken. Only it wasn't rubber, it was chocolate.
And then the bastard hit me on the head with it.