"Celly! How are you?"
...
"... Celestia?"
... I must look awful if you can actually sound worried.
"It didn't take me very long to get an answer to my questions, you know? I don't know what kind of damage being stoned did to my brain, but I actually like talking to you. Now spill."
It's just that... what is it with my alternate selves and... whatever the HELL the problems they have?!
"!!!"
...
"... Please, do go on."
Hah... look, there is this Branch where I'm some eldritch being and so... and... she had to be disabused to the notion of toying with mortals by force - along with what could more or less be called her 'Father' and creator of that particular world. Luna, too, was getting quick to use her heavy hooves...
That Celestia had to be strong-armed into 'knocking it down a notch', despite saying that she cared for ponies, despite being already so close to being me, regardless of our different origins. The Outsiders spread their own objects of power - no Elements of Harmony, those, but the energies they control gave ponies the ability to fight back regardless of age and strength. Not content with doing only that, they taught the ponies the techniques that proved that mortals could have quite the bite if provoked - they could not act too freely, since they had their own set of restrictions, but what 'little' room they had was more than enough. The five of them merely ensured that that other me got it into her abnormally dense skull that, to play princess for the 'mortals', she was going to have to play by the mortals' rules too. If she wanted to play ruler of the land, she had to be trustworthy...
It had to be explained to that FAT COW! I mean, what the HELL?! I concede that she is not just anypony, and being different means that things are going to be different no two ways around it, but she is straddling some rather dark lines there, dancing along boundaries, and playing some dangerous games... what kind of princess would gamble the way she did? Her prices are unreasonable for what she offers more often than not, and if she loses a gamble, she will keep coming back, demanding and rising the stakes until she takes from the victim much more than what she gave.
"Well, but the Outsider was there, no? That's the job he accepted; he makes sure that 'higher beings' do not feel like they are above morality just because there is nopony that can strike back - psh, what a bore! Games with no losing condition get boring quick if there's no reward for good performance. You said the others were there too, right? Then they can play the Butterfly Effect to their favor at every single turn; it'll be fine, if headache-inducing. Normal ponies wouldn't be so ridiculously outclassed anymore."
Ah, yes, what was the expression? 'Punch above one's weight'? Who needs to punch when you have a gun? Or some good training at the least? And that was just for 'the mortals'. Just one of them had enough willpower to hold down that of the three of them, and none of them need to know their 'true name', and they could use magic circles and bindings without having to construct them physically... basically, they got eldritch beings that actually fancy 'regulars'; more so since two of them began their lives as such 'regulars'. Abnormal problems have abnormal troubleshooters.
Why can't there be more Celestias that have more mundane problems? Why must all of their mistakes have to trample the whole country, if not the world? Is it too much to ask that, even if the mistakes have to be paid with interest, they made those mistakes due to a simple logical fallacy or a moment of being 'drunk with power' that any other pony could fall for?! Why is it always tyranny with delusions of godhood, regardless of whatever divine status I have or not have?! Or thinking that I know better than everypony else, regardless of omniscience and experience!? Why do all of those alternates have to be so stupid!?
"Well, there was that Celestia with repressed feelings, and little Lulu just needed special company; both of you just needed to get laid. Like... a lot."
Thank you, Discord, for reminding me of that Celestia who made my little sister's girlfriend mad. Well, that Luna's, in any case.
"You wanted a mundane problem, well, you got it! And it was funny to hear Aether call you a rampant pervert without calling you a pervert!"
What they do in their bedrooms is not of our business. Seeing Luna that happy, though... even if she isn't my sister...
Luna quiere ser madre
Y no encuentras querer que te haga mujer
Dime, Luna de plata
¿Qué pretendes hacer, con un niño de piel?(*)
"Oh how she loves that song, although in the particular world we were just talking about Luna wasn't the one who wanted to be a mother~..."
That mare would make even our lives hell if something happened to them. Of course, assuming I would sit idle instead of tracking the culprits.
"I'd make a comment about getting in a line, thanks to the amount of ponies that would be mad if something did happen to your 'nieces', but I doubt any of you would be able to find the remains, let alone get there first. Although that implies there would be any remains to find."
Who would have guessed a petite unicorn glassworker could be so fierce... granted, she was the first to learn a potent form of dark magic, and second to Twilight in learning it's light magic equivalent... Luna returning the affections was a great confidence boost as well, so that she isn't scared to stand up to her version of me. I still cannot believe she thought 'I' would be upset that Luna found companionship.
"Not all Equestria's are as... tolerant of that particular lifestyle as this one, Cicy."
Speaking of alternate countries, however... do I really come across as a tyrant? As one who would manipulate those around her like pieces on a board? As somepony that would make such stupid mistakes? I know a significant amount of events run parallel, in a large amount of Branches, yet are they so easily interpreted like so? Can one of my oppressive alternates make the exact same choices as I for their selfish motives?
I am... I don't know if my shock overshadows my disgust! Many, many of my alternates could have easily avoided the... Nightmare Moon incident - I mean, one of them even knew Luna was on the very end of her rope! And yet, she did exactly all the wrong things in all of the wrong places and times, revealing her brand new sun throne and leaving Luna's a 'surprise' for her birthday - meanwhile Lulu could 'use the old one', despite being one representing BOTH night and day... was she stupid? Wouldn't it have been better to unveil both at once, or wait herself and present Luna's first?
"I have the feeling that you've had this conversation before. Tell me, why all the heartache over alternates when you are somepony else? It's way too depressing; you are going to have to take your Ms. Black disguise for a spin after this, and I think it'll be a good idea to get Lun- I mean, Ms. White on board. Or a simpler one, if you don't feel like dealing with your/their reputation."
Ignorance may be bliss, but is no shield and definitely no excuse. This Branch of ours has deviated further than we initially suspected, and every scrap of information, be it as incredible as the secret to Fight abominations, or as simple as knowing that we can be friends, counts. Skybloom, no matter how self-indulgent it appears to be, is a sanctuary built to withstand nearly everything - not a weapon; Yggdrasil, too, is meant for defense and protection; there are only so many things they can keep us safe from, so we must do the rest of the work ourselves.
If the things beyond the world's veil think us easy prey, they will be... surprised.
"I know, we Beta'd, hard, we have to prepare for everything; that's the given reason, now tell me the real reason."
Stupid mishmash of creatures and his trice-cursed insight...
Fine.
I don't want to be like that... it-it scares me. Many of them are so close to being me, some instances are only separate in opinion! It does not help that, without counting Luna, Twilight and the others were the closest I had to real friends before Aether came in and changed things... Yes, I was amiable and slightly informal with some nobles and diplomats, but the Elements were the only ponies I could almost - almost, mind you - show casualness to. If that were not enough, most of my other selves could have avoided their troubles had they just allowed themselves to get closer to ponies - though a few of them were like me, whose royal image and sheer habits were interfering. Not any more. I cannot be a princess all of the time, regardless of how much I wish to, lest it drain my spirit, drive me insane, or outright kill me like so many other versions of myself; I am a pony first, a mare second, and a princess at best third.
"That Aether could cite vacation laws to get you away from the job was a pretty nice move. I mean, I doubt that the wording was intentionally left vague enough for it to apply to you."
Mm hmm.
That 'Celestia just like us' article from the Ponyville Elementary school paper was a blessing in disguise, even if it took me some time to understand how. That he has... interesting methods and a rather curious ability to be passive-aggressive when the mood suits him was helpful; neither Luna nor I had been able to order hay fries - outside of the castle - without the cooks insisting in using exotic oils and making a foul-tasting 'more refined' monstrosity they were proud of. Oh, and refusing our payment for their services was also common. Before Aether passive-aggressively guilt-tripped the owners into submission, only a paltry amount of establishments treated us as customers, instead of vengeful goddesses descended from the heavens.
Still, there are alternates that have immortality/longevity-based issues with making friends; sadly, that is something we can not help with so long as they do not see it the way the others like me do.
I am not going to fall in the same pitfalls my alternate selves have - I will make mistakes, as any other, yet I refuse to take Equestria down with me due to a cliché or something equally ridiculous. Far too many alternates have wounded their own countries by both malice or ignorance, or coddled them into stagnation; I have even seen parallel worlds where Luna is the remaining one instead of me... and shown some rather worrying tendencies towards incompetency, given the amount of conflicts that could have been so easily prevented.
My alternates still - as you would say - 'take the cake and ravenously wolf it down' nonetheless.
("True, I'd say something like that.")
Banning types of magic? Limiting the use or the teaching of magic in general? Forbidden schools of magic? Stupidity! An echolocation spell can make buildings crumble with more ease than time magic, simply by modulating the frequency and adjusting the power; Aether passed the test as a human with similar spells... Misuse of some of those so-called "forbidden schools" is readily apparent and, should it have to be explained to the user, then it would be evidence of inexperience and a sign that the would-be user is not ready. That kind of situation solves itself; it is the reason I have a school of magic. I am neither omnipotent nor omniscient; I cannot foresee nor stop vast quantities of food colorant from sneaking into my pastries and dyeing my urine, much less impede the exposure to dangerous magic in an entire country.
I would have to have the Whisper Guard breathing down the neck of everypony else, including each other, not just those that currently have the opportunities and motivations to commit such abuses; that is simply a catastrophe waiting to happen.
For example; I accept that Aether himself is beyond my control, yet, as long as we simply stay friends, control is absolutely unnecessary - much like yourself. That philosophical approach to nature-based and chaos magic is useful.
Regulations and licences can only go so far, and I am not presumptuous enough to think I can prevent a spell or artifact from being misused forever, no matter how well-guarded the restricted sections are.
"Prevent ponies from hurting themselves and others by educating them. I agree; while bumbling ponies are funny, there are lines, and they just turn sad after a while; you can only get style and flair if you know what you are doing. Although some ponies can manage a rather spectacular improvisation routines, it's just not worth leaving the rest of them in the dark."
After my... disastrous first experience with alternate timelines, I felt horrible, but tried to retain my composure-
"Luna saw right through you, didn't she?"
Like I was made of glass.
And Aether made 'an educated guess', and then said something about nipping an 'angst-filled second-rate subplot from a sadfic' in the bud; he fished for a softer world... and came across a few were I'm an aunt, or even a mother myself... I know I shouldn't concern myself so much with possibilities alone, but a small peek never hurt anypony, right?
"As long as you're getting something out of it... I guess so. I admit that it's funny to see 'you' have to deal with the magic surges of a foal or three."
It is, isn't it? It all started as a way to keep my ponies safe, more so now that we are one-hundred-percent certain that we are living in a Beta Branch. Things developed further, however, and made me think about myself...
"Oh... is lil' Tia batting her eyelashes at somepony?"
... Considering it. Now leave me alone, and put this... machine back where you got it.
*****
Ah...
Fancy medicines feel awesome.
Back to the library...
The candy-maker held her hoof to her face for a moderate thirty seconds. Then she yelped after seeing the device in front of her.
"Who are you?" She asked, startled. The pony ladies are awfully inquisitive, even if I warn them of the consequences; good thing I can make buckets literally with a snap of my fingers, it would not do to have Celestia vomiting on my carpet.
"You are currently speaking with the Chief of inter-dimensional relationships and research, freshly appointed and promptly promoted. Peacekeeper, pseudo-inter-dimensional-immigration agent, etcetera." I replied, rolling my eyes and sighing.
Twilight recognized me pretty much instantly, being one of the few ponies with brown eyes that she knows of. Then she face-hoofed.
"Aether, what did you do this time?" I can feel the love...
"That is the new prince?" Bon-Bon shrieked, taken aback at my apparently-mundane appearance. Lyra flinched; she knew I was just some guy, and shared the info... it was just that, in her excitement, she forgot to share everything.
"Ouch! You wound me to the quick - a fatal strike right to my chaotically-beating heart." I dramatically placed a hoof on my forehead and the other on my chest in mock-hurt, then I grinned and channeled some light magic into myself, making my wings glow white and my eyes to change colors like an aurora does, making Lyra and Bon-Bon gasp. Yes, a fairly useless expenditure of energy, but it was a nice punctuation.
Also, unlike Discord's heavy-metal drum solo, my heartbeats are actually unnaturally steady, like a metronome that can't be fazed by anything - at least whenever I'm doing serious magical work. Disorderly orderly, if you will.
"My name is of no importance, but you can address me as Caster Aether if you so desire." I gave them an exaggerated bow, then pointed to each mare besides me. "This is Cinnamon Twist and this is Feather Duster, my personal maids and a pair of fussy fillies that can't yet reconcile my power with my background."
They blushed as I pulled them closer to me. I did tell them that I'm pretty much a child in a man's body and had very little idea of how to take care of myself, yet they kept bowing through the morning. Well, taking care of myself is easy now, but seriously, I had no idea of what kind of job I'd be doing or anything... now I do a whole bunch of jobs at once.
They waved at Twilight, though; they know each other. I am... avoiding covering much about them for now - character-wise - since they didn't figure much into my life at that point in time. I like to explain things as they come to me, but this... I cannot do it justice, not to mention it would turn into a spectacular rant and I'm rambling enough already.
"Seriously, girls, I was literally picked at random. I was middle-class, with humble origins. Phlegmatic/melancholic with a nasty dash of choleric; I'm antisocial, indifferent to many things, and if you try to anger me, pray that you come to your senses before you actually make it. AND I had no idea Celestia and Luna would do what they did; it was as surprising to me as it was to you - you have any issues with my title, take it to them." I said, rolling my eyes and making little gestures with a hoof.
I'm very introverted; it would affect the magic I find the easiest if it weren't for my abilities, imagination, 'uniqueness', and sheer power (instead, I only use it more often).
Well, if we are talking about the temperaments and personalities, I should say that I'm actually leukine - showing characteristics from all four others without going to extremes - yet, as I already said, given my lazy, reactionary, loner-unless-actively-pursued and slightly-perfectionist natures those two are the most evident ones; the others are masked/subdued in comparison, though choleric you don't want me to show.
When Fluttershy isn't being phlegmatic, she's leukine. Or in Stare Mode.
Luna is SUPER melancholic, although the others can show up if you know which way to push (foals make her turn sanguine/phlegmatic in a snap), with choleric being either her most used guise or the easiest to provoke (a dangerous thing to do without a really good plan; for all her cold and calculating magic - again, ninja jedi unicorn - she's a very emotional warrior). Celestia is actually phlegmatic, with sanguine showing up very often - although a little forced most times it does, since her feelings are hurt more easily than what others would think- she instead complements it with melancholic (for all the instinct and emotion in her magic - like a decisive, slightly impatient pegasus - she's the one who fights the sneakiest and the smartest). Cadence is sanguine, with a dash of phlegmatic for good measure (doesn't like fighting, but she's nurturing and guardian-esque); also, Mi Amore Cadenza isn't even her real name - the guy from the Records thought 'Cadence' was too plain for a princess so he told everypony else it was the former and the latter was a shortening.
Discord is sanguine as all hell.
I still have to thank him, though. Among other things, I can use brute force to get enchantments and diagrams really tiny and fit complex spells inside playing cards. Vinyl and Sparkler are a huge help in the design steps, too. The Flutter-pony mechanic is (obviously) more about golems and machines, so I go to him if I need something that moves; I got good with golems, too, but having an expert's point of view helps immensely. Even if he's odd.
"And if you must know, I just eliminated a potential threat and made friends with an eldritch horror even scarier than I." Stunning revelation after stunning revelation, it's a way of life. "Both are related; I'll tell you all later. I assume you had something to ask of me?"
"What was that about being scarier than you?"
"Psh, get Celestia to tell you about Black Tears... even if he lost a whole lot of his strength." Twilight's eyes widened, telling me that she knew a little at the least. "Though I got a few cuts, really shallow, but they sting a little; I'm the picture of health compared to what happened to him, however. On a related note, injuries I take as a human stay with my human form."
"Ah." Bon-Bon gaped. "So the whole 'human' thing really happened? And you are both human and a pony?"
"Uh huh." I am not going to go Spiderman with my secret - the only one that can't properly act out like I'm two separate beings is Applejack, and even she can speak selectively and pretend she doesn't remember things in order to keep it.
"How do you keep your balance on just two points, anyways?" Of all the things she could ask first, she asks about my balance? Lyra must drive her crazy with all of her minutiae.
"Four, Bon-Bon." Lyra replied, holding out a hoot as a visual aid. "The heel and the front of each foot count separate, sorta. You then just kind of... fall all the time and catch yourself with the other leg. Humans have a great sense of balance as well."
"I may or may have not taken her to a human amusement park while she dreamed." I said, anticipating the next question. "The whole thing is a little confusing."
Freaking Void.
It's either a memory, a weird... transport-slash-transfer of information that makes a construct... I don't even know.
Also, this universe has walls like a soap bubble and a mouse's sneeze can influence it. I swear, there's two guard ponies that remind me of The Joy and The Sorrow just enough to draw the parallel, but not enough to be any evidence of being in the same boat as Zero, Leadfoot, Tinsel Rose... those two could 'merely' be this world's equivalents. I, obviously, got them into the Whisper Guard.
"So you are the reason she was laughing like a mad-mare at midnight?"
"I did more than that! I also gave her an ice-cream sandwich." I turned, crossed my arms, and pouted in mock-hurt. "Oh, and eliminated a Void-Terror."
Twilight twitched.
"Ponies forget that if there's an empty spot, you can't break it, you can only cover it or fill it." I offered as an explanation.
"That simple?" She asked, tone really flat.
"Yep. Got the idea from an old movie and just put it to magic." The Never Ending story and its sequel, if you're wondering. Cross-engineering with magic might not be as powerful a talent as 'Magic', 'Spells' or 'Love', but it's just as versatile, and nonetheless very strong - it's still a magic talent, after all.
"How is it that nopony thought of it that way for this long?" She asked.
"Well, affected ponies view the sudden emptiness as an attempt at an attack or similar foreign influence upon their minds, and in addition to that, the distraction caused by this 'hole' provokes a curious detachment of the affected from the world - they really cannot feel much from the outside world in that state, further subconsciously reinforcing the consideration of the phenomenon as a deliberate intrusion. This may be true in some form or level, and it does not help that Luna and I are not the only ones to delve in dreams, nor do I hold any illusion as to being the most powerful... but considering it as separate indeed allows it to turn into a separate persona or entity regardless of if there is one or not." I explained, making a little diagram of a pony with a black thought bubble with the pony in it, then making a little frowny face appear inside the bubble besides the pony.
(Dang, as a pony I mix formality and casualness like I'm making a freaking salad with them. At least my explanations are fluid and aren't plagued by verbal crutches so long as I know what I'm talking about...)
"As the projected thoughts and fears bite at the edge of the victim's consciousness, the pony will attribute more and more of the emotions he or she experiences to this 'entity'. By thinking of an intruder, they create one." I made the face grow larger and more menacing - by that, I mean making a cutesy fanged smiley. "I do not think I have to say what could happen should this continue."
"I cut the cycle without falling prey to it, because I knew that anything I heard was either Lyra, whose insecurities and fears are not mine and thus I could simply ignore them; myself, in which case I simply have to acknowledge the echoes of my own mind (by which I mean ignoring them, since I already know what kind of freaky, messed-up, sick balderdash I am capable of conjuring); or another entity from 'outside', which I also ignore, since they aren't supposed to be heard and can be cut-off by my mere thoughts - I can bend the borders of the world, in case you have forgotten." Remember when I said I was 'metaphorically flipping the bird at the void'? I did not do so literally because I am almost physically incapable of swearing; I don't know why, I just find the mere thought of doing it distasteful.
Oh, I inserted a mini-me into the thought bubble, between the pony and the face, and cut off the side of the face.
"Cutting the cycle is as easy as filling the vacuum with something else." The rest of the bubble was filled with a picture of Ponyville. Twilight was taking notes - I didn't see where she got the quill from, though.
"It was amazing!" Lyra chimed in, smiling radiantly. "The fireworks, the sights, the food! Though I liked the home-style hamburger better."
Twilight's jaw hit the floor, and Fluttershy remembered she wasn't a tree and moved - stood straight and tilted her head at Lyra.
Hey, she insisted.
"In my defense, it seemed like a good idea at the time." I said, chuckling nervously, while Bon-Bon and the others just looked confused.
"Hmm? Oh, well, I wanted to know, to understand." Lyra said, noticing the looks on the others. "The princess said something similar once."
Twilight face-hoofed.
"I know..."
"What are you talking about?" Bon-Bon asked, making Cinnamon stop fidgeting - it was obvious she wanted to ask, too, but didn't want to be the one to do so.
"I think I should be the one to explain - it's only fair." I said, then kept quiet for a few moments.
"... Well?" Twilight said.
"I'm still thinking!"